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Original poster

Drowning in debt and cannot talk to people in Real Life? A problem shared is a problem brought into perspective - come and join the lens.

996 replies

Ta1kinPeace · 10/09/2015 18:04

This thread is loosely linked to several previous ones on the same topic.

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
Everybody is welcome to share problems, ideas, solutions, but not be judgemental please

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help explain how
SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

  • yesterday is as past as the Crimean War
( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )
  • this is an anonymous forum
( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )
  • this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt
( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
cozietoesie · 17/01/2017 11:17

You don't sound to have much - if anything - to be ashamed about, throwing.

You made some bad decisions and had some bad situations but you seem to have learned from them now.

You'll get there. Smile

throwingpebbles · 17/01/2017 12:33

Before DP took over I had got to the point I just wasn't checking my accounts Blush. So I didn't realise I was getting lots of charges for bounced DDs and the situation was spiralling. Luckily DP frogmarched me to the bank and we explained about all the meds I was on and all the trauma I was going through with ex and they refunded all the charges Smile. I feel really ashamed it got to that point; I think I had so many other sources of stress I just made myself not think about that one, plus the meds made me feel very vague Sad

cozietoesie · 17/01/2017 13:06

It happens, sadly. There's no need to feel shame though. You're sorting it and you've learned from it - those are the main things, I believe. Smile

Hotwaterbottle1 · 21/01/2017 09:24

I need help please. Husband & I separated but still in same house until he finds somewhere suitable to rent (hopefully very soon).

We have approx £7k of debt. £1k kitchen loan (ends Dec), £4K credit card (on 0%) and £2k overdraft.

He says he cannot afford to move if paying for this debt. He, without asking me, approached my parents asking them to pay it off on understanding they get it back in 3 years when house sold (separation agreement for me to stay in house until youngest is 16). I am deeply uncomfortable with this.

I have come up with the idea of taking an additional £6k on the mortgage. I applied & got a yes in principle as long as credit card & kitchen paid off.

So my plan would be to borrow £7k from Dad, pay off debts. Pay Dad back the £6k from mortgage therefore only owing him £1k i.e. £500 each. However stbex said he cannot afford to pay half of the extra mortgage payment (£47) so wants to ask my Dad to pay or me. That would make it messy when splitting the sale I think?

Please could I have urgent opinions & advice. I need to have sorted by Monday.

TalkinPeace · 21/01/2017 16:25

Your Ex is putting you under silly pressure.
Presumably he uses the kitchen that the debt was incurred for ?
And was part of the lifestyle that ran up the debts.
He should back off and grow a pair rather than running to your parents.

The overdraft is the priority. It needs to be whumped.

The 0% card - both you and your other half set up standing orders for the current payment and cancel the direct debit.

It will be gone in a matter of months.

The overdraft - that one IS worth adding to the mortgage as you will have killer interest on it.

Leave your parents out of the equation.

If your ex is not willing to cough up £47 a month to start his new life, he will be constantly grabbing from you for years.
THis is where you need to grow a pair and tell him to grow up Grin

TalkinPeace · 21/01/2017 16:27

pebbles
Have an extra money purse in your handbag.
Each time you decide NOT to fritter some money, put it in the purse and at the end of the week, pay that amount extra off your debt.

Kids do not care that much about "stuff" - designer clothes and latest toys all that - they want love and attention.
Give them that.

Hotwaterbottle1 · 21/01/2017 17:17

Talkin yes he very much uses the kitchen, debts were due to overspend building an extension, nothing frittered.

I'm not sure what you mean re the standing order. We pay £99 to credit card & £92 to kitchen. He is saying he can't pay towards either so wants the debts paid off i.e. by my Dad!

throwingpebbles · 21/01/2017 17:28

I like that idea talk - will give it a try Smile

It's not so much buying stuff for the kids that's the problem as not wanting them to miss out on experiences - so gifts so they can go to parties, entrance to the soft play if it's there as have to take dd, swimming lessons/ gymnastics/. I don't over do activities but I don't want them to miss out either. Finding the balance is tough!

throwingpebbles · 21/01/2017 17:30

Ps talk think you must be fairly near me as saw you mention West quay. Don't spend much time there at the moment but pre kids was a more regular visitor!!

throwingpebbles · 21/01/2017 17:33

hot have you been to financial mediation yet? Have you had any legal advice?

TalkinPeace · 21/01/2017 17:48

hotwater
it the credit card on a direct debit or a standing order?
if its a direct debit the amount they take drops by a teeny bit each month so that you owe them money for longer
standing orders stop them playing that game.

He helped run up the debts. Your dad should not bale him out.
He can go sleep on a friends sofa if he's that broke

TalkinPeace · 21/01/2017 18:06

pebbles
I live in Southampton.

Hotwaterbottle1 · 21/01/2017 18:12

Yes I've seen a solicitor (two). Not had mediation, still on a wait list but it's taking too long.

I never knew that about SO v DD, thank you I shall do that.

If he has any bloody friends he could..... any he has are from where he grew up 50 miles away.

HaveAWeeNap · 22/01/2017 16:04

Hotwaterbottle, if you manage the credit card on an app you can fix the direct debit to any amount you like. You can also make additional payments if you've anything at all left the night before pay day etc.

TalkinPeace · 22/01/2017 17:27

DO NOT do direct debits - the recipient controls the amount
that is why you need to CANCEL the direct debit and set up the standing order

Hotwaterbottle1 · 22/01/2017 19:40

Going to do that all tomorrow at work as easier on PC than phone. Thanks!

HaveAWeeNap · 24/01/2017 06:20

If you manage the amount on an app then YOU can fix it at any amount you like as long as it's higher than the minimum payment.
I have mine at £500 per month which is approx three times the minimum amount. Have done the same with husband's.

TalkinPeace · 24/01/2017 16:15

but its a direct debit - they can override you at any time.

standing orders they cannot.

HaveAWeeNap · 24/01/2017 19:51

I can't see why they would do that... and if they did then I'd simply make a direct payment via the app.
It's all one.

TalkinPeace · 24/01/2017 22:41

FaiRy nuff. I see card companies behaving badly all too often

cozietoesie · 24/01/2017 23:00

I think it's probably OK if you're disciplined and watch your accounts. (I visit my accounts daily now that it's so easy on an app.) It's when they decide to do things after sending you letters with lots of small print. (Which most people don't read in my experience.)

HaveAWeeNap · 25/01/2017 06:32

I'll keep a close eye on it, thanks for the heads up peace and cozie.

Fluffycloudland77 · 25/01/2017 09:33

Hot

People say a lot of things when seperating, when the time comes to back it up with written evidence they haven't got any.

If it goes to court judges like things to be fair & don't look kindly on either party trying to shirk joint debts. They like you to be reasonable.

Arkenstone · 26/01/2017 20:44

Hi, DH & I are in a lot of debt. We're very much focused on paying it off, hopefully by this time next year. We're doing all right things - ie. cutting down on unnecessary spends and direct debits, learning small money saving/scrimping habits, etc.
Thing is our house desperately needs redecorating - especially the DC's bedrooms - I feel completely mortified to have anyone offer because of the tatty condition everything is in.
You'd think we're living on the breadline. If we didn't have this debt, we'd have a decent amount of disposable cash to allocate to this and other things that need doing.

Any tips on redorating on an extremely low budget, please?

Arkenstone · 26/01/2017 20:45

Also, feeling depressed and defeated by debt Sad