I've just returned from the supermarket, it was mad. Folk pushing trolley's chokka with food (some of which will without doubt will be thrown away), presents galore, and enough drink to satisfy a regiment. The music made me smile, all the staff were dressed in either Christmas jumpers or onesies. The Salvation Army band were playing just outside the door, it always gives me a lump in throat when I listen to festive music. There were lots of wonderful offers on and I was very grateful for the mince pie on offer at the door.
Trouble is I had spent my morning going through every hiding space that a coin could possibly end up in. We had run out of toothpaste, I had two potato cakes in the bread bin, a jacket potato, two eggs, oatflakes and some rice which needs to last me until Tuesday. On Tuesday I will get £80 family allowance and that needs to pay my food through until I get paid on the 2nd Jan. This is to feed four of us. There will be no presents this year, there are no treats, and food will be minimal.
I'm not unemployed, I'm not on benefits. I am the new breed of velcro-family. I earn money so am not entitled to any help from anywhere. I have a mortgage, and I have a car (which enables me to work). To look at us we would not be obviously having money issues, and we act it out well. The Kids have automatically become good at pulling the wool - because they are too embarrassed to let friends know any different. The organisation that I work for changed peoples contracts during the year, it meant that I am now on a dreaded zero hour contract. I have lost around £10,000 per year on the new contract, but on top of that because the organisation closes for Christmas and Easter, I now will not got any pay for two weeks of those periods. I am entitled to holiday pay, and have around 7 days owing me, but even though I asked if I could have it at Christmas to offset the two weeks without pay, they have said that they can't pay me until March.
Anyway, back to the supermarket. I manged to scrape enough money for a tube of toothpaste. I walked in and went straight to the dental isle. I met a few people I know and had a nice chat with them. On the way out I gave my change of 3p to the Salvation Army. Hopefully they will be able to do more with it by adding it to their funds, than I could do with it. When I got home I had one of the potato cakes for my Breakfast/Lunch. I organised the rest between my three Children.
I live one day to the next. I don't know what we will eat tomorrow, and am always positive of my ability to make a small amount of money go a very long way. I heard someone joking about the food-bank the other day, about not knowing anyone who needs it, and what's it all about anyway. Trouble is I'm not even able to apply to the foodbank, because I earn. Embarrassing though it is, I am hungry.
The other thing that does upset me is the way that companies speak to you. I am proud od always paying my way, but the way things are I have to pay things when I have the money and not necessarily on the day that it was supposed to be paid. The customer service staff at these companies speak to me like I am dirt, asking why I didn't pay on the set date, why have I not got the money, why am I not sorted. It's hurtful. I am trying so hard, I don't have any debts, no credit card, no store cards, and I am trying to find another job, which is proving difficult.
My Kids are brilliant. They all have part time jobs and all understand that at the moment the money all has to go in the one pot. One of my Daughters is working as a Waitress doing 13 hour shifts from 5pm to 6am over Christmas for minimum wage, and she is shattered. Not only that, the hotel chain she works for doesn't even provide them with any food and little breaks whilst on the shift.
I will get out of this rut, and I will be able to hold my head up high. Because I don't let anyone know about my situation I have no one to let off steam to, which is why I decided to just write it down. I know I'm not alone in this new Velcro Brigade. Velcro seemd an appropriate way of putting it, as when money comes in the velcro fastens slightly, but everyday it undoes, and I re fasten it just a bit, only for it to undo again.