Debt mutual support thread number 6 ....... start the new year with a clear purpose and keep moving forwards even by tiny steps

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last five threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2193736-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-5-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-is-NOT-an-oncoming-train?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

I love a good course, so I am the worst person to deter you Baddz . Nursing - exciting! Look into funding though; you never know.

Would DH even consider counselling Fairy? He could get a CBT referral through GP. He really sounds like he needs to break his thought pattern. He also needs to read about Mindfulness. He sounds like he will explode under the weight of his brain and take you with him! I know, because I do this, however I see it in myself and try and use strategies to curb it a bit.

Fairy, is he being treated for anxiety?. It sounds exhausting to live with.

Thanks. He has been to the gp for anxiety and they referred him for counselling. He just won't go. They give him anti depressants and he won't take them (he won't take any medication, even anti biotic if he needs them) because he is worried they will make him sick and being sick is his biggest phobia of all.

I'm feeling very low about it all. I just feel like there is no way of changing him or this or us re the constant cycle of anxiety / depression.

I'm just trying to give myself little breaks when he is at work and distracting myself.

You're a very patient woman then. He's lucky to have you.

Fairy...please check out the thrive handbook on amazon!
It's about £20 but he won't have to take meds or go anywhere or see anyone!
He can work through it on his own.
I really do recommend it.

Fairy I'd be very surprised if they made him sick, however if he is phobic then that must be very hard.

He really needs to go back to the GP for all of you. Surely he must see the pressure he is putting you under? He will lose you if he doesn't do something.

I'm the difficult, anxious, medicated one with chronic IBS and I know that I drive my DH crazy at times, however, I do seek help if I know I need it and I do take ADs which help to take the edge off. I'm self-aware though. My life and health are fundamental to the happiness of my family, so I get help as I don't want to bring everyone else down - I know that I can if I don't.

I also understand that this time of year sucks for depressives and DH knows that too. I am often a little ball of misery. I can't wait until spring!

The reason we owe so much money is because I try and spend my way out of feeling low. This, obviously, doesn't work, although focusing hard on getting out of debt and my little plans and schemes helps to focus me. I feel much more positive than I have in a long time because I have strategies in place and things to look forward to.

Other things - get out and get air, avoid too much caffeine, get proper sleep, come off screens a couple of hours before bed. These can help. I preach it, but I rarely do it .

What about his family? Can you appeal to PIL for some help?

Oooo, checking that out myself baddz .

That was a very repeaty post - it is hard to write about these things.

Health anxiety sucks :(
And it can take all he joy out of life.
But there is stuff you can do....do check out that book fairy. It really helped me.

Kinky the DLA is slowly being replaced by PIP (Personal Independence Payment) which DH has applied for.Can be a long process though.His appt at the hospital isn't until 11 march which could drag it out even longer if the benefits people need more information.
Have managed to pay half the mortgage payment this month-better than nothing I suppose!! Paid my next account and Talk Talk.Just about keeping our heads above water,but I wish we'd hear something pretty soon!!

I knew it had in certain areas - is it a brand new claim for your DH or DLA being converted into PIP? It's amazing that I just had to reclaim DLA for DD as she turned 16 in August and it got done in 4 weeks; when she was a child still (the start of last year with a new claim) it took 7 months as the child DLA bit was way behind schedule. PIP hasn't arrived where we are yet, but I'm sure we'll get the joy of slogging through it at some point soon. There is no consistency between the time it takes for each of these departments, even though it's all under the same umbrella and it drives me crazy. I'm cross for you - it is very unfair. It used to be guaranteed within 3 months, but not sure if they make these bold claims anymore.

It's a brand new claim Kinky-it's PIP where we are now. DH did have a call today with regards to what medication he's taking-at least I know the claim form has been looked at!!

I tend to ring a lot for updates! I find this keeps things ticking on. Good luck, I know it is frustrating.

One of those days where it has just snowed enough to make my journey into work a real arse. Sigh.

Sooooo.
Have spoken to Dh about my idea of doing an access to nursing course.
He is very supportive but has pointed out a few cons I hadn't thought of.
Therefore my new plan is to try and get a carer role (I know someone who runs a homecare business) and earn some money whilst getting some work experience (I have worked in nursing homes but many years ago)
I would like a part time job and like he idea of earning money whilst helping others :)
Good idea?

Fab idea Baddz pleased to hear dh is so supportive.

My dh has to be my 'con pointer outer' too sometimes

:)
I sort of knew them but it helps sometimes when it's an fresh pair of eyes so to speak.
The big issues would be the ft hours needed to train - this would include night shifts.
Fine when Dh is here, but huge issues when he is away.
and of course the debt I would be taking on is not something to ignore.

Can the hours be flexible so that when dh is away you won't be expected to do the nights?
Will you be studying with a college or at uni? They might have financial support they can offer with fees. My local college offer a 24+ loan where it's not repayable until you're earning over x amount and it's interest free. You may have already looked in to this so apologies if I'm stating the obvious!

Yes my local college offers that too, but then I would need student loans for the degree.
I am very, very wary of taking on more debt ATM.
Wrt the job, I would just have to take holiday when Dh was away I think...can't see a way round that one.
I have e mailed the business owner so we shall see!....

www.dealwithyourdebt.net/

Hmm I take it this is you then? So only initial meetings are free.

If anyone needs help with debt they should contact cab, step change or Christians against poverty. All of which are well recognised and completely free groups.

This is a thread for users to talk about their experiences together.

Yes, this is me, and I have never charged a client for advice, even if I saw them 20 times for advice. It never costs anyone to email, phone or have a face to face visit. The CAB actually refer clients to me, so our track record is excellent. I do exactly the same as the orgnisations you mentioned above, and I have actually worked with one of them. You are quite right to be cautious of bad advice though, when I trained as a debt adviser, I was taught "no advice is better than bad advice" - that is still true. I thought the thread was for people to share and get advice.

Bit of good news today-DH has an interview for a little driving job next week!
He feels he can probably cope with that as it's not too physical! Fingers crossed!