Drowning in debt and cannot talk to people in Real Life? A problem shared is a problem brought into perspective - come and join the lens.

[Ta1kinPeace]

This thread is loosely linked to several previous ones on the same topic.

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
Everybody is welcome to share problems, ideas, solutions, but not be judgemental please

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help explain how
SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Yep ! It was only short term but all done 🙂🙂

It was still a quite massive demonstration of faith in you.

Which turned out to be thoroughly justified.

Yes - delighted we've come so far finally 🙂

Afternoon all...hope everyone is well

Not been the best of months financially for me...some miscalculations on my part. Still managing to use only the money I get from CMS for our weekly expenses. I just can't seem to get my head in the right space and really budget as well as I know I can...

Mum
Sorry to hear that
(And well done toberich!)
It's also been rough here - bloody car and bloody teeth
Also am ill again so budgeting out window for meds
Sigh

Also sorry to hear that, Mum4. Just keep your head down and keep on going though. You have some new habits to embed.

Sorry to hear about all the extras, Badders. Hope you feel better soon.

for you both.

badders get well soon

Thank you
I'm starting to think I have flu

I always think you can only really assess if you had flu when it's gone. You just get through it with whatever meds you can find & then you look back & realised how completely f&cked you were 😂

Hi all,
I'm joining because my annual Christmas panic has well and truly set in and I realised last night that we have got exactly £55 for food and petrol before the CB arrives in ten days on the 29th. Petrol will be £30, childcare + school dinners will be £15 as we are in arrears, leaves us £20 for food which is going to be tight. Doable, but tight.

In the wider sense, we have an IVA of approx £30k with just over 2 years to go, another CC debt of £6k, and two cars (one on HP in my dad's name as we couldn't get a loan ourselves and had no way of getting any size of lump sum together).

We tried managing with one car and a moped but DH's drive to work was ridiculously dangerous. We live in the sticks with FA public transport and he works crazy early mornings to cut down childcare costs.

I'm not ashamed of our debt anymore, I'm too tired of it. It's more like some vast, draining squatter that's moved into my house uninvited. On good days, I take pride in making our own toiletries and cleaning stuff, and coking frugally from scratch and making our own bread and yoghurt. On shit days - like today - I dread Christmas and the summer holidays because I would like to be able to do more with/ for the kids.

And I hate myself for the jealousy I feel when I look at friends of mine who have had as many kids as they wanted and can, on the spur of the moment, take them for treats.

Well firstly you'll get through to the 29th - 10 days - make a meal plan now - take stock of what's in your cupboards & try to buy minimum.

Next get your utility bills up to date (if applicable) or make arrangements to pay them so not cut off (ring the companies). Next make a realistic budget and plan as follows a) save an emergency fund b) snowball and pay off your debts.

Sell things, cut back, reassess your priorities (ie do you need 2 cars ?). Take a part time job/better job. (Yes easier said than done but needs must). Do not get into more debt or take out payday loans or anything that puts you in a worse position.
I'm a huge fan of Dave Ramsey's baby steps method - you can look him up on YouTube. You'll get through the next 10days - could you even sell something to make an extra 20-50 to give you more space ?
Best of luck you'll be ok.

Yes. Debt is tiring. You'll also feel worse about it because you're close to the start of a hard road.

Take comfort from eg Tobe's background though. She was in a bad place and is now hauling herself out of it. (See the posts upthread.)

Keep your head down and keep going. Remember, as well, that treats for the DC don't always have to cost £££. Plenty of people on Mumsnet will be able to give you ideas of things to do - to supplement your own thoughts.

How are your DH and the DC doing in the situation?

All the bills are paid for the month, we have a separate untouchable account.

The IVA means that we're not allowed to save in any meaningful way, we're allowed a monthly contingency of £20. If I hoard without declaring it then I'm breaking the terms and all our hard work for the last three years on the IVA would be for nothing, bankruptcy would be the only option (risking the house etc). I'm a FT teacher so literally no time to make extra money and we've sold everything that isn't nailed down!

DH makes a bit of extra cash as a photographer but no work in the winter as it's mainly weddings and it has to fit in around his shifts and childcare. Very very few jobs down here in the winter as options for him to get extra work, and anything other hours would mean more childcare and would be gobbled up by the IVA anyway.

We genuinely do need 2 cars. I really wish we didn't but we live in the middle of nowhere (cheaper mortgage that way!) and the tiny little lanes are horrifying on a scooter. We were given our second car a couple of years ago after one near-miss too many for DH at 4.30am in the ice and decided that I'd rather be skint than a widow (although the life insurance is tempting...)

Store cupboard is always full of dried and canned food as I do a £100 monthly shop for ambient goods at the beginning of every month, for just this reason. We can then get by on £20 on veg and fresh meat every week. DH shopped for £15 this morning and we have lots of chickpeas and lentils so we'll make it. It won't be fun, but we'll get there. 😬

DH is OK at this stuff because I'm the one who does the thinking 🙄 He gets pissy when I point out that one round trip in the car is better than 3 small ones though. DCs are used to lentil dahl and rice at least once a week anyway; we've raised them not to have expensive tatstes!

But thank you both for your kind words and support. DS and I are going to make cupcakes as I have flour, marge, sugar and eggs. It's not all grim.

Well that's good 🙂 If your cc is outside your IVA then put a plan in place to pay that off. Are you not allowed save anything ? What if an emergency happens ? Could you theoretically save cash to protect yourself ?

Cupcakes yummy. At least you only have 2 years to go 🙂

feral
I deal with rural communities for work - yup, 2 cars is a given.

If you are rural, could you keep chickens ?
Ex battery ones are often given away and will produce an egg every couple of days for about a year if fed on all your kitchen scraps and allowed to mangle the garden. Fully enclosed arks often appear on freecycle.

At least then your diet could vary a tad more for stuff all money.

Well done on sticking with the IVA - its hard but the discipline will set you up for the rest of your lives and being honest with your kids will make them frugal before they could ever get into debt.

Yeah, CC is in DH's name so couldn't be on the IVA because, typically, all the other debt was in my name. There's a DMP on it, paying off at £42 pcm for, like, ever (although once the IVA's done we'll clear the CC pretty quickly).

I just about managed to convince Payplan to let me put a tenner a month in the kid's ISAs; I could stop that but, most months we just about break even so I feel I can justify it. Christmas presents this month have just pushed us right to the edge.

Fortunately we haven't had any major emergencies - another good reason for the HP car as it has a seven year warrantee - but I think you can negotiate a month's payment holiday on the IVA if necessary. The closest we've come is having to have huge bits of the house re-plastered but we have a fairly solid bartering system in our village which has saved us all a few times!

Cupcakes are great. I even made some revolting pink icing out of half a tub of old pink milk powder, so DS is happy at least. Also made soup, from a manky old celeriac in the back of the fridge, found blackberries in the freezer so made blackberry and apple crumble with some of the windfalls off the apple tree. Treats all round. 😀

Talk I'm really tempted to get some chickens as we go through a lot of eggs. We have loads of friends who have chickens who would probably incubate then barter us some chicks even. Are they easy to keep? What if they get sick? Will the cat eat them?!

It is grim
And tiring
But it sounds like you are doing really well

Chickens - one of the fully enclosed arks that you move around the garden are the simplest (and what various friends have) - fox and cat proof

I keep meaning to get some but the best area of my garden for the summer has a eucalyptus tree in it which is not great for them

if you have a barter system for extras that is a very good place to be in

Oh I would love chickens but I'm in suburbia & have a cat. I'm on slimming world so eat a million eggs a week 🙄🐔🐔🐣

My neighbour has chickens and cats and dogs and I live in a city
I have friends right in the centre of the city who have chickens in postage stamp gardens.
Cats rarely take on full grown chickens

It is exhausting...I just can't seem to get into the swing of things - complacency perhaps as I managed to clear thousands previously and in a relatively short space of time. Was still with x at the time so had the additional income...I've everything budgeted and paying extra towards debt #1 but feel like I'm constantly dipping into what I've managed to repay. I've cut up all except my bank account card today...maybe that will force me into taking action. Lunches made for tomorrow and going to do a meal plan for the week tonight ...

You're at the hard part, it sounds like. Come on here to let rip when you feel low. We've mostly all been there if we're posting on this thread so we know what it's like.

It does feel incredibly hard at the moment...other stuff going on so that might be projecting into the debt side of things. I'm currently mulling over an email to my lawyer in regards to the approx £14k that x owes me. It would solve a lot of problems but it's just the thought of it