Not enough money but don't think we are entitled to benefits?

[Mumoftheark]

Hi I am recently married and previously was in recept of working tax credit and child tax credit along with a proportion of housing benefit as my then partner did not live with me.

We recently got married so my claims with the above ended - even though he still not not live with me (work related).
We are REALLY struggling financially now and are about £500 a month short, & apart from moving up north from the south have no idea what to do.

His wages are 35k, I'm self employed and bring in maybe £600-£1000 each month but am primarily a SAHM. With private rents as horrendous as they are we are just not making it each month.
We have 2 small children and because of his work and the fact he lives away I live like a single parent 98% of the time. With childcare costs & travel into London to work, (there's not much where I am it's a small village) me going to work outside of my business would leave us with less money not more 😩 Plus I honestly don't know how I would juggle 2 under 5s and a job on my own with no family support what so ever.
I started my business to enable me to bring in some money but work around my children but at the moment it's still fairly new and just not making what we need it to.

My question is because of my husbands wage are we not entitled to anything as its not considered a low wage even though we can not afford to live right now?

We don't live unnecessarily above our means, no social life what so ever, none of us drink smoke, have fancy clothes shop in waitrose lol etc, we haven't been away for 6 years we are living day to day hand to mouth.

Our rent is a disgrace, we do live in a nice area (house it's self is ok - fairly small nothing to right home about) & my eldest child has just started at an incredible school, we have looked about to see if we can find something cheaper locally where I wouldn't have to change my sons school, but there is literally nothing, everything is stupidly overpriced. I really don't want to have to move fairly far away, and take my children out of school, there must be another way.
Surely you don't need a 50/60k salary to be able to live a basic life in the south these days 😭

I feel stuck, and can't think of a way out.
Any bright ideas?

I may be missing the point but if he is bringing home 35k how are you struggling? Me and my partner work full time and have childcare costs of a 2 year old to pay, we both earn less than 16k put together, we're not entitled to anything either. We eat at aldi none of us ever go without, I don't realy understand how some people can live off 60£ a week but others struggle on £1000 a month. I think you get used to the budget you have,

Apologies if you've said OP and I've missed it, but whereabouts do you live? £1400 for a two-bed seems unnecessary.

I live in the South, just North of the M25 and within 35 minutes' train journey of central London and you can rent a very decent 2-bedroom property for £1000pcm here.

An estate agent recently told me I would get £1100 for my three-bedroom house.

There are no loopholes for military families and it pisses me off that people like you spout off that there are. We are treated exactly the same as everyone else.

DS1's best mate lives in the block in the week and goes home to his partner and kids at the weekend. They earn less than £30k between them, and guess what? They get fuck all because they have declared the situation completely. There was no fucking loophole because he's in the army!

Pixie you are not missing the point - that's exactly my point lol.
I don't feel like at 35k we should be struggling but the fact is we are, I wanted to see if anyone could see something I couldn't.
Our rent is high, and I can't find anything in the same area that's cheaper - I'm looking. I don't really want to move up north and be alone and because of my sons additional needs living with my husband and moving every 9 months is a very last resort.

I know people have been a bit nasty, & it's not a case of needing everything I want, actually I'd quite like to live with my husband and although I love where I live moving lots wouldn't bother me too much I adapt easily and my business can pretty much come with me. My son however would really struggle so if we can find a way financially to keep him stable and settled rather than have to constantly move him around and Cause serious damage to his wellbeing and development then I'm going to do that first.

I think you might need to consider moving, £1400 is a hell of a lot for a 2 bed, we rent a 3 bed for £1100 and like someone said above we are half an hour out from London, good transport links etc.

Also we get less than £30k as well, its tight but doable.

fairy caravan do you have anything helpful to say at all? Or do you simply know everything there is to know about my situation even though we have never met lol.
Maybe I'll message you some letters from DWP proving our previous claim was genuine - then you can be educated a bit more! In the meantime I can talk about a claim that's not being made all day but it's a bit of a waste of time all round.

Moving definitely is the answer. If only I could find something without having to uproot my sons school - takes him so long to settle it breaks my heart that money will cause pain on him.

*If youour joint income is £40k you're income is around £3333 a month before.
Even if rent was £2000 p/m you should still be able to live on almost a £1000 a month.

^^ This!!

Our income (both included) is £1800 a month. Our rent is £800. The remaining £1000 is taken up completely by bills and food.*

Why are you assuming they don't pay tax? If the OPs DH earns 35k, he'll bring home £2,200 before his rent etc is deducted. IF the OPs rent then is £1400 I can understand why they are struggling!

I'm sorry people are giving you a hard time OP. Maybe they're jealous of the 35k income and don't realise it doesn't go as far in the south.

Are you sure you can't still claim the benefits as you're still not living together?

I guessed he might be military. It doesn't make sense though, even if he is living in the mess he should have a hefty chunk of his take home pay left each month. And moving every 9 months is VERY unusual, postings/drafts are usually 2 yearly. What branch or unit is he? Most military personnel have an area that they can 'settle in' to some degree, even if for a couple of years. Has he changed his marital category and told them he has a child with SN?

And now you are married, in the military's eyes you have much more "importance" and some potential stability. If you have a child with SEN you can get some flexibility with housing, schooling etc (obviously dependent on his job and with some restrictions). It would make sense to find a common area central to his likely postings (even if a large geographical area, such as the Midlands, Yorkshire or Scotland) and you stay put and he moves for work. A quarter will cost you a hell of a lot less than your current set up.

Why are you being so aggressive to posters OP?

You married, you refuse to live with your husband in married quarters and you're moaning about not getting benefits.
Advice has been given to how you could reduce the life insurance and move, yet all you do is have a go at people.

op I was told the same about paying council tax elsewhere and claiming as a single parent before living with dh. We ended up moving in together anyway. But you aren't making it up.
It's a disaster that you can't afford to live when your dh is serving the country. What a bloody shambles! You shouldn't have to forfeit a secure life because you can't afford rent on a 2 bed house ffs.

Meanwhile there's a thread going on where someone's household earns 150k and she's annoyed that she gets taxed large amounts and she's having a much easier time while you're getting flamed over here.

I'm hiding the thread, but please take these unsupportive posts with a pinch of salt as "attack the op" seems to be a common trend nowadays.

Whereabouts in the south are you? We live in the south, with very good train access to London (about 35-60mins) our rent on a 3bed is £800 pm! We get £35k & it's not a struggle & my oh has a lot of outgoings (married before, so csa & debts from previous marriage etc!)

There must be cheaper accommodation somewhere nearby. I live in London (zone 2) and you could rent a 2 bed here for that!

Where are these 'attacks'?

I can't see any posters calling OP a 'Money grabber' or a 'parasite', 'drain on an already stressed resource' or even a 'fraudulent claiming criminal'. There's no posts like that.

There's posts giving peoples experience from their lives who's are similar to OPs. Highlighting that she maybe shouldn't have been claiming anyway, op claims she should have been. If all info given to DWP was accurate and they said she could claim then that's that isn't it. CAB have found loopholes that other may not know about, if they did and OP took advantage of these loopholes to get extra hand outs then thats up to her too.

Basically, in answer to the first, original question:

My question is because of my husbands wage are we not entitled to anything as its not considered a low wage even though we can not afford to live right now?

I'd say good, why should people earning over £40,000 a year need benefits. Live within your means otherwise your outgoing will become your downfall.

I personally think it's stupid paying for two separate accommodations, two sets of bills and two sets of food bills. You say that you don't want to unsettle your son who has ASD which I can completely understand but it's not really fair on them that they only see their dad at the weekends and your all stressed about money. What's more better for your kids is being together in the same house where dad can see his kids more often and kids can see their dad. Wouldn't it be better to move in with your husband where you are a proper family unit and only pay one accommodation and have loads of money left.

If your sons asd is severe you can claim dla for him (especially if he also has learning difficulties) and if he gets at least the middle rate and your earnings are less than £100 per week you can claim carers allowance as well.

I'm sorry but I know very little about the benefit system so can someone please explain to me why getting married has meant that the OP has lost her benefits when absolutely nothing else about her circumstances has changed , and I'm not being goady it's a genuine query . Seriously you read some of the things on here and it's eye opening , for example why can this OP no longer get HB , when another prolific poster reckons she still qualifies with a partner who earns 40k , is it purely down to them not being married ?

Move.
Not to married quarters if you don't want to be moving so frequently.
But move to a cheaper area which has good access from your husband's most likely postings.
The Midlands if he's always in England.
Trust me, my sister is in Leicester and you can get a 3 bed detached near a good school for far less than you're paying now.

I know you don't want the change for your son, but it would be once.

i agree op, you have the luxury of not really being tied to the high housing cost area you are living in through your job. I know it'll be a very tough move for you and your son, but you only have to do it once, permanently relocate to a much lower cost area and you'll be a lot better off. There's no other magic obvious solution here. Also you need to get the debts out of your DH's name that his mum is running up - that's an unsustainable situation.

You are full of excuses. Take some responsibility for the choices you have made in your life instead of expecting handouts.

I'm sorry, but the "loophole" is absolute bollocks! It is. Either you were wrongfully informed by the CAB or your lying.

Another Military wife here, my husband earns 10k less than the ops.
By comparison we pay £450 a month for a 3 bed modern detached house with garage and that includes council tax.
Things to consider, how long will your DH be in his current position? What possibilities are there for him to move to a different position to help provide a more stable home life? Has he reduced all his outgoings as far as possible, by reducing the insurance and donations coming out DH's pay we saved about £100 a month. Is he claiming his GYH pay properly?
Don't assume you will have to move every time your DH does. Depending on the availability of housing you can retain your quarter, and you aren't necessarily expected to move if the posting is expected to be under a certain length of time (can't quite remember the length)

I think your best bet would be to talk to someone at either AFF or SSAFA who should be able to talk you through your options.

I'm sorry, but the "loophole" is absolute bollocks! It is. Either you were wrongfully informed by the CAB or your lying.

I agree. There aren't 'loopholes' for the military.

You knew his wage when you got married.

What are your actual figures for total annual household income and what do you pay in total for your rental costs x 2?

Flora when the op was unmarried she told the dwp and hmrc she was a lone parent, rather than the truth which was her partner worked away.