Debt mutual support thread number 6 ....... start the new year with a clear purpose and keep moving forwards even by tiny steps

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last five threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2193736-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-5-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-is-NOT-an-oncoming-train?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Im just starting my first level 3 - oo-oooo! I'm doing psychology. I use FB module pages a lot to chat to people too. I was at day school on Saturday and loved it - just being away from house on my own using brain, simple as that.

I'm doing Early Years.. Fb forum is great for feeling less isolated in study! My tutorials are 3 hrs away for this module, so can't make them. Such a shame as they're so useful. Don't suppose you are on KE312 by any chance? It's the one I'm on at the moment and there are a lot of psychology students on it too.

Thanks for the casserole advice! Can't wait to do it!

You welcome re advice for casseroles.

No not on that but I did ED209 - you done that yet? Hell of a module, infamous. They've replaced it now, think it is on it's last presentation. I'll never foget TMA02 and the Temperament chapter 5 Drove me up the wall.

Currently on tma01 about 'Attention' - as usual Ive done too much reading outside of materials and over complicated it for myself. So having a break form that while I read a new chapter.

No I have not done that one, not due to either thank goodness, it sounds a toughy!
I'm on TMA03 of my module, enjoying this one so far - but ask me again in June when I have the exam. Arghhhhhh!

Did my weekly shop for £60, huge improvement. Only done 6 dinners worth though as eating at the in laws Wed night.

Got a rice pudding in the slow cooker. Go me!

Ooo not tried rice pudding yet, yay go you! Yeah exams are tough, the pass rates for exams and overall are higher than brick uni's. I have a three hour exam in October. Im doing revision notes as I go. I hope yours is a one where you know what chapters to omit from revision, it's so much eaier this way.

The money I have saved from food shop allows me a little spending for coffees, my lunch once per week at gym and an easy tea for DC's at gym when time is tight. I think buying avoncados and asaparagus is extravagant...I still fit them in like some weeks you dont need to buy eggs or oats and have potatoes left over. So I get the nicer extras inc blueberries. I just try to have all my basic food groups covered with cheap versions then add on where I can afford too.

I'm excited I've been stuck on 'my opening argument' for this essay and think I just go it - by jove! (sp?) please PM if you need any help as i used to teach and get how the OU work.

pass rates? I meant grade boundaries for pass 1, 2 etc.

andsmile for the meal plan.

Do you just treat cottage cheese as a white sauce? Just stick it on top of lasagne sheet? Sounds really good.

Dh spent £58 with vouchers at aldi yesterday. It makes such a difference (the vouchers) that we set a reminder to get The Mirror on the last Thurs of every month. We have very odd requirements in this house about dinner timings and dietary requirements we have to really plan. We have a Morrisons Local on our estate though, so can often find bargains marked down at the end of the day if we're lacking inspiration.

Well I should have added that I do mine in slow cooker so you need less liquid so i put cottage cheese or cream cheese and mature cheddar in between layers. I dont see how this wouldnt work in an oven based lasagne as long as your bolognese sauce wasnt too dry.

I really like veg lasagne with large flat courggette, pepper and aubergines in tomatoes sauce with lots of cottage cheese layers.

andsmile love that 'lightbulb' moment when writing the tma! So great when it all suddenly comes together. And thank you for the offer of help, I may well take you up on it in the future.

lying what are these vouchers you speak of?!

On the last Thursday of the month, check the Mirror Newspaper. There's usually a £5 a £40 shop and vouchers for other items.

This weeks random voucher items that we wanted and bought were...

Fish
Day cream
Washing up liquid
Biscuits
....and ur other stuff I can't remember. Vouchers we didn't use were for focaccia, bread flour, night cream and some other random shit!

Once the items are gone, they're gone (as with everything in aldi), and they're valid on Thursday for one week.

It's the best kept secret I know tbh.

Actually I'm not sure it is the last Thursday... Maybe the third Thurs??

We missed it in December. And obviously vouchers were last week, not 29th which is the last Thursday

No wonder it's such a good secret!

Aldi do super 6 too which I think beat tesco quite often - and I knows my tesco prices I do!

Wow, loads of good ideas on food plans! What I've started doing too is doing my meal plan, working out my shopping list from that and then plugging it all into Tescos online - that way I can check if I'm going over budget or not before I get to the shop. I don't like actually buying online as I don't want someone else choosing my fruit/veg/meat etc.
for breakfast I usually have home-made muesli (big bag cheap oats, big bag sultanas, chopped nuts if it's within budget and I buy loose frozen fruit from the farm shop, which means loads less waste as it doesn't go off too quickly to be used). DH takes OatSoSimple porridge sachets to work, so I always buy these on a deal when you get two boxes for £4, which provides over a month of work breakfasts. Lunch is just me at home 4 days a week, as DH gets lunch at work and I do too on a Wednesday when I work in the office.
The meal plan below relied on already having some homemade soup in the freezer, plus chips, peas, frozen broad beans, and a frozen ham bone. I bought the rest, which from memory came to about £50 that week.
Friday - lunch: homemade freezer soup (Thai chicken)
Friday - dinner: sausages chips and peas (our junk night!)
Saturday - lunch: bacon sandwiches
Saturday - dinner: (this was for us two, two adult friends and their two children) posh macaroni cheese made with bacon bits and mushrooms, with a side salad and homemade chocolate cake (which actually only uses nice cheap cocoa powder and takes ten minutes to put together and is lovely!) and ice cream.
Sunday - lunch: fry up (bacon, sausages, eggs, mushrooms, tomatoes)
Sunday - dinner: roast chicken with roast potatoes, carrots and broccoli (I got a 'higher welfare' chicken from Tescos for £5, it weighed 1.8kg, so quite chunky)
Monday - lunch: leftover pasta bake and salad
Monday - dinner: Thai chicken noodle soup
Tuesday - lunch: ham bone soup (I had a ham bone in the freezer with a bit of meat left on it, added stock, pepper, a few veggies and a potato)
Tuesday - dinner: frozen broad beans and peas simmered in a little stock, served with some ham sliced off the ham bone on top and a poached egg
Wednesday - lunch: at work
Wednesday - dinner: we went out, used some Prezzo vouchers
Thursday - lunch: ham bone soup (leftover from Tuesday)
Thursday - dinner: Thai chicken stir fry (using chicken I froze earlier in the week)
I ended the week with enough for two more meals out of the chicken still in the freezer, and two more portions of ham bone soup still in the freezer for the following week too. The £50 included a few small toiletries bits too, and a gift for a friend's new baby. I buy all the big household stuff (loo roll, washing powder etc) once a month at Makro.

Come on here for a moan. I think struggling so much with money is turning me into a bitter and horrible person. I feel so angry most of the time at the moment, and resentful of others. Which isn't fair but that's how I'm feeling.

Someone in the family has had a new baby. It isn't someone I particularly get on with anyway but I'm so so upset and angry. This person has 2 children already, this third baby was planned. They live in a council house and readily admit life is pretty comfortable financially. Her dh earns the same as my dh. I don't know if part of it is maybe I think I want another baby and we can't afford it and somehow she can (I'm not sure if that's it or not, I nearly died having both my dc for various reasons) or whether it's the fact we are nearly on the breadline and she isn't.

I just needed to get that out. Obviously I wouldn't dream of saying anything other than congratulations in real life. I just feel consumed by anger.

I'm feeling that we made a terrible decision buying our house, even though I've never rented in my life and I know there are lots of pitfalls to that too. I just feel like walking away from the whole thing.

My mum keeps trying to talk to me about a new car her and her dp have just purchased and they are all excited about that. I don't get on with her anyway but I just can't talk to her at the moment. When I do she keeps saying "Oh everything is so negative". Well yes it is! Everything is shit.

And breathe.

We knew someone who had a cushy life & no one knew how they did it on one wage, then she was prosecuted for claiming benefits as a single parent.

You never know whats going on behind closed doors.

Fairy I think the important thig to remember is all too often people only share their 'edited highlights'. They don't mention that their relationship is in a terrible way, or they owe thousands, or their child has been caught shoplifting etc - they just talk about their lovely holiday, nice house, nice car etc. don't be fooled - everyone has other stuff going on, and if you saw it all, you probably wouldn't be envious at all. Yes, it's tough and it's hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel, but you have your family, and despite it being tough you're sticking together. Think about it this way, if you write your edited highlights, I bet they'd look like 'nice house in the country, SAHM, DH in full time employment' etc etc. there are probably people looking at you thinking you have it all too. Friends of my mum and dad could never understand how they managed to have so much on two comparatively small salaries - the truth of the matter was, my mum scrimped, saved and stretched money every way she could, and they did so much work themselves to save money that others would pay for, so on the outside it looked like quite a luxurious lifestyle, but really it was just graft, day in, day out......

Yes that's very true. .

I think I just needed to have a bit of a scream ... my whole life is consumed by money and worrying about money. I really hate money.

fluffy and jonty is right fairy - I could do the school run everyday for two weeks wearing a different big winter coat, people might think I have lots of money to spend on such an excessive amount of coats (seperate thread from last year) but what you know is that I come home and tend to a spreadsheet full of debt - behind closed doors and all that.

I think fairy you need to decide on what your minimum is to make you feel better. I'm guessing health issues for you and DH, a bit of time back for yourself from your DS. But immediately you need that house sorting - mine is untidy and cluttered this affects my mood, so I can only assume your damp and lack of function must affect yours and DH's moods and health more.

Did you have any thoughts about getting a roofer to check to see if that is how damp is getting in? -
Can TIPS organisation help with this?
You've said a number of times about this house - do you think it would be easier to sell and rent, put name down for council house on health grounds - get GP on board?
What is your LTV like? - would it leave you with a lump sum?
Where is the nearest nicest affordable place to DH's work is it time to look further away?

Just throwing some ideas for you...We need to sort this house thing out!

My DB who I have a minimal relationship (just has drifted that way) had a lovely baby girl recently and it made me feel a bit 'narked' for want of a better word. I know our time has passed to have another and that DH doesnt want anymore. I think I did feel a little jealousy tbh - this is understandably especially if you still would like and may have another one.

Fairy I can really empathise with you feeling that way. Everything seems so hard at the moment. Scream away!

We manage ok day to day, but to move forward or make any changes (e.g. buy a place or move somewhere bigger) seems impossible.

I want to say thank you to who-ever posted the tip here about moving your pennies each day into a separate bank account. I've been doing this every day since payday and it's added up surprisingly quickly. I have a very small amount on my Next account that I'll pay this on to.

Thank you andsmile and battenburg. I think I just feel stuck at the moment. I haven't got another roofer to come round because the guy we had originally re tile the roof last year was very well respected in our area and I can't help but feel and hope that he did a decent job - and also the parish builder (who is also a roofer, they do everything) has only just been round to look and I guess we are just going to have to wait for them to report back to TIPs parish charity people and then they will hopefully come and talk to us.

I guess that's the next thing to happen.

After that I don't know. .. If they can help us to sort anything out that's great. If not I'm not sure where that leaves us. We really can't afford to keep borrowing from the credit card and if we get into our overdraft again to do any work to the house we won't be able to afford the repayments and the charges.

I keep thinking about moving but I'm not sure.... our ceilings upstairs are literally bubbled with damp and peeling paint and we can't afford to fix them. Obviously we can't turn the lights on yet either. If we sold it in this state I think we would lost a lot of money.

I feel really stuck, like I'm wading through mud. I keep thinking about trying to get a part time job but issues with that are having to pay out for nursery for ds which makes it mostly pointless as the type of job I would be able to fit around nursery would be minimum wage type work. Then I would have the issue of petrol to get to work as well as most jobs are a drive away and I'd also have to buy new clothes as my clothes are literally threadbare. I did mean to go round the charity shops but with a very difficult toddler it is near impossible to look properly and with dh being so poorly at the moment I haven't been able to leave ds with him.

I have just sat here and written all our direct debits etc out and worked out what we have left over. It's £26. The fact we have anything left over at all is a good thing isn't it? So why do we never have that actually left over?

I think I have to accept the fact I am just utterly crap with money. Feeling very down and generally self hating all round today. My life is just this little hole of hell filled with endless attempts and fails to budget correctly.

Hopefully tomorrow will be brighter. Thanks for listening to me moan on.

Would declaring yourself bankrupt be the end of the world fairy?
My aunt did his a few years ago. It cost her £500 and after she "got over" the embarrassment she was soooo much happier!
It meant she couldn't access credit but tbh that was a good in her case!
I'm so sorry your find yourself in this position.
But your home sounds not fit for habitation :(
Phone the council...explain.
See if they can get you on their emergency accomodation list?
X

Fairy-sorry you're having a sh*t time. I know it's not helpful but remember life only throws at us what it knows we have the strength to deal with so somewhere in there is the strength to get through this.

On another note, our agents have found us a tenant which is fantastic. They want to pay a 6m tenancy upfront and the go onto rolling after as they want to stay permanently hopefully. So with the 6 month lump some we should be able to pay off 2 loans worth about £5500 which will free up £400 ish a month. Does this sound like a good plan? Are we best to pay off the loans with this or put it into savings?
I'm so confused!!

so let's just have more shit piled on us shall we!!
So DH can't claim Jobseekers because he didn't pay enough NI contributions from 2012-13.As he has health issues,he was told he could get Employment Support Allowance.Nope. He can't. For the same reason.
So we contacted the tax credits, told them DH had to give up work etc.....That was 3 weeks ago and, as we hadn't heard anything, DH rang them.We're not entitled to any more than what they are giving us already because I'm working.
I brought in less than £10,000 last year. DH now has no income whatsoever-not a penny.Yet the tax credits won't award us any more money.
Direct debits are being returned unpaid,the bank are doing fuck all to help us with that-except to take charges of £150 out of our account and take us over our overdraught limit by nearly £350! Thanks Santander.
We've both worked since the day we left school but that means nothing.We've made umpteen phone calls and no one seems to want to help us.Thank you benefits system-you just keep paying out to people who don't even want to work, and we'll get repossessed and sit and rot.
Sorry for the rant, but we're as low as we can be.

TiP
dashes in between work and tax returns.

(((( Fairy )))))
Can I make a suggeston : no more snacks, no more buying food with cash.
No more ready meals, certainly no more pot noodles no wonder your DHs guts are nadgered if he's eating that shite day after day
You spend a lot more than I do on non meal foods.
Get that down and the rest will follow.
Close the kitchen between meals - and make DH take HEALTHY things to work - even if its a cheese sandwich on brown.

House : its really trick but it may well be worth putting it on the market and seeing what you can buy that does not have such horrible bills attached.

dashes back to the joy that is the HMRC server

hooker
Go see your MP and get them to knock heads together.
Its the one thing MPs are good for.
There is an election looming .... sad face pictures in the local paper threat ....