Debt mutual support thread number 6 ....... start the new year with a clear purpose and keep moving forwards even by tiny steps

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last five threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2193736-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-5-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-is-NOT-an-oncoming-train?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

twunts

Hi All,

Low Spend Day for me. Just a cup of tea and a biscuit in M&S with my mum: £3.30.

I was buying a present for a friend who's just had a baby. I used the vouchers that I got for Christmas as I have no spare money until payday (23rd). I looked at the play clothes for little girls but my DD will manage with what she has for another few weeks. She could do with a couple of pairs of jogging pants. She got dresses for Christmas but is so rough and tumble. She destroys anything that isn't hard wearing.

I nearly bought an umbrella on the way to school today as I forgot mine and it was biblical outside. But it was so windy I decided it would blow inside out anyway so I just got wet. Perhaps I'll pack my bag more carefully tonight!

I'm with Scottish Power. They're rubbish as far as customer service is concerned. In my experience!

Argh. DH broke the news last night that the money I've been saving for him to pay off his credit card will be needed to pay his corporation tax in April instead, as he wont have saved enough otherwise. GRRR. I was so excited at the inroads we were making. It's also making me worry now about savings for maternity leave, as he'll now be behind schedule on paying off credit card. I think we're going to have I'm going to make him have a sit down tonight and go through everything again properly. And for next year, I'm going to make him set up a DD of £550 a month, starting this April, which comes to me, for me to put in savings, so next April we already have enough sat there for his corporate tax bill. We've been together four years, but only have a joint account for household stuff, so we've tended to just leave each other to it re: personal financials until now, but now we're married and having a family, we're both realising our finances need to be much more of a 'work together' approach, although I think he's lagging behind me in his understanding still. I'm gutted, as I thought we were further along, both in understanding and reducing debt. Oh well, this time I WILL get to the bottom of everything and we'll get it sorted. I think his long-term bachelor days are still ingrained in him, where he'd just eat beans for a month if he had a big bill to pay, or ignore other bills (which means he now has a crap credit rating) until he'd paid the big one. He's a lovely, gorgeous man in every other way, but just quite crap with money.....

((((( Jonty ))))
Look on the bright side - he gave you a few months warning.
But yes.
CT has an 11 month payment period. He needs to start planning for it.

sping clean went well, however - gave more bits and pieces away than selling oops :( but tidy house tidy mind or so they say! ebay is slowly bringing in a few pennies (£10 here and there) and throwing straight at the £3.5k credit card! you will be 0 by the end of the year!!!!!! Jonty i understand you totally on that one, my DP has never worried about paying things and just used the notion 'it'll be ok' or put things onto a credit card and forgot about it. we are both now taking it all on head on and he will learn that he cant hide from me and my spreadsheets haha!
Fairy - hope your chicken plan goes well, we're having a freezer emptying week as its in dire need of a defrosting so getting some odd meals on the go at the minute (tonight will be homemade kievs and whatever vegetables jump out at me first ha)
Baddz, once upon a time id have killed for a radley bag - now, id get a replica on ebay or something and use the savings for food/fuel/debt - just turned 28 and its amazing me how much my outlook has changed since getting a mortgage!

DH has an interview on Friday for a uk sales manager job, so fingers crossed! I've also got him to apply for a research scientist job at the R&D bit of a multi national which is two mins walk from our house. It's something I suppose. Got to be in it to win it!

Jonty

Jickjak that is great news re your dh! Fingers crossed!!

Lexi sounds like you've been busy with your spring cleaning... hope your freezer eating everything up week is going well!

for ursula and andsmile and everyone else I'm sure I have missed

I cooked my chicken-should-have-been-a-turkey-so-fucking-huge tonight. Managed to get quite a lot of meat left over for my pie and noodles for the next two nights. Feeling quite chuffed with myself so far this week, it's Wednesday tomorrow and normally by now I am already half the way through my weekly budget but so far I have only spent £30 and still have £90 left. So that's good.

Tomorrow will be a low spend day as I'm meeting my mum at soft play with ds so will just be the cost of getting in and a drink (about £5 all in all).

We went to see dhs family today which was very stressful for me. Really not particularly fond of them, apart from anything else I don't think they have any understanding of our financial situation with the house. No matter how many times we tell them otherwise they seem to think we can just ring up the council and they will come and fix everything!! They just don't get it that we own the house and therefore it is up to us to sort it out. I'm not knocking council housing by the way, I know it has its own issues and difficulties but it's so frustrating that they just don't get the fact that if the boiler goes or the toilet leaks it's up to us to fix it!!

Thankfully due to tip being incredibly helpful I have managed to source a local small charity who are prepared to help us to fix the toilets and possibly some work on the roof, which I am forever grateful for and appreciate beyond words. But it just shows what a borderline breadline situation we are in that they would even consider helping us and if dhs mum says one more time "Oh it will be fine, maybe you can get the council to put a new bathroom in, so and so did...." I am going to throttle her.

Dh and I have managed to get through a whole 3 days being nice to each other. That's pretty good going at the moment. I think him being off work helps.

If only we could win the lottery.......

I won the premium bonds this month.
So did DH
£50 between us

TiP - congrats on the win! This is why I like putting short term savings in premium bonds - it's actually fun, and how often do you get to say that about managing money!
Fairy good news with your chicken and your bathroom. Re: MIL, best option is to silently think 'oh I do feel sorry for you for being so thick' and tune out. She probably means well and doesn't know what else to say, but frustrating nonetheless.
DH ended up having a heart-to-heart before he left for work this morning, as he could see I was upset and wouldn't leave until I said why, at which point I crumbled and burst into tears (not my usual response, but pregnancy hormones + money worries is never a good mix). He's worked out he can give me £2k a month for savings, starting this week (he gets paid mid month), which will mean we can still pay his corporation tax for this year, save enough for maternity leave by end July, clear his credit card by October and from april that will include me putting £500 a month away separately to save for next years corporation tax so we aren't in this position next year. He's even going to set up a standing order to my account for his savings amount, so it just happens same day each month. So good news, if a bit of a stressful 24 hours or so.

Ofsted.

So tired... must... keep... planning...

(((( Kinky ))))
They will be gone soon.

kinky good luck......there's wine and chocolate waiting at the end of the ofsted tunnel........

Pointer.....tongue in cheek, but true.......we got picked up for not having, wait for it.......sharpened pencils!!!!![big grin]

Kinky
Have they gone yet?

Oh kinky hope its over now and you are sozzled on sofa.

Terrible here - spending (DS room/party) really I think I might offer my right arms or my youngest child to the debt god or summit.

Domestics - long neglected loads to do. - Having child sleepover so needs to be done properly.

most of all DH is down about his job - but has big but informal interview for a partner position (takes ages and its all very subtle grooming). I have spent 40mins talking stuff through - I have had stressy day for a series of pillar to post moments. Then he lay down and went to sleep - wtf toy/dishes/bedtime??

I feel like single parent - he was away most of last week. So I have two kids 'activties' DS party and sleepover (just one child). These big jobs with big money are just not worth it - Stress/absent parent v single parent roles - impact on kids this has. It can be quite lonely it's not good.

Oh and we not speaking now after I said somthing to him about going to sleep.

Thanks all . It ends today. I plan to be in bed by 4pm .

Kinky best of luck for today and enjoy the
andsmile it sounds tough with DH not being around much. Does he really want the Partner role or is it a good time to reflect and do something else he enjoys that gets him family time? If he does get the Partner role, which would presumably include substantial increase in income, could you hive off a tiny bit for a cleaner, freeing you up to deal with other stuff and still have enough to clear debt?
We've put another £200 in the savings this week towards DH's corporation tax, and will be paying nearly £700 off credit card (I put this on deliberately last month as I knew we would have money to pay it back, and it earns us Tesco points, which I'm boosting for either restaurant vouchers or to buy more baby gear).
DH is also then doing the rest of his sums this week about what he can give me for more savings towards corporation tax from his salary, plus he'll have more gig money coming in next weekend and the weekend afters think. Food shopping today needs to be under £45 - I've meal planned, worked out my shopping list, and even entered it al on Tesco groceries app, to make sure it's within budget - although tonight we're trying Lidl for then irate time, so I'm hoping it will come in quite a bit under - Tesco app says £41.50 at the moment, although I've since added the need to buy a ring binder, a 'new baby' card for a friend and as all baby for or something as a gift...it's a challenge!

Andsmile I really feel for you with your dh. We are in a similar grump / not talking situation. I thought dh having this week off would be a good opportunity to forget about work and be less stressed with each other but all that's happened is we've been stressed over the state of the house and every time we have tried to do something with ds he has had the most horrendous tantrums so it's all been pretty horrid.

Kinky sorry you're feeling so stressed. It all seems like a lot to cope with :(

I am supposed to be having my one very rare day to myself today but instead of my £100 spending money I only have £22! Not even sure where the rest has gone really. Just bits here and there. I guess it's something but by the time I've got my hair cut (£10 one of those no appointment necessary walk in jobbies) and paid parking and had a sandwich or something somewhere that's it all gone.

I guess I can't moan too much, at least I'm still within my budget. Sigh.

Morning - Ive just rang DH and we've both apologised and said a couple of thing that he can maybe think about to help him at work (shows more support)

jonty he is 'going for it' in the chat today then he is going to take time to refelct later. I have told him that role attainment/salary is not the only valid measue of sucess in a persons life. He is on a high salary which will nearly double so yeah. I could probably get a cleaner now and plan to near exam time (Im doing a degree whole scarey other thread as dont know how Im going to get a job at the end at the minute) Dh also surprised me with a 3k tax bill mid December we too have a SO due to start in April to set aside money for personal tax bill come January 2016.

fairy hang on in there...your DS sound a bit like where I was with my DD a year ago - I think he sounds ready for Nursery, have you got his name down for anywhere - your brain will literally sigh with relief, you'll miss him and be overjoyed at pick up to seem him - totally different to the phase you going through at the minute. - My money always just goes on other stuff/people I think the trick is to spend it at the start then make do for everything else. Ive noticed DH does this. Spends half his pocket money on something he wants then makes the rest last, whereas mine just trickles out and I have nothing to show for it. You have done well by staying within budget.

I'm £63 overdrawn
£38 for food shopping on my small CC I use but pay off each month (Amex I get great points - nearly have a M&S vouchers ready to get)

Nursery have just said she needs to take her additional days sooner from Feb instead of April as I planned when her funding kicks in. This means I have to find an extra £267 for Feb and March.

DH got his final wage from work last Friday-£866! More than what we were expecting!Paid a few bits and pieces that were a little behind,did some food shopping,put petrol in both cars while it was cheap (also had 18p a litre on my Tesco fuel saver which knocked another £6 off it!) and was going to buy DD some new uniform (she keeps doing that growing thing....her skirts were new in September and now resemble a belt!)-then she came home from school last Friday with a list of items she needed for PE...for Monday (just gone)....football boots,joggers,school rugby top,rugby socks,and a gum shield! I ranted a fair bit about short notice etc and they expect it all to be bought from the uniform shop, but I thought "bollocks to that!". She has 2 pairs of PE socks, so not buying more,the actual school joggers are plain navy and no way am I forking out for a rugby top to be worn for an hour a week for 8 weeks! So I raided Sports Direct-boots were £12, gum shield £2 and joggers were £4-and if school has a problem with it then they can ring me!
Trouble is,I then didn't have the cash for new skirts-again,supposed to be a certain colour from uniform shop and £16 each-so I'm going to Matalan as I've been told the colour is the same.And Mum is going to pay.Bless her.
DD then came home from school on Monday,informing me that they're not starting rugby until after half term now.FUMING!!! Just hope she doesn't outgrow the boots........Going to put her outgrown skirts on our local FB selling page!
DH is waiting for an appt for the arthritis clinic.He can't claim jobseekers as he didn't pay enough NI contributions when he was out of work a couple of years ago!( doesn't matter about the NI he's paid since he started work 30 years ago....but that's another thread!).The job centre are also unsure if he is actually fit for work because of his condition-he can't do his old job,and has no experience in any thing else.So he's applied for Personal Independant Payment, Employment and Income Benefit and Council Tax Benefit.We've phoned the Tax Credits and even applied for a blue badge (thought we'd try everything lol!),but it's just a horrible waiting game at the moment for the benefits to decide if he can get anything-could take weeks.
He has no money coming in whatsoever-we are living hand to mouth at the moment. The mortgage hasn't been paid in full this month, although we have made a part payment,and, out of the blue yesterday, he had a letter from the taxman saying there had been an underpayment of tax last tax year and they want £277.He was actually PAYE then, so god knows why!
My tax and NI are due by the end of the month-£468-but that will have to wait;I'll ring the tax office and explain!
We have got policy that covers us if we can't work due to illness-but it doesn't pay out until 6 months after he left work so that's no good at the moment!
We've gone over our overdraft limit,and we have charges of £56 coming out tomorrow on our current account-which the bank will still take, even though there's no money there, and make us even more over-overdrawn!
I get 2 year funding for a child in my care and I'm just waiting (again.....) for that to come through to give us a bit of cash. Need to pay the next account for this month!
I'm winning the lottery this week-it's definitely my turn!
(...just want to say, I feel tons better writing this down......)

fairylea
and paid parking and had a sandwich or something somewhere that's it all gone
Hmmm. You need to get into the habit of keeping receipts and writing down all expenditure.

Frittering away £78 is quite an achievement.
Why did you buy a sandwich ?
Either skip lunch or take a picnic.
Buying coffees and teas and fripperies - that is where it all goes.

I get through less than that in cash in a week paying for DDs college lunch every day, DSs bus and topping up his lunch as well as what DH and I spend.

Hooker
Have you explained the situation to the mortgage people ?
They should give you a couple of months leeway.

DH spoke to them this morning and they were great-just said to pay whatever we could.They did ask if next months would be paid and it should be as my earnings are higher this month..fingers crossed!! Our secured loan was paid this month,but still at the reduced rate that they've let us pay it at for the last few months.It's not ideal but stops them pushing for repossession!
Ideally,in the long run we want to go back to paying the full monthly payment plus arrears,on the loan, and change our mortgage back to repayment-we went to interest only 5 years ago when DH was made redundant.
That's the plan, anyway!

Yes tip I know... its embarrassing.

I think a lot of it comes from when I was earning quite a lot and the posh sandwich or eating out was a way of me unwinding. .. a treat. I haven't got out of that frame of mind yet. I'm a bit of a foodie. Which is fine when you have the budget to match.. but I don't.

I must stop.

.

Start next week....

fairylea
Sorry but I would not even consider popping out for lunch on a Friday unless I was meeting somebody - how much is that costing you as against your bank charges.
Lunch is a quiet sarnie and a cuppa at home - if I even eat it which I don't three days a week.

I think though you need to do what I made one of my RL clients do.
No more cash.
At all.
Ever.
If it could not be paid for on his debit card he could not have it.
in fact his wife and I relented and gave him £20 a week pub money but otherwise she kept his wallet empty
he lasted a month and saved hundreds of pounds
and having the trivial stuff on his bank statement focussed his mind.