Debt mutual support thread number 6 ....... start the new year with a clear purpose and keep moving forwards even by tiny steps

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last five threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2193736-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-5-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-is-NOT-an-oncoming-train?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Not sure if it's too late to join.
I have name changed because I am so embarrassed of the amount of debt me and dh are in, i am in charge of the money so it's my fault :(
Don't really want to disclose any figures yet, what I will say is that we have 2 loans, due to end Feb 2018 and Oct 2018. These are affordable for us, however we also have several smaller debts to credit cards,very catalogue and next directory , all of which I'm going to plough any extra cash into, starting with the next because of the interest rates being so high.
We also owe a small amount on barclaycard but we have a very low rate untill paid in full, so I'm not really fussed about this too much.
I do have an addiction to spending far too much money on the dcs on clothes from next , but haven't bought anything this year (pretty good for me )
Me and dh both work so meeting payments is doable for us. However I would like to try and pay more.
I have said it, I wrote it down for all to see, I believe this is the first step of going debt free .

Hi there Obvs it is never, ever too late to join in and get your head around your debt.
meeting payments is doable for us
Hmmm, you do realise that if you are paying the minimum on your cards then you are looking at 18 years to clear those debts.
Switch all the repayments to standing orders
and then be honest with yourself and type

• exactly what you owe in total
• how long it will take to pay off at current rates
• how swiftly you could pay it off

))))))buying designer clothes for kids(((((
just an utter, utter waste until they stop growing

We try and over pay on the other 2 ccs when we can.
How will changing to standing orders help? Not sure I understand

Obvs
In the opening post is a link to my spreadsheets thread - follow that and plug your card balances into the credit card sheet
and you will rapidly see that
by paying the minimum by direct debit, the repayment time is anything up to 20 years
on the other hand if you cancel the direct debit and convert it into a standing order for this month's amount, the repayment terms drops to two or three years

• for no extra money leaving the bank than did this month

So here's an example of how TIp's method works....

Say your minimum payment is by direct debit. Say this month is £80 then next month £78, then £76 and so on. If you just set it at £80 each month by standing order (sent by you not called by the cc company) this means that you're paying off much more of the capital each month without really 'missing' it.

Good luck!

This method will drastically reduce the time taken to pay off the debt, and the overall amount you'll end up paying back.

Hi namechange

I have been sucked into the lure of the dreaded next account in the past. If you can I'd try to at least move this (and any other high interest accounts) onto a 0% credit card even if you only have it for the purposes of moving those on to it. Or if you can and are able move all your debt onto a 0% card - we have one with barclaycard for 34 months. Obviously I'm not sure if that would be an option or how your credit rating is.

Mainly one of the reasons for getting rid of the next account in this way is because it gets rid of the temptation to keep it open and add to it. If it's not there you have to actually think about how you are going to pay for the things rather than just bunging it on account.

I'm probably saying all the stuff you already know... just reaching out to you anyhow and saying hi.

Obvsanamechange welcome - greAt advice from the others, and do use TiPs spreadsheet, and do follow Fairylea's advice to change to a 0% credit card if you can at all - moneysavingexpert.com has a good summary of the best (I.e. Longest and with cheapest transfer fee) 0% credit card deals.
Also, step 2 of sorting out your debt is definitely writing it down. Scary moment when you do, but from that moment on, it means you get to note how much you've paid off, and see that amount going down, which is the best feeling ever! Give it a go :0)
Step 3 (for me, anyway, dive in everyone else if I've missed something) is behaviour.... Understanding why you've got where you are (buying clothes from Next) and how you're going to stop yourself doing that in the future - the best debt plan in the work won't help if you're still spending. I used to love the 'Rush' of a spend....so now I channel my energies into finding the best possible deal I can on whatever we buy (that we actually need) - we've just had to kit out with everything for our new baby, but by using some vouchers from our wedding creatively, bargain hunting, using TopCashBack site, selling a load of stuff in EBay, and buying certain things from EBay (like playmats and bouncer swings that never get used much) we've only had to spend out a fraction of what it all would have cost if I'd bought it all new - I think I've saved around £5-600 at last count.
Step 4 (I'll stop in a sec, I promise) is actually making a proper budget for yourself, and sticking to it - this helps you see where you could save money (review all your elec/gas providers etc and get as better deal) and therefore how you could pay just a little bit more off your debt each month (and not increase your debt at the same time). Lots of people on here recommend the You Need A Budget tool, which is linked in the original post, or I just use a spreadsheet, which is mostly working pretty well too.
Best of luck - the absolute best way to tackle (and rid yourself of) debt, I think, is to face it head on, dig right in and understand it all and then take charge going forward. No point feeling guilty about how you got there, focus your energy on finding your way out instead.

And while I'm here, three good developments this week:

• I'd worked out we could only spend £25 on weekly shop this week, to avoid needing to put extra money we couldn't afford into household account. So, I got round Tesco's yesterday (and did scan as you shop, so I could check the running total), and came out having spent £24.53! Yey! (And for that, our menu this coming week is still yummy - paella last night, steak and ale pie, toad in the hole, leek and mushroom risotto and lamb cutlets in apricot sauce to come). I'm using up freezer and cupboard stuff too, so I didn't get ALL that for £25 but I'm really pleased I stuck to budget.
• it then occurred to me that although we put a certain amount each into our household account each month, we didn't really have a good handle on what we had to pay out, hence needing to add extra money for food/other stuff quite often. So I sat down yesterday and worked out a proper budget for the household account, which includes putting money aside each month for quarterly/bi-monthly expenses. Now I know we have £58 a week available for shopping from 1 Feb, with everything else covered too. Good feeling!
• third good thing is DH has been really impressed with how I'm getting a handle on the budgeting/getting discounts/saving money. He had already started giving me his gig money to save towards paying off his credit card, but yesterday he said he's going to give me his savings towards paying his corporation tax bill as well, so he doesn't spend that either. I'm putting all our savings into Premium Bonds, as interest rates are so crap anyway, and once you've got over a grand in Premium Bonds I've found you win small amounts often enough to get roughly 4-5% return over the year. I'm using the 'envelopes' trick to keep track of who has paid what in, as we now have my maternity savings, his credit card savings and his corporation tax savings all going into the one pot. Feel like we're really making progress!

Strangely enough, my next account is the one I'm really good with! I only buy if I need to (I like their leather lined shoes) and I always pay it off, just sometimes paying off over two months if I've spent a lot. I did reduce the limit to £500 a while ago, but I've never spent more than about £100 in one go. I like it because it means I don't have to go shopping and its easy enough to pop to town (after 6 so free parking) to collect/return.

So, after the 28 days for a refund comes round, I have finally decided to return a pair of boots to Clarks later, they are lovely but just too tight and I've decided I'd rather get my money back than keep them in the hope they stretch. So that will be £42 back on the NW cc, plus I paid £100 off it yesterday, so that helps reduce that balance a bit further.

Had three no spend days this week, yesterday was eyebrow threading (£6) and I took my mum shopping (my folks can't drive) and I spent £27 in Mr T, including lots of cheap bread stuff reduced to 15p a pack (white muffins, pancakes, rolls, naan breads). So I shall pop to lidl tomorrow for the fresh stuff which means this coming week's food shop will come in under £50.

Not much else to report really. Trying to focus on the small achievements which individually don't mean much, but collectively will help to make a difference in the long run. So, for example, I could do with a new purse and there was a lovely CK dupe at work in the book people stuff, only £6 , but having thought about it and deciding I don't need one yet, yesterday I crossed off my order.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Thanks for all the helpful links etc, will try and do some kind of spreadsheet next week.
I had paid down the next account but I got a vip for the sale (1st slot) and spent £650 on stuff we didn't really need :(
My dcs are at an age now where they come in from school and put pjs straight on (too cold to play out)so having 40 plus outfits each is ridiculous.
Before christmas I condensed their wardrobes right down and they now have a sensible amount of clothing.
I do spend a lot of money on groceries @ £130-£150 per week, I know there are areas I can cut back on and go down a brand.
I also need to stop these midweek trips to m&s for food as I can't really afford it.
Will definetly be a regular on this board because I need to tackle my debts.
Thanks for being so helpful and welcoming

Jonty
Just a word of warning - the current effective rate of interest on premuim bonds is around 1.5% - admittedly tax free and you could get lucky so as a savings account its better than many - but you could get nothing.

Obvs
Good to have you on board. This is a supportive place and everybody has been in the cannot bear to open the bank statement phase - even me, admittedly a while back.

In case you wonder why I keep posting on threads like this BTW - simple. Lots of my clients are in debt so the strategies I use to get you lot on the straight and narrow ensure that my clients have the money to pay me

Some mixed developments for me.

So today I set up my first EVER savings account which felt very exciting and is something I never thought I could do. Ok most of the money is from the family member's donation but £1,000 is mine and DH's hard-earned cash.

The bad thing was that DH was turned down for a credit card today - he is trying to get a credit history for a future mortgage (hopefully September). He is so lax it could be anything not registering at old address, not changing details etc. we haven't had any unpaid bills/bailiffs although he thinks he might have had unpaid bills as a student. So the next step is Experian. Hope we can get this sorted. He has always lived in his overdraft but I don't think this is what the problem is.

Make sure you're on the electoral roll trainers, I think this helps with credit applications.

Talkin I'm not going to do it. It goes against every single fibre of myself to turn it down as I am impulsive and take on everything I get offered historically. (Big perfectionist and over achiever.) This time, you are right and I am going to say no. This is a VERY big deal for me. It's going to be hard to go in there and say no, but I was standing in the kitchen making tea from scratch and I thought, I want a chance to be a mum and to sort my house out. You were absolutely right when you said that there is time yet. I think I always have an impending sense of doom, like if I say no now, I won't get another chance. The other thing you said about having the means to take on whatever I want in future when finances are sorted out is absolutely right. I could do study in whatever I want because I want to. I could even retrain. Ultimately, having nearly lost DD and having made the decision not to have more DC, it would be nice to spend some time enjoying my family.

You helped me see the light. I am grateful.

I just need to go in and tell them now. I will need to rehearse 'no'... 'no'... 'no'...

It's funny how I am brainwashed into always wanting to do more.

Trainers
You can get your full credit file from both agencies for a couple of pounds- you sign up to the regular service and then cancel it 12 hours later.
Electoral roll is only a problem if renting (immigrants like me are not on it after all), but something in there is sideways.
I got turned down a few times early on, just because DH and I used to move regularly and the assumption was that the reasons were financial - in fact they were social.

KinkyDorito
Well done.
From the anonymity of a forum I'm pretty darned certain you are doing the right thing.
You are young, the politics of teaching is in flux for the next few years.
And learning to say No (as you have already done with spending) is a really big step change.

I have considered a dmp several times but don't yet have a mortgage so that would ruin it completely .
I am nearly 32,dh nearly 34.
Can't believe we are in the this mess, I feel physically sick tbh.
I am trying to think that at least the loans will be paid off in 3 year, I know it seems an age away but hoping time flies. getting a 0% is not an option at all for either of us.
Think we will just battle on as we have been doing and hopefully pay off as much as possible.

Obv...can you just send the next stuff back?
Especially if you don't need it?
My dc also get straight into their pjs after school ATM...too cold to go out!

Hi there Obvs
OK, you are still young and you need to get your debts sorted so that then you can throw that money at savings / deposit for a house.

Do not go anywhere near a legal / formal / consolidation thingy - they are more hassle than they are worth
Cut up the Next Card and all but one of the credit cards.
Switch the repayments on all of them to standing orders.

Now. How much are we talking about and how much is that against what you earn?
Until you have typed it you have not truly recognised it.

The next stuff was bought mid last year and has all been worn /used.
I got a vip for xmas sale but I resisted it :)
Have just broke down in front of dh and told him I am so sorry for all of this.
He said we are both to blame,
I have cut up both credit cards and store cards.
I have enough in my current account to pay everything this month, will see how I am at the end of the month to pay extra.
Really appreciate all of the help, however I am absolutely disgusted with the figures so can't bear to tell anyone.

Mine were massive and still are - I know how you feel, Obvs. However, a year of chipping away has reduced mine substantially. They're down by nearly half. Some of this was through rehashing old loans on new interest rates.

The main trick, though, was to stop using credit. I dread to think how high they would be now if I hadn't paused and reconsidered.

There have also been a lot of modern minimalist posts over the past threads which are really helpful in getting you to reflect on your spending and priorities. I'm experiencing some ground-breaking shifts in mindset and I think being here (thanks Talkin) and reading some of those have really helped me.

You are in the best place. Make a plan.

www.becomingminimalist.com/becoming-minimalist-start-here/

Obvs it's anonymous here.

We had £45k debt this time last year. Now down to £18k on 0%. Not boasting, but honestly having a jumping off point by getting all the info in place is just the beginning of never seeing that figure again!

P.S. This minimalism isn't about having three things in the house that are white, it is about thinking through what really matters and spending money on those things rather than frittering it away on stuff that means nothing to you. It also values experiences over owning things. It really is worth a read. I never thought it would apply to me (as a crazy over-consumer who loves having things) but it has made me re-evaluate all aspects of my life.

There is no shame here obv.
We don't always agree and some of us have different priorities, but we are all very supportive.
Well done on cutting up the cards x

Well done cutting up the cards. We moved all out debt on to a new card and cut up the card and are just paying it off. It's scary to cut up the cards but you've done the right thing.

Please don't feel ashamed. We are all here to listen and not to judge.

6 years ago I was in 26k of debt when my now ex dh left. I was made redundant around the same time and had to downsize and lost a shit load of money sorting myself out.

Now I am remarried and due to a series of disasters we are well on the way to owing half of my dhs (low) annual salary in debt. It's ridiculous. But we are doing our best to crack on bringing it down. Still feel sick when I think about it.

You're in similar company. Please don't be afraid to post.

Kinky you said " if I say no I won't get another chance"........as a teacher who was completely career driven until I had DS1, I hope you won't be offended if I point out that you won't get another chance to be mummy either because before you know it your kids will be grown up and while your attention was on your career and other peoples children you will have missed out on your own. I don't mean to sound harsh but I know how you feel, and it's hard to be a teacher and a mum and feel that you are doing both jobs well. FWIW I think you've made the right choice. I know being a SAHM isn't for everyone (and I know that's not quite the point here) but I got to a point that I wanted to put my energy into my children and I wouldn't change a minute of my years at home. Yes, going back to teaching is a bit daunting now, and maybe if I'd had my mum nearby to do my childcare for free I would have stayed part time, but there's nothing to stop me now at forty going back and making a career again. Sorry, that sounds a bit lecture ish doesn't it, but I want you to know that someone knows how you feel xxx