Not enough money but don't think we are entitled to benefits?

[Mumoftheark]

Hi I am recently married and previously was in recept of working tax credit and child tax credit along with a proportion of housing benefit as my then partner did not live with me.

We recently got married so my claims with the above ended - even though he still not not live with me (work related).
We are REALLY struggling financially now and are about £500 a month short, & apart from moving up north from the south have no idea what to do.

His wages are 35k, I'm self employed and bring in maybe £600-£1000 each month but am primarily a SAHM. With private rents as horrendous as they are we are just not making it each month.
We have 2 small children and because of his work and the fact he lives away I live like a single parent 98% of the time. With childcare costs & travel into London to work, (there's not much where I am it's a small village) me going to work outside of my business would leave us with less money not more 😩 Plus I honestly don't know how I would juggle 2 under 5s and a job on my own with no family support what so ever.
I started my business to enable me to bring in some money but work around my children but at the moment it's still fairly new and just not making what we need it to.

My question is because of my husbands wage are we not entitled to anything as its not considered a low wage even though we can not afford to live right now?

We don't live unnecessarily above our means, no social life what so ever, none of us drink smoke, have fancy clothes shop in waitrose lol etc, we haven't been away for 6 years we are living day to day hand to mouth.

Our rent is a disgrace, we do live in a nice area (house it's self is ok - fairly small nothing to right home about) & my eldest child has just started at an incredible school, we have looked about to see if we can find something cheaper locally where I wouldn't have to change my sons school, but there is literally nothing, everything is stupidly overpriced. I really don't want to have to move fairly far away, and take my children out of school, there must be another way.
Surely you don't need a 50/60k salary to be able to live a basic life in the south these days 😭

I feel stuck, and can't think of a way out.
Any bright ideas?

Didn't realise you were already in a two bed. Your dc could go to boarding school when they are older. I think you need to move in with him.

I can't understand why you decided now was a good time to get married unless it was because you were concerned that someone was going to report you to the benefit agencies because in reality nothing has changed and your partner still only lives with you at weekends so surely you should never have been entitled to the benefits as you were in effect a couple just not married . Could you get a proper job rather than running your own business that could bring in more income , if not then yes you need to move to wherever your husband lives .

Yeah I don't get the benefits stopping because you got married bit either- what has that got to do with anything? Even not loving together you were a couple so surely you weren't entitled to them before either?!

I claimed WTC when I was a single parent, bit once I met DP and we were an actual couple, I phoned HRMC and they said I would need to do a new claim as a couple if out combined income made us eligible (it didnt)

thats true, being married should be no different from claiming as a couple

If you're married unaccompanied in the military you get extra money, known as "get you home pay" to reflect that.

His bills, wherever he's living in the mess/block, will be minimal.

You could move into married quarters and your rent would be much cheaper. It's your choice atm to continue to pay high rents.

We decided now was a good time to get married because he's about to be sent somewhere horrible, and if the worst should happen as his wife myself and our children are protected. As his girlfriend we would not be.

2. the benefit rules are slightly different for military families. There was nothing to report us for we were not claiming saying we were separated or anything like that.

3. running a business is a proper job!
   As I said with the cost of childcare & travel going to work for someone else would leave us with less money not more. The reason I started a business was to eliminate the childcare costs as I could balance and manage both while alone from home.

Ssd - yes his mum is definitely taking the piss!

If you won't go and live with him, which is the most sensible thing to do financially, then move further north for a few years. You are just getting further into debt.

We were renting a 3 bed for less than £600pm and our mortgage isn't much more on a larger house.

The rent/council tax/water/gas/lecy/food all in for £1000.

the benefit rules are slightly different for military families. There was nothing to report us for we were not claiming saying we were separated or anything like that.

No they are not. They are the same for everyone right across the board.

There's no compulsory "crazily high life insurance payment" deducted straight from their wages either. DH is in his 31st year of service, we pay our own life insurance to our own preferred company. DS1 is also serving, he pays £30 a month to his preferred company by direct debit. No money is removed from their wages.

Your main issue to address is living beyond your means as your rent is much more than you can afford. You need to rent for less. Even in London you can rent a 2-bed for less than 1k a month so I'm sure it can be done wherever you are. Just move to a cheaper area and get a small flat. That will free up the extra 500 that you're currently short of.

I think he is not being straight with you as to how much he is spending tbh OP. Move into MQ - even if he moves around, you and the children don't always have to, you can remain in one place.

And YY to the previous posters querying you getting any benefits anyway, and bollocks are there different rules for military benefits claimants.

well, sorry, but if the rules aren't any different then you've been falsely claiming benefits to live in an area you cant afford

I don't know what to tell you. For the short period I claimed I did not do it illegally. We were told that because he pays council tax elsewhere he does not count as living with me. Also I can't remember the exact hours but let's say for arguments sake it's 48, if a person stays at your home under the amount of hours then they are not classed as living with you. This was our situation.
Therefore as an unmarried women with children with a partner who was not classed as living with me because of the amount of hours he spent at my address, I was entitled to claim without his wages being taken into account until we are married.
Did not come on here to be questioned and accused of things that are not true!

Also I am sat looking at his pay check and bank statement right now - his life insurance etc is getting automatically deducted! Just because your husbands is not does not mean knowone else's is. With such a long service you should know how f ed up the military is, rules seem to be constantly changing and vary within regiments etc, maybe it also varies between army navy raf - I really don't know, & I don't know your personal circumstances or strand of the military your husband is in, you do not know ours. Maybe rather than making accusations based your knowledge of your own family alone, be aware that your husband his job and situation is not the be all and end all of the entire military!

I just know our situation, I know that for us when we married our entitlement to things changed, I know that for us there are a lot of things that are coming out of his wages automatically, and I know that for us right now living in married quarters would not work for our family.

Everyone's situation is different, and of course you can not expect to know every detail of someone else's life and their personal reasons for certain choices from a few posts on a forum.
My post was asking for ideas as we are short of money, if anyone knew if my husbands wage meant me are over the threshold for any help while by business builds up, that was all.

My DP IS forces! It makes absolutely no difference to the DWP! You were claiming illegally I'm afraid.

If you are struggling, a quarter is your best option whilst this is still available to you (being phased out), then once you are in you can pay off debts with the money you would have spent in rent and then you can work on saving to buy.

It makes no odds many hours he spends I your home- if he supports you in any way finicaually then to the DWP you are a couple and must claim as so.

Ignore the posters about claiming illegally prior, which you are not doing now. You told the DWP your circumstances and that is what they came up with.

If he's moving around and you have no ties to the south, I would move near to a base he is likely to be more relocated at permanently. Or just a few hours from where you are to get cheaper rent.
Or reconsider living around with him.
Children adapt to moving schools and friends.

who told you if he pays council tax elsewhere it doesnt count as living with you?

its neither here nor there as its done now, but it does sound like you were claiming illegally and now you'll have o move as you cant afford where you are, when you are claiming legally.

youwillnotseeme, how do you know she told the DWP?

Seems to me younwant your cake, eat it and be supplied woith more cake paid and cooked by someone else.

How long have you had children and been a couple and claiming benefits to cover massive rent?
You then get married and are asking if you coiukd still be entitled to handouts even though your OH is earning good money AND has a home that's subsidised by his employer!

Why should Housing benefit, which is there for people who have zero options and can't afford to rent without help, be used to pay your rent when you have options? Move, give up second property, move into second property etc et .

His life insurance might get deducted from his wages but it's not compulsory. He's quite at will to cancel it and shop around. The vast majority of people do.

There are no set hours that someone can stay in a house before you are classed as a couple. That's a myth. If there was everyone would be doing it. Wether you like it or not you've been claiming benefits fraudulently.

You've got 2 options. Move into a quarter or stay where you are. It's up to you.

I know that for us right now living in married quarters would not work for our family.

Then why have children and get married to someone in the military?

You can't have everything all your own way. You made choices and those choices have consequences and come with sacrifice. If you want to be with this man then you need to accept the lifestyle that he can offer you, which at the minute is married quarters, not a home in the south.

We were not claiming illegally as stated quite a few times now. When we made the claim we first went to citizens advice and were hold of lots of things that we were not aware of and clearly people on here are also not aware of that meant I was able to claim as a single person until married. Lots of loop holes in the system that for us were in our favour at that time. We did things totally above board always have.
As I said I know our circumstances and know that the little that were were able to claim for the shortfall in rent was done so honestly. I don't need to prove to anyone on here that I wasn't doing anything fraudulently, HMRC the DWP and myself know that's what matters - I'm not going To keep defending myself against accusing posts that's are incorrect. I've tried to explain what we were told and why we were entitled to such things, if people choose to believe otherwise based on their knowledge of their own circumstances that's ok, but not helpful to my post.

I feel like I'm missing something obvious, a way to save money & was wondering if someone else could see it.

Thanks for the help at the start of the post X

Oh and to reply to why moving won't work for our family. Our son has ASD change puts his development back so so much. He struggles if we change toothpaste moving so much would be detrimental to his well being, so right now is something I am trying to avoid

well I'd go back to the person at citizens advise that knows about loopholes then

sorry, but its just weird how posters who have had dh's in the military for years have never heard of these loopholes yet you seem convinced you did no wrong

whatever happens, I'm out...

Maybe ssd they don't know because they did not attempt to claim anything before they were married but had children. Or maybe since the 31 years they've been in the service things have changed. Maybe they have never lived unaccompanied. I don't know. Even if we were doing wrong (which we were definitely not) it would be irrelevant to the post anyway lol