Debt mutual support thread number 6 ....... start the new year with a clear purpose and keep moving forwards even by tiny steps

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last five threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2193736-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-5-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-is-NOT-an-oncoming-train?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Morning all. Not much to report here, DH went for his third interview last week and they have said he'll know by the end of the month if he's got the job. He asked them if they had any reservations about him doing the job (uk sales manager) and they said no, so fingers crossed they'll offer him the job, even though it means going back to him not being here much during the week. If he does get it I think we could be debt free in a year, but I'm trying not to think about it too much as I don't want to get my hopes up again.

Ought to list more stuff on eBay today, haven't made any extra cash in a while. Ooh, but I have had a cost of living pay rise plus an increment point which I wasn't expecting till April, so in all I'm getting about £40 a month extra which is very welcome.

Am thinking in April of paying my council tax on my 0% purchases card to free up the cash amount to aid the cash flow crisis we have. My fri pm will stop after Easter hols so not sure how that will affect tax credits once I lose the working tax credit I get for doing the pm ....thinks DH might like to sell a kidney to help out

Still, let's look at the positives. My house is easier to keep clean and tidy because I've sold so much stuff crap, DH and I are as strong as ever even though it's his fault we're in this mess, kids haven't been too badly affected by our situation, unless you count being shouted at for raiding the fridge without asking! We have our health, and I have a freezer full of reduced meat/fish/bread. Even if our situation is grim, it could be worse and if that happens we'll still have each other.

Hmm, that's enough of that sentimental rubbish. On the party front, I've been asked to a friends 40th which means drinks, train, meal, drinks, train home...... I've said no as I just can't justify that amount of money for a few hours out. I'm not a party person at the best of times, and last summer for my big day I asked my girlfriends round to mine, we sat out in the garden with the chimnea going, with drinks, nibbles and toasted marshmallows. Job done, no expense or expectation for people to fork out. It's only a birthday after all!

Right, that's enough waffling from me. Hugs, wine and chocolate for those who need them x

Off to pils for dinner today so I don't need to buy meat etc.
Hurrah! Might even get to bring some leftovers home :)
On the downside both dc are ill with a chest infection (I think) so my plans for this week are going to be somewhat curtailed (my poor hair :()
I may take them to the gp tomorrow.
I have put a couple of things on Facebook but it's half term in a week so anything I make will be spent then!

Oh, and of course kids are ill so Dh is going away with work this week :(
Sigh.

Tip thank you so much but I don't feel able to speak on the phone at the moment (you asked me to pm you my phone number). You are more than welcome to inbox me. I hope that's okay.

Good luck to all those waiting to hear back re jobs and job searching.

Baddz sorry to hear your dc are poorly :(

I'm just plodding along. Was a bit crap this weekend and spent £25 ish on stuff I really shouldn't have. Nothing groundbreaking just things like mugs (£1.69 each from poundstretcher), some tea towels, a new dressing gown for dd as hers was getting a bit near the end of its life and admittedly some food in tesco that we probably didn't really need.. I'm still not really there with budgeting yet. But I guess I am more aware of what I'm spending and that's better than before when I didn't really have a clue if I'd overspent or not.

Tomorrow is the start of a new week.

Fairy....I think I will be making a triple appt tomorrow at the gp for us all! :)
We are all coughing and spluttering but it's getting ridiculous now...
Had quite a few things planned for this week...oh well.

Fairy, do you want to join our frugal thread too? We're not good at debt management like TIP but we are good at everyday frugality & not frittering.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/credit_crunch/a2295256-Join-the-Fantastic-Frugaleers-for-a-February-full-of-frugality?msgid=52434873#52434873

Ds1 is off but ds2 has gone in. So am stuck inside for today.
At least I can't spend anything though, right? :)
Got leftovers for tea tonight too.

baddz I hope you've got an appointment ok and feel better.

jickjack fingers crossed for your DH's interview. You sound like you have got and are getting yourselfs through your change in circumstances quite well. I think you made the right decision about the party - I have regretted my night out.

tintin more good things about YNAB from you...

Sorry this non money/debt related....I feel I've slipped a little bit re my mood. I'm prone to mild dips in moods with a bit of social anxiety. So this yesterday ive had epic parenting fail and have lost my temper with DS re him not listening over basic stuff to get ready for school on time and a safety issue (non negotiable).

So to top it all off I passed the women outside school who had a go at me last week quite nastily. She was talking to someone who knows me in a nother context who i know to be a gossip also.

I just feel like curling up and crying. I dont want to do anything. How have I got like this, i was so much 'stronger' and brighter a couple of weeks ago. Think Im destined to live under a grey cloud - slightest upsetting thing happens and I break and feel too weak to get back up.

I'm worried I'm messing my kids up. Sorry for the misery but this is a nice corser of MN I'm not sure where else to post, dont want to start a thread.

Andsmile, take no notice of the school gate gossipers, they have nothing in they're life to fill time so bip about others business.
We all flip at the DC from time to time, me most weeks. You didn't beat him, just shouted. Say your sorry next time your with ds and explain your tired, stressed etc and not his fault but he knows the rules.
Have a nice cuppa and take a timeout for yourself. It's hard trying to juggle kiddies money home work.tell you nearest & dearest your having a hard time, and you need a hug.x

Smile...you know what?
You are allowed to shout once in a while. You didn't hurt him. I know with my two sometimes shouting is all they listen to!
Wrt school yard bitches...I have been doing school runs for 7 years now and have a few more to go! And it's made me rather zero tolerance.
I only speak to nice pleasant people.
I drop off, and leave.
Ditto at pick up...I get there, grab Ds and go home.
In a few months/years you will never have to see these cow bags again :)
So...next time...head up, tits out, walk tall :)

Things I missed about kids going to secondary school : not meeting their friends.
Things I did not miss when they went to secondary school : dealing with bitchy parents

Andsmile- please hold your head high. If they are talking about you it's just another example of their spite and spiteful people deserve none of your energy. I've been there but I've learned how to deal with it. Now I'm all about the smile, the cheerful 'morning!'as I pass- it annoys the hell out of them! And go back to your favourite cafe- you can bet your last penny that this woman has been entitled all her days. Don't back down- even if you don't feel it inside you can fake it till you make it!

Thank you for your kind supportive words. It means a lot - never just words on a screen I can only describe my morning as an 'emotional attack' as opposed to an 'anxiety attack' I felt surreal as if free floating. I got myself to gym for Personal Training session - I whipped through everything he chucked at me I had to stop myself from crying. Afterwards I was teary and shaking - it was weird .

Eventually I got to speak to my DM which helped. Everyone I rang did not answer (busy I suppose at work) I've never felt so alone (at this point I wasn't able to the above posts) like I said it was weird as if I was crumbling inwards. But then I happened to speak to someone who I would never of thought to...she mentioned I didnt look well...so out it all came and she was really nice. Plus the guy on the check out as Asda was really lovely. These along with these posts have made me feel much better. Kind of restorative about people in general.

I also spoke to a teacher who performs a special pastoral support role in DS school and she was so reassuring about him and complimentary. I nearly started to cry with relief. - Me and my worrying. But she immediately offered to do some one to one work with him for a few weeks then feedback. She was fantastic. I feel veyr lucky to be able to access staff like this in DS school.

RE school gate - I do what baddz does because I realised what it was like. There is a massive almost soap opera level story to that..So having worked hard to not be so sensitive to such people and situations, it really knocked me for six when this women was last week - it wasnt at the school gate it was elsewhere.

Thanks for your kind words - I guess only 5 hours sleep dosent help. I will say one thing though I've never pushed so hard and hit so hard in a PT session - my hand, wrists and forearms are killing off boxing work!

Evening all! Quiet on here this week...
andsmile I hope you're feeling a lot better now. Be proud of you and ignore everyone else!
Well, DH gave me another £1300 to add to corporation tax savings yesterday, so that's gone into the premium bonds, as has £135 I've squirrelled out of the household account to save for next quarterly gas/electric bills and and £39 towards next to big bag of dog food and next 'big stuff' shop at Makro.

Which means we've got £99 left for food shopping this month, to cover three main shops and any top ups! I'm going back up the thread in a minute to find all the great recipe suggestions you gave a couple of weeks ago. Also,i've got all my meat packs I bought with my Tesco Orchard vouchers, so it should only be mainly fruit/veg, eggs, milk etc I need to buy, as we have loads of pasta/rice etc in already. I keep telling myself it's doable! . On a slight down note, didn't manage to pay off everything from the credit card is month after all, so have £670 on there to clear, which isn't going to all happen next month either, unless I don't do any savings myself...I know it makes more sense to clear the debt and not pay interest, but it's really hard not to see the savings go up, especially when we've got such a hard deadline....I'll have a think and a juggle on that one, see how much I can pay off if I still save...

Andsmile please don't get upset about stupid people in the playground. If it makes you feel any better throughout the entire time dd was at school I used to keep my distance from everyone and I was practically the only mum standing on my own (through choice) every drop off and pick up. I just didn't have the patience or energy for all the crap and politics that go along with it all and quite frankly all the disappointment. You sound like a lovely person, please don't let others drag you down.

How is everyone now Baddz? Hope there is some improvement.

Jonty good luck with the food budget!

Well I could kick myself. I overspent by a whopping £50 last week. My bank didn't show it as gone out as it was the weekend and I didn't do my weekly cash withdraw so I found it hard to keep track of what I spent and basically I overspent. So I started this week £50 down already and then to make matters worse I carefully sat down and meal planned and even logged it in tesco online and it came to £56 whoo hoo but then I went to tesco and I spent £86 instead. Fucks sake. Yes I know I am utterly fucking useless and very angry with myself. Next week I am ordering online. Which is what I should have done. I feel like such an idiot.

So now I have £1.80 to last me until Monday. I do have all the food etc except for extra bread later in the week but I also need to find money for a card and chocolates for dh for Valentine's, non uniform money for dd and dd has agreed to go out with her friends on Saturday (a rare occurrence so fair enough) so I need to find £3 ish for that so she can have a drink and a cake in greggs or whatever they do. Plus dhs phone isn't working properly and he thinks it needs a new charger so that is another £13 ish (apple charger from amazon).

I am truly fucked. What an idiot I am. I could just cry. So now what do I do? Borrow from cc again? Just manage as I am and back in the overdraft again at £1 a day? Shit on it.

Apart from that..... (ha!) things are okay. I forced myself to go to a new group with ds today (free) as im trying to stop myself wandering into tesco on a daily basis. It was good. So despite all my utter nonsense today was a no spend day and tomorrow will be the same.

Boo hoo. I'm just useless.

Fairy
Not useless : just not focussed. Yet.
DH : make him a card - steal DSs colouring pens and draw something unique.
YYY to getting out of the habit of going to the shop more than twice a week.
New charger - sell the apple phone and buy a cheap PAYG including charger for £10

jonty
I like the idea of emergency savings in premium bonds

I could make a card. And a cake. You're right. That would save money.

There is absolutely no way dh would sell the iPhone we are both tied into contracts for £40 each and to be fair since we never go out or do anything remotely fun our phones are really our only source of entertainment. Having said that when my Samsung note is up on contract I will be getting a giffgaff sim and ending the monthly drain!

£40 a month is what all four of us spend per month on our phones combined

Fairy try your local pound shop (if there is an equivalent near you) for the iphoe charger. My proper Apple ones kept breaking so I decided I'd get the last one from the pound shop - it's lasted five times longer than any of the 'proper' leads so far! Also be careful to always unplug by holding onto the tiny connector that goes into the phone, not the lead - apparently that's why they break, because the wires going from the lead into the connector get pulled out if you use the lead to pull the connector out.
And it depends how long go you've had your phone contract - you might be able to downgrade your package if you've had it over twelve months already....worth ringing them up and seeing what you can do.
So, if you can get the phone lead for pound and make a card and a cake, then you've only got to find money for DD non uniform day and her visit out with friends. Do you have to get more bread, or could you get inventive with meals with stuff you already have? You might get your deficit down to only a couple of pounds that way, which is much more manageable. Best of luck!

Thanks Jonty. I will pass on the info to dh. We do have a poundstretcher so it's worth having a look. I think dh has this thing in his head that if he uses anything that isn't "official" then somehow his iPhone is going to spontaneously combust and float off into little pieces .

Hmmm I'm not sure we can do without the bread. I can try. Toddler ds is the biggest problem. He is such a fussy one and pretty much the only thing he will eat sometimes is a sandwich - tuna or cheese or egg! Having said that I probably don't need to buy the Warburtons bread that I normally do. Maybe I can try something cheaper.

I'm so tired. I need to go to bed and sleep for a year.

Fairy - if you are on O2, there is a deal for a free valentines card from WH Smith in the priority moments app.

£1 iphone charger here: www.poundland.co.uk/leisure-and-entertainment/entertainment/mobile-phone-accessories/signalex-iphone-5-sync-and-charge-cable

Thank you tintin :) I haven't signed up with priority moments yet. Going to do that right now!!

Me too! That's fantastic. Thank you. I don't really bother with valentines card for DH but if it's free then I'm in!

Just downloaded the app and going to get my free card tomorrow! Excellent! Thanks lots.

Yeah! Me too. Will get a free coffee from waitrose and park for free on the outskirts of town. Ha! In your face debt!