Drowning in debt and cannot talk to people in Real Life? A problem shared is a problem brought into perspective - come and join the lens.

[Ta1kinPeace]

This thread is loosely linked to several previous ones on the same topic.

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
Everybody is welcome to share problems, ideas, solutions, but not be judgemental please

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help explain how
SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Take with you only enough cash for a float. Leave the rest of your wallet at home.
At lunch you may spend half of your takings
it makes it a lot more real

Ah if I did it I genuinely wouldn't buy anything but I need to find a good one - then battle with DH to get things out of the house & for sale !

Afternoon. After a rough day or so! I have made it here.

I have shared with dh and my parents how much of a quagmire we are currently in with our mortgage and our next step is to make so massive cutbacks.

So I am place marking to catch up in a bit.

Well done.

Yes well done! Onwards and upwards!

Well done facing it is half the battle !

Well done completely
Admitting how deep the hole is
is the first stage of climbing out.

Well bugger me. On top of a request today for £10 for 2 preschool 'graduation' photos, I've also got a letter from the school for £3 to cover the annual school trip. Now the letter doesn't say 'per child' so dh suggests we just send £3 in.

But I did ring cab and step change. I've got a long list of things which need doing tonight after the kids are in bed - easier to sort things when they're not badgering me.

I work in a school...if you are in financial difficulty then tris are usually subsidised.
Go and have a chat with them?

Trips even!

I am going in to speak to them Badders. We don't qualify for pupil premium. Dh is a government worker and cleverly they keep their pay just above such thresholds. But after the conversation I've just had with dc - if we don't pay they have to stay home - I'm feeling the rage. Although I'm sure it's a misunderstanding...

I hate all the last minute school requests - they all seem to be at the end of the school year too.

Positive steps taken this week - increased 2 X SOs for 2 of my smaller "loans" (let's call them as one is a shopping company & one an ancient overdue tax), both will be killed off by a few months time.

Gave DH custody of my "bill" bank card - i have a separate bank for dd's but my spilt financial personality kept dipping in for "emergencies" causing havoc with dd's. Also took that card off PayPal so no other ways of me spending it ! (When I say emergencies always groceries etc).
Also chatted to DH about trying to save this 1k & will give him custody of my post office book too for lodgements only.
I've tried for decades I can't be trusted with emergency savings 🙄
Also psyching up to a car boot sale.

I am pleased with myself today
I have not succumbed to Amazon prime day - some books the DC would love but....£30 that I need to save for hols next week.
A few months ago I would have bought them.
Not now.

It sounds as if the DCs might be your real weakness, Completely. ( You referred elsewhere to your habit of just saying 'Yes' to things.)

Maybe other posters can give you their tips on managing expectations?

Well done, Badders.

Thank you
I'm feeling very smug

They are. In the last 6 weeks we've had requests for 3 cash donations for pta, 2 school trips and now photos and another trip. It's one a week and I've 4 kids! (Don't flame me. Unplanned no3 turned out to be twins. We've taken care of that though.)

But in good news;

Old iPhone listed on eBay. Just hunting out the other one!

Why would anyone flame you!!!?
I've just sorted school uniform stuff....ouch

Goodness. Why should anyone flame you?

Worked out what's needed did you mean, Badders?

Oh I've had the 'you chose to have 4' thrown at me so many time, I really should teach biology. Or if I had a £!!

School uniform is horrific this year. I might have told the head they couldn't enforce uniform when they announced a complete change. After I'd already bought the older 2 an extra size up to last the coming year for growth as I knew I would be buying the twins uniform. Now we have to get the jumper and tie via the school at over £10 a go, £13 for my eldest. I paid over £60 for one jumper, tie each and 2 new book bags. I'm used to buying it in multipack from Sainsbury's when they have their 25% discount. I've also got to buy shirts forn4 instead of handing down polo shirts and buying the odd pack where needed.

Forget the 'voluntary' donations for the PTA then. Many schools actually take a cut of the cost of school uniform which you have to buy through them. (I don't know if your DCs' school does of course.)

You're on a new regime after all.