Drowning in debt and cannot talk to people in Real Life? A problem shared is a problem brought into perspective - come and join the lens.

[Ta1kinPeace]

This thread is loosely linked to several previous ones on the same topic.

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
Everybody is welcome to share problems, ideas, solutions, but not be judgemental please

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help explain how
SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Debt and/or frugality are hard enough on their own without having to deal with other things as well, right enough.

Mum
my mother chewed herself up for years over the money my dad owed her. One drunken night many years later he admitted he'd have burned it rather than give it to her (was no surprise to me)
bitter experience has taught me never to rely on promised money that has not cleared into the bank
that way the surprises are only good

I'm not relying on it TiP, if I'm honest I've pretty much written it off...but I think I owe it to ma boy to at least try to recoup some/all of it.

Mum
I utterly, totally, viscerally understand (being the child of a v v nasty divorce)
In the end I took the view that I'll get whatever there is even if my mum never does
there ain't much, but by making it clear she's not in the loop has helped

Well that's Solicitor letter away to x to try to recoup my £14k...feel like I've done the right thing, relations between us couldn't be any worse so nothing to lose there...time will tell

Hi all how is everyone ? Trying not to overspend before Xmas !
2 problems need help with - new person started in work & I was very friendly helpful etc got constant questions put it down to being new. I also probably overshared with a new person tbh. Anyway once the person started to come under some work pressure (I had made their first few weeks ridiculously easy through over hand holding) they started to get a bit smart, passive aggressive & downright weird. I was asked where I was going, what I was doing, not just me but lots of interest shown in everyone else too. A colleague told me to watch what I said as that person was talking about me behind me back. I became the butt of jokes with conversations I wasn't part of- to be dragged into it etc. I would nervously laugh and "save" them but as the weeks dragged on I started to just ignore it. Very odd behaviour. However now I am literally ignoring the person outside work needs & they are now coughing when I cough, sighing when I sigh etc. Twice they have followed me to lunch obviously uninvited and sat down. The quality of their work is not great but I don't think their superiors have noticed or think it's bad enough not to "pass" contract wise. Help ! It's making my work life a misery. They are also incredibly nosey & get a kick out of hearing private conversations. I have observed them literally hiding to listen to (me) thinking they were gone. I'd like to think they'll get found out soon enough but they lasted years in their last place. Creepy is the only word.
Secondly - I answered a survey which "guaranteed" an Amazon voucher on completion. Now apparently I have to wait until the "vendor" sees if they get enough responses. Have I been catfished ? And who can I complain to in the uk. The company website & FB page looked relatively real. Stupid of me I know but I recently took part in a real focus group for a good gift voucher.
Thanks for listening !

Toberich
Re Colleague : do you have an HR department? Let them know ASAP
Keep a diary of what they are doing so that if you make a complaint you can support it.
Then I would go for the ridiculing technique .....
eg walk on tiptoes all morning one day or walk sideways or stand with your hands on your head
and when asked what on earth you are doing
say
"well ABC copies everything I do so I thought I'd make it more fun for them"
if they annoy you at lunch, slide towards them with
"if I'm RIGHT next to you then you can see exactly what I'm doing"
and if you see them hiding
say loudly
"ooh goody, its hide and seek, whose turn is it next?"

If ABC does not stop within a week then you have a case for bullying and harrasment with HR - and everybody else will have seen how weird they are

Surveys : generally a con.
THe only ones I know that actually do come up with the dosh are things like YouGov

Thanks Tip - am loling at your suggestions. 😂😂 the person really is a character (not). I don't think it's a great idea to notify hr as generally issues become a mutual issue - mediation & the like. I'll end up with a circus on my hands when the person is the wierdo (and I'm perfectly normal of course) 😂😂
Am a tad worried I myself am open to criticism - if for example it was said I was ignoring them. I will take note of the remarks & say this is why or they were the remarks I ignored. Thanks ! I fully believe work-karma will get them in the end with no help from me 😂 But I have to sit it out in the meantime !! Debating whether to mention quality of work / interpersonal skills to their superior, unasked but better not.
Flipping survey just as well I have no money to steal 🙄It was about banking.

Toberich
I think a good dose of Bring me Sunshine every time you see them will be the best way.
If you mentally do not let it get to you, then the rest of your work performance will improve and their weirdness will show up more.
I used to do it at work. and I'm an auditor
You get bloody funny looks, but as people are then smiling and laughing with you its cool.

Goodness, TIP. You used to sing that? At work?

😂😂oh I'm known to sing worse !! The tune of "I'm a creep" kept coming to mind all week but I resisted. It's very quiet now & the person has also cheesed of another girl with inappropriate personal remarks too so at least I have company or I'd be totally nuts ! Was getting the sigh-copying again this afternoon but imagine how mental I'd sound pointing that out 😂Hello stop sighing when I do..
Slight warning signs in the early days when they told me they had an issue with a previous work colleague who was "mental" and "mad". No doubt they complained about them !! The fact that they lasted so long makes me think I should mention it upwards but not in a complaint way, in a "flagging it" way...

cozie
ABSOLUTELY
When you are auditing a very County Council its the only thing that keeps you sane

that and at my office I had a partner who loathed me no matter what I did so I used to sing whenever he came near
complaining about me singing in a non client area made him look such a git that my job was safe

😂😂😂kidding aside its funny how it got weird so quickly - my usual wierdo-radar was way off. Lesson learned ! Tip do you still work there ? & what happened to him in the end ?

DH & I were just discussing when we're debt free possibly going on a long summer somewhere (kids in tow), 3+ years from now. Italy/Spain/France (1 off) maybe ! Anyone done that before ?

Nah, Toberich I tend to move on
BUT
I've become no less mellow
I slap the gits in the face
and seem to pay my way

if you are good at what you do .....

😀👍🏻 I'm good (similar job) but in a very secure job & due to financial insecurity can't move & earn more 😐

Great video Tip - happy memories 😀

Bumping for EmeraldIsle

Bumping for EmeraldIsle

Running by quickly to wish you all a happy Xmas and here's hoping a better year for all of us next year xxxx

So in a total and utter turn up for the books-ex has agree a repayment schedule of the £14k he owes me...still a bit stunned f I'm honest. Equates to £2k lump sum now then £500pm until the debt is cleared

Hi - new to this forum but literally do not know where to turn anymore = don't answer the phone anymore or open any post as too afraid

Hello Once...share a bit of your story with us...we all understand how you're feeling x

Hi I hAve 4k worth of debts and I just keep burying my head . I need help . I am coming into money end of Jan approximately 10 k (selling a house) but the people I owe money too want it now and I'm getting phonecalls and letter daily. I was stupid getting credit cards and a loan as iv nothing to show for it. It is just making me so stressed . Don't know what to do

Hi - Mum - very long , long story - gone from having having £750k in the bank 2 years ago to £5 in my purse now. Lost everything through shares plummeting in value (literally £4.50 to 1p).

I have a tax bill of £45k, Next directory of £2k, Barclaycard of £2K.

I have piles of unopened post, do not answer the phone to any numbers I don't recognise.

I do not know where to turn to next.

Thank you for your reply x

Hi there new folks,

First of a High Five to mum4fergus - I am utterly delighted to have been proved wrong. Splendid stuff.

Now, Horsegirl1
£4k is manageable. You need to get it moved across to a standing order today (see the details on the spreadsheet thread)
And then talk to your creditors every day to reassure them that you will use the money from the house to settle everything except credit cards.
With the cards on standing orders you'll be able to ignore them till they clear in a year or two.

Ok, oncea hiding from it will not make it go away. It will just make you ill.
Sit down with a cup of tea and open all of the post.
Sort it by sender (HMRC, creditors, junk, real people) - newest on top.
Next and Barclaycard : standing order trick. Then ignore them.
HMRC
if you have that big a share value loss, can you not put through an adjustment to your tax return to wipe a chunk of that tax bill ?
HMRC can only charge you 1% interest till the end of January so you have some breathing space
and there are cunning ways to keep them chasing their own tail so you have time to think