Am I mean, £1200 per month?

[hardwork4]

So, me and my partner are regularly arguing about money.

I am the main earner in our household, so I pay the mortgage, house insurance, life insurance, utilities, council tax, netflix, internet and both car insurance and tax. Basically all the bills. I also pay for any car repairs, holidays & house maintenance.

My partner has a low income of £800 a month from DLA, Child benefit and careers allowance. I also put £400 a month in to their bank account. Bringing it up to £1200 per month.

From that they have to pay for their mobile bill (£30pm), petrol, clothes, hair, nails and household groceries for use two and our autistic child.

My partner thinks this is not possible, but in my opinion a lot of people have no where near that much left after mortgage, etc and that should be manageable.

I'm actually quite offended that their unhappy and moaning at me, I cant help feel they are ungrateful. I want us to be able to save for unexpected bills, our future and pay off some debts, so am worried about money.

Am I being unrealistic in how far I think the money should go?

Has your partner actually done a budget- get them to write down or type up every expense. Keep every receipt for a month. See where money is going. See what they’d are actually spending the money on

How much “spends” money per month do you have, and how much do you have?

Posted too soon.

I’d think £1,200 was plenty for the items you outlined, but I can see why she’s feel resentful if you’re regularly dropping hundreds on a hobby or similar.

It's always interesting when the sex of the partners isn't mentioned.

If your partner is a SAHP then why isn't money shared? Why do you say your partner has £1200 etc?

Do you have a greater amount of 'left over money to spend' even though you pay the bills. They may just feel it unfair rather than £1200 isn't enough?

Of course it’s possible but if you have a very high standard of living perhaps they struggle to keep up. I think it’s relevant how much money you keep for yourself. Who pays for everything else for your child besides food?

How much do you get? It’s fair enough if your partner gets £1200 to spend on themselves plus food and you get the same. It’s a bit off if they get £1200 and you get £3000. Fair enough you are working but raising a child with additional needs is also a lot of work.

Depends how big your take home pay is surely?

If you are being left with a high amount for personal spends then you know it is unfair

That is more than possible. I do that on about 700 pounds a month, in a country where food is way more expensive than the UK, and still have money over to put in the savings account.
Mind you, I don't do hair and nails.

It's difficult to say without more information.
How much money do you have after you've paid all the bills?
How much do they have over after food and petrol?
Is your partner a SAHP? Why isn't all the money 'family money'?
How much are you saving a month?

Have you worked out how much those things actually cost on a monthly basis? Every 6 months I go through bank statements for both me and DH ( we have a joint account for bills and separate accounts for spends) and work out where our money is going, if we need to contribute more or less and how even our spending is (also in relation to our earnings as I'm the lower earner). I can then recalculate our budget accordingly and no one feels hard done by or like they are paying more than they should.

However my overall personal monthly income is around £850 and DH around £1400 so around £2250 total. Our bills, credit card payments and food come to around £1300 so we have approx £450 a month each for clothes, hair, social, any other incidentals and bits for DC. Some months we have lots left and can pay into savings. Other months we've all needed new shoes/coats/hair cuts/ a wedding whatever and have pennies left at the end of the month.

Work out a real budget and see if what you each have is actually realistic to your daily lives.

Pool all your money

Budget for all joint / child related / household expenses / savings / holidays

What’s left gets shared 50-50 and you have matching disposable income

Your way is budgeting confuses matters I think.

Try putting everything in one pot , paying all bills (and adding to family savings) , putting aside money in a joint account for shopping , family spends and dds. Then share what's left equally. How much do you have left when you do this?

I assumed the DP was female because the OP referenced that some of the £1,200 was for nails. Not because of their set up per se.

I'm self employed so income varies.

Is around £2500 to £3000 per month.

mortgage 595
ellecy and gas 100
council tax 140
water 35
tv 12.5
broadband 40
netflix 7.49
Transfer partner 400
car tax & insurance both cars 100
fuel 150
mobile 25
house insurance 25
tesco loan 202
cc min pay 150

Total 1981.99

Now add to that the occasional trip away, house maintenance, car maintenance and saving.

Things are tight

The issue here is about making it fair. It would not be fair if one partner had much more spending money than the other (after essential family items are purchased). How much fun / hobby money do you each have per month?

Whats SAHP?

Does that really cover everything? Do you know how much your shopping comes to per month and your petrol? Is there anything missing like school trips and activities? How much do you each have left over to spend on yourselves? What do you earn?

On the face of it 1200 sounds like a lot of money but without knowing your actual expenses and what you earn its impossible to say if you're being mean or not. Sit down together and do an extensive spreadsheet so you can both see exactly where your money is going and what you have left to spend on yourselves.

SAHP = Stay At Home Parent

That sounds broadly fair, to me, assuming your DP is spending roughly £500-600 on food/groceries.

Have you asked DP what s/he thinks is fair?

SAHP - stay at home parent. Based in what you've said, it doesn't sound unfair. But I think I you need to make budgeting a joint thing. Sit down with your partner and do spreadsheet of income and outgoings, based on a month when you take home a lower amount. Have a joint account, money for bills goes straight into a bills account. Agree how much you need for food. And how much will go into a savings account.Everything else is pooled. On the months you take home more, decided together how much goes into savings and how much you'll keep for spends. If everything's transparent and they feel involved, they're less likely to feel you're being mean.

Me and my DH would feel like we'd won the lottery if we had 1200 per month after bills, and that's between us! We have around 600 for petrol and shopping, for 5 of us. That leaves us about 200 for everything else. Believe me, I'm not having my hair and nails done!
Oh, and we both work full time.

Your joint income is £3300, you should do a proper budget and have the same disposable income at the end.

Essentials like mortgage, utlities, loan, cc should be ringfenced. Decide the budget for everything else including groceries.

Nails and hair seems like a reasonable personal expense.

Sounds like you don't understand where the £1200 allocation goes. If you need to budget better, do so together.

It's not £1200 after all bills. Family grocery shopping comes out of this too.

Of course it is possible. Why is she paying for nails to be done if you are only paying minimums on credit card debt? Is she aware you are in debt? Also as self employed you need a larger than average savings buffer. There seems to be between £500 and £1500 left for you to spend, holidays, extra debt repayments and other bits and pieces. The DLA presumably is for additional costs for your child depending on what is needed. £400 should be sufficient for groceries for 2 adults and 1 child so the carers allowance should be personal spending money for your partner.

In an ideal world you would be pooling money and both having the same spending money. Only works when both parties are good at budgeting though

I earned 10x my husband and everything went into only joint accounts and we were both very good with and careful over money (and I have never spent a penny on my nails in my life!!!!)