I'm going to write a very long and musing post which probably won't require any response, just to get it down.
We now owe £18k. This is down from £45k (sold a car). We're paying it off at about 1k a month. This leaves us with money for a comfy lifestyle and irregular expenses.
I am remarried. Dh had loads of equity in his previous property and is a high earner. I work pt, earn half what he does and have 2 children. The can we sold was his lavish bachelor one, and now we have a sensible baby bus!
I am OBSESSED with money saving and being frugal. He's really laid back. The debt we have now is probably mostly mine and what was left over from my first marriage.
He is the most awesome human being and I adore him. He's so kind; a real good egg. He is generous to the max. First to the bar, last out the taxi etc. no-one takes advantage but he's a popular social chap.
So he's my inner struggle. He doesn't have expensive hobbies or anything, but does enjoy going out to gigs etc. We share an I-calendar. He's at work now, and up pops a date for a gig. I know he'll have seen a mate at work who have said 'oh x are playing on x date; are you up for it?' And of course he's said yes - it is genuinely one of his favourite bands. I just looked it and thought 'if I wanted to do that, he'd be really happy, and would look after the kids but I just don't feel I can'. I have to wrestle with my own conscience. We can afford it. We have 150k of equity I this property (all his doing). If I wasn't with him I'd be a single mum being topped up with tax credits in the rental trap.
He has never made any mention of me working more, or finding a better paid job.
Today I know he wanted us to go for a lovely winter walk and eat in our favourite restaraunt tonight. I've said we should eat the freezer food. Leftover Xmas food; you know pigs in blankets etc. he's absolutely fine with that.
I feel like A complete mood Hoover. He'll tell anyone who'll listen what a fab wife I am and that his finances are in much better shape now. He was just really disorganised and never sought vouchers, good deals etc.
Anyway I don't want to change him. I need to change my reaction to our lifestyle. After all, we can afford it. It's just I see the end goal, and we've agreed we'll go on a great trip once it's paid off, so he does see it too. I just really go gazelle intense day to day.
One more thing. I can't believe I'm going to write this. He has some wealthy elderly relatives. I would NEVER rely on inheritance. However, I can't help thinking that actually in a few years this whole slog will just be resolved anyway. I know, I know that's a terrible thing to say, but it's a really unusual situation of childless distant relatives who have explicitly said its coming his way. Even if they did all go into expensive nursing care there would actually still be some left. ARGH!
Right. So there we are. If anyone wants to share some thoughts, feel free!