Debt mutual support thread number 6 ....... start the new year with a clear purpose and keep moving forwards even by tiny steps

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last five threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2193736-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-5-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-is-NOT-an-oncoming-train?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

NeverFreeze some of the meals we have are a take off of something we've eaten out eg a square wrap as a base grilled with goats cheese, smoked ham and red onion marmalade with 'green stuff' on top is just fab. I love a fish finger sarnie, preferably with a cheese slice or two for good measure ( sadly, mil didn't put any of those in with the cheese mountain ungrateful)

Screen definitely a compliment! I love being told nice things about my kids attitude/behaviour etc it makes me much prouder than any academic achievement and my DS1 was mortified when I cried my eyes out when he was chosen to be a house captain last year.....I tried to explain how it was a reflection on him as a person. He's 11, he didn't get it!!!

Ah it is nice isn't it? He's never had children, so could be less understanding of the demands of the 2 terrors

I'd like to think that actually the debt is still a learning curve for them. Life isn't going to suddenly change once we're done. They're seeing the choices day in day out. Money isn't a dirty word.

Dd (7) came in whilst I was on my budget spreadsheet ealier And we chatted about all the things on the list that have to be paid for in life.

.... Drip drip drip.....

Whoop, whoop, dance round the room
Yes screenclean that is exactly the point
once kids realise that the credit card does not print money
they start to value and prioritise and evaluate
and the sooner that learn to do that the better

silly thing : my DD is 16
for her birthday I gave her £100 to spend on clothes. In cash.
I handed it to her and went for a coffee
the amount of stuff she got - combo of sales / charity / outlets
was astonishing
and because when that cash ran out that was that she planned
if I remember right it was 3 pairs jeans, 4 t shirts, 2 jumpers, some belts, scarves and makeup

DS with his birthday money was similar ....

and actually I think I spend less on their clothes this way as they are in total control so cannot blame me when they do not like something

right im back after the Christmas chaos. I overspent but had a lovely time. now I have worked out the budget and all money and here goes
budgeted £65 per week for food and activities for me and girls (don't really do much and dd1 has school dinners free) and £20 per month for extra bits (toiletries/school trips rt)
I have loads of cake making bits and enough art stuff to start a preschool so lots of after school activities.
I have made a food cupboard inventory - loads in there to make meals - just top up bits to buy
I have made a inventory of all toiletries - enough for a couple of months (may need baby wipes - possibly swap to cotton wool and water indoors)

money we got for xmas £400 will be paid to family friends who lent us our deposit (taken 6 months and still waiting for dispute decision hopefully will get this back)

then I plan to save up £500 before paying off debts as this will cover all bills in case dp is ill or when he changes jobs (hopefully soon as he is very miserable in his job - Long unsociable hours and rubbish pay)

I am going to do the standing order thing on my second credit card, one is a set amount which is higher than min payment. first one I want to clear is shop direct as its very high interest.

If I stick to budget will clear overdraft by end of Feb (£700) then can work on other debts.

sorry very longwinded now im going to catch up on the thread and later may list some bits up for sale on local sites!

Just done my Jan budget too. Am trying to get over how disappointed I feel in myself for spending my savings last month. I have an MOT/service/work and tax to pay for next month - had all the money ready and blew it. Cross with myself. But, am back to putting sums into different 'envelopes' and starting again.

From Nov 2013 - now have paid off quite a chunk of debt (about 1/3 of what we owe), so we are making some progress. If I can just keep going as I am, by next Christmas things will look very different.

I've decided to tackle a couple of things off the hideous house list, but not attempt everything. If I chunk it down, it's more likely to get done. Priority in the house is decorating recarpeting/flooring the hall. Outside, I want to take out the garden and lawn it (although hall is first priority).

2015 is going to be hard work. I also need to think of some fun things that I want to commit to so we have something to look forward too. One of my best friends is getting married in March, so that will be lovely. I also love spring and plan to try and get out more with my camera to take photos (hobby that I want to develop).

Right I'm back home on laptop...with proper wifi. Sorry for this self indulgent post. I need to put this down:

I have overspent which means I have used the overdraft that I had paid off. £1500 BUT I have done what TIP has said and thought about it all and also back home looking at beloved spreadsheet

So first of all I've reviewed what we (as it was DH to) spent the money on. It mostly went on eating out (planned into budget to be paid off) and replacing two item purchased (essential for DH) that were no good). BUT I did twitch big style and did stockings for DH, DM and myself. I bought us all quite nice and insome cases high value items. My lessons.

1. Be realistic about Christmas budget next year. Agree to set a mount for DH/me

1. CLOSE DOWN overdraft facilities

1. That I do like to spend money on nice things and any amount if minimalist threads/blogs/essays has not made me stop wanting certain things - though I can say less and I'm a lot more selective.

1. The kids really do enjoy the simple stuff - they loved the swimming at Centre Parcs which is free! They enjoyed their presents which was less than last year in quantity and monetary value - not one complaint or disappointed face.

But I have a plan:

1. Cancel the May holiday that we are saving cash for - this will pay off most of overdraft. Plus we will save on other associated costs of fuel and food.

1. Return the two items for a refund plus one other that was faulty (£100)

1. Chase refund from Scottish Power - I have done this, it was 'escalated' and no one has rung me back like they said. I now have been paying SP but have a bill from Power (wtf) caught in between switch. (estimated £300) I shall cancel direct debit altogether - I bet they will ring me then!

So this on top of normal plan. Back to meals with mince.

I have to say I enjoyed the holiday so did DH - probably more so and have some great memories. It is tainted when you know the finances behind.

Sorry for such a long post about me I wanted to get it straight about what has happened. I do feel ashamed that i cant seem to sustain the self regulation required. Same with diet.

Oh I know what you mean about the holiday with debt. Hard to enjoy it as much. I can't wait to go away when it's not on the credit card. I bet every meal out tastes better too.

Andsmile and kinky don't be too hard on yourselves. The main thing is you've faced up to it and have worked out a plan of action.

One random thing I've found really helps me not to spend is any emails I get from shops / online people I unsubscribe from them as soon as they come in. The temptation is too great if I see they have a sale on or whatever and then it's £40/50/60 quid gone. I only buy something if I absolutely NEED it and then I shop around for it then. I never buy anything just incase. Ever. That goes for clothes for me too. I literally wear things into the ground. But I guess it depends on what your budget is and how well you can stick to it.

One thing I find I really struggle with is if I pay by debit card or pay a cheque in I find it really hard to look at my balance and work out what money I actually have as it takes a few days for things to clear. So wherever possible I take out a set amount of cash for the week and my card never leaves my purse. I know it doesn't suit everyone but at least that way I don't get any nasty surprises when I check my account.

Tip I haven't contacted that group yet, they don't have an email and I really hate speaking to people on the phone (terrible social anxiety) but I do appreciate the help and I will try and get up the guts to make contact or write to them soon. Thanks.

fairy u have definitely done right thing re tattoo I waited a couple of years for mine and saved bday and xmas money to go to a very good tattooist. cost loads but its perfect and I look at it every day and still love it and our dinner was also a total nightmare the lamb shrank so much it was smaller than my fist, the chicken was revolting, veg not cooked enough, stuffing gross, gravy lumpy, Swede too much butter... dd2 ate a Yorkshire pudding, drank the gravy then hid under the table... dd1 ate most hers as she will eat most things!!

screen thats a fab compliment my dd decided to have a major meltdown in front of a relative we both met for first time... luckily she looks like a total Angel compared to her cousin!!!

talkin I love charity shop shopping its amazing what people donate some of my favorite outfits come from there, often complemented by friends too.

Richard im sure it will be fine! we bought dd's toy storage off eBay cost £30 for trofast system thats about £80 in Ikea it was perfect and exactly what I was looking for. this morning on a local FB selling site someone was selling a next toddler bed for £5!! u can get fab bargains. if u use localbargainfinder.co.UK (maybe .com) u can enter postcode and finds all local eBay listings. incase anyone else is looking

kinky a few things that annoy u getting done will make u feel much better about having to scrimp on other things. have u looked on local Facebook selling groups/frecycle/gumtree for free/cheap paint or household bits? loads of people will be clearing out this time of year. I also want to try the envelope thing... definitely good to embrace things that u enjoy and a bonus if they are free. I got a kindle for xmas and will hopefully save a fortune in buying books/library fees to get them in.

andsmile its so hard planning an xmas budget, definitely going to budget more for next year to cover unexpected expenses. and like u I try to be minimiist and really want to be happy with a little amount of stuff, but I like New things and like having stuff.... so I am allowing a set amount to buy small things as going cold turkey always backfires. I end up getting fed up, think funk it and spend loads...

Kinky
From Nov 2013 - now have paid off quite a chunk of debt (about 1/3 of what we owe), so we are making some progress.

Yo! Cut yourself some slack my dear
If you were using credit card minimums, you'd have paid of 1/18 of the money in that year and a bit
so you are 8 years ahead of where you would have been.
That is blerdy amazing.

andsmile
Your DH earns a lot : so when the debt is clear you'll have a good income to play with , even after you are putting the same amount into pensions / savings each year. So, you need to accept that and work within your numbers.

meh TIP I know.

Woke up this morning to have sold two things on eBay, only £36 worth but what a good feeling!

Hi all, have been reading lots but not posting much.

Am feeling positive, December was always going to be a tough month as it is easy to get carried away at Christmas, especially with my past shopaholic tendencies.

I am pleased to report though that is have been very positive on the whole. I've slightly overspent on my spending money budget, but only about £100. I know that sounds a lot but a couple of years ago I spent 2K in the January sales so a massive improvement. I did my traditional boxing day sales, but it is more of a chance to catch up with my mum - and all I bought was some PJs with my xmas voucher. Other than that, I haven't wanted to go shopping - normally I'd be at the big malls nearly every day!

My goal was to change my spending habits by Christmas, as without that I would never get on top of the debts. I think I've achieved that. The next goal is to pay 10K off the debt next year. I'm going to give YNAB another go, mainly to track how much I spend on different things and see where I can make cutbacks.

afterthought that is a brilliant improvement! I too have a weakness for shopping and sales! normally would had spent loads by now but avoiding shops, hot UK deals and the sales/bargain threads on here. so far not spent anything!! (except 2 storage boxes in Tesco for the Christmas toys - used some xmas money girls got)

I am trying to focus on curbing my hoarding instead of buying more stuff in the sales - yesterday sold 2 stairgates that have been behind the sofa since August for £15
then found some Lego minifigures I started collecting for dd's. realised they are happy with ones they have and don't need anymore. so listed on Lego buy and sell group and now have £100 in PayPal! some were worth more than I thought and people were very honest when I underpriced some!! which is nice, people normally try to take advantage!! just got to package all up for post office now

hello afterthought I have really curtailed my spending. I have bought no clothes since the summer. But I splurged at Christmas and feel such a fool.

I would describe my past spending behaviour as utterly mindless. Has it took you a full year to get to where you are now? Which is great btw So any tips as this still seems to be an issue for me.

So I've spent ages looking at my spreadsheet and as a result of cancelling May holiday I can pay off my xmas overspend without it affecting my CC overpayments. I've done a tesco shopt to last the week for £35 - already have meat and some store cupboard items. But it has been tightly meal planned. Im not planning on using the car this week, petrol should last most of month so maybe only £25 top up.

But my best news is...I started to check the balances of each CC on the 18th of each month and set up a section on spreadsheet to see actual and projected. Its been great to see it come down and anticipate a 'red square' when the balance has been paid. My figures are:

Total £20,714 - 3 months ago
Total £19,404 - now

£1310 paid

Key dates to work toward are:

CC1 paid in June, total balance £15,450.
CC2 pain in Oct, total balance £12,020

This time next year £4,610 - this has lifted my resolve considerably, looking forward to these dates, reminding myself what we are doing it all for. I'm quite proud we cancelled that holiday too - we just cant do it all. We shall save clubcard vouchers for a nice day out to Alton Towers cbeebies land etc. Im quite good at finding arts events at museum and libraries for the DC during the holidays, so I shall step up this.

nocuts - can you come round mine! £100 is great. We have loads I could sell. If I'm honest we've been lazy abut this.

It has taken me more than a year to be honest, maybe 2 - my spending behaviour was so ingrained - it was linked to self-esteem/anxiety issues.

TalkinPeace had the best advice - treat it like trying to lose weight. That worked best for me as you can't avoid spending money in the same way you can't avoid eating.

Ugh.
Feeling very low today.
As things stand I am £250 overdrawn.
Dh was £1k overdrawn.
No savings.
£500 next account
£500 cc
£7k loan
We won't be able to afford a holiday next year.
And you know what really bugs me? It's not high living. It's not flashy cars. Not Loads of hols. It's just this damn money pit of a house :(
and yet...here we are.
Need to sit down with Dh and really talk about where we are and what we need to do.
2015 needs to be frugal. Very frugal.

Baddz
Time to sit down and prioritise which bits of the house need doing first and how much you can do for what costs.
Holidays are a luxury. You'll enjoy them again once you get your head and wallet in good shape.

afterthought
I love hearing you sound so upbeat and in control.
Its really heartening and indeed does prove my point that its all in your head : get the mind working with the body and wallet and you can achieve anything.

Baddz you don't sound so far off where we are with the debt (ours is a bit less but our income is absolutely tiny so probably proportionally not far off the same). Could you move any of the debt to a 0% card? I know you've probably looked into it but we got a barclaycard for 0% interest for 34 months and shifted all our debt on to that so at least it's as cheap as it can be.

I totally hear you about holidays :( ... The last time dh and I had a holiday was a 3 day trip to Rome for our honeymoon 4 years ago and there hasn't even been a wet weekend in a freezing caravan since then! No holidays for the foreseeable future, debt will take at least 3 years to pay off possibly more and until that is tackled we can't even begin to look at saving anything for a holiday.

Tip...with any luck the house is done for now
They came out to the dryer again today and it's working again so fingers x
I have no issue not going away but convincing Dh might be hard.
Ditto any other cost cutting.
At least we have 2 months council tax free which is £300.