Debt mutual support thread number 6 ....... start the new year with a clear purpose and keep moving forwards even by tiny steps

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last five threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2193736-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-5-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-is-NOT-an-oncoming-train?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

hooker that's great news, best of luck for his interview!

Thank you! xx

Hooker that's great news :) really pleased for you both, good luck for his interview!

Just a quickie update from me.... massively depressed, parish charity people came round and seemed very shocked by the state of the house re our damp / roof issue. They spent ages with ladders and gadgets poking about and said they will go back and write a report and see what if anything they can do, which I am more than grateful for but obviously the fact they seemed very worried makes me feel almost scared to live in my house incase it isn't safe etc. I did ask several times what the problems were but they kept saying there were quite a few and they need to discuss it with the trustees! I just hope even if they are unable to grant us any work / money that they do tell us what needs doing :(

I shut the door and cried my eyes out. So stressed with it all. Wish we had never purchased this shit heap of a house. Our survey was fine but 4 years on the whole house is riddled with serious damp and roof problems that we've already spent the best part of £8k to fix and it's still a mess! (That's where our debt has come from).

At this point I can see us getting further into debt to fix it and try to sell it and then either go bankrupt and try and apply for council housing or what. .. I have no idea. Really close to just chucking it all in but I can't even do that.

Plus dh has gone back and forward to the gp again. They are doing another blood test and this time they examined him a bit more than they normally do and said they will wait for the blood results and then refer him to a consultant to have a tube put up and down him to see if they can see anything.

My head is just a bit of a stressed out mess.

I also have £20 to last me until Monday with a whole weekend to get through. I have enough for 2 dinners I think but need a few more bits. Fed up with constantly penny pinching.

Fairy......as you know I can more than empathise with the house situation ??
You say the survey was ok?
Can you get the report from the parish people and then contact the surgery company and ask for costs to be reimbursed?
Maybe post in legal?
X

Thanks Baddz. I think that is the way I am going to go. I will have to wait for the parish people to come back to me and hopefully tell me what's wrong and go from there. The whole of the upstairs is soaking wet, you can see water droplets on dds wall. Having retiled the roof and replaced all the felt etc that shouldn't be happening so something is seriously wrong somewhere. The plumber who fixed our toilet had to do it over 3 days because the condensation was so bad he couldn't get it dry enough to seal it.

(I do have the heating on and open windows and don't dry things hanging indoors etc we spend a fortune using our condenser tumble... I've researched condensation till it comes out of my ears and it makes no difference whatsoever, there's a massive problem with the house somewhere).

More than anything I'd just love to get to a point where we could paint over it all but it's literally so wet the paint wouldn't even go over it.

The whole of the upstairs is like that. The builder was shocked when I said we hadn't been able to turn the lights on at the fuse box to upstairs for a year now and then he looked at our bedroom light and felt it and the light bulb was dripping wet.

Ho hum. Onwards and upwards. ...? Ha!

Going to sit and eat cake and get fat because that's the only joy I have in my life right now.

Cheery one aren't I.

I hope everyone else is doing okay xx

((((( Fairy )))))
I'm glad the bods from the Charity came, even if its to quantify what needs doing.
Have you spoken to your energy company to see what support they have on insulation type work - again a free second / third opinion
but something seems odd.
It might even be worth talking to the lender to ask whether they are happy with the survey company whose advice they used

just trying to think laterally about how to get the house sorted or you into another one for diddly squat expenditure

Thanks tip. The difficulty is that when my mum and I initially purchased the house we didn't need a mortgage (we downsized and therefore had enough spare cash to buy it outright). We had a survey done but it was done by an independent surveyor, not related to a mortgage. I think we paid about £500 for it. The surveyor works at an estate agency but not the one we used or bought from. Can't remember why we even used him now, think it was just next to somewhere mum was going to or something. I am going to dig out the survey tomorrow and re read it. I know there was nothing about damp or condensation in there or we wouldn't have purchased it.

When we remortgaged (for half the house value in order to buy out mum) a few years ago the mortgage company sent someone round to value the house but because the loan to equity value was so good they never actually even entered the property, just valued it from the outside driving past!! (This is nationwide). So they didn't do a full survey.

So I am relying on the original survey we had done to prove they've not surveyed it properly. Something just isn't right.

On paper it looks like we are in a great position - house is worth 180 ish and our mortgage is currently at 95 but we just can't afford to borrow any more. We are stretched as it is. (As you all know).

If we sold and only got back half the value we wouldn't be able to buy a shed round here. And renting a suitable sized property would be more in the cost of rent than our mortgage currently is (mortgage is £330 a month over 30 years).

I will definitely phone the energy people tomorrow and see if there's anything they can do. Thank you.

Good news hooker

fairy - I'm sorry to hear about your damp woes. We have some issues in our house too and they're a constant source of annoyance. We have some condensation in the back bedroom windows and damp around the front door that needs sorting. Fingers crossed the charity can at least help improve things?

Not really spent or done anything this week which is good. Paying off smallest CC today and paying more than minimum in others.

In other news I think I'm adapting to the meds again as feel less tired and not quite as anxious. Teaching is so so stressful though! At least I think it is. When I have a bit of head space I'll need to rethink. I think part time would help - which (ironically in some ways) we should be able to afford when DD starts school. Just over 18 months! She'll be one of the youngest in the year I imagine.

I need to pace myself this month and not spend all my 'allowance' in the first week. Which I usually do.

Xxx

Fairy, post in property/DIY about the damp. There's people on there with really good knowledge.

Do you have a leaking water tank in the loft?.

fairy I can't offer anything practical but (((hugs))) and virtual . At least you've had some professionals look at it now, is hopefully some answers are not too far away.
Ursula congrats on paying off the smallest CC! That needs celebrating! And best of luck with pacing yourself by the time I pay everything I've planned out of my salary, I often look round on the 2nd of the month and think 'where did that all go then?'.
Going to have to top up household account by about £40 which we can't really afford, but we've had a few extra food top ups etc I wasn't prepared for. Oh well, it will help me plan my budget more realistically for next month. And next Friday I get PAID (God January has been long) so I can put my first big chunk away for maternity savings. Also, as we get our council tax 'holiday' in February and March, I'm going to take that money out of household account and hide it in savings so we don't spend it, then when our quarterly bills come in end of March I should already have over £300 towards them. I've made a spreadsheet for our savings, as I have about five different 'pots' running within the one premium binds account now, so I can see overall total and what has been added to each pot.

The surveyor will belong to a professional body...maybe find out what it is and contact them?
We tried to complain about our survey but were told that the certificates etc were only to check the gas supply and electric supply and appliances were safe, not that they worked!!!

We complained ten years ago after our full £1000 survey missed the fact that the house needed rewiring as it wasn't safe, but we're told that as they always recommend you get a builder/plumber/electrician to do their own investigations, we didn't have grounds to get compensation. So what's the point of paying someone to do a survey then???!

JJ...I don't trust surveys at all now. We have had issue after issue with this house.
It transpired when we had to have the conservatory roof replaced that the conservatory wasn't even attached to the house!
New boiler, new kitchen, new windows....
It's so depressing.

And expensive!!

Baddz that's awful about the conservatory! If we ever do get out of this house I am almost terrified to buy anything else because of our problems with this one. Maybe I'd be better off in a tent in a field!

Ursula well done paying off that cc. Brilliant news.

Jonty you sound super organised!!

Well I have taken a deep breath and just trying to carry on and wait and see re house. Spent today wiping all the black mould off yet again (a constant job) and put the heating on for longer than we can afford really just to try and dry it out a bit.

I have £10 to last until Monday. Food wide I have enough for dinners but lunch we may struggle. Sandwiches are us I think. And of course there is no money to do anything so it's yet another weekend of the park and tesco.

To add salt to my wounds dd came home from school today with a letter regarding a school trip to France for the summer - it's £570!!!!! There's absolutely no way we can even contemplate that so I said to a very sad dd I'm really sorry but we can't do it and said she might want to ask her ultra rich dad in the USA. I don't know if he'll pay or not but it's worth a try. We can't even contribute towards it at the moment.

So sad faces all round.

Hate being so poor.

I'm de lurking for a bit. Happy new year everyone! I've have had a few names but I'm the one who had a stupid car and a mc last year.

All is well with us. We're just chipping away. We've decided to get Ynab. I tried it last year and didn't get on with it. I have really made the effort with the demo and am loving it. Dh and I don't really argue but money was getting a bit of a problem. We've really really nailed down all the bits of salary that seemed to go nowhere. Dog food? Car mot? School uniform? You know, the bits that are not glamorous but all add up.

We are the packed lunch family anyway, so am happy with our method and standard of living. Projected to pay of 18k in 18 months.

We have discussed selling my car worth about 9k and getting something cheaper but have decided against it for a host of boring reasons.

Sympathies for those with shit house problems. Houses are just shit aren't they? There's always something that needs money spent on it. Like cars (see above).

Fairylea
Re School trip : go talk to the school and ask which education support charity they work with ; I could do a swift search for you but - trust me - there are charities that pay for school trips everywhere ; you just have to look.

The same goes for ANYBODY on Median income or less - the worst they can do is say no
and the charities are utterly confidential in their deliberations.

Lyinginwait
£18k in 18 months is going it some. You'll not know yourselves afterwards.

Lying - £18k paid off in 18 months would be a huge achievement.

Thanks talk I will get onto it on Monday and see what can be done. I've got a feeling any charity wouldn't pay to be honest because the trip is during the school holidays and isn't educational per se. .. its more sort of sports and adventure type thing. To be honest I feel angry with the school for even putting it out there to be honest. These kind of things are so unnecessary and really separate the rich and the poor kids. Lots of dds friends are very well off so will be going and there is definitely a lot of peer pressure. It's very hard as kids get older (as everyone knows) because they just want to do / have whatever their friends are doing.

I just look back at how much money I used to have and think what the fuck was I doing! Half of that would seem like a windfall to us at the moment. I feel really ashamed of the way I used to waste it. Today I was thinking about the times I used to work in the city and would be too tired to be bothered with public transport and I used to get a sodding black taxi home!!! £50!! What the hell was I thinking!?

Or about the time I went and had a cowboy hat couriered over from somewhere for a party the next day for the cost of £30! Absolutely daft.

Oh to be that well off again. Only this time I'd be bloody sensible with the money. Well mostly anyway.

Tonight I am having the same dinner I had last night as dd wasn't feeling well yesterday so I froze hers and i'm having that today. Super frugal me.

Hi lying and well done!
Do go and see the school fairy...most have hardship funds.
I have a job interview on Friday! :)

Fairylea
Yesterday is as past as the Crimean war : don't beat yourself up.
FWIW - DH and I drank the profit from a house which would have been the deposit for the next one.
And the fact that the trip is in the holidays is NOT the point.
Ask.

Baddz - go for it

Philosophical TiP warning
The Welfare State and Free schooling for all started in the UK after World War 2 : ie in the lifetime of my parents
Before that all 'social provision' was through these private charities and trusts I keep banging on about.
They are redistributive
The rich get tax breaks for putting money into them and the less rich benefit
BUT
Since about the 1970's, accepting charity became a bad thing accompanied by the unsustainable inflation of the state.
However
the Charities are still there. Their investments have been clocking up returns but they really struggle to find recipients
I'm the auditor for several so see the detailed books
SO
Be ahead of the curve and start tapping into the unused resources around you

• to ensure that your kids, by the time the leave school, will be amazed to hear that you were ever as financially stuffed as you are now.

my kids struggle to understand that when they were small a week in a shitty B&B in Devon was what we did rather than 2 weeks in California

You are all worth it - go for it

The Charities Commission 'advanced search' is your friend
PM me if you want a starter

fairy def go into school, you can ask about funding in confidence. When DH first lost his Jon my HT found me and said they were paying the balance of DS1s residential, which was very kind and very welcome. Our family worker lady gave me a form for a charity which gave us a voucher for £200 to spend in Skoolkit, so the kids have uniform waiting for the next couple of years! We haven't told anyone, know one needs to know. DS1 will have big trips coming up, and if we're still struggling I will go into his school because I don't want him to miss out. There will be parents who never pay for trips even if they can afford it as it's often worded as making a 'contribution' and plenty of people don't bother.

bad go you! What's the job? Good luck x

DH got on well in Germany yesterday, now needs to see the people at the uk hq and after that we find out if he's got the job. Fingers crossed!

TiP I have a question if I may. I own a rental property, which has gone up 50k in value since I bought it four years ago, so I now have about 75k in equity. My mortgage deal runs out at end of next year, so I'll have to remortgage anyway. We want to buy another rental ASAP, as a pension investment (DH is self employed and my work pension is supposed to be very good but in fact at current investment rate is only promising me £14.5k oer annum when I retire - about enough for a packet of biscuits by then!). So, we're looking at re-mortgaging the current property and taking some cash out to form the deposit on a mortgage for the second property. Buy-to-lets seem to require a minimum 20% deposit these days, which means max I can free up from current property will be around £30k. Properties we'd be looking at cost around £200-220k, so need £40kish deposit. So (finally!) my question is, any good ideas on ways we could bridge the gap of £10-15k (if you include costs) so we could buy the second one end of next year? I'll be on maternity leave then, but will still be counted as earning my full salary, not part-time, which I'll be going back to in 2016, so timing wise it makes it better for applying for mortgages.......

Forgot to add, per current plans, we'll have all credit card debt paid off by then, maternity savings completed and hopefully one of two loans paid off in full too. So we won't be able to save much between now and then, but we will have more disposable income by that point to manage repairs/additional costs etc as they come up (although my current rental brings in around £130 a month more than the mortgage, which means it self-finances in terms of repairs etc and we'd be looking for the same balance again).

Major financial blow yesterday with my car failing its MOT. It cost me almost £300 to be able to drive it out the garage with a pass and I am booked in next week to have 2 more new tyres and to have my brakes stripped and cleaned- that will cost at least the same again.

I was so down last night that I couldn't even talk about it but today I'm looking on the bright side that at least I was able to pay for it without resorting to credit. That is a major move forward.

I'm not sure whether to cancel the second lot of stuff and try and go somewhere cheaper- but my car is on a recall from its manufacturer so I need to go back to my dealer anyway. With HMI in my school next week not sure I have the time or energy for shopping around. I live in a rural part of Scotland- I can't take chances in this weather with brakes and tyres. Needs done.

Anyway while I was at the dealership instead of going round the shops and drinking Starbucks to while away the time, I sat and drank their lattes and ate their shortbread. Win!

Mummy....:( I had that with my MOT the week before Xmas...£400 :(
It went on Dhs overdraft :(
We have 2 months council tax free so that will nearly pay for it.
Dhs "bonus" (ha ha) is going to be put away for the holiday in July.
The job is care work. I know the owner of the firm and she is lovely.
I figure if I am serious about nursing then work experience would be good. I have done car work before - albeit in a nursing home setting and many years ago.
It doesn't pay well. Min wage. But it pays and I will be earning whilst helping others...win/win.