Debt mutual support thread number 6 ....... start the new year with a clear purpose and keep moving forwards even by tiny steps

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last five threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2193736-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-5-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-is-NOT-an-oncoming-train?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

February is dreaded MOT time for us. I won't be able to relax until it's been in and done and I know what it's going to cost!

Jonty I admit I'm very out of touch with lending rules and what you can secure on what. It would probably be worth paying for somebody to push the LTV ratios nearer to 85-88% as then you have no gap so would be saving back the fee.

Mummy Cars are a PITA. I need to replace mine - its 17 years old and starting to get strange problems - but I cannot find one I want more, for any price, so keep getting the garage to nurse it along.
BUT
Paying for it without having to borrow is a really good thing. Well done.

Another sideways/slightly forward move for me. Increased my limit on the 0% tesco cc and with that paid off the next store card. So that now leaves me with £2100 on the 0% tesco cc and £850 on the 0% capital one cc. Feel like it's a slight weight off my shoulders knowing that I have less company's I owe money too (closed the Next and Outfit accounts). Although I still owe the same amount at least every penny I pay is going off the debt. Roll on pay day next week when I can pay some money off it!

hi - place marking to catch-up. in summary:

we put an offer on a house - was no go, stressed out over estate agents
then DH has been given a salary increase - dont know how much yet
as a result of the financial check - that did offer us mortgage products to buy new house, it was still an eye opener so..

we are back on plan and anticpate paying things off sooner.
paying off secured loan on house and moving mortgage to save money. I did mention this before xmas but we never did it.

terrible week spending on eating out but we have enough food in house and petrol in car until payday at the end of the month.

andsmile
You make me laugh : you are now so aware of what you spend it amazes me that you ever ballsed up your finances the way you did

hello all just checking in really. I'm reading and impressed with everyone's determination.

I have started to learn how to drive, it's expensive so we're feeling the pinch! Trying to save in other ways, e.g. no eating out/no buying random bottles of wine.
I've had a lot of medical bills for excess/out of pocket stuff after my operation, probably about £1,500 in total, all in £80-£120 sums but it is draining us. Received what should be among the last this week, there might be one more but hopefully we're coming to the end of it. It was worth it to get well again but still, it's stopped us saving anything for Dec/Jan.

MissA you need to come more often! You are missed . How are you feeling now? Are you back at work?

Thanks kinky I'm feeling lots better, no attacks for 9.5 weeks since the operation, so hopefully that's it all behind me. I still get digestive type pain most days but at least I can eat/sleep/poo without agony

The illness has changed my mindset so much - it made clear to me that I am so so lucky to have a lovely DH, warm home, good food and job I enjoy. All I wanted when I was poorly was my old life back.

It's also made me v clear on achieving goals asap, when I am well and while I am young/able. Hence the driving lessons! Determined to pass before my 30th birthday in June. Drove us to the supermarket and back today, feeling proactive

We are trying to save as much as poss towards house deposit but find every month stuff comes up, hoping that will even out if we stick to it.

I'm really pleased you are feeling lots better. Learning to drive is a good goal to have. I learned in my twenties so that I could travel to do a PGCE (the uni locally only did primary). DH still hasn't learned. I don't think essential to run a car, but it doesn't half make a difference when you have the choice!

Learning to drive at the grand old age of 32 after failing 3 times and 60 hours of lessons was the best thing I ever did worth every penny. I love driving now and it's such a sense of freedom. Just bloody expensive!

Well I have overspent this weekend. By £20. So not a huge amount but an overspend none the less. Some of it went in tesco and £10 of it went on dds school shoes as she had worn the heels down loads and it was cheaper to re heel them than buy new ones (she has very wide feet and clarks are more or less the only ones that are comfy - these ones were £54 from the adults section. .. since then I've found some other wide fitting cheaper shoe places but I want to make these last as long as I can).

So that was annoying. It means if I'm going to stay on budget to pay off the credit card as we planned I need to cut next week's budget by that £20 to stay on track. Which seems feckin impossible to be honest.

I am just feeling pretty useless really. I am awful at budgeting with food and I have no idea how people get their weekly food budgets so low. I think we get through about 4 loaves of bread and 10 pints of milk alone (mainly the dc with the milk and dh making toast!) Then there's £8 worth of nappies more or less even from aldi and value washing powder and so on... everything just adds up.

I'm doing the whole roast and left over meals thing but I still can't manage it. We are living on a lot of tins of beans and hoops and tinned soup for lunches which I know isn't healthy to do all the time but I don't know how else to do anything. Cheese and ham and eggs all cost money. If I make soup with veg myself then buying the veg separately works out pretty much the same as a 40 /50 p tin of soup....

Grumble grumble.

Dh is still very anxious and poorly with his stomach. He has another gp appointment tomorrow and apparently they are going to refer him to a consultant for some tests. In a way it would be nice if it was something tangible as he would be able to understand it better. They have mentioned ulcerative colitis... If it is that it would be treatable but then we would end up in the medication anxiety circle again when he won't take medication incase he's sick and so on. We will see.

Does anyone use budgeting software? I'm loving YNAB.

Just done a live class (webinar) and feel completely in control. It's doing stuff my spreadsheets could never manage. Specifically dh is on board and we enter transactions on the app as we go.

Fairy - if your husband does get diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, the consultants won't take any messing about, to be honest.its generally taken very seriously these days, and he will expected to follow his medication regime, so it might give him the kick required to take his meds....
Also, on the food budgeting front, I'm not claiming to be the master at this, but if it helps I could post some food plans for some of my last weeks, so you could see what other people are getting for their money? And maybe a few recipes - 60p worth of veg, a scrap of bacon or small chunk of chicken and some stock is usually enough to make at least four large servings of soup in my house, without it feeling watery or insubstantial. For two of you plus a small child, I'd expect most weeks, even with buying washing powder etc you could shopping done for between £35-55. Which should leave you quite a bit out of your weekly £120 budget... Anyway, shout if any of this would be helpful.
TiP firstly thanks for the thoughts on increasing LTV ratio, we'll have to investigate that further. And second, something you said to someone above about how far they've come - I was reminded of this yesterday when I went to buy some body lotion in Tescos, found they only had the small size, and at £6 for 60ml! So I walked out without it, got home, searched online and found a 150ml version for £8 with free delivery. In the 'old days' I would have just bought 2 or 3 of the small size and used that...... I'm feeling inordinately chuffed over such a small act of discipline! ??

Mine is between 60-90 depending on which week it is for me, DH, DD (16) and DS (6 and a gannet). I set about 280 for the month and seem to come in around that, sometimes a bit more. However, if I have a shit week, I am liable to turn to quick-fixes and this shoots up. My aim this year is to put the family meal (and therefore everyone's health) first above my ridiculously demanding job. I have let this dominate for too long so I am essentially fat and skint from too many takeaways.

So, cooking from scratch. I also don't buy much meat and all our main meals are vegetarian.

Pay day dance .

Feeling rubbish, questionning my parenting. Have lost my temper with DS this am. Now I feel like a total cowbag as he doesnt seem very well. Sorry for off thread topic moan but this is the nicest corner of MN I know

TIP but I still getting caught out! I have still spent over budget. But somehow all the bills including overpayments get paid and we have food.

fairy I can put up my meal plans if it helps. I also passed near 30-ish. I read your post the other day about how bad your damp is. I'm sorry you are having to live like that it does sound pretty bad - when you said you can't switch on your upstairs lights I really felt for you. I hope you get some more help with that, i think you seem deserving, espescially as it seems you have fallen foul of a dodgy survey or possibly the work on your roof. One wrong tile or lack of felt can let in water very very very slowly until it build ups to look like a huge issue when it might just be a small area that needs a fix (I used to date a roofer). Is it worth getting a roofer out to look at it for their opinion?

Re nappies - I used tesco value for during the day to cut my costs DD seems perfectly fine! I am still currently using value pull ups and can't fault them - these are £1.41 for 16.

I hope you are going to ring the school about the hardship fund - that is what it is there for.

kinky ditto fat and skint lol

peonies thats good to hear. I've nto managed to keep up with the 'daily' spend thread it moves very fast!

andsmile please don't worry about ds, I bet he's forgotten all about it now schools in full swing.

I would love to see meal plans.. My weekly shop needs some a lot of tweaks as it is definitely an area where I over spend. I'm a foodie.

Thanks favourite actually only just took him down nearer 10am as he had an upset tummy. I took time with him to made sure he felt cared for. I've bought them both a magazine (massive treat these days) for after school - I know its mummy guilt but I was not there yesterday as I was poorly and thought I'd make the effort to sit and read these with them this pm and not be ill or doing jobs.

Well my meals plans are not very exciting. They do not include fancy stuff, ethical stuff or perceived high quality - I buy tesco value products which some people dont like but I make what I call 'square meals' that are home cooked.

Breakfasts

*Porridge oats (80p per bag) x 2 or 3 mornings - may have honey in or fruit.
*UHT milk (2@ 49p per carton)
*Boiled eggs (15 mixed size in box 125p) on toast 2 (value bread 49p its thin but we eating less carbs I suppose! mornings per week)
*Toast x 2 mornings with chopped up apple (value or special offer £1 to 150) or banana (8 loose usually about 120p)

*I sometimes buy value 'wheat biscuits' 24 for 75p - next brand up is 'Tescos' @179 I defy anyone to justify that extra 104p for extra nutrition. But these are for emergency mornings when we donthave time to 'cook'

May have natural yoghurt with fruit - I buy tesco finest for this 120p - its very creamy and higher in protein than cheap. But if being tight I buy value for 49p. I don't buy fruit yoghurts as they are full of sugar and acids.

Total for breakfasts £7.00

Lunches - must admit these are loosely planned

Eat leftovers
*cheese sandwiches Mature cheddar block 315p/500p - depends what I'm using for cooking! - bread 49p

• tuna - 350p - only but special offer packs of 4. tomatoes 69p cucumbers 49p lettucs 49p beans 24p baked potatoes 1.00p - may have with leftover bolognese or chilli cereal bars 79p - or make own if you cba yoghurt tubes 1.00 (concession as DS has these at break)

Omlettes - with toast, depends what has been eaten for breakfast so wont add this in subtotal

Total for lunches £14.00

Dinners
Value Beef mince 269p - 2 meals make shepherd pie/lasagne/chilli/spag bol
Value pasta 20/40
Tinned tomatoes 34p x 4
Frozen value mixed veg 100p (put this in all above to 'pad out')
Kidney beans 30p
Gravy granules 30p
Onions 79p
Cheese - but this is already budgeted for in lunch section!
Cottage cheese in lasagne layers (saves faff and adds more protein) 64p
Also add red lentils (I have a large 2kg that I grab handful from no soak)

Chicken dishes - 1 meal 1kg frozen breast fillets 3.99
Curry - coconut milk 1.00 onions and peppers garam masala, ginger garlic (budgeted for above) - if possible fresh coriander. Rice (value 40p kg needs a lot of rinsing before cooking can be quite sticky but nutrition is still same!)

or add stock cubes(100p), and a bag of tesco frozen casserole veg mix 100 - bung in slow cooker - done for day! serve with crusty bread or pots and brocoli.

or enchiladas (can also do chillie beef ones) - stiry fry chicken, peppers and onions add some paprika and chilli (no packet mix needed) one tin of toms if you like moist. Roll up in wraps (do not buy mexican wraps) tescos 8 for 90p. Add some sauce over top then grated cheese, finish under the grill.

or a good old packet mix - chicken chassuer with onions and frozen sliced mushrooms - serve with dinner veg (see below)

pork chop
whole chicken get all these on 3 for £10 then add dinner veg
stewing beef

Value potatoes 2.5kg 115p
Value carrots 53p
Brocoli 49p
Cabbage 50p
Cauli 100p

Total for Dinners £28.00 roughly

Food Total = £49.00

then I'd estimate £5 for store cupboard ingrediants. £10 for toilet rolls (200 pull ups (141p) then whatever needs for toiletries.

Grand total = £65.00

I would add crackers and cream cheese for snacks and extra fruit. I can and do make this budget work for the meal plan but we do eat out once per week, sometimes me and kids might just have an omlette and beans for tea if DH is away and they need using up.

Other meals

Bacon 80p - plus creme fraiche and eggs for spag bol.
Sausage casserole - spicey with mixed beans init
Lamb curry
Macaroni cheese with broccoli

I hope this helps someone. I have my best weeks when I cook on Monday for
Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday or I batch cook and freeze. Dont leave leftovers to be picked at bag up and freeze - get them back out on Saturdays for a mixed up lunch - usually this means chilli on baked pots.

I know the food I currently buy is not the best or top brand quality but I try to cook from scratch and keep anything processed to a minimun. Sure we still add in the odd pizza or hotdogs. We do not buy biscuits, crips or squash like we used. If stuff is not there you simply cannot have it. Always have plenty fruit in though. May top up store cupboard with tinned peaches and pineapples.

andsmile thank you so much for taking the time to write out the meal plans. I found it really useful and I think I would save an awful lot of money by a) downgrading the brand I use and b) making the effort to prepare meals from scratch rather than using jars I don't have much confidence/flair in the kitchen.

Also, for what it's worth, you sound like a lovely Mummy. It's healthy for children to see that their parents experience a range of emotions too. I think a child learns a lot from seeing Mummy get cross sometimes, then receive a kiss and a cuddle a little later with a 'sorry for being cross earlier, I just felt x,y,z'
That's what I tell myself anyway!

you welcome favourite quite therapeutic, a reminder to myself!...I know we can upgrade certain things in the better months or when we out of this mess. But cutting out the process jars etc will save lots. Use a slow cooker. Have spices etc in cupboard. A lot of them are meat and three veg type meals. My shortcuts are bung it all in at once into slow cooker. Use frozen ready preppard veg - only slightly less nutricious than fresh. You can even get sliced courgettes, peppers and butternut squash now.

Thanks for reassurances. If I am in a bad mood I do tell him, and I'm careful to say why (age appropriate though) and that it is not his fault. If Im nusy with uni work I always explain when I will be doing something with him/them.

This parenting seems very hard at times. i've wanted to ring the school and check on him but you can't do that like you can when they are at nursery!

Andsmile I agree you sound like a lovely mum. It's perfectly normal to get angry and have a bit of a shout sometimes. It's good for dc to see their parents aren't superhuman. No one is perfect. I have been known to say "for fucks sake" many times in a day and toddler ds to copy me and me try to change it to something else... how embarrassing. Oh well. Oops.

Thank you so much for the meal plan and ideas.... I can also see from the other posters as well that I really am spending too much. hmm looking through your meal ideas there are definitely things I can take from that. I think we use a lot of processed sauces and snacks ... being honest I suspect that's where a lot of our money goes. Just this morning I got ds a kinder egg, dh had a dr pepper and a pot noodle (he will take those to work later) and I got some kit kats for dd and ds later on.

It sounds like we eat terribly.... We do eat a lot of fruit and veg as well. We just eat a lot! Someone is always snacking or asking what there is to eat. I am however going to start limiting everyone to maybe 2 treat type things a week and the rest of the time they can have toast or fruit. I think it's boredom mostly to be fair. When you don't have a lot of money to do things you tend to watch a lot of tv, go for a walk a lot and that makes you hungry so you want to eat....!!

I'm not sure if dh and dd would touch the value mince to be honest. Or any mince. They are so snobby. They only like the quorn mince funny enough as it hasn't got any gristle or fat in it and that's what they hate (not for veggie reasons). I may try and convince them!

I also have problems with dh as he won't eat anything with mushrooms, tomatoes (unless pureed) or lentils in. So that means a lot of the cheaper bulking things out stuff is out.

Maybe I should send him out with the money and see how far he gets!!

Dh is working late tonight so I am going to make a huge aubergine, mushroom and lentil curry for dd and me and I will freeze some of it for when dh does another late.

Jonty thank you re dhs colitis. I've been doing a lot of googling and we've been talking about it a lot. I think he's getting to the point where he is so unwell he will try anything so I guess that's something! The gp has now referred him so should be about 4 weeks for an appointment with the consultant at the hospital and we'll see what happens from there.

Parenting is SO tricky!
Are you with the OU?

I've recently been given a slow cooker from dm. I'm excited to start using it!

fairy has your DH tried food elimination for his tummy? I only ask as my mum had similar symptoms and found out Quorn, eggs, mushrooms were causing it, she cut those out and is fine now.

If Quorn is fine for him health wise, have you tried buying it in Aldi? (Not trying to patronise, just checking as I was surprised they had it at all!) They often have it. Also Holland and Barrett put it in the penny sale quite often so you could maybe stock up if you have freezer space. We tend to buy it in bulk in sales and always have a few bags in freezer. DH is veggie and so we eat exclusively veggie at home.

I can also recommend the vegetarian mince meat called "Real Eat" in a purple and pink package with green writing, it is soooo much nicer than quorn.

Yes OU favourite it keeps me sane. Just in final year. Not sure what job Im going to get. DH asked me where it was all going and I felt a few pangs of 'what if Ive doen all this and I dont get a second career started and i end up doing supply teaching and and AND breath...' but god yes i love studying.

I recommend FB pages for SC recipes but stay away from the fudge. My oven is broken so I do everything on the hob or in the SC - I've made cakes and scone based pizza swirls in it using paper liners!

fairy he wont eat 'natural' mince but will take a Dr Pepper and Potnodle to work - he's in for a shock whent he doctors tell him what to cut out lol but I know how these things can become ingrained. You could use a packet of steak mince and still get the two meals out of it and it will still be cheaper. I have also used tesco value frying steak in a beef goulash type meal done in slow cooker and its always been tender and grisell free.

I second fruit and toast for snacks. Other bits and bobs are crackers, rice cakes (sometimes dotn buy every week) Cheap jam for 30p. fancy but no frills buffet - brie, olives, pate and humus, pitta breads plus usual salad sticks including pickled onions 30p. nice little tea no cooking! all for less than £5

Also andsmile iv looked at tesco online as I'm doing my weekly shop, iv found the frozen casserole mix, got stock cubes already, might get the frozen beef for the casserole.. Have you tried it? Once iv stuck all that in the slow cooker.. How much water would I need to add? And put it on low for 8 hrs approx? Sorry for all the questions!

Il take a look on fb thank you!
I'm on my 4th module with OU.. 2 to go. It's a long old slog isn't it but like you I love studying.

Ask away favourite I've not tried the frozen beef. I tend to get the value diced beef fresh. I add lentils to this too, not much. If ive got room in budget I add cooking wine and worcestershire sauce. Everyones slow cookers seem to be different in terms of size and temperature, so you have to get used to yours. But I'd put that on either high for an hour and low for 3/4 hours. or just low for 6 hours. I have overcooked things in mine where its gone tasteless. Don't fully cover meat and veg, i do just above 3/4 - thicken up with gravy granules and lentils towards the end. Once you know your quantities you can do it from beginning and leave be all day.

fairy forgot to say thanks for parental reassurances. My DS just seem so sly at arguing with me to get what he wants - he is quite bright. But at other times he seem so delicate (not a little rough toughy littel lad at all) such a worrier. I worry out personalities clash in that I dont 'get him' he seems really spaced at times. I mean at one point I thought he needed assessing for aspergers as he had funny little ways and seemed to struggle socially. I dont think this now but do wonder 'where he is at times'.

Cant believe the time.