Debt mutual support thread number 6 ....... start the new year with a clear purpose and keep moving forwards even by tiny steps

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last five threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2193736-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-5-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-is-NOT-an-oncoming-train?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Obv...you have inspired me.
I am cutting up my next card

Jickjak you have just summed up how I felt about my own career and the choices I've made too. I worked in senior marketing not teaching but had the same sort of internal dilemmas. I don't regret giving up my career at all. I may go back to it at some point perhaps I don't know. But I would have missed being a sahm more than I missed the money etc.

I have been a sahm (apart from a 6 month stint 7 years ago) for 12 years.
I don't regret it.
Especially since my dad died 18 months ago...my mum takes up a lot if my time too.
I quit my voluntary roles after dad died as I just couldn't spare the time (sadly my mum had a heart attack the day dad died and has other health problems too)
I am hoping life gets a bit more boring sometime soon!

Well, it's all gone a bit tits-up here chez Anilec. Mostly caused by the fact that my primary source of income (naming no names but it begins with an A and ends with a Zon) hasn't paid me half of what I earned for November (paid 3 months in arrears). Clearly, this has caused a giant hole in my budget (we're talking over £1000 here), not to mention my £450 accountant's bill (more than budgeted for because of setting up limited company) and the looming demands of HMRC for a five-figure tax bill...

Anyway, whilst some things have had to go on the 0% credit card (first time I've used credit in almost a year - feel bad), it's more a case of weathering the storm. The next couple of months will have to be very frugal indeed but things should start to pick up again in March.

Hello to obvs and other newbies

JickJak I agree - I've come around to that way of thinking over the past few months. I will still be a FT teacher with all the responsibility I have as I can't afford to change that, but I can say 'no' to whatever additional things pop up and I can be much stricter about what work I do outside my working hours. I am getting so angry about that amount that is expected from us over and above what we are paid to do. The unwritten rules that you will work on your weekend, that you will work through the holidays - it is just expected of us. I'm starting to think if teachers started to say no a bit more often, a better balance would come from it. I'm not for one second saying I won't work in my own time - I will. But I want to try and keep it to 10 or so hours (over the evenings) rather than the 30+ I've regularly been doing in my own time (no weekend, no time for myself).

I'm starting to feel better that I am going to cultivate a sensible working attitude. I don't think it will be detrimental to my job at all. And, as you've said, once my DC are a bit older I will have 25 glorious years to expand my career if I wish to.

It's all about stepping back from the brainwashing. I think all the magazine reading I did in my 20s about having it all has been quite damaging to my outlook on life.

yes bad you can!They've just started it-we do both our cars by DD.Works out £11 a year more, but, as we have 2 cars to tax in 2 months,it's better for us!

Spent the last couple of hours discussing things with dh, he is so laid back and doesn't worry one little bit. Told him he needs to stop going on about getting a mortgage as we won't be getting one soon.
I have done a budget for next month and I have £150 spare, will work out where to pay this in time.

Our salary is £26000 (dh) £12500 (me)

As of today our debt stands at [gulp] £32000 however £4000 is on a barclaycard with little interest for lime time of the balance. So not going to stress ant that one for now.
Leaving £28000
£6500 loan paid off in feb 2015
£11000loan paid off in oct 2015

So minus the 2 loans and the barclaycard, I'm left with @ £10500 I need to tackle asap.

Really embarrassed .

Minimalism in spending
I've been in Berlin all week.
DS had a specific thing he wanted.
We could not find anything that DD wanted or needed - so we did not get anything

there were dozens of shops selling bags and shirts and all that shite, but we did not buy stuff just to have to throw it out in a few years time

cutting up cards is hard, but works - well done folks

I'm new to this thread and, after reading all the posts (took me blooming ages!) it's good to find a thread where nobody judges you! Bit of background...
I'm self employed-been a childminder for 13 years.Hubby was a glazer (we'll come to the 'was' bit...).We've never had savings,always had some debt and have never earnt brilliant money, although I earn more as a CM than I would if I went out to work.
Both worked since the day we left school. I'm 46, he's 45.
5 years ago DH was made redundant.He got a bit of redundancy but not a lot-we've always worked along the lines that my money pays the bills, and we live on his.He didn't get a job as quick as we thought he would,so the redundancy didn't last long. He could only sign on for 6 months.He went self employed in the end,but with both of us being SE and having income that fluctuated each month, we got into bother with repayments on CC,catalogues etc.So we ended up going to a debt management company who we still pay.We had to drop our mortgage down from repayment to interest only. We have a secured loan that was 396 a month,but have only been paying-with their agreement-250 for the past 4 years so that's always in arrears but at least they're not pushing for repossion.DH got a job after 4.5 years,then got made redundant after 8 months,but,luckily got another FT job straight away.
DH has been in a lot of pain for a few months.At the beginning of December, he was diagnosed with osteoarthritis.He got a sick note for 4 weeks then resigned-because his job was very physical, he just couldn't do it. The cold weather is killing him (most of his work is outside) and he hasn't got the strength that he used to have.
Christmas was shit beyond shit. The kids had most of what they wanted,and they were happy,but my mum and BIL had to buy our christmas food because DH only got sick pay.My car-which I need for work-had no MOT and we couldn't afford it so that had to come off the road.We were invited to PIL's for Boxing Day, and just about scraped money together for the petrol in DH's car.The week between Christmas and New Year was awful-we didn't have any money to go anywhere,even for petrol.
Anyway,DH went to the job centre the other day and is looking at what-if any-benefits he can claim.Not sure if he can get JSA because, technically, he's not fit for work.He certainly can't do a full time job-his condition has deteriorated in 4 weeks and he won't get any better,just worse.
So, at the moment it's a waiting game to see if he can get anything,and what he can get.He did have his final wages from work yesterday which was £866 so we've done some shopping,caught up on a couple of things,MOT'd my car (which passed,thankfully!) and put petrol in both cars while it's cheap!
So, to do something positive,we've been trying to sort out some sort of money plan. We have a holiday booked in August so we've got a tin which we are putting 20pences and £2 coins in. We can't do a lot more until DH's benefits etc are sorted out,but it's a start!!
I feel better just by writing it all down-our families don't really know our financial situation,so this is very therapeutic!
Sorry it's so long-but I feel better already

Hi there hooker and welcome to the gang.
This is indeed a non judgmental place.

Good that your car is back on the road so you can keep working : max out your childminding hours if you can.

Your DHs arthritis - yup its a bugger but there is stuff he can do to alleviate - eating lots of oily fish products and stone fruit like cherries and then getting into stretching type exercises (look up strength yoga on youtube)

Your loan sounds a bit monstrous - on top of the mortgage - but at least you are in contact with them.
What debts are outside the agreements?

Hi Talkin
Thanks for the advice re;arthritis.DH hates taking tablets but may be open to other stuff!
We have £3000 on a credit card-something we had to use to live when DH wasn't working. We manage the monthly payments,but it never comes down! I have a catalogue with about £1500 on it-ashamed to say I haven't made payment for a couple of months. I pay a next account every month which I HAVE to pay because it's in my mum's name-she opened it so that I could get things for Xmas for my kids and have them delivered to her without them knowing.So that account is a priority because the last thing I want is for her to get nasty letters for non payment!
Also owe FIL £2000 which he helped us out with in the past,but haven't managed to pay any back!
Not including the mortgage and loan, we 'only' owe about £8000 but I hate it.

Hooker
Right, a massive change you can make tomorrow.
Convert the minimum payments on all of the cards to standing orders - cancel the direct debit and set up a standing order for the same amount to hit their account the day before.
If you can, get the minimums set up on the catalogues as the non payment fees will be adding £50 a month to what you owe on top of the interest

Being brutal, I'd suggest going non alcohol till half term and going veggie a few days a week to save money - I assume you already shop at Aldi/Lidl
so that you can free up that £100 a month that will make a huge hole in your debt and improve your credit rating

Get your DH to look up exercise / dietary approaches to arthritis (the osteo bit is meaningles - guess how I know )

Oh I'm going to disagree. The osteo means it is related to specific joints whereas rheumatoid is systemic and has a different range of symptoms.

Treatment options do vary.

screenclean
true : about the osteo / rheumatoid difference - but having had aching joints for 30 years I know that osteo just means chronic pain

I totally agree Kinky and JickJak. I'm a teacher and working all the hours God sends is totally engrained in me. In fact the Internet has increased my workload; I spend my downtime on Pinterest browsing for ideas,teaching sites for lesson plans and displays. I'm always thinking of the job. Yesterday on my day off I worked from 9.15-7pm, stopping only to pick up the kids and shove a pizza in the oven. Today I've done another 2 hours and it would have been more but for the kids needing me. I took 7 years out when my girls were small- I don't think I would have coped but many I work with have no choice

Yes i read earlier in the thread about setting up standing orders which sounds like a good idea,so will do that.
We shop at Tesco-Aldi and Lidl are a bit far away and, at the moment Tesco are doing their fuel saver deal so, with the petrol being very low plus another 18p off a gallon from the fuel saver,I got £35 of petrol for £29, which will last me about 2 weeks or so.We always meal plan,which works well-everything gets eaten,and no wasted food!
Desperate to see what DH can-or cannot claim-so we can sort things out a bit more!
Didn't help this week when DD (11) came home yesterday with a list of PE stuff for Monday because they're doing bloody rugby! They expected all the stuff to be bought from the uniform shop.Yeah right! We got cheap and cheerful from Sports Direct and I told DD that if they had a
problem with it,they could ring me!

hooker I'm still new round here but it's such a nice thing knowing I have somewhere I can chat with other people in a similar situation.

Took the kids to spend their Xmas money today ( not all of it, most went in their accounts) and was incredibly proud of my youngest.....we went to toysrus and tesco and he picked things up/ put them down, worked out how much he'd have left or not if he bought/ didn't buy something.....he's 6!!!

My spends were reduced goggles for him to go away as spares, £2.50 plus a hulk figure for his birthday in April reduced to £4.50, plus as I'd persuaded them to look in tesco before buying in toysrus I got the club card points for the £20 they spent in there! While we were doing that, DH was taking a pair of boots back (have I told you that already? Sorry to repeat myself if I have) so that's £41.25 back on the cc. £1 to park for two hours, so not bad all in all.

Sorry, that should have read hooker.....I blame the G&T! Sorry!

JickJak G&T has that effect on me as well........

Iammummy I really hope a systematic change comes soon. So many are leaving or getting burned out. It worries me for our kids.

It also infuriates me that people go PT so they can use their unpaid day to do their job, otherwise they can't manage it. This is usually women with family, ime.

Hello All!

Another teacher here: secondary English. I'm full time with two small DC (2 and 6) and it's very hard. I work at quite a high pressure grammar.

So debt. I earn £32,300 and DH £28,000. DH is also a teacher and also plays in a covers band two Saturdays a month to earn a little extra. I do exam marking in the summer.

I owe:

CC1 - 4000
CC2 - 3650
CC3 - 1500
Next - 1400

So £10,550

DH owes £5500 on two CCs and has an £800 overdraft.

We have a small mortgage but pay a small fortune in childcare which has been the main problem. The second maternity leave pushed us into difficulty as DH was made redundant just before and it took six months of patchy supply for him to find work.

We really really want to put the house on the market when DD turns three (August) as v cramped in two bed at the moment. My plane is to reduce our debt to £8k combined by then. We have about £25k equity on the house.

I'm not very good with money (obviously). I buys lot on impulse and convince myself I need things: make up, clothes for the children - I spend quite recklessly sometimes too e.g. Taking family out to lunch on a whim.

Feels so cathartic putting that down. Sorry not responding to anyone in particular! I will I promise. Just had to get that out first x

Welcome UrsulaBrangwen! It's totally cathartic to write it down :0)
As TiP isn't here yet, I'll ask - have you got the credit cards onto 0% deals yet, which will save you a ton in interest? And if you're focused on paying one off first (sensible) then make sure the others have standing orders set up for a fixed amount each month, rather than paying the dwindling minimum payment (TiPs spreadsheet link at the top of this post shows how much difference that makes). Do you know how you can raise/section off the extra money each month to reduce your debt by 7k in the next 7 months?

Hi all, I'm a serial lurker here as I feel our debts are not horrendous and we do manage them plus we live a lifestyle, whilst not outside our means, is considered by some extravagant.
A bit if background-we are early 30's with 2 dd's aged 8 and 6. dh had a huge lifechanging accident several years ago, he is now wheelchair bound for life, doesn't work but has a full wage pension guaranteed for life, plus full dla and I claim carers allowance for him. As part if his compensation package we received enough to buy outright our home and another house which we rent out bringing my income up to a full wage. Our children attend prep schools in full bursarys awarded because if our situation and for this we are incredibly greatful. We only pay for uniform and extras which are not a lot.
Our debts are-
3 loans totalling approx £15,500.
Overdraft of approx £400
Credit card approx £600

Not extortionate but we want to overpay and pay them off so we can enjoy more of life whilst we can as we don't know what the future holds.
Our major dilemma at the moment is that our tenants, of 4.5yrs have given notice so our income will be down by £1000 until we find new tenants.
So I'm after all your tips to help us stick to our budget! We already penny sweep, budget shop and meal plan and I've reduced all bills by switching suppliers looking for best deals available.
Well done if you got the end!!!

Welcome Hefty!

Jonty - yes I need to do the standing order trick! All cards at 0%

We will wait till September to put the house up but unless we're super lucky I can't imagine that we will be applying for a new mortgage until October / November which should give us 10 months.

As far as paying it off goes, I will earn £1k from exam marking and the other £6k will be through paying off £600 a month to debt. I've worked out that this will leave is with £650 a month left after all food and bills which should be more than doable If I can change my ways (wibble). I'm really short sighted with money and a bit of a splurger.

After September we will be about £150 a month better off as DD qualifies for the nursery grant then.

DH is saving all band money for house move.

Kinky - I 'only' do about an extra ten hours per week outside of school and I'm considered a good teacher, I've had the best overall results in my department for the last five years. I do done extra curricular stuff too and always run Easter and Summer schools so in no way a slacker.

The weekend is for swimming, walks and cuddling in the sofa with my children x