How do you work your finances?

[chocolate26]

I'm interested to know how you and your partner/husband/wife organise finances if one of you stays at home with the children or works part time and earns very little compared to your significant other? Do you have just the one bank account you both spend from? Or a separate bank account for all bills and then split what's left over?

I'm in a bit of a debate over how me and DH should work our finances. I've always earned much less than him and I'm currently pregnant due to go on maternity leave in May 😊

I gave up a well paid job to be a sahm for 10 years. We are a team. All money went into a joint account and both of us could spend as we liked. I probably spent more as would buy kids clothes toys etc as and when. My spending has never been questioned. If it was a big purchase then I would discuss it with my DH but we saw it as family money. He would also put some in isas for both of us each year. My DH saw me as having an equally important job - bringing up his daughters! Please have another chat with your husband as his way really isn't fair.

Separate accounts pre marriage and we shared bills 50/50. Once married we switched to a joint account as both working full time.

I’d not have done joint finances if he wasn’t working by choice or did part time though as, for me, joint finances only work when both partners are putting in the same effort work wise. Neither of us ever want to be the sole or main earner as it’s too much pressure on on e person rather than being a partnership and sharing all burdens.

We work out how much of our joint income is earned by each, as a percentage. We then pay that percentage of the amount we need to live off a month (all bills, petrol, holiday savings, £1k for food and other living costs) and the rest our our money, we keep ourselves.

However we would absolutely give the other money if they needed it. My DH has more money kicking about than me and if I ever 'run out' he'll transfer me a decent whack of cash no questions asked.

I’m a student and work part time, he is a 40% tax earner earning significantly more than me. We have a little one. Totally separate funds, take turns food shopping and I pay him ‘rent’ we also half nursery fees. Both have our own places, mine rented out.

We haven't fully pooled all of our money- we get paid into separate accounts and each month we put X amount into our separate savings (we are both saving towards the same things and will pool them whenever we need to but it's just handy to have two separate ISAs) and then we agree how much to keep each for personal spending, and then everything else goes into joint. DH ends up paying more into joint than me as he gets paid slightly more so I guess we are pretty much "your money is my money". But it means that I can spend money on clothes/ my nails / buying him a birthday present without him seeing every transaction and vice versa. It's not even like we are buying "private" things that we don't want the other seeing, it's just nice to feel like you have a little independence? Also I think at the end of a long week when you are tired and stressed and not your best self it could be very easy to notice that the other person just spent £££ on clothes/hobby/ something "unnecessary" and have a go at them, even though realistically it's not a big deal- I think separate personal accounts saves some unnecessary bickering!

I'm a sahm, my dh works full time. We have separate accounts but I only get CB into mine. I have his bank card and I control all finances. There isn't any money left over for either of us to have any spending money each. CB also gets spend on household things, normally groceries. 3 children at home, only 1 biologically his. He doesn't moan, rarely asks for anything, if he does take the bank card to go to the shops or whatever he normally brings me flowers or a small gift back.

3 months wages in a mojo account for unexpected loss of job, hot water heater blowing up, sudden illness etc.
Them 60% into joint account for every day living and bills, rent/mortgage etc.
20% into splurge for outfits, outings, haircuts etc.
20% into savings for holidays, new cars, furniture etc.

kleew1 does that mean that you never have a family holiday? Who buys your child's clothes? What would happen if your child wanted to learn a musical instrument or participate in a sport and you couldn't afford to pay half but your child's father had plenty of money spare, would he pay for your joint child's extra curricular activities or would the child be told it's tough, mummy can't afford her half?

Keeping separate finances must lead to some incredibly unbalanced family dynamics and children missing out in many set-ups.

@thelongdarkteatimeofthesoul we do have family holidays where both of us pay our half. Also I mainly buy the clothes and then get OH to transfer me half.

We’ve never been in that position re extra curricular activities - dd goes to gymnastics and dancing which again, is split evenly. I’ve never had the need to ask OH to contribute more.

Also for the record dd doesn’t know we go halfers (she is only 2) but as she grows up it will be important for her to know she’s supported by both parents. I’d never feel the need to discuss funds.

Whilst that may be the case, it isn’t in ours re the set up and missing out. I guess I’m fortunate I’ve always made sure I’ve had my own money - we don’t live outside our means.

"he doesn't want me to see what he's spending,"
Alarm bells!

Dh and I have only ever had a joint account. I worked part time when ds's were young.
I spend what I want when I want. So does he. But neither of us are silly.

kleew1 your child's 2 so incredibly inexpensive - are you planning more children? When you have teens who want to go on school residential trips and tour with their sports and learn an instrument and ride horses and DH could afford that but you couldn't, is it no, but daddy can afford another road bike which costs more than mummy's car (he's a cyclist isn't he???) and three holidays with the boys every year?

@thelongdarkteatimeofthesoul I feel like you are trying to be quite antagonising and making large assumptions. Have you had a bad experience? That you’re trying to project onto my situation?

Please don’t worry about my 2 year olds school trip in 13 years time - we’ve got it covered.

Thanks for your concern tho

We have a joint account, only since baby came along a couple of years ago.

Paying of debts before birth was a priority and had to embark into an IVA here www.scottishtrustdeed.co.uk/apply-for-an-iva/

Everything is equal - surely this is how it should be?

He says he doesn't like the idea of me being able to see exactly what he's buying and spending money on everyday

I do get this a bit, I feel the same as I don't like DH commenting on my every 'wasted' purchase. We have different attitudes to money, I'm a spender and he isn't. We still pool all money though. We get around the issue by each having a credit card and the full balance comes out by D/D as a single monthly amount so he can see how much I've spent each month but not the individual amounts so no squabbles over "£4 for a coffee!", "£50 at ASOS.com etc". That works for us! Could he get a monthly spending credit card and you still have full access to the bank account without seeing his every coffee?

This has to stop immediately @chocolate26.

You need both your incomes together, then you each get the same amount to do what you want with, and you each get the same amount deposited into your savings account. For example after all bills maybe £1200 is left - you each get £200 to spend and you each get £400 into your own savings account. You are birthing his kids. And he's leaving you in poverty. Not on.

DH and I have a joint account and personal accounts. We know how much the other is paid and we both pay into the joint account to cover bills etc. We then have an equal amount (roughly) left over in our personal accounts which we can spend on whatever we like. Personally I prefer it that way, as he never knows what I've spent on his birthday for example. I also often buy lunch and he doesn't and I don't want to be scrutinised over every purchase, he's very careful with money and I'm not! But everything in the joint account is budgeted; days out, childcare, children's birthdays, car costs, petrol, food, fun days, takeaways, joint savings etc so all big expenses are covered! Our "own" money is actually quite little and just covers stuff we want for ourselves. On the most part we are open books financially, but it I spend £50 on a face cream, DH probably wont be told, same as when DH comes home with lego "which was on offer...."!

My DH hasn't worked for almost two years due to an injury, but he's well enough to look after DD and do various bits at home. And importantly allow me to invest myself in and succeed at work in a way I wouldn't have been able to otherwise.

My salary and his disability benefit go into the same account and there are no restrictions on spending it. If we know we're going to have a tight month we talk about it and plan for it together. Likewise if there is (rarely) money left over, we discuss it. He's a little more easy come easy go with money than I am, and doesn't plan for the long term as much, but we don't argue about it.

All the money is ours. There was a period when he worked and I didn't, and that was the same.

Flipside of only having a joint account is that one of you can then start controlling the other.

Ideal IMHO is that you each have a personal account and then also a joint marital account. Based on your respective incomes, you then decide who is paying what each month, in terms of rent/mortgage, household, DCs etc.

Even if you aren't earning much at the moment due to babies, please preserve your own financial identity: it's not lack of trust, it's common sense.

When we 1st got together. Dp moved in. He took over all bills and shopping etc. Literally everything as I only worked pt and would lose my wtc.

My money paid for ds, clothes and treats

After our 1st dc rigi became a sahm and he got a better paying job. He on paper pays everything.. We get a little UC help now..

Money is classed as ours not one nor the other always has been. And he moved in very early into the relationship.. We were good friends and he knew ds for yrs before. From the day he moved in he gave me his banking details so I could sort it all.. He has no issue in financing everything.. But wouldn't know what's paid and when I just deal with it all.
It's now in a joint account

When I say on paper it's clear his wage covers everything.

Ugh, you actually let this guy stick his own is in you?!

If he doesn’t want you seeing what’s coming out of his account (I bet he tells you it’s because he doesn’t want you to see all the lovely presents he buys for you), I have a really simple solution for him.

All income goes in to one account, and all bills (including childcare when you need it) come out of that.

You each have a set amount that goes into your personal accounts. This is each of yours to spend as you see fit.

Ta-da!