Debt mutual support thread number 7 ....... Spring is coming - let the sun shine into your finances and your life

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last six threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2258202-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-6-start-the-new-year-with-a-clear-purpose-and-keep-moving-forwards-even-by-tiny-steps?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Nice title!

Shiny new thread of optimism!!!

Love the new title tip!

Slight name change for me, here's to a sunny, positive spring!

I really did find a penny today.

Many years ago, being in the habit of keeping an eye out, I found a £50 note - which was at the time enough for DH and I to eat and drink for over a week

Checking in. Not doing so well this week ....! Dh being home is making it easier to spend. Gulp. Need to check where I am really re spending.

Anyway. .... here's to a new thread.

Fairy
How is he doing on job hunting? - ideally cycling distance

:) Oh we've been looking but unfortunately there really is nothing about again... (which makes the fact he turned down that interview even more argghhhh inducing). The only jobs that have been added that he could get to are either zero hours or less than he's earning now (unbelievable but true) so just have to keep looking.

I could do with some ideas actually.... its our wedding anniversary next week and we get each other something and I am stuck for ideas. Ideally it would be something to do with Rome because that's where we went on honeymoon and it means a lot to us but I really don't know what to get! Cheaply of course.... hmmm. Have to get my brain in gear.

Fairy
Something that reminds you of Rome. Something within your budget. Something that will last forever and in time DS will love.
Easy.
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Genuine-AE3-Roman-Coin-of-Constantine-II-AE-Follis-VOT-X-reverse-AD-321-324-/151569996626?pt=UK_Antiquities&hash=item234a469b52

well.. I've been for an interview today. It felt very good to put on smart trousers and top..anyway it was for a volunteer role to support families with a small but growing local charity. I think Ive been sucessful I did fluff part of the interview a bit. But the point is I can get in some volunteering hours on my CV before end of degree. Hopefully I will get some training to in basic counselling skills and possibly to run CBT workshop. I felt very grown up.

fairy - this could be you stepping out in a years time to do a little something. I was where you are last year re childcare. I felt I couldnt see a way back and that my DD needed something more than just me. So this me taking the first tentative steps back towards employment.

cook and italian feast! candles the lot...watch the godfather done might do this myself.....

I'm still rocking carb free. I'm very overdrawn....have the extra money from pairs it as a fair bit as it was to retain DH from leaving. It has worked out just over and extra 1k per month (net) So plan is:

£400 against mortgage for 2 years - this will pay off 10k quicker according to Martin Lewis's overpayment calculator.

£500 extra against debts, which shaves 6 months off consolidation plan.

After 18 months if we pay all disposable (current debt repayments and nursery fees) against mortgage, we can pay it all off within 5 years.

That's a great gift tip ! I'm really excited by that... its not something I had thought of. Will have a think about it. Thank you very much.

Andsmile that is great re the interview. Well done. It sounds successful. .. fingers crossed for you.

I'm not sure I want to go back to work really... In an ideal world dh would get a better paid job and I wouldn't have to consider it. I've done lots of very highly paid and stressful jobs before (that meant I had no mortgage on a house in London when I met dh) and I just feel like I've had enough but long term that doesn't look likely... I couldn't work full time anyway as I have so much to cope with health wise. But long term unless dh wins the lottery job wise or we really do win the lottery I might have to try and do something when ds is in school properly.

Oh I forgot to say.... I managed to find out about some grants to get free insulation for the house which may hopefully help with some of our condensation / damp issues so fingers crossed for that. They are coming to look at the house to see what can be done in a few weeks time.

Fairy
Coin : Glad you like.
Insulation : splendid news
Working : it will be good for your head, even if you only do 16 hours a week, as well as your wallet. But wait till he's settled in school.

You're right. I know. I just feel a bit deflated at the thought of going back to work. When I met dh and had ds I really thought that was it for me in terms of work- at that time he had a reasonable job and things were looking positive re the house and money etc then slowly it's all gone very screwed up. So realistically I know I will probably need to work again at some point but it just makes me groan inwardly. I hate everything about work - being around other people mostly and the type of work I could get doesn't interest me in the slightest. Nothing does really apart from being at home and doing my own thing. I'm a real geek and love reading and love history and randomly researching things. Really I should have done a degree (for various reasons I never went in the end) but even if I did one now I'm not sure what good it would do me..

Oh god listen to me moan on. Right misery guts aren't I.

I also know most people hate their jobs and are sensible and mature enough to know they have to do them. I would too if my life depended on it. I'm not quite there yet :)

Well I'm back from the interview. It was good. Very fair questions. I don't think I interview very well, but it was good being out there and giving something new a try.

I got to thinking I would quite like the job. Dh and I had a long chat and realised that NO it would be a mistake. It's a long commute, and really it's not what I want to do.

I am finishing in April and then I plan to take temporary contracts and not commit to anything permanent.

It'll be interesting to see whether they offer it to me... I did say I'm only looking for part time, and it was advertised as full time, so I could be turned down on that alone.

Payday tomorrow. Yay!

fairy I dont think fair well at home really. I am doing degree but still feel well onely I guess. I know what you mean re you've done your stint at the coalface so to speak. If it works and you are happy stick with it. For some reason I had the impression you wanted to go back to work...sorry didnt mean to sound pushy.

.

Fairy
Working is good for you, both financially and mentally.
It also makes you a better role model for your kids.
That work could be lunchtime supervisor at school example.

I have to say tip that I don't agree with the idea that working makes you a 'better' role model. What I tell my kids is that education gives you choices, so I was lucky that the education that DH and I had, plus the career choices we made gave us the option for me to choose to be a SAHM which I think is the 'better' role model for my kids rather than if I'd been a working mum dumping them in full time nursery. I don't want to get into the full time mum v working mum debate, but I don't buy into the idea that somehow working mums are better than SAHMs.

I think your suggestion of lunchtime staff is a good one, easy to fit into the day and no childcare costs if your kids are at school and it often leads to other roles within a school. Just be warned that most support staff are paid buttons!

fairy I understand exactly how you feel. I was very driven until I had DS1 and overnight my priorities changed. I loved being at home with my three, and when I had to go back after DH lost his job it took me at least six months not to feel bitter resentment every single day! I would still like to be at home but am incredibly lucky to have my job at the kids school which means I don't miss too much like assemblies, and I don't pay childcare. But I love being at home like you and would quite happily stop working tomorrow if we didn't need the money.

Thanks jick. I didn't mean to turn this into a sahm vs working mum thing... I'm sorry. I can see all sides of it to be honest and I think it totally depends on what kind of person you are.. but like Jick I don't agree that working makes you a better role model, if you've worked hard before you have children and have something to show for it or experiences to talk about then I think that is absolutely just as good a role model, or as jick says her explanation of dh working etc.

If things are still as tight as they are in 2 years time then I will have to maybe get something and I will do, but it will be a total bugbear to do so and not something I will do with any relish.

Dd is as you know now nearing 12 and she knows I worked very hard when she was little (went back to work when she was 3 months old as I was a single parent then) and that has enabled us to move from a rough part of London to a nice area in the country with no mortgage (at the time). Obviously things have gone a bit crap this last year or so but she still appreciates you have to work to get things. She sees dh and I struggling away to try and make ends meet and sees dh working 12 or even 14 hour days regularly and also knows part of the reason we now have such a small mortgage is because I worked hard before.

I'm sorry if I caused a bit of a I didn't mean to. Sometimes I do try to persuade myself I want to work because I think I should do. But actually I just don't. At all. In anything or any area. But I guess we are all different and I've changed so much in the last 10 years. Maybe I'll change again, who knows !

FWIW I always assumed I'd go back to work after having kids but never did.

I've been very lucky that I can work from home and have been able to build my hours gradually as the kids became less dependent.
I'm also blerdy lucky that DH being in education means we get many weeks a year off work.

I'm not convinced that both parents need to work full time in most families - because kids know that they come second to money making -
but having both parents bringing some money in reduces gender stereotypes.

But for the purposes of this thread - managing money and time to keep your head in a good place to get the wallet into a better place is the most important

My dd is having a school related drama at present, and I said to dh I'm pleased I only work part time as I can physically be around more. I have done additional hours in the past but it is tough to manage home and work needs.

Both of us work FT as we have no choice and I feel pretty shit about it most of the time, especially with all the hours I have to do to keep my job afloat . I was a working mum dumping them in full time nursery.

All people should be able to make whatever choice works best for them, their children and their family, whether working or not.

I think this thread needs to move on from this now.

additional hours in the past but it is tough to manage home and work needs it's why my house looks shocking . Holidays = cleaning beyond the superficial.

tip maybe being a SAHM is still seen as promoting gender stereotype but I'd argue that when it's been a choice then it matters much less than in our mothers day when they had no choice. When my parents got married my mum was working and my dad did his pgce and even though that year she paid the mortgage, the law was clear that it was his house alone! Then when she had my eldest brother she had to leave the bank, they didn't employ married women. We are lucky that times have changed!

I'm sitting here painting my nails and eating chocolate .

It's dhs birthday tomorrow and I've made him a cake and got some nice cheap little bits for him. Dd has also individually wrapped lots of Cadbury chocolate éclairs sweets as dh always pinches hers if she buys them when she's been out with her friends... its quite sweet really.

Fingers crossed we have a nice day and he's pleased with the little bargain bits I've found.

Hope everyone is having a nice evening xx

Totally sideways.

I've spent years getting my debts under control.

Am now looking at UCAS paperwork with DD and realising that she is about to get saddled with tens of thousands of pounds worth of debt.
And then DS will face the same.

And I really struggle to see how I can justify it when I know that verloading debt is bad.
But I cannot afford to pay for her to go debt free
And I want her to fulfil her dreams.

Debt is such a pernicious thing .....