Debt mutual support thread number 6 ....... start the new year with a clear purpose and keep moving forwards even by tiny steps

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last five threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2193736-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-5-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-is-NOT-an-oncoming-train?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

I'd say I can't afford it.

Would you advise someone else to lose all savings to attend a wedding?.

If your that close she will understand that you need to pay bills before spending money on fun stuff?.

I'd imagine you wouldnt be the only one who doesn't go & there should be a party for family who can't go when you go back.

Without meaning to sound harsh snowie if you can't afford to go to your cousins wedding then say so and if she has a problem it's her fault for being selfish enough to expect people to pay to go to a foreign wedding in the first place. Just say you're sorry, you'd love to go and are pleased to be asked but you just can't afford it. As you can't afford any type of holiday you shouldn't feel bad about increasing your debt to make someone else happy.

Maybe this is the wake up call for your husband who seems to think you can afford to is for things you just don't have the money for.

Thanks Fluffy & JikJack - I wish I could say no better in general. We can't go & that's it. DH is never going to face up to finances I've had to take the burden of all of this for years and years and only in the last year I've made the connection to my own mental health trying to please everyone - be the main breadwinner, house cleaner, child organiser, trying to earn more (unsuccessfully) to pay debts while simultaneously being in 2 places at once most of the time ! It's just hard to say no when I would also love something like that to look forward to !

That's a lot for one person to manage alone. Dh took years to come to the frugal party.

Flick him on the forehead every time he mentions something you can't afford.

lol ill do that ! It's only ever holidays/ weekends that we spend on - never any money on the house etc hence wanting to escape it ! I was enjoying a tiny bit of relief lately when finally childcare came down a bit I didn't have to pay in pints of blood anymore but should be paying more into debts really too. Christmas cost double what I had put away so need to save for that as well this year too. All in all I need to stop getting caught out with surprises.

Snowie
It's only ever holidays/ weekends that we spend on - never any money on the house etc hence wanting to escape it !
Sorry my dear but you have your priorities arse about face.

A year's worth of holiday money spent on making the house better such that you enjoy spending time there will save you many times that amount in future years.

Regular mini breaks are for those who do not care about Global Warming and the impact it will have on our children.

Regular holidays are for those with no debt.

Another vote for flicking your DH on the forehead

Snowie - another vote for not going here. We are literally on our arse financially at the moment to the point I am turning down meeting my mum for a coffee because I can't afford the coffee! There is absolutely no way whatsoever we would even consider going to a wedding or any sort of holiday. It just seems like another planet to me at the moment. It would be a straight out no.

I think it's really difficult if you are battling with a dh who just doesn't get it. I remember that situation well - it's one I had with my ex husband. He wouldn't pay any attention to me trying to budget so any attempts I made were pointless. It's an awful situation to be in.

Well..... news flash.....

Fairy had a NO SPEND DAY TODAY!

and I survived. I'm still alive and the kids have been fed and I am not wasting away from lack of chocolate - maybe just boredom.

But fuck yeah I'm doing it.

GO FOR IT FAIRY

Thanks Tip & Fairy I have to clarify I don't go on mini breaks etc lol I mean I have in the past (eg going back a couple of years) gone on a few weekends with the kids to a cheap family hotel a few hours drive away etc but then not been able to pay bills. Haven't done that in over a year & tbh I think it was a form of self destruction as I would then have to handle the phone calls etc or beg loans from family. Anyway I think I did it as a guilt working mom !

Can't afford to do anything to the house either could do with new blinds a lick of paint new flooring. So don't get me wrong ! I suppose I'm trying to say of spending weaknesses in the past we never bought clothes or curtains but the odd holiday put us over the edge !

Anyway thanks for listening as soon as I had written the post I had the answer

A pretty good day here. Put my first £800 into maternity savings, and with corporation tax savings as well we're now up to £2700. By April that's got to be at £8400, so plenty of tight budgeting to go, but so far we're doing it, even if keeping on top of it all makes my head spin some days. I've cancelled two direct debits I lay on the house I rent out today - boiler cover and washing machine cover, as I have a very reasonable plumber and I could get a new washing machine anyway for under £200, so not worth keeping an expensive policy in. That will save £28 per month, which will go towards increasing the buffer in the account I keep for that house - I've always got a months' rent in there in case of tenant problems,but now I'm going on maternity I want to increase that to two months, so I've got spare rent and money for repairs should I need it. The rent overlays the mortgage by £120 a month, so in 6 months or so I'll be at target, then any extra can be diverted into our savings (I still have enough losses from earlier years and mortgage interest to mean I won't make any profit on it for another 2-3 years, so no tax bill yet.
Also, on my work American express card we can get personal points on all we spend for work, if we pay a £36 per year membership fee, which I've done the last few years. I rang up to cancel it for coming year as I'll be on maternity leave and not spending anything so not worth having membership, and the nice lady asked me what I'd like to do with 'all my points'. I didnt actually know how many I had - it turns out cash equivalent of £75! She transferred them over to my nectar card for me, so that's two weeks of food shopping prepaid on my nectar card, and I've saved the £36 charge! Chuffed to bits :0)

Nice one Fairy and Jonty!

Trying to make sure I post here to keep on track. Have made good progress on credit card payments and sticking to budget :) It is so motivating to see the balance going down. All going to plan (famous last words) I could be debt free by September/October this year. Need to keep that goal in mind.

Started the 5:2 diet (second fast day today) which saves some money. Have also been more strict about putting heating on and using blankets on the sofa and very strict on the monthly food budget.

PS. Not sure if anyone has a similar card, but I have started putting all my spends through a 1% cashback card, then paying it off straight away and am owed £10 back already. It won't be paid out until the start of next year but seems like a good way to get a bit extra for stuff you'd pay for anyway!

Snowie - dont go and flick him . I went a bit mad last year (prior this thread) and had a number of short breaks in UK. I regret them. I have nice pictures in my head of where we went but they are tainted. When you stuglling to buy uniform/shoes in late summer because you've spent you money going to see a cousin who may not be that involved in your day to day you will have seeds of resentment.

However.... doing the staycation thing can be cool if you rise to the challenge and plan it. The compromise can be to use a smaller amount to fund a week of nice activties. Theme park voucher buy1get1frees, tesco club card vouchers. Advance train tickets to cities then max out the free museums etc. Im planning on taking my DS to manchester to visit CBBC studio tour - its not that badly prices, but also to the free museums in London. You can still do something just different. If you really must have a break away use club card voucers to convert to £100 off at cottages for you. I booked a 7 night cabin based holiday in peak season for just over £500 (Cornwall). I hope this helps.

Fairy - does NSD dance, and doesnt it feel good? Nearly halfway through week - how's the meal plan going - I find you have to keep on top of it, like being organised enough to cook all my meals from scratch.

Battenburg - I use an AMEX card to buy shopping on as i get extra points for using it at Tescos..it soon mounts up and I get £25 vouchers for M&S or House of Fraser Aswell as getting clubcard points...Going through toipcashback.co.uk can also get small amount of cash back too. I love it when all these little pots 'mature'

jonty all good there then.

kinky - I saw her again yesterday and she looked a lot better but she is signed off. Take care - there is no easy answer juggling home and teaching.

Thanks smile I am taking the sensible route (this is so hard !). I nearly forgot about back to school costs which were close to 500 for us last year & not budgeted for. I will learn someday ! It is looking like a staycation this year but I think I'll wait for special in August & get a cottage or similar for a week somewhere with access to hotel etc. there were tonnes of deals last aug but we'd already had our holiday. Just not putting myself under pressure this year again !

snowie - its really hard not being able to afford family things, the ideas of staycation or cheap trip sound brilliant! we did butlins a few years ago for £65 3 nights in the hotel for me and dp (dd was just under 2 at the time so didn't pay for her)

if u are unhappy with your home have u looked on Facebook groups or similar for bits to do up your house? we got some blackout curtains from Dunhelm mill for £5 - they really brightened up dd's old bedroom (unfortunately we had to move 3 months later so had to get rid!)

fairy - well done on the nsd im no good at those, there always seems to be something to pay out for!

battenburg and andsmile are these just debit cards that offer cashback? would like to try but don't want the temptation of a credit card!

I got an email on Sunday for 100 free listings so have listed the crap mountain in our room and most of our DVDs (don't watch now we have netflix) - 105 listings and sold some more Lego on Facebook thats £30 and someone was supposed to collect a rug for £15 but they haven't turned up. still have a massive box of the girls clothes and still need to do a proper declutter everywhere. but its a good start!
out of the money made dp needs some new t-shirts as all his have holes (found fruit of loom ones for £3 each buy now on eBay) , £30 for half term activities then will pay some credit cards with the rest

Made £15 on ebay today which I have spent at the co op and pharmacy :(
Ah well.
I have a coat and school trousers for ds2 already for sept (second hand from my sister)
Ds1 is an issue as he is growing so fast! His good school coat is still fine though and should still be ok next winter too (we bought a big size :))
In other news;
My mum has been dx with copd :(
So job hunting will have to wait. It's not a shock to me (or her really) but it's yet another health issue for her (and me) to deal with.
Summer holiday will be paid for by Dhs "bonus" so that's not something we have to find.
Having to get my hair done next week....I look like a scarecrow :)
Am planning a massive sort out next month and will ask the dc which toys they play with etc and what we can either go in the loft or get rid of.
We have ££££ of playmobil that they don't play with anymore so am thinking of putting it on ebay or FB. Then the kids can use the money on our hols?
Good idea?
A determined that we will be in the black by our summer hols!

NoCuts, sadly not, mine is a credit card (Capital One with an outrageous % apr if not paid off) so the temptation is always there!

thanks battenburg I guessed it might be

baddz im sorry to hear about your mum

its always the way when u make some money, u feel ahead then something crops up to pay for! the playmobil have a look on eBay at completed listings some of it sells for loads of money!! can then have a rough idea of price if u decide to sell on Facebook. have u looked to see if theres a specific playmobil selling group on Facebook as u may have more luck on there and wont have the ridiculous fees on eBay! ive had more luck on 'lego' groups than local ones as the people want everything for pennies!!

My sister posts stuff on local FB selling site for me. I sold ds2s old bike that way.
I might ask her to do so.
We have loads
Viking stuff and Pirate stuff - some quite rare sets.
Also got a fab wooden Melissa and doug castle (that was off e bay originally!)

nocuts I'm with you - as soon as you get some money, off it goes again! Got my sainsburys vouchers to make household shopping much easier, then took dog back to vets for follow up appointment yesterday, and four minute check up cost £38!!!!!! Also I'd planned for dinner from freezer but DH was supposed to be doing it, as we had to get out quickly after to go to Baby First Aid course and he got stuck in traffic on way home so I ended up spending £12 on fish and chips....sigh. Oh well, if the vouchers hadn't come along I'd be even worse off I suppose....up to London for work today so have to spend on train ticket etc. I've got to be able to manage a NSD day soon!

Am trapped at home with poorly boy on unpaid day off. Sigh.

DH had 3 unpaid days last month due to illness.

I think it's because we booked a holiday . This always happens when you think things are settling down!

kinky morning, sorry you having this now..

I had a really shitty end to my day yesterday so Im hoping today will be better.

8jonty* my Dh suggested fish and chips yesterday as house and moods were in complete disarray but I stood firm...I whipped out in 20 minutes:

Grilled pork steaks
Steamed brocoli done in microwave
Frozen mashed potatoe - done in microwave

I am going to include the frozen mash regularly now.

Hope you're okay and. Sending and as it is early for .

I am now thanks. I asked some children to move away from the table where my hot drink was. The parent had a right go at me. I know because of where I am from and now live my accent can sound blunt/gruff. I didnt tell them off or anything. I went through the shock/anger/upset phase. It is a place where I go a lot, everyone knows me and my kids by name - staff and a lot of regular families - for years. I had not seen this person or the children before. It's a reminder there are some a-holes out there. I feel sorry for that childs teachers...I got the impression it was very much pfb. She didnt ask me what I said or why. I would never have let that get to me - I feel a bit broken sometimes I had to talkmyself through it all. Still woke up at 3am thinking about it. I hope she is not there again.