Debt mutual support thread number 6 ....... start the new year with a clear purpose and keep moving forwards even by tiny steps

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last five threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2193736-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-5-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-is-NOT-an-oncoming-train?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Good news - another £180 has gone into the 'clear DH's credit card' fund after his gig on New Year's Eve, and he has a deposit cheque arrived for a gig later this year, so that's going in the bank later today and he will transfer to me to save when it has cleared.
Other good news - I made it clear to DH yesterday we were only buying what was on the shopping list when we went to Tescos, and he only put one extra thing in (a bar of chocolate), which is much better than usual. I sailed round at high speed, so he didn't get the chance to think of anything else! I also did a full meal plan for the week yesterday so feeling equipped not to spend any more money.
Final good news - quarterly utility bills came in at £40 less than I was expecting :0)
Bad news - just realised EE have double charged me this month so have to ring them to complain and get £30 back.

Other bad news - think my sums the other day weren't quite as good as I thought (I.e. I'd already spent more than I thought I had ) and consequently rest of the month is not just going to be tight, but brassic! However, if I really can't make it I know I will have a bit more spare next month, so in very worst case I could put £1-200 on credit card for three weeks and pay it straight off as soon as I get paid at end of January. Not ideal, but it won't cost me any interest and better than going into overdraft (as that would result in fees).

Hi screen I share some aspects of your set up. I'll be back in a bit.

And why would he want you to work more?
Your short hours allow him to rely on you to run the house and the kids.

Ummm we have a cleaner and he does some Afterschool care and school runs. It really isn't all on my shoulders at all.

God I'm a spoilt sod!

I think it's my obsession and thought processes that are the problem here. We don't have a debt problem, despite having debt.

Everything is on 0% and we have a good timescale of 18m. I need to relax about it.

Even if there was some disaster that meant it'd take 3 years (twice as long) then it wouldn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. It'd just be another balance transfer shift. We get offer letters every month at the moment.

Hello all and welcome new people

I hope everyone is settling into the new year okay. Sounds like everyone has some good plans in place and I think that's half the battle with all these things.

I'm still here plodding along. Penny watching. And mildly panicing. Same old really!

I'm glad christmas etc is over because I now feel less pressurised to keep spending so from now on I can try and knuckle down to budgeting again. Despite not actually overspending when I think what I spend over christmas week I feel slightly sick! Managed to spend all the money my dad gave me for my own pressie and some money my ex gave me that he owed me (for half for dds sports kit) on just christmas crap. Totted it all up and spent £264 that week!!!! Awful!

So this week I am back to my £120 golden budget and I am here on Saturday having overspent by £4 for the week with Sunday still to go. I should be able to have a no spend day tomorrow. I think.

£4 is nothing but when every penny counts it is £4 less that I can spend next week.

Plus our last set of overdraft fees came out (from before we cleared it with cc) so that was £22 on one account and £24 on the other.... Damn it.

Have worked out if I am super careful we should be able to scrape through this month without borrowing anything back from the cc. Really don't want to do that. So big sigh and cracking on.

The main thing I'm struggling with is just trying to get from week to week without overspending. It's so bloody easy to just bung a few things in the basket and not think.

Dh and I are sort of talking again, sort of, but I think we are both at breaking point with the whole watching money thing and feeling down about it. He has a week off in a couple of weeks and we have literally no spending money so our week is going to be the same as any other really - supermarket, park, library and repeat!

It would be so easy to say hey let's have a McDonald's or let's get in the car and go into the city for the day but then that's £30/50 gone and we just don't have that at all.

Having said all that. ... I should feel pleased that I'm being careful about what I'm spending and so far things are (only just!) working out. So it could be worse.

Fairy do you mind me asking - is £120 per week and is that for food/incidentals and petrol.

( Fairylea ) I know its really tough, especially as all debt is relative and your annual income is comparable with other people's monthlies
BUT
You have to keep seeking out the silver linings.

So, your week off with DH.
Why is he taking the week off?
Or would it be better for him to stay at work that week and save the money and take the time when the weather is better.
If it has to be that week, plan. Decide what you are going to do.
Ideas include :
A day of blitzing in the house. Decluttering, sorting, tidying - even just wiping paint work down with vinegar to make it shiny again.
A walking day - pack a picnic and explore somewhere you've never been - like a canal or a ruin or a river.
A duvet day - DVDs and tea and games of uno in bed
A cooking day - lots of batch cooking for the freezer

I know its really hard to live within straitened means, but that £46 in bank charges is wasted money and the sooner you can no longer have to give that to them, the sooner its yours ....
You'll get there.

screencleen
It really isn't all on my shoulders at all. God I'm a spoilt sod!
Dahling ai have a luffley friend whose house management comprises booking caterers, organising the staff and planning holidays
BUT
she never sees her husband outside those booked engagements and their kids went to boarding school to fit around his work commitments.
Its swings and roundabouts.

Thanks for the ideas tip. It does have to be that week unfortunately. He needs to use up his holiday and they've practically forced him to take that week. We'll try some of the ideas.

The £120 a week is for everything. Food, petrol (we hardly use the car to be honest, dh walks to work and I walk to the shops and back, the only time we use it is to visit family 20 miles away or if we need to venture to the big shops - 30 miles away), dhs lunch for work (although he does make sandwiches from home, it's just the odd coffee etc or greggs treat I might pop into him), kids clothes if absolutely necessary and ds is still in nappies so at least £7 of that is wipes and nappies from aldi.

It sounds a lot on paper but by the end of the week I am always struggling. Everyone is fussy and will only eat certain things. If I served up an omelette and salad for example dh and dd wouldn't touch it. So its a constant battle trying to get the golden "meat and two veg" into the budget everyday more or less. I have got them eating more curries and stir fries. .. its a work in progress!

ive just had a good sort and clear out of all things pregnancy related and summer stuff.

It's so satisfying. Bit sad shredding unused maternity notes but feeling good about life in general (mc in nov for any newbies)

I'm going to wait until weather cheers up then start listing summer stuff on eBay. The pg stuff came from there too, so I'll stick it back on soon.

I have unused vitamins. I wonder what I should do with them? Obviously not sell them. Might stick them on face bay. Can't be arsed with the questions though.

Hope everyone's saving is going well.

I have decided good karma doesn't exist. A couple of weeks ago I saw a man drop something in the car park. He didn't realise so I ran across the car park to pick it up. I got there and saw it was a pile of cash - I picked it up and ran after him to return it. I half hoped I'd win the lottery in an act of good karma - didn't happen!

Then yesterday, I had this sudden thought that the next payment on DP's parents' holiday must be due (they are not computer savvy so I book and manage their holidays). It was due that day but, after spending half the holiday with them I needed a break (I love them but just needed a day to myself). So I decided to pay the next installment and would sort it out with them later. Except I managed to pay the whole flipping thing. All 3K of it. That'll teach me for wanting a day to myself!

On the plus side, I have found a way to make YNAB work for me. I hate the way it carries over your budget from one month to the next in the different categories. It just doesn't work with me trying to control my spending - I don't want to be thinking 'oh I have some extra this month as I didn't spend all my budget last month'. So I have created some random payees such as 'Food excess' so that I can add a transaction that resets my budget to zero for the next month, but this still allows me to see what I didn't spend on the charts.

I know that probably isn't the way YNAB is meant to be used but at the moment I just need something that works for me - I am trying to learn to live within a set amount - I know if I have balances rolled over I'll end up spending up to it!

Hello, I name changed and skipped the last couple of threads, now logging in to keep thread in "most actives". Onwards and upwards.

I have an appointment with the bank on Saturday to talk about getting a mortgage - feel like we have SO MANY things to get in place before then but it is very exciting/nerve wracking.

Any views on Apple/ iphones? I luv mine, run my life with it, the photos are great, but it has recently broken, just over the warranty period. Cheeky. I cannot even transfer data over to a new phone, would have to input everything by hand. I cannot really afford a new iphone but can make a case for time-saving by uploading from the cloud. Any advice? Tia.

my views on Apple products are sadly unprintable - but you might get some good advice on the tech board
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/geeky_stuff

That bad? Thanks TiP, will head over.

Well, it seems DH is tempted to train to teach.......interesting! selfishly hopes he does so we get all the holidays together hmm, watch this space!

Jickjack
You'll hate this link then www.rsc.org/Education/scholarships/ this one will upset you even more www.education.gov.uk/get-into-teaching/subjects-age-groups/teach-chemistry

Hi guys, just spent the last couple of hours reading through on here and felt a need to say hi :-)
With 10k debt myself and dp having 18k - both keeping our debt separate as we gained them off our own backs before meeting we are hoping to reduce by a huge chunk this year so can look to start a family -only entitled to smp and my outgoings are so much more than that. Just the 2 of us for now, mortgaged and bills up to date so on a reduction mission :-)
Fairy - noticed some of your foody issues and would massively recommend the mortgage free in 3 site, she's got some fantastic meal ideas for if like me youre stuck in a rut of same old same old for the picky people in the house!! Don't know where to start really so might as well start at hello :-) and happy new year!!!!

Welcome to the gang lexi86
What form are the debts - have you done the standing order trick on any credit cards?
Keeping your finances separate is fine, but it won't work well once you have kids so do be willing to work as a team on debt reduction.

Oh yea it's just the debt which we are controlling ourselves as a for now basis - if we can each halve what we owe then plan is to tackle the remainder as best we can if my income halves :-) , joint account etc is all there for ever thing else :-) everything is 0% and we both pay iver minimum payments, just a slow process and the sheer overall amounts are so daunting!! 2 cars on low rate loans instead of finance and the rest are old credit cards which we are guilty of having no idea what we actually spent them on :-(

Marking place. Dreading return to work already... sigh.

Need to keep focused. Dark weather not helping.

TiP he's seeing someone from the rsc on Tuesday so will chat about it then. He's long had links with them, regional stuff and so on so from his professional link maybe something will grow. It's just an idea at the moment but if he wants to go ahead he needs to decide and apply soon.

In the meantime I have confiscated his credit cards and he's agreed to contact temps to try and find anything to cover our his cc min repayments.