Debt mutual support thread number 6 ....... start the new year with a clear purpose and keep moving forwards even by tiny steps

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last five threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2193736-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-5-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-is-NOT-an-oncoming-train?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Morning people and hi to new ones :-)
Had a sit down yesterday and worked out total owing is now at 27k made up of 2 low rate loans and 3 cc's. Aim for December 2015 - 1 loan and 1 cc remaining :-) basically halve the debt if we can! fingers crossed :-) spring clean day today so let's hope eBay will become my beSt friend and we can start reducing!! I'm finding it wonderful to read through people's achievements on here and it's spurring me on to get this all done too - wonderful help every single one of you!!

I'm FT English too Ursula with 2 TLRs - one dept, one whole school. I am obviously a little unhinged agreeing to do both. I am very well-regarded, but it is making me ill and I need to start putting the family first. I also exam mark and I was just asked to join the moderation team, but I'm going to turn it down even though it would bring in extra cash. I have a lot riding on my GCSE and A Level groups, so need to focus on them April/May - as I'm sure you know only too well!! At least yours and DHs salaries should move up in terms of increments from where you are now and when childcare reduces, you will be on good money.

I moved from an outstanding across the board school where I'd worked 8 years to a serious weaknesses inner-city school in Jan last year (I had been through a lot in previous school and had to get out). I love my new school and it is rapidly improving - the results last year were fab, but nearly killed me! We have to repeat this year in order to be well on the way to securing a good. The school is most definitely a good one now (compared to when I started and it was bonkers) but Ofsted need to grade it as such. I think I am a glutton for punishment!

My focus this year is on achieving a better balance. I am very career driven, but I know it is starting to have a really detrimental impact on my health and on my family. I'm 12 years in and every year gets harder. I absolutely agree that weekends should be for family - my new year's resolution was not to work on them. I slipped up and did 3 hours yesterday, but that is it, which is good for me.

I also had the MA conundrum as outlined above, but have decided not to accept that offer.

I've worked so hard to get where I am, in the face of some very challenging personal circumstances, but I'm currently failing to see what it is bringing to my life. I know I make a difference to other people, but I also know I neglect my own. I think going onto a back-foot for a few years until DS is a bit older would be better for all of us. It will be very hard to keep saying no, but if I do, it will signify a real change in how I deal with the world.

I also want more time to live old-style as FT and full speed costs a fortune in quick fixes. It is expensive! If I cook from scratch and shop sensibly, plus make do and mend, we could probably save more than one of my TLRs each month.

In the past, I've always spent to compensate for the lack of attention I give my DC. That's another way my job has negatively impacted us.

I'm main earner, DH is not a teacher. He hates my job, but we have little choice and I do love it, when I feel like it isn't overwhelming me.

I think I understand how you feel Kinky. I'm in my sixth year now and over that time a lot of my (too much) self-esteem has been based on how well things we're going at school. However, after a couple of difficult years at a new school, which has a much more stick over carrot culture compared to my previous one, I had to try to pull back a little from this view.

I also know what you mean about financial compensation in the form of treats for kids to reduce guilt! I'm just trying to work a little less now and be more present. In my last school I was the golden girl (they actually begged me not to leave but I wasn't happy with the way a colleague had been treated and fancied a change) whereas now I'm considered good but not 'Super Teacher!' I'm okay with that.

*were going

I think you have achieved what I'm aiming for this year . It is hard, but I will reap the benefits, as will DH and DC.

Gosh you lot are chatty when I'm out in the garden of a Sunday morning (the joy of teens - they can be utterly ignored for long periods of time)

Welcome Ursula - those debts are not insurmountable and having a clear focus and having 24/7 even if G&T addled at times support on this thread will help keep you on track.
I find it interesting how many teachers appear on these threads. DH got his PGCE and then decided not to get into teaching. Seeing the stress you face, I'm glad.

I do think that young teachers need to be willing to climb the pole a little more slowly and make sure their own families are OK - there will be wodges of SLT places for when your youngest hits secondary.
Be there for them when they are little.

Welcome Hetty - your situation is unusual in that your income cannot fall to below the pension ( I assume its properly index linked ) and hopefully the DLA will not get slashed too much by the next Government, but on the other hand it is not in your power to increase your income substantially.
Therefore it seems entirely sensible to try to minimise debt and maximise safety cushions both for your kids and for yourselves when they grow up and leave home.
Tenants - it largely depends on where the house is, but the market is reasonable in much of the country.
Is there any work that your DH can do? - such as a bit of Mechanical Turk ; its pin money but good psychologically and can add up.

Today I am feeling so much more positive :)
After writing everything down and prioritising (putting loans and barclaycard last) I KNOW I can do this.
We will be so much better off in the longrun and can maybe by our house :)
im on a contdown to 2018!!!

What are people's views on savings vs paying off debt- I am trying to build up pots of savings, but read an interesting article by Martin Lewis about not doing that and throwing everything into debt repayment- would be interested to know what others think

Nishky
Debt every time.
Interest rates on a credit card are around 20%
Interest rates on top whack savings are around 3%

so by paying down debt you are effectively earning 17% on your money.
Its a no brainer.

obvs
So, so pleased that you are feeling cheerier.
There will be good days and bad days. We are here for both. And the ones in between.

nishky, totally agree with TIP, if you are in debt, savings are costing you the interest you would avoid by paying that amount off the debt.

There's a physcological argument for having a 'buffer' but a 'virtual' one is the best option, ie an amount available in an overdraft or on a credit card in emergency.

obvs you said your debt included 2 loans but that one would be paid off next month and another later this year- is that right? If so, you owe nowhere near as much as £17,500 is virtually paid off.

Hello everyone, lots of energy and positivity in the recent posts. Nice to see everyone really taking control.... me not so much! Hmm well that's not entirely true. I have not borrowed any more money but I'm not exactly saving any either. And my £100 personal spending money has been pretty much split in half by my overspending in other areas (food and crap- thank you tesco) so I'm a bit disappointed as I was hoping to buy some much needed cheap new jumpers (I have literally 2!)

Oh well. Beggars can't be choosers and all that.

Dd had a friend round all day today and I managed to feed everyone for all of about £2 - pasta bake from aldi with cheese on top. Was very nice.

Unfortunately the tattoo idea has gone out of the window. The artist is going away until February so that's probably a good thing as I couldn't afford it anyway - again.

Ah well. It all keeps my brain ticking over.

Today hasn't been too bad... spent all of £4 in aldi and £2 on the rides outside tesco for ds who is obsessed with them at the moment. I tried to pretend they weren't working but he was so upset I gave in (I'm weak).

This week I'm going to really try and bring the food bill down. I have dh at home all week which actually makes it easier to meal plan as I know he is here for all meals whereas normally with work I haven't got a clue from one day to the next.

I wonder if I can do one of those magic mumsnet chickens.. you know the one that feeds 5000?

welcome newbies, this is a very lovely welcoming thread and even not posting regularly has helped me change my views on debt and not feel so alone in sorting this out. only dp and my mum know we are in debt in real life.

everyone seems v positive which is great, we are on top of things here, into week 2 of £65 per week budget (food,toiletries,kids clubs and my bus fares etc) doing well have £10 till Thursday but loads of food, toiletries etc in and week bus saver paid for. just dd1 girls brigade to pay. if we can stick to this budget the overdraft (700 at beginning of Jan) will be cleared by end of Feb

in regards to savings I have a few jars around. a big whisky bottle for coppers, a non openable one which is for xmas hopefullyand an old coffee jar for loose change or money from selling bits which is 'just in case' money. school trips/run out of milk etc. no large amounts but I feel secure with the small accessible amount (currently about £25 however if it goes over 50 the extra will go on debt)
the one I feel most guilty about is using dd's savings when we had to move/prior to budget living costs but have worked out how much we owe them and that will be paid back after debt is cleared.

fairylea have u got any decent charity shops near u? I've bought some lovely clothes from local ones some £1 or 2 an item. most of my clothes come from them except underwear/leggings/shoes.
ive never made a chicken last more than 2 meals - I swear people aren't looking at the labels and are actually using turkeys

Silly question on a debt support thread, but do barclaycard still do a lifetime of balance offer for exsisting customers?
Thanks

Fairy - I'm getting a large chicken this weekend. My plan is as follows:
Sunday: roast chicken
Monday: chicken pies (small amount of chicken, mushrooms and peas to bulk it out)
Tuesday: Thai chicken noodle soup (only shreds of chicken, dried noodles, onion, garlic ginger, mushrooms, sweetcorn, chicken stock)
Wednesday: chicken pasta traybake ( pasta, tin toms, cheese, onion, chicken)
There's only of two of us, but as your DC is small, you shouldn't need much more for him....

fairy I have one jumper, sweater and two long sleeved ts and two cardis - these have seen me through the winter and a couple of baggy dresses I would like a couple of bright coloured jumpers - Im waiting for M&S sales - sometmes they are listed for £6.50 - I'll put these away for next winter.

Re meat I buy value meat and cook in slow cooker - whack some lentils in and potatoes and frozen mixed veg to bulk out - freeze extra dont pick at it or have seconds - portion it up for next week. jonty thats pretty impressive with that there chicken - Im not good at the chicken thing but I can get two meals out of an 80p packet of cooking Bacon! Plus sometimes buying large bags of frozen meat is cheaper. I would like to buy organic meat when we are out of this current slump - poor fod budget is always squeezed but he...3X 8p packets of muffins have provided three meals here this weekend.

Next Accounts are the work of the debt devil. I paid mine off first. I had and account with a 5k limit at one point. They out the limit up and down as they pleased, depending on how much I had paid off if there was a sale etc. I actually paid mine off three times. It wasnt until the third time that I stuck to no more spending and a lesson in closing things down. It is far too easy to order and have stuff arrrive the next day - effort in making do with what you have.

So two NSD's here. Lots of reading done keeping me busy. I have avoided the highstreet sales, not really looked online - so pleased to have kicked this habit.

I have a list of things that need sorting in house still - oven, hoover and toilet. I think I need to buy a new laptop

DH wants a new unit thing - well he mentioned this and I said oh we could get rid of this and decorate and replace with....but when we started looking online I said I'd rather wait as want to get the furniture for the forever house we hope to buy in a couple of years or stay in this one. We chatted about it and decided it is better to wait and do these things propeller when we can get what we really want and have saved for it. I did not eye up the 0% finance on the Laura Ashley website, honest

So this for us is progress and we on the same page.

Ugh.
My sister had just informed me that she has bought my b day gift - my b day is in October!!
Turns out she has gone onto the next sale and bought my a Radley bag.
It's a very generous gift, even in the sale, but I don't like handbags.
I have no idea what a Radley bag is, except they are very popular and £££
Would I be a total bitch to ask her to send it back?
It's also brown.
I don't really do brown.
Sigh.
I tend to ask for £ for b days so I can buy what I want, or put it into savings.
Aibu?
I am unGrateful, aren't i?
:(

Baddz.
I'd not want a random posh handbag even if I was loaded.
Let her know that it might be great for somebody else but you are de cluttering and spare handbags are not part of the plan ....

She does have form for buying stuff she likes for other people :)
I will text her and tell her it's not really me.
Which she would know if she put any thought at all into it :(

I texted and asked her to send it back.
She said ok.
Don't think she is very happy

i think you did the right thing. I like Radley bags - I have a basic everyday black one which I use alot. But at this stage I wouldnt want a item like that bought for me. It would much rather it be something I really need.

I'm just not a bag and shoe person
It's a very generous gift
I feel mean for asking her to take it back
BUT I need to start as I mean to go on and that means letting others know that I don't want or need stuff that isn't necessary
God, I sound like a curmudgeon don't i?

Baddz you did the right thing. I'm not a handbag person either, totally get where you are coming from. It's also the lack of thought that is frustrating isn't it :(

Andsmile and nocuts I will have a look round the charity shops and sales this week... We have a buggy like a tank so unless I go on my own it's hard to get round the charity shops as they are all tiny here but dh is home this week so I should be able to get out there!

Spent £28 in tesco today. Got my super extra large chicken and going to try Jontys plan. Although I cheated and got ready made pastry and next to that was some bake your own cinnamon swirls for £2 for a pack so they leaped into my basket too.... very lovely they are too. I have eaten 3 while ds is having his nap!!

I am going to do my best to try and make this chicken last at least 3 meals rather than the usual embarrassing 1 roast dinner we normally do

Now have £90 to last the rest of the week which has to include £15 ish worth of petrol as we are going to the city at some point and to dhs family for the day and also obviously haven't done a proper food shop, just got enough for the next 3 days ish.

We have £2 in the bills account to last until the 18th now (when child benefit goes in and the final lot of bills come out) and I have £40 in my own spending account. I should have £100 but I overspent in tesco the last few weeks - mainly lindt chocolate! Ridiculous. So that's been eating away at my money. And of course we have the cash in my purse of £90 which is the remainder of our tax credits for food and everything else for the week.

Sounds good on paper doesn't it?

Oh and I paid £70 off the cc today (min payment is £62 at 0%).

Now back to those cinnamon whirls......

Just wanna say Scottish Power are administrational money holding taunts of the highest order

stillnorefund.com