How do you work your finances?

[chocolate26]

I'm interested to know how you and your partner/husband/wife organise finances if one of you stays at home with the children or works part time and earns very little compared to your significant other? Do you have just the one bank account you both spend from? Or a separate bank account for all bills and then split what's left over?

I'm in a bit of a debate over how me and DH should work our finances. I've always earned much less than him and I'm currently pregnant due to go on maternity leave in May 😊

We have a joint account and both have access to it. DH earns more than me as I work PT because of the kids.
Can you both put an equal % of your wages into a joint account to cover all bills, and stuff for the kids including clothes and any childcare costs. Say both 70% each?

@Keepmewarm yes this is our first child, I am planning on training for a different career that will pay me more so I feel more independent.

We won't be putting DC in nursery as I'm only going back 2 days a week and my mum is going to look after him/her. We haven't really discussed how we will pay for nappies, wipes and baby groups! I was just expecting to have to ask him for the money to do them/get them if I run out 🤷‍♀️

I'm going to have a discussion with him again when it's the weekend and he's not tired from work. We really need to sit down and work this stuff out! It's not like we are short for money it just needs organising so it's sorted, fair and I don't feel like a child having to ask all the time.

I’m a sahm. Dh and I have two joint accounts, one for receiving payments which all the bills come out of, one for day to day spending, and various saving accounts, some of which are joint and a couple in my name only.

When I was on mat leave, all our money was just pooled, we didn't have his and hers. Now I'm back earning, we're back to what we were previously (each put a percentage of income into joint account, which we both have cards for, and keep a bit in our personal accounts for our own spends) but we're entirely flexible about it and if either of us needs more money or wants to buy something big, then we just sort it between us.

I do think that if he's happy for you to carry and birth his child, and spend your time caring for said child on maternity leave, then he should also be willing to put his money where his mouth is and agree that you are a family and that it's now 'family money'. If you're married, it's pretty much all joint anyway.

We get paid into our own personal accounts, then transfer 50/50 of the bills and mortgage money. Stuff like mobile phones, gym memberships, personal interests we pay for ourselves

Currently he earns more than me, next month lm starting a new job which means l earn more than him. But will incur more travel expenses meanimg l will then only slightly earn more than him. Say £100 a month? If there was a big disparity in our pay then l would suggest a percentage based contribution to cover our joint expenses

How are you planning on managing your finances whilst on maternity? Then who pays for childcare and does pick ups / drop offs? Sorry to be rude but why is your salary so low? Do you work part time? What does he do around the house? I can see why you don’t want to ask him for money, it’s a bit much for a grown woman

It sounds awful because it is, he doesn’t want you to know what he is spending and you have been left with no money when he has loads

Money pooled andeach have an amount to spend on themselves

It telling you think he won’t buy nappies

Oh and sorry to be cynical if you split, as you’re married he won’t be getting any “financial privacy”. It’s a 50/50 split of assets and money if you have a medium length relationship

Now is the time to have that conversation (as you haven’t already).

Contact by the way

What would make a really big difference in this conversation is knowing how he spends his money. Does he buy take away coffee, snacks, other bits and pieces? Or does he simply not spend the extra money he has?

When I was growing up in the 70s and 80s, DM always had a separate account for her money. DF gave her housekeeping, a set amount a month, for the everyday costs of running the house. He paid the bills.

What she earned and what she could save from the housekeeping was hers.

Everything is shared between DH and I. He is a higher earner than me, even when I was working full time (multinational company vs NHS pay!) and I’m now only working one day a week as we have a toddler DD. We only have one bank account, everything goes in and out of that, and everything is shared. Any ‘Big’ personal purchase (over £50 or so) we would check with each other out of courtesy.

I’d hate the thought of having to ‘ask’ DH for money, as would he.

This is classic financial abuse.

Having to ask is awful, I had to ask so I refused to and was left to pay everything from tax credits and my daughters disability money and child benefit whilst my husband kept his wage to himself.

I am amazingly frugal but it was not a nice way to live. He would say i will never say no, I'm a reasonable man, just ask me anytime you need to.

We shared everything at first. But he became abusive in every way Incl financial.

Your husband has always been financially abusive and you are having a baby so this will get so much worse. Abuse ramps up in pregnancy or after. Its textbook.

Op this is not just about money, it's about power and control over you, with a baby added he will have so much more control and this is what he wants. If he was a good man, he would not have treated you like this all the previous years.

You can discuss with him a fair way but he probably won't stick to if, even if he does agree.

You need to start making plans that he will get worse and you will have a baby dependent on you with no income.

Having separate accounts is not abuse. Seemingly they both work full time and he’s maximised his earning potential. Ive been there but instead pushed on at work and now earn the same as DH. Different rules when on maternity/part time/SAHM of course.

All income paid into the same joint account, X amount kept in for paying bills & what's left is transferred to another joint account (this amount varies due to shift allowance etc).

We both spend as we see fit but discuss anything big. Neither of us spend to excess.

We got joint accounts when we bought our house together, at the time we both earned similar, during that time we've both been made redundant (& got other jobs), had 3 DC & I'm now a sahm.

It's worked well for us for the last 16 years. We never fall out about money even though we've had some extremely lean times in the past.

He can easily transfer you a set amount a month so you don’t have to ask him for money for each individual thing.

he's a great man and we have a lovely relationship
Sorry but he isn’t a great man, he is financially abusive.

I meant that sorry in a kind way btw not sarcastic as it may read.

He is a twat.
Why should you have to ask him for money, especially when the baby is here?

The arrangement you have is one for early in a relationship where you're still slightly healthily sceptical about whether it's going to last.

If you're a partnership, as marriage and a joint planned pregnancy should indicate, you have joint finances.

If he doesn't want you seeing his spending and that's just a quirk because he's private and doesn't want his Costa habit exposed or whatever, then all money goes into a joint account from which direct debits and household spending (everything to do with the house, joint food for family meals, everything for your children) come out - you both have a card and access. You also have separate private accounts to which an agreed identical amount goes by direct debit each month for personal spending - clothes, haircuts, anything solely for that individual.

You are on the boarders of financial abuse if you have a child (as you are about to) and he leaves you without access to money - how's he expecting all child related expenses to be paid, and does he properly accept that maternity leave is a child related expense therefore 50% his expense?

You working two days per week, assuming that you're both agreed that's best, is also a child related expense. You're earning 60% less because you'll be doing three days of working hours childcare for your joint children - the financial impact of this is 50% his responsibility.

I work part time and earn a lot less than DH. We don’t have a joint account, but we have a joint credit card which I use freely and he pays off every month. He also transfers a chunk into my account sometimes if I tell him I’m running low.

We both definitely consider all family money as our joint money, so it doesn’t really matter how the mechanics of it works. It’s the attitude that’s important.

he's a great man and we have a lovely relationship

Except he's financially abusive. A great man would surely ensure he and his partner had financial parity. Instead he insists you ask him for money when you need it. It's unnecessary and controlling.

I’ve only ever worked pt / not at all , we have a joint current account and individual savings accounts all of which I manage .

Individual accounts, plus a joint account to cover bills. Single CC account with a card each, with useful points/cashback. Joint account kept with monthly DD from individual accounts to keep topped up for DDs plus a bit extra. If there was a shortfall, or we were making a one-off large purchase we would discuss and cover from one or the other or both accounts. Can your DH not just put a bit more into the joint account so necessities are covered or there’s a bit extra? (We are 50s and been together 25yrs, so we have evolved to trust each other and work together for our family, which does take time)

Both DH and mine wages into one account, I earn considerably less. Have joint savings and individual savings I.e if one of us gets birthday money Etc and that's what we use for treats for our selves. All bills paid out of joint account and if any left over it goes in joint savings. Never ever been an issue that I earn less.