Debt mutual support thread number 6 ....... start the new year with a clear purpose and keep moving forwards even by tiny steps

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last five threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2193736-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-5-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-is-NOT-an-oncoming-train?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

I'm toughing it out for a good few months on absolutely nothing. I'm on a supply contract and will get a tiny wage at the end of this long long month due to the Xmas holidays. I'm spending absolutely zilch unecessary as my £400 salary will have to go on road tax, MOT and my AA membership. i have zero personal spends till March at the earliest. Its not getting me down though as I've joined the Cult of Minimalism!

Well, ended up going to Tescos instead of Lidl as pain in pelvis has got really bad today and I couldn't face the thought of trekking round a supermarket I'm unfamiliar with and it taking ages longer because I can't find everything. However, bearing in mind we have two adults and two children coming for dinner tomorrow night (so decent main and nice (homemade) dessert, plus I had to buy a small gift and card for a friend's new baby boy, I got it done for £51.35, which is about £35-40 cheaper than it would be if I just wandered round without a plan like normal. I had to do quite a few 'top-ups' this week too of expensive stuff like coffee, so next week should be a good bit cheaper. I still need to go to the farm shop tomorrow and get some frozen fruit, bacon and sausages, but they're cheaper than Tesco for all that so at least it won't be a lot! So next week's shop will need to be about £40, in order for us to finish the month without having to put any extra money in the household account. And the fact I already know that is a major win in my book!
Fairy changing your ideas of what a 'treat' means is really hard. Maybe take time to is and have a think what small things would feel like treats, so next time you really want to spoil yourself, you've already got something suitable (And affordable) in mind?

.

Yes I can see that to a lot of people eating out, alone is a massive extravagance. I suppose I justify it by the fact that it's so rare that I ever get a day to myself (last time was October) that to choose something for myself off a menu and have people look after me for a change is a massive treat. We're not talking every week here - most days my lunch is at home after the usual tesco park trip I do with ds every single day. But when I do have a day to myself I do eat out. I spent £14 on lunch today - main and a desert. Which I could have spent on a jumper. Or even put towards the credit card. So maybe I am wrong... but on the other hand we have an agreed budget which includes some spending money and that came out of my own spending money - of which admittedly there wasn't much left, but I didn't go into debt to do it.

Of course I could probably use the money more wisely than eating out... or the odd coffee I have sometimes. But then everyone has to have some fun... We don't drink, smoke, or even ever go out together. We don't have a babysitter. We don't have our own friends either. So spending a bit eating out is my one vice I guess.

Back to the budget for next week. My spending money is all gone now until the 10th next month when the next little bit comes in.

Meant to add this month we have stayed in credit so we have no bank charges. Just the monthly cc payment which I have paid over the minimum and is on 0%. So that's good isn't it? .

There are far worse things you could be spending your money on fairylea, it's important to treat yourself now and then when you can. Well done with the no bank charges!

Hello everyone, I hope it's okay if I join you all. I've been watching the debt threads for quite some time but not posted until now. I have debt which I am aiming to clear this year. I have £1,200 on a tesco cc, £1,400 on a next account and £850 on a store card. I've cut up the cards and I'm determined not to get in to any further debt.

fairylea Have some It'll be fine.
BUT
You do need to identify more tightly where the money is going as in the old adage
if you look after the pennies, the pounds will look after themselves.

My alone time is spent digging the garden ..... if I eat out I like to be with other people. My other alone time has been the gym - which I joined when DD was one and have used several times a week ever since.

favouritethings
Welcome.
Have you switched the repayments away from direct debits so that you are in control?

favouritethungs welcome
hooker29 - have you tried looking into local crisis help? You might be able to get some funding from local council or charities which would get you through until your situation re income becomes clear - TiP you know lots more about this than me, can you offer some suggestions?
fairy - the thing is, yes it's super important we all reduce debt...but at the same time, any one of us could drop dead tomorrow, so we need a little bit of happy too. £14 isn't much, and you had saved it specially, not taken it out of something else. Here's a thought - you said you and DH aren't getting on well, and didn't get the time together you hoped for while he was off, because your DC was tricky - when you've benefit managed to put say £20 away, could you pay for a babysitter for a couple of hours? Then the two of you could escape like giddy teenagers, and even if all you do is go for a long walk together, it's headspace and alone time, to just be the two of you... Just a thought :0)

Ok quick update on me:
Post office cc: 0 balance and now closed down
Barclaycard: 0 balance
Tesco cc: £550.35 - but this should be paid in full at end of January, when I get paid (so will be 0 interest charge)
DH crefit card: still at just under £5k, but he is paying by SO each month, and not min DD.
Savings for paying Corporation Tax: £910
Maternity Savings:£100 (this starts in earnest from end of Jan pay packet, when I'll be putting £800 a month in, DH starts putting in same after April, once corporation tax paid).
Coin Sweep account: now has £6.30 in it, just from January!
Household account has £41.35 left in it, so after bacon etc today, shopping next week will need to be £35ish, which is fine and achievable. Things get a bit easier in Feb, January is always so long!

Also - my habits have changed since joining this thread: every morning I sit and have a coffee, organise my list for the day, and check my bank account summaries online. It means I've been able to handle anything going wrong strait away and not be blindsided. I also have my meal planning for the following week done by Tuesday now, which gives me time to check the cupboards properly, and to put my list into Tesconline app and see if it comes within budget - if it doesn't I can change some things, rather than trying to adjust on the spot in the shop. And, because I have a handle on the budget now, when DH said 'we need to buy a new shredder' the others ay, because our offices new ha packed up, my response was 'we can't afford it until the start of Feb' and he completely accepted that. We're not perfect in our attitude to money, but I think we've made some big changes already, and once we start to see the effect of our savings gathering momentum, it will spur us on. So thanks everyone, for your ideas, support and encouragement! With good management and a bit of luck, we'll be down to one loan to pay off by the end of this year, no credit card debt and enough saved already for next year's corporation tax. Whoop!

Fairy....give yourself and break ...and everything jonty said!

Thank you for the welcomes
On the next account I pay the minimum amount each off each month, by logging on to my next account on the date the payment is due and paying it with my debit card.
With the outfit card I do exactly the same although because the minimum payment is so small I usually pay £20 over what the minimum amount is.
With the tesco cc I have a £70 direct debit which Is automatically taken out of my bank account to cover it (the minimum is £25 so I'm overpaying on that one).
I have applied for a capital one 0% card purely to pay off the outfit card as it's a stonking 29%.
Any advice very gratefully received!

Although seeing it written down I'm thinking really I ought to pay the minimum on the tesco cc and use the rest of the money I'd usually spend on that to overpay the next repayment which is a 24% card

Hi All!

Fairy I get the treat thing when you have such young children and no time to yourself. I really recommend getting a John Lewis loyalty card (this is not a credit card of any sort) as they send you vouchers for one free hot drink and a piece of cake each month. I have this as my monthly treat to myself when I go into town by myself. But if course you'd need a JL near by.

I haven't doesn't much this week although I did buy myself a sandwich after work on Thursday to eat on the train on the way home from work [hides from TIP] as I'd had meetings all day and not managed breakfast either.

I've been a bit of a mess this week - I'm not coping very well at the moment. Bit of a failure in some ways - back on anti-depressants so hopefully they'll kick in but at the moment I just want to spend every spare minute in bed. I've been going to sleep at the same time as the children. DH doesn't know what to make of it.

School has been stressful I guess. I'm worried I may have lost a few mock exam papers and I'm not sure what to do about it. Everything seems insurmountable - even simple things like the laundry.

I have managed to read a book this week though and catch up on a lot of marking so at least that's positive.

Now ... I AM going to run a bath, put some laundry on and play with my children today.

I think I will have gone about £60 over my budget this month which is not good. But I'm hoping to do better next month x

Favouritethings
So not bother with the debit card thingy - have a look at my spreadsheets linked from the opening post - switch ALL of the cards to standing orders today
then yes, throw all available cash at the highest interest rate
as otherwise you are looking at 18 years to clear those cards.

hooker
PM me with the first 4 digits of your postcode and I'll see what charities / trusts I can find to get you some breathing space

Ursula
Ah yes, the shattered buy a train station sandwich - I've done it too.
I must admit that since I started 5:2 I'm much better able to cope with being hungry so make it home and then have a tin of soup incurable tightwad me

Hello everybody... Welcome favourites

Ursula if you need the anti depressants please don't feel bad about it. You're not failing because you need a bit of help. No one would say a person with a broken foot was a failure for needing a crutch.

Hooker I hope they are some organisations out there that can help. Fingers crossed.

Thank you everyone for understanding re my food treat thing. I must admit I laughed (in the nicest possible way) at tips idea about going to the gym for alone time..that sounds like my own idea of personal hell. .. I'm a cake and chocolate and comfort eat soul. I am marginally overweight (5ft 7 and just under 12 stone) so I probably should care a little more than I do but oh well... I'll start regular walking again when ds starts school. That's the only thing I like - sticking the ipod in and power walking for hours.

I've considered putting ds in nursery but the nurseries here are just awful. I actually wrote to ofsted and complained about one of them after I visited! So I feel a bit stuck for now. The nursery attached to the infants is good and I have ds on a waiting list for a place there in sept. It's not private or anything but just very popular (probably because the others are shit!)

Today has been a park and home day. I'm bored off my tits to be honest. Going to try and do some more drawing later to add to my portfolio just incase I do ever get the chance to be a human being again and actually use my skills to do something. Who knows. Feeling a bit deflated at the moment. I always thought being a sahm was enough for me and now I'm not so sure it is anymore. I would need something very part time though because of my health problems. Maybe when ds starts nursery I will try and get something.

Hope everyone has good evenings x

18 years....
I'll have a look at the spreadsheets and set up the standing orders! Thank you

Oh and fairylea ... Cheers to being foodies!

As money situation is improving, booked a summer holiday. It's been a long time coming!

Anyway, was really pleased with the choice we'd made, read loads of reviews and went for it, only to discover that it is on the edge of a massive 18-30s resort! Hoping it will still be okay. Just typical!

We only went for it as we knew we could continue debt overpayments at current rate and manage to pay for it (no credit).

I really hope it's okay - deciding on a holiday is a big deal for us. We've only had 1 before, so want this to be nice.

Ooh, Kinky its good to have something to look forward to - whereabouts?

It's called Hotel Louis Zante Beach on the outskirts of Laganas - which, according to MN is 'slaganas' - which I wish I'd read before booking! The hotel looks lovely, but don't relish the thought of being anywhere near 18-30s scene with DD (Aspie). All the reviews were great. It's supposedly 'a 10 minute stroll' from the bars/clubs, so praying we'll be okay.

Kinky
You'll be fine. I just did my standard Tripadvisor test of looking at the bad reviews. They are all more than three years old. Nuff said.
All I can suggest is to eat as many meals as possible in local cafes so that your money goes into the local economy - they need it
And any restaurant with a person outside trying to drag you in is doing so because their menu does not do the job IYSWIM

coupdefoudre
Welcome to the gang.

Talkin. I was looking for holidays for about a month last year, decided not to. Then, post-Osted, threw caution to the wind and went for one DH liked the look of... I'm sure it will be beautiful. I think when you are hyper-aware of money, you become very sensitive about spending it unwisely. I'm happy to have a holiday, but I want to feel we've had good value too! It's my new conditioning .

Welcome Coup and other de-lurkers/newcomers .