Broke for a month

[Temporarilyskint]

i know the way these threads can go - I am not asking for money and while I think it is incredibly sweet when people offer I won't accept

Sorry for above disclaimer.

Have namechanged as I'm a bit embarrassed and my ex stalks me on here.

We've no money. Well, £40. That's to get through to the end of the month.

We have no oven, or microwave. We do have a toaster.

No access to credit.

Fuel costs are high due to having to take my son to school. Not sure if there's a way around this. (He will hopefully be starting at a new school which is local in 2016 but for now it's tough.)

Fussy cats need food.

Argh. I am partly posting for advice, and also partly for emotional sounding off as I'm fed up of thinking about money.

one or two real world notes:

electrical test certificates are not a requirement of sale, in England anyway. The buyer has responsibility for all that.

I don't know any tradesmen who will wait a month to get paid, especially not at this time of year; they well know that people prioritise sparkly tat over bills. While this is NOT what the OP is doing, plenty do and so payment is expected immediately or the next day. Small business have bills to pay too. Everybody has either internet banking or a cheque book and wanting to get paid is NOT a mark of a 'dodgy cash in hand' business.

BTW, forget the cats if things are that tight. They can hunt, plenty of mice around. And don't replace them when they die. Never prioritise animals over people.

good luck, OP - hope you can take some of the useful suggestions on here.

Rubbish. Lots of tradesmen work legitimately and don't expect immediate cash in hand. I have never paid a tradesperson immediately in my life.

Plus the OP only needs to delay for two weeks.

Temp

I agree with Tantrums that it is clear something is going on that you can't/won't share. That's OK. I'm sorry for whatever it is.

I think some things will not be applicable to your situation, and that's OK. But if you can sort out the electrics (and I too would assume that someone would want paying there and then, but if others say otherwise then it is totally worth ringing round and asking what their payment terms are, because it could solve a big problem fast, and it is probably your most immediate problem), ask for a microwave on Freecycle/Freegle and talk to the school/Local Education Authority about your cash-flow & petrol costs to school issue, then a lot of your immediate problems this month could get solved.

I wouldn't take your DS out of school at the moment if I were you (heat/light/food/social stuff). If it looks like the cash-flow issue will persist into next month - and you need to be honest with yourself about what costs and income you really have coming in -- then please reconsider your stance about asking for more help from a Health Visitor/referral to Food Banks etc.

Bad times can happen to anyone. There but for the grace of God... But it is how you deal with them that counts to those looking on from the outside, so that's why some people are advocating SS. If you want to stay out of their way that is possible, but don't cut yourself off from all avenues as it could be really counter-productive.

Good luck with the electrician!

special apologies, that's my fault. not a sale requirement, a landlord requirement (DP got confused with what I was reading to him, he does that when I try to talk electrics to him )

Agree with not knowing a tradesman who will wait for payment, DP said he doesn't know anyone either unless trading as a large national LTD company - but usually these will charge more.

From what I can see, she doesn't want us to fix this. She wants to let off steam and be allowed to be pissed off and upset here as I'm sure she is having to put on her "everything's fine, what a lovely adventure" face for her kids.

If all she wanted was a rant then that would have been fine. But she started a thread in money matters outlining the situation in the same way as threads are started where the OP wants advice and tips. She even has a disclaimer in the OP that states she knows how these threads go...and then she gets shirty when the thread goes that way.

Tbh it now feels like a goady thread. I get she is in a bad place, I said as much in my first post, but that isn't really an excuse.

It is NOT OK for an 18 month old to survive on toast and custard, even if it is only a month. It is also not OK for a family to be living in a house with electrics in the state the OP describes.

special, I was starting to think that I lived in a very strange area. I have never once known a tradesperson send an invoice and wait patiently until the end of the month for it.

Plus in all honesty I just don't know if I can sort by the end of the month. I have no idea what it'll cost.

Fanny, the thing is, it's money. Money is the only thing stopping me parenting how I'd like.

Now contrary to popular belief you do not get money chucked at you if you have small children. Ss's only interest is that children aren't in danger. If they conclude that with me, they are in danger due to failure to thrive or whatever then they go to their dads and I just don't feel that's a great idea. Maybe I am being selfish but I don't think I am.

There's no point people giving me microwaves or food I can't cook, as I've now no electrics which wasn't the case when I started the thread. To be honest my main worry is the washing machine.

Gobo, I don't think you appreciate that my circumstances worsened even between last night and this morning.

If it's not OK then it's not ok. And SS will agree. And remove my children. I can't have that, I just can't. So stop telling me I'm being goady, I'm not, I had no idea when I woke up NONE of the sockets would work.

They WON'T remove your children. FFS.

They will help and support you.

If they stumble upon it and think you haven't done enough to improve the situation that will look worse than if you go to them and say "this is what is happening, this is not what I want for my children, help me"

I have had SS involvement, I know how scary it is, but I have also been homeless with a toddler on my second pregnancy's due date, and I had involvement from several agencies, and SS wasn't mentioned or informed.

Washing machine shouldn't be your main issue surely. Don't you have hot water? You will have to hand wash items for now, and rewear things like jeans, then wait until next month to fix

Basically though you can't fix washing machine, cooler, get microwave or anything if you have no electric, so that's what you have to do first. There will be people who invoice. Even my window cleaner invoices here and you pay after. No cash for anyone.

You have to try and find a soup kitchen or something, your children need warm food, meat, fish, vegetables, beans etc. not biscuits and toast. Really, they will become malnutritished especially if your saying 18 month never eats a meal which I assume you mean before you moved also. Have they really never sat down and eaten regular food?

Look. If you have no electrics you have to get this sorted. No electrics means no heating or hot water, no washing machine, no oven etc. You simply cannot put your children in this position.

At the end of the day, even if you are pessimistic regarding your chances of finding an electrician who will agree to accept payment at the end of the month (and I'm telling you for a fact that its normal to submit an invoice and wait for it to be paid) then simply don't tell them up front. Ring a company, arrange for it to be sorted. When they hand you the invoice say "thanks I'll make the payment by bank transfer" and then forget for a week or so. Are people honestly saying that when they get work done on their houses the trades people wait on the doorstep refusing to leave until they have cash in their hands? Clearly that isn't the case.

You might (although unlikely) get a chasing call after a week. In which case you say I'm so sorry I completely forgot I'll get it sorted.

I am not for one moment saying don't pay it. I am simply saying that you will probably be surprised at how normal it is to have payment within 14 days.

God I would love it if my clients paid within 14/30 days. I sometimes wait months for payment.

And yes sorry I think it is almost neglectful to not seek help from school, health visitors, social services etc because of your pride rather than children's health and wellbeing. Right now social services will help you and show you resources and give ideas, however if they find out in a month time that your children are living in home without basic resources and no way to make food they will start pushing. It's silly.

I need to second what Atticus said - get a large, national chain of electricians in, they'll write you an invoice, pay when you can. It will be more expensive than a local electrician, but IMO worth it to get the electricity working.

FreeCycle - as PP have said, it's not a charity. We're as aspirational and middle-class as they come, and we use FreeCycle both to get rid of stuff we no longer need, and to get things we do need, often temporarily (extra chairs for a dinner...) then FreeCycle them on. Post a Wanted ad for a microwave. Someone out there will be delighted that you can save them the hassle of getting rid of it.

Do you have a credit card / can you apply for one with your bank?

I agree with artandco , also surely your DS will tell his dad at the weekend that you have no electrics and no cooked meals and if I were the dad in that situation I wouldn't be returning the child especially if you have done nothing to try and resolve the situation .

I don't know how much it is going to cost. i don't know if I will be able to afford it by the end of the month, or not. I have never, ever, ever come across an electrician or any other similar trade who doesn't expect payment there and then.

Gobo don't you come on here and 'ffs' me.

From my point of view yesterday we had everything but a cooker and not much money. This morning that situation has worsened.

I said last night that some suggestions were great and was going to use them. Ok there were some that weren't as relevant - which is not to say they were 'bad' suggestions in any way just that they weren't relevant to me at this time but the tone felt supportive mostly and lying awake chatting to Mumsnetters is better than lying awake alone and frightened (and I am both) so those of you snorting and ejaculating with disgust - fucking stop it. Because you've completely broken me down in a way even the electrics didn't. I even tried to look on the bright side then and thought at least I managed to not go out in November with dripping wet hair but then I get told I obviously care more about my hair than my kids and that hurt. It really actually hurt.

I KNOW I'm a shite mother. I KNOW - but I can't put them back. I wish I could put them up for adoption with someone who'd be able to properly look after them but I can't because my ex would never agree to it. And for those lip curlers I wouldn't put them up for adoption because I DONT love them, but because I DO.

So they are stuck with me and I can't give them perfection I can only give them the best of what I do have and in this case that's nothing, and I don't want your money or microwaves or anything other than a bit of 'you can get through this' but seemingly I cant.

And I'm hanging on - I haven't cried, yet, I'm close now I will admit but I'm here and i am sort of smiling but some of your suggestions just aren't possible or practical and if that makes you angry well then I'm not going to apologise as its your issue not mine.

Plus in all honesty I just don't know if I can sort by the end of the month. I have no idea what it'll cost.

The only way you'll find that out is by asking people to come and quote. Some places will do this for free. At which point you can ask about payment terms. Please please ring round some electric companies. You can't live with faulty electrics.

You're not a shite mother for loving your kids. You're not. But when things get bad the only way is through, and in this case "through" will have to mean calling round and finding out how much the electrics will cost to make safe. Once you know the cost, you can make a plan for payment.

But squirrels I can't because I don't know what's wrong - I am out at the moment but when I get back I'll have another go with the sockets. Sometimes things just go wrong and you just have to muddle through.

Like I say I never meant for things to get this dysfunctional and chaotic but the only way out is to give up the children and I'm sorry but I am just not there yet.

Free no-obligation quote:

www.mr-electric.co.uk/our-services/domestic-services-/

I just wanted to share my experience with you OP

I left an abusive relationship. I moved into a cold mouldy house with very temperamental heating. When I realised I was putting my baby to bed in his snowsuit I realised I was being selfish not asking for help. I was protecting my bubble my anxiety and my paranoia due to abusive relationship.

I got in touch with my local sure start centre. They were brilliant they came round topped up my metres got on to my landlords to fix the mould. They took my washing and did it at the centre. They obtained supermarket vouchers to feed me and my son. Not once was social services mentioned not once. You need to go and ask for help. I'm not having a go I've been there it's horrible and lonely.

Go ask for help they will help you and ss won't even get mentioned.

Hope things get sorted for you soon

You should look at British Gas for electric bizarrely. £59 upfront then £3.85 monthly fee. For that they will fix the current electrical problems and the monthly fee will cover you for any future problems

Thanks squirrels. I tried that and it says they do not have an electrician in my area (and I actually took a screen shot as I have an unpleasant feeling some people won't believe me.)

Thanks mushroom I hope things are ok for you now.

British Gas can be very good I agree.