Debt mutual support thread number 6 ....... start the new year with a clear purpose and keep moving forwards even by tiny steps

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last five threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2193736-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-5-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-is-NOT-an-oncoming-train?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Merry Christmas all. I'm looking forward to a new year. I've survived the worst financial time of my adult life in 2014, although my worries are tiny in comparison to many. So today, I've counted my blessings and reflected on the changes this thread has inspired. I don't post much but I read and take heed!

Welcome Ursula, welcome back MummyROAR
and happy grey and drizzly Boxing day to Everybody.

Today my kids get their real presents - because DS is getting an Xbox and DD a new phone - but by being a mean stingy mummy and waiting two days, the Sales price reductions on both add up to over £150 !

But the coolest thing is that knowing the expensive stuff would turn up sooner or later, we all partook of the "Oxfam Bookshop challenge" yesterday and got each other some really cool stuff for less than £5 a head.

Remember, its the laughter and good times that kids will remember when they grow up, not the "must have" presents, let alone the "keeping up with" insanity.

Stay warm, stay merry and start thinking now about how you'll make next Christmas be no more expensive, but a lot more planned.

Hi and thank you ursula for your kind words. That's really touched me that you remember me from your thread etc. I'm so chuffed. Good luck on your debt journey and looking forward to reading more of your posts.

Hope everyone is doing okay today... hope the dc love their presents today tip x

Hi place marking - I'm in the spending trap known as Center Parcs (MN marmite I know) disclaimer - booked prior frugality budget.
On mobile site with rubbish wifi so catch up properly later. Looking forward to rousing budget advice and spending de motivators - this Cheistmas bed. A massive 'fuck it' fortnight

'This Christmas been a massive...

Enjoy your fuck it and

Ursula thank you . I am attempting to make some serious changes next year to how I live, spend my time and spend my money. I've been chasing SLT for a while now; just prior to Christmas I was offered training, but I said no. I didn't expect myself to do that. I'm starting to think rather than chase MORE hours and MORE money, I would be better to do less hours and more with the money I have. I'm even contemplating handing back part of the responsibility I already have. If we've decided no bigger house and no more children, I could really do with investing in our home and family now. I had quite a philosophical conversation with my Dad on Christmas Eve - I told him I was planning to get out more next year and spend time with family and he told me I said the same thing to him last year. He said that I am approaching middle age and that in a decade, my children won't be children anymore. Basically, I have to stop talking about it and start doing it. Something has to give - I think that needs to be a pause on aspects of work and starting to get a proper balance. I'm going to cultivate a 'no' - I'm usually the go-to for agreeing to do things.

It's been nice to hear from all our lurkers and sometimes posters. Remember you are part of this too and always welcome .

Big meanie TiP back from the " Sales "
DS waits another 3 days for his Xbox - because the in store deals were not all they appeared ..... don't worry, still not buying from Am$$$n and
DD waits another day for her phone to get a better deal on the SIM
because
if a thing is worth having, its worth waiting for

Kinky
Your Dad is right. Grow a backbone and look out for yourself a tad more.
If nothing else, once you start being harder to get people might wonder what you have up your sleeve and other things may fall into place.

andsmile
Enjoy CP - I've never been. Marmite as you say. But use the time to think constructively about 2015.

I have just been incredibly boring and sensible and emailed the tattoo artist to cancel the tattoo I had booked for the end of January. Feel really embarrassed as I know they hate cancellations but I just can't afford it as I had assumed my mum would have given me more money for christmas than she did and I have spent all my dad's cheque on the extra bits for christmas we needed. I guess I should feel pleased that we managed to get through Christmas without having to dip into our overdraft or credit card. So why do I feel so depressed and crap? The one thing I was really looking forward to and now it's cancelled and just back to the daily grind of food budget management and watching everything I spend.

Ho hum. :(

Tell me I've done the right thing.

I think you have done the right thing fairy but that doesn't mean you shouldn't feel disappointed
Ds1 quite poorly with tonsilitis so he is now on 10 days of Abx and unable to go and play in the snow

Fairlylea I think you've definitely done the right thing. Be proud. It's good prioritisation. Well done!

Xmas for us has been lovely. It's not really over yet though. Spending wise has been fine. We got given unexpected cash which will go towards replacing the Laptop. We did replace it but it had to be returned. We now are going to get one in the sales.

Kids are on good form; so it's all ok really!

Fairylea
I guess I should feel pleased that we managed to get through Christmas without having to dip into our overdraft or credit card

Um yes, you should feel INCREDIBLY pleased with yourself.

You have made changes in your attitude to money and spending that will last you a lifetime and make your kids' lives better as they get older.

The tattooist is making a mint, he'll get another booking.
You'll waltz in another time with no debts and the money there to spend.
All will be good.

Neverfreeze
Warranties that you have to pay for are an utter con anyway.
It just comes down to self insuring that money - as they never pay up when you really need it.

TiP I wonder if you would let me pm you with my figures and plan of action and let me know what you think please? While I'm happy to discuss things on the thread in general terms, I don't want to have the finer details on here if that makes sense!

Thank you everyone. You've made me feel a lot better. I also feel a bit less stressed now, knowing I don't have to try and find that extra money I don't have. I can just try and budget with what I have for food etc and not worry about it. So that's a big weight off me.

Baddz so sorry to hear your ds is so poorly :( hope he gets well soon

Good news on the washer dryer neverfreeze!

I am now at ground 0 money wise until Monday. I am literally penniless but I should be able to manage just tomorrow with no spending. Egg and chips again whoo hoo. . Or I could really push the boat out and have fish fingers and chips.... I'm so rock n roll

£8!!!!

.

Jickjack
Yes of course

And to anybody else :
I'm very tightly regulated by my professional body and lack of IFA exams
BUT
I'm more than happy to have a think about real numbers to try to get options for people

as fairy knows - if I have the first half of your postcode in a PM I can think laterally as well. have that charity sent you a grant form yet

I won't / cannot give "advice" but I can and enjoy looking up options and ways of looking at your numbers that you might not have thought of.

PS
Where there are general points I will bring them back to the thread ...
but as anybody who remembers me from ebay days knows, I'm good at anonymising

Still to catch up properly.

fairy lea - I wish I had done what you have. You feel cranky as we are conditioned to think excess equals happy at this time of year so feel it more maybe. I am racked with guy and have to face facts I failed miserably at not sticking to budget this Xmas. I'd be laughed off thread if I confessed...

Anyhow...you've cancelled your tattoo we've agreed to cancel a holiday that we've not paid deposit on. I'm saying no to cake

Thank you TiP, thats just what I need, somebody who might just see something I can't see without the embarrassment of asking someone who only knows us as 'having money'. It's humiliating enough knowing that people know how far we've fallen without baring the awful truth of the situation. How differently people judge us when we fall from grace!

Ok Xmas events complete now. We had one last celebration to host today and we're all done. My kids were really well behaved. My DH has an elderly uncle; very quiet and kind but just 'in the background' he made a point of saying my kids are a credit to me. It was so 'meaningful'. He's not the kind of guy to give false praise, so I'm feeling like Xmas has been a complete success.

Nye with local friends still to come. cheap and cheerful. No travel costs. Marvellous!

Well done all of us x

Screenclean
Those quiet compliments are the best
and if he said it, others think it
which means that once your money is sorted out, you are setting your kids up on a really good track for the rest of their lives
Well done