How do you work your finances?

[chocolate26]

I'm interested to know how you and your partner/husband/wife organise finances if one of you stays at home with the children or works part time and earns very little compared to your significant other? Do you have just the one bank account you both spend from? Or a separate bank account for all bills and then split what's left over?

I'm in a bit of a debate over how me and DH should work our finances. I've always earned much less than him and I'm currently pregnant due to go on maternity leave in May 😊

All income into joint account.
All bills and savings paid out of joint account.
Agreed set of money out to personal accounts.

This works well for us as I also don't want to see what my husband spends his money on (at the moment it's transformers ffs) but I understand he's entitled to spend it.

This system has seen us through mat leave, me working part time, full time and currently sahm. We adjust the amount of personal spends depending on how much income is coming in.

We have our own accounts and a joint account. We take the bills from both salaries then divide what's left between savings and cash for each of us to spend on whatever we like. It was the same when I was a SAHM and same now, he earns 5 times what I do but would never dream of limiting access to the cash all money is "our" money.
I would not feel comfortable or indeed happy when taking the SAHP role, if my access to our money (only his earnings at that point) was limited.
It sounds like financial control issues.
How does he see the future money issues eg paying for your child when childcare, clothing, shoes, school trips, etc crop up.
I think you need a good discussion with him.

We pool everything and DH earns twice my salary so I come off better. He kept me when I worked part time too. We share the lot. It all goes in one account. Occasionally we will transfer money into our personal accounts if we have secret stuff to buy like birthdays and Xmas.

It’s a pity that you had to become pregnant and face losing your own income before you had to see that your husband is a fucker.

We pool everything but each have individual accounts that 'personal' spending comes out of.

That means it's fair but the we have a bit of privacy.

We've always had one joint account into which everything we earn goes and all bills are paid from. DH has always earned a lot more than I do but we are a team and treat all income as shared.

When the DC were small and I was a SAHM we started a system where we transferred an amount every month into my own account, which I used to buy groceries, stuff for the DC and for my personal spending. This way I didn't ever have to 'ask' DH for money. Large purchases would come from the joint account, but we'd always discuss those first.

The system worked so well for us we still use it, even though the DC are grown up now and I've been back at work for years. DH is very disciplined with money & doesn't spend much, so he takes what he needs from the joint account.

I gave up work after my second child. My husband earned 20x more than me. He also had an ex wife and teenage kids (one lived with us the other at boarding school).
I paid the deposit on our house from the sale of mine (his wife got the equity in their home), we were both on the mortgage and both on the deeds. I had my own credit card plus a card for his credit account account. We each had our own bank accounts and a joint one.
My husband got his salary paid into his account. From that he paid his personal expenses like clothes, anything like dentist etc, alimony, pension contributions, anything for his kids (like school fees etc), our mortgage. He transferred a set amount into the joint account each month. This was to pay for food shopping, anything to do with the house (say we needed a lamp, or a couple pots etc), some household bills like utilities, the kids and bits and bobs. He paid my credit card bill every month and never questioned what I had bought (having him pay it made me feel a bit weird, and I was certainly never extravagant.).
Basically after his financial obligations to his ex and school fees and personal items, what was his was ours. If he went off and saw a good deal on a TV he wanted (for example) he would always check with me. We made big financial decisions together. He was very generous and never ever made me feel bad because I wasnt earning. We decided together for me to stay home with the kids and that job really didn't have a price.

Sorry OP but your post rings alarm bells. Why is he trying to hide what he spends? Why do you think it’s ok to have to ask permission to spend money on yourself (I am assuming here that you’re referring to small stuff like getting you hair done, not a new Chanel handbag)?

In our house everything goes in and out of the joint account and has done since we moved into together. Right now I’m working FT but earn a third of what DH does, I had 18 months off when DD was born but I was previously the higher when DH was doing his masters. We keep an eye on outgoings, trust each other not to overspend, don’t question the small stuff and discuss any large purchases.

I clearly can't read. Our arrangement is exactly the same as @leghairdontcare.

I'm a SAHM, DH's wage goes into a joint account, bills, savings etc go out of here and an amount is transferred to a separate joint account for food and groceries.

Whatever is left DH keeps a quarter and I get the rest because I pay for the children's clothes, school trips etc.

We have a joint savings account for emergencies, household stuff, days out etc.
We also have individual savings accounts with exactly the same amounts in.

DH is very conscious that the decision we made for me to be at home has made me vulnerable financially and does his best to make me feel as secure as possible.

Whenever I've worked the majority of my wage had gone on overpaying they mortgage and the rest put towards treats and holidays.

You are a partnership. Regardless of earnings, you should both have equal money to spend as you wish. DH spends on skiing, I spend on boots.

Why should one person have less money than the other?

All our money goes into a joint account and we each get about £100 a month In our own accounts for things like mobile phone bills, clothes, coffees out, general fripperies. Bigger purchases are usually discussed but neither of us are big spenders. I'm the higher earner and this works for us. DP was a SAHD for about 6 months so all the joint account money came from me, but I was more than happy to pay.

He earns, I don't (sahm).

His wages go into a joint household account. Every recurring payment, from mortgage, to car leases, to phone sim only deal, to subscriptions, comes out of that account by DD/recurring payment. I know to the penny - spreadsheet - what the monthly commitment is (we have a couple of things we pay quarterly, so it fluctuates slightly).

Of what's left, I give him a sum into his personal account, he pays petrol, lunches, spends. I take a sum into my account to cover food, petrol, spends etc.

Sometimes I spend it all and then I tell him I'm out of money and what I'm taking from which account to cover me for rest of month. Sometimes I don't spend it all, and any surplus from any account gets moved to a savings account at the end of the month.

We discuss any big spends, but we're both adults and know what is sensible to spend.

Savings are now in joint names because it's not in isa's anymore. We both know where every penny is, any could access it at any time.

We set it up this way when I gave up work, I'd have left him years ago if the situation was any different.

No OP this is so wrong. He's not a good man and he's not likely to get better or have a change of heart if any time you bring it up he starts an argument. That's just a diversion tactic.

Everything should be one pot. No one person should be in a strong financial position than the other.

I despair of many men and their attitude to money in marriage or partnership. They seem on one hand to want equal partnerships and on the other hand not to apply this when incomes vary, domestic duties vary and sadly when we have babies.

I'm a SAHM although I'm dipping my toe in to going back to work as my youngest is due to start school this year. We have four accounts - one in to which my husband's salary is paid and all bills come out from; one joint every day spends account which I tend to use most for food, children etc and then each our own current account from which we have the same discretionary spending amount every month. This way he doesn't necessarily see that it costs me £60 for the beauty salon or £90 at the hairdresser and I don't see what he's spent on golf / wine / other.

You are earning less than one third of his income so all your costs should be allocated accordingly.

Find out the going rate at a nursery.
Charge him that x2 for looking after his child.
Add on a danger penalty for pregnancy and childbirth.

If he argues point out how much you save him in housekeeper fees, allowing him to max his potential earnings at work.

We worked out our how much our bills were, then how much each of us earned as a percentage of total household income. We then pay that percentage of the bills into a joint account.

So we are left with the same percentage of our salaries left over.

Once I go back to work after mat leave and we have nursery fees, our disposable income is going to massively drop so we will likely just split what is leftover 50:50.

In this scenario I am the higher earner and earn almost twice that of my DH. Difference is that I know he was not career minded when I married him, so I don't begrudge the fact that because I earn more, I pay more of our bills.

My husband earns about half what I do. The bills minus council tax and the childcare (£300 a month) come out of my salary. He gives me £600 a month. We both work full time and have a very nearly 1 year old. I got 6 months full pay on maternity leave then went straight back to work

We also don't have a joint bank account. He gives me the set amount and I don't care what he does with the rest

If he wants "financial privacy" I suggest that you both pay into a joint account.
Both of you get a transfer for £x into your individual accounts for luxuries.
The joint account would also transfer £y into joint savings and the rest would be for the bills.

Until I retired, I earned double what my DH did. Now I have a slightly smaller pension than his income.
From when we moved in together we opened a joint account and both our salaries go in there. Up til I retired, we had £50 in cash weekly for personal spending. If we needed anything else, e.g. Clothes, we just paid for it from the joint account. Anything over £100 we talked about it first to make sure there was enough money to cover it. We also have joint savings accounts.
Now we still have joint savings and current accounts, but also have our own Starling accounts and transfer £250 a month from the current account into each Starling account.
None of this 'he has more savings than me' bollocks. When I retired, my pension lump sum went into joint savings accounts. My MIL has just died and the small amount she left my DH has been split into each of our Starling accounts at my husbands incistence.

Yes I like the idea of having a joint account and then each having our own accounts with an arranged amount to spend on what we like 😊 that way he can keep his privacy aswell. Maybe I will bring this way up to him and see what he says.

I admire women who don't have to ask their DP for money! I don't buy clothes for myself as I'd have to ask for the money, if I really need something I will hint to DH that I need it and hope he offers to buy it for me. It sounds awful now I've written it down 😳

I’m not working at the moment, DH is a high earner. His salary goes into a joint account, all bills are paid from this. Each month he transfers £300 into my account which I use for hair, clothes, make up and any other bits and pieces. For my nights out, coffees, lunches I use joint account money.
Each year DH gets a bonus which is paid into the joint account and decide together how it’s spent.

Will this be your first child?

My ex was financially abusive too. I retrained, got a good paying job and left him (big fuck you to him).
I’ve remarried and my dh earns a little less than me but although we don’t have joint accounts we share everything.
Some months he has more disposable income, sometimes I have more so we move money to each other’s accounts.
I have really bad anxiety around money due to my xh.

You aren’t really talking about disposable income though by the sounds of it, you said that all of your money goes on bills? If he doesn’t want to share income you need to hand over the bills to him. Don’t do what I did and try to pay everything with nothing while your husband has a lovely pile of cash.

Really hope you sort this out.

@chocolate26 - have you discussed about who will pay nursery fees, activities when you’re on maternity leave, nappies, formula etc?
I hope you have joint access to savings, use of credit card, his bank statements and pay slips.