Drowning in debt and cannot talk to people in Real Life? A problem shared is a problem brought into perspective - come and join the lens.

[Ta1kinPeace]

This thread is loosely linked to several previous ones on the same topic.

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
Everybody is welcome to share problems, ideas, solutions, but not be judgemental please

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help explain how
SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Anyone sell on ebay ? Sold something last Monday & still not paid yet. Buyer has only 4 feedbacks. Sent a few reminders. Wwyd ?

Report and
Re list it

Flip it - they jumped in at end with last second bid too 🙄

My situation!

Well I divorced my abusive ExH, had some money but used it to rent where we used to live because I was reluctant to leave my DD with my Ex. He was abusive to her too. We eventually moved when she decided to come with me but jobs were hard to come by. I got one as a carer but it cost me more to work for them as I earned :( Bastards would send me 15 mins on a 15 minute call at min. wage so it cost me as much as I earned to do the job. I have now got a job with a lovely company, doing the same thing and my calls are clustered and it has only been the last two or three months where my wage has been anywhere near decent. Unfortunately the cost of petrol is too high. I've looked for other jobs but there are not many, if any. A lot of them want apprenticeship assistants. They don't want to pay for qualifications and experience.

My daughter is studying and is on a 12 hour contract, which fluctuates so, having experienced trying to get benefits it just isn't worth the shit they put you through. For 5 months my wage was less than £500 pcm and they gave me all of about £38. Its a bloody insult. I have worked since 16 and paid my stamp since then. And now I don't even get my pension.

I don't know where my money goes. Utilities, TV licence, Broadband and phone, Water, Petrol, small mortgage and CC debts and it is all too much. Thank you so much for replying. My head is going round and round and I can't sleep. I'm so tired, so worried and so scared. I don't want to live a life counting every penny. I know I am lucky but still, it's not how I envisaged my life. My Ex said I wouldn't survive without him. Seems he was right. :( Not for trying though. I do try.

You are surviving
You are doing far more than that by bringing up your dd single handed!!! even though I can appreciate it must feel very bleak right now
Surviving is all well and good but of course you want enjoy life again
And I think that could happen if you sort out your finances
You say you have cc debt? Have you told them you can't pay? A token payment is better than nothing - cap could help with this
Are you sure you are getting all your benefit entitlement? Wtc for low paid workers?
I do feel for you
It feels like a hard slog at times
(Hug)

I'm not clear how old your daughter is and what size of house you have, but are you really sure you're getting your full benefit entitlement? Has anyone got a link to a good benefit entitlement site?

Thanks Badders. My daughter is ace, she really is. She works like a trojan at her job but that is another story.

Stepchange advised I stop paying my CC's and just pay £1 pcm. but then that means they will charge me interest. I know they are right but it means my debt will increase. Seems a no win scenario. I cancelled Sky. I never go out. I work and come home and watch tv. But there, well, I had no choice.

I will never be able to earn enough to live on. I am getting older and work gets harder. Stress and worry don't help. In all honesty I would be better off dead. What assets I have would go to my kids when they most need it. As it is I think I will have to go for some release of funds from my house. I feel as if I have let them down.

I just tried to be positive. I tried to believe it would all work out. Sticking my head in the sand has led to this. I am an idiot. I should have known better. I have some jewellery to sell so I am off to do this tomorrow. Been looking for other jobs but there's nothing. I have worked in an office all my life and I would hate to have to go back to that, even if I was lucky enough to get the chance. There are no open doors right now, just a dead end. As you can tell, I'm getting stressed about it. I think about it and worry, I try not to think about it and I worry I have no answer. :(

Thanks for your replies btw. My daughter is 25, studying an OU course, has a job but it is only a 12 hour contract. If she goes for a second job they will let her go. Sometimes her hours are better, they treat their staff so badly few of them stay.

My salary varies according to my hours. I really don't have the, well, what don't I have, I don't know, but it is humiliating to have to go through all that for what? An extra ten or twelve pounds pw? For the time it would take I would rather work. I take all the work I can.

Thanks though, I know I am being negative again. Stepchange thought I might qualify but I've been through that as I said in an earlier post. It was a bloody insult. Get another job, they said, so I did, yet they still wanted me to apply for other jobs, go for other interviews, waste my time and potential employers time. They sanctioned me for not turning to an interview that they didn't tell me about. It is just too soul destroying. I am already destroyed.

It's surely difficult to contemplate when you're approaching retirement. I hope you don't mind me asking but are you maintaining a larger house than you would if you were on your own? And is your daughter paying her way fully in terms of household bills?

By the way, you might be better claiming your full benefit entitlement than working in a situation where you're (in effect) subsidising your employer. You say that this new company are 'lovely' but is this more in comparison to the last one or an absolute judgement. As it stands, ten or twelve pounds a week may not sound a lot but it could make the difference.

I would also suggest trip to the Dr as you are feeling so depressed.
Anti depressants won't sort your money worries but could help you sleep and make things look less bleak

I am not one of the "leave your kids an inheritance" brigade Tbh
Surely your dd would rather see you in Comfort than possibly inherit a house one day?

I agree.

And remember, you'll likely not be offered that much for the jewellery - if much more than scrap value at all. (Unless you have some Cullinan-size stones of course.)

Right. I'm back, in my regular name.

Things have moved on a little in the last week or so.

Dh is quite grumpy with me and doesn't like it pointing out that he does bear responsibility for our situation too. So it appears it is down to me to sort this horrific mess out. telling me I was worse than his ex wife really hurt, and that if it wasn't for the kids then he'd leave but he can't really do that... So I had 2 days of him barely speaking to me and now we're at some sort of an uneasy truce. However, that's an issue for relationships I'm sure so we'll park that.

I am going back to online shopping deliveries. Tesco do their £1 delivery slot and that is the one I shall be aiming for. I'm sure it costs me more than that in fuel.

I am only going to go out in the car if i need to. So if we don't have it, tough. It's around 6-8 miles to the nearest supermarkets. I know I can bike from one to home and it took me an hour last time I did it. We no longer have a village shop so despite absurdly high prices, there's no temptation there.

Of course, there are several occasions when I will be going out for appointments and so forth but I shall be aiming to hit specific shops or tasks on those occasions rather than adding on another trip. It seems so simple, and it is. But dh really doesn't see that. We had words today because he didn't fancy what I'd got in for tea. But instead of lumping it, it ended up being a trip to two supermarkets! TWO. And this is after we've agreed to meal plan and he's had me watching eat well spend less. Bloody idiot.

Definitely go to the doctor first April. Best of luck 👍🏻

I think you're right. A trip to the Relationships board might be a good idea.

I gave up driving to supermarkets when I did the sums. (Actually, I gave up the car altogether but we can manage with that given where we live - more problematic for you, I'd guess.) Make sure, by the way, that you register with any supermarkets that give you special deals on your first internet shops - so much off the first 5, say.

No, cozietoesie my house is tiny and we are very cramped. It would be a nightmare to try to sell the way it is. My daughter is dead against selling it as what I would make would be eaten up by rent in no time. I like where I am, neighbours are okay. I worry about things like that, being on our own.

My present employer has worked hard to cluster my calls so once I get to where I work I have hardly any driving to do. They've even been paying me my petrol allowance to get to some calls. I have been looking for another job but there's nothing. I'll see if I can get into the CAB today.

Another sleepless night. Been awake since about one. Thanks Badders, yes I've just set my alarm so I can call the Dr. first thing. I must try to sleep but I feel wide awake.

So... CAB, CAP, Doctor and see what can go on Ebay. :(

Thanks for your replies. The worry is crippling, it helps to talk.

I find when I am worried/upset having a "plan" really helps me
I'm struggling at the moment with something unrelated to money and today I am going to phone and speak to someone about it.
I've written down a loose plan for the week - my dc are on their summer hols and dh is off this week - as I find that helps me too.
It looks like a lovely day again....I hope you find some help at the dr and cap - dont let the fact they are a Christian organization put you off...you can ignore the God stuff 😀 and they are very well regarded in the debt advice business.
They even run money management courses...would that help awesome point?
Take care x

I appreciate the difficulty with the house size.

Does your daughter pay her way?

If your daughter doesn't want you to sell can she make more of a contribution...she is, after all, an adult

How did your phone calls go today?

Hi all well I applied for the consolidation loan fingers crossed it would make things really nice and tidy & I intend to continue to hammer the debts for next 2 years either way - if I get the loan then with good (improving) credit, if not then with messy credit. Either way they'll get paid off !! 🙄😐😁

Two years to 'Clear' is a big achievement I think?

Yes ! Am really seeing the light. Although I did a 2017 "budget" today & in order to save for the things we need next year and pay off debts I'll really have to come up with some financial acrobatics / tough decisions ! But there is light finally...

You can do it. There will be the temptation to 'ease off' in anticipation but you have to try to resist that however tempting. Hopefully, you'll already have some good habits established for the future though?

Yep for definite ! Should probably cancel my planned holiday next year would save 3k & make a big dent...

Ah. Tough one.

What's your financial management style? (I think I lack some of the discipline needed for long hauls so tend to be pretty savage about expenditure in times of stringency. That's just me though, and wouldn't necessarily suit everyone.)