Debt mutual support thread number 6 ....... start the new year with a clear purpose and keep moving forwards even by tiny steps

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last five threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2193736-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-5-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-is-NOT-an-oncoming-train?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Oh and he's not going out tonight.

Fallen off this thread at Christmas as very busy but need to get back on and make sure I keep an eye to things money. Well our situation has improved, most debts paid and other credit now manageable. But I am now officially freelance/looking for work. It's early days yet and I haven't even got P45 from last place yet as finish date was 30 Dec, so right slap bang in holidays. I've accepted that things won't move maybe this week ( just as well since I feel grim) and so will work on what I can. Today will be mainly cleaning organising and shopping for few essentials in Aldi. Tomorrow will be hospital with DS for new hearing aid mould and Friday collecting stuff from old work.

Aim is by Christmas I will pay off completely other credit card (one is already at zero) and will have overpaid on computer to bring down repay time as much as possible. Any spare money will be divided between saving and overpaying windows. Then we will look at things Jan next year and work out what can be done in terms of making mortgage disappear faster.

Screen DH and I do argue regarding finances. He is disciplined to a point but then he'll go and buy something totally frivolous and then say we need to cut on food . We need to be more transparent regarding finances as it all tends to just come to a head. But I find setting the example tends to appeal to the competitive streak in a man, we are going to have a who has spent the least comp here!

So to start the year - no current accounts in overdraft. Will be putting 1000 in savings. One CC 980 and computer loan 860, windows approx 2k so I think we have quite doable figures. I really wanna be completely debt free and saving a large chunk of income.

Hi all. I like the idea of making peace with your budget.
Debt repayments will be over long before your marriages after all.

baddz Have a look at the 5:2 board .... It's my other hides hole.
fairylea fasting is not necessarily for weight loss. Apart from holiday recovery I'e not lost for 2 years.... It WILL help him .... Medical evidence is sound

screen we each have our own money allocated from budget - has its own column. It is referred to in our house as pocket money.

DH has strictly £300 - he used to have £550 in the bad old days.

I have about £300 - but mine is committed to gym and OU fees. Any incidental spending I do is squeezed out of food budget or on months when the kids fees for activites are not due. I can cancel my gym at any time. These two things are 'investments' in myself - and I have something I can do at all times to keep my busy.

Thank you. Well we did have a good discussion tonight, and decided our spending budget should be £150 each.

We've switched our current account tonight as we want to try Santander 123 to earn some cash back.

All said it takes our debt repayments back a bit but our goal is debt free by xmas 2016.

So Im Quite pleased actually.

Glad things have moved forward for you screen. That's good news :)

Good luck with the job hunting sporting.

I'm starting to wonder if things will ever improve between dh and I. They are just festering on and on. Every time we try and be nice to each other something else happens and it all ends up angry again.

Like tonight.... dh is off next week and I want one day to myself to go into the city on my own and spend the very little spending money I have saved (£50 ish). I don't ask for much but as we have no family support whatsoever and I am stuck at home with ds every day (well not literally we do go out but you know what I mean) I want a day where I can be my own person. Dh is fine with this but he also wants a day to himself, fine totally fine. But he's decided on his day he wants to spend his money (same spending money) getting a tattoo of his touched up and he can't seem to be bothered to contact the artist to arrange a day! So I am in limbo waiting for him to do it so I can plan my day out!! I was thinking of booking to get my hair done or maybe even a small tattoo myself. So frustrating and he seems angry with me for asking him to sort it out!

It makes me feel like my wants and needs come last. Pretty pissed off. Maybe I'm over reacting. It just doesn't take much to pick up the phone and book the bloody thing but I know if I do mine first chances are it will be the only day the guy can do! (He's practically fully booked and has promised to squeeze dh in so timing matters).

Sod it. Apart from that. ... I have £25 of the food etc budget to last until Monday. . Jacket potato every day?? Hmmm. Think I have screwed up somewhere. Not sure what I'm going to do might even end up using my day out spending money to bridge the gap. So much for my day off.

On a positive note... I took ds for a haircut. He looks really cute :) and hardly whinged once. I think he was quite pleased with himself and couldn't stop smiling at himself in the mirror at the end!

I've left dh downstairs to come up to bed. He's saying his ibs is awful tonight and I've suggested he might consider the fasting thing or cutting one thing out of his diet at a time. Both things met with a general "hmmm" meaning he won't do it. I've also suggested he ring the gp tomorrow to see if his latest test results are back (a repeat of the stool sample test they did 2 weeks ago, results were normal then). Not sure what else to do.

I feel like I'm being a bit of a cold moo bag to be honest but I just feel a bit worn down with it all. I think somewhere along the way I'm losing sense of myself trying to be all things to all people and it's not a nice feeling.

Well time for me to get some sleep and do some bargain hunting tomorrow. ....!

marking place

Well if he wants to act like a child treat him like one...you say "right you have til noon to make your appt.
after that I am planning my day and won't change it"
The fact is that you cannot take responsibility for another adults health...I have similar issues with my mum and I have just accepted that I cannot help her if she will not help herself

fairy go for it just book your appt. I second whay bad says.

Full on OU studying now - this keeps me busy, out of mischief from going out spending and drinking midweek wine. I like the sturcture and the timetable keeps me moving along.

Both overdrafts are now paid off - my chargers this month were 75p - stuff you Barclays - so Im completing my long awaited switch to M&S - £125 voucher will be on its ways soon

Looks like I need to buy a laptop with Windows on after all - so annoyed with OU and their lack of compatability jut for one piece of software they need us to use (stats related and is not optional)

Have more food in than I realised so thats good - but have eaten out this week.

Thanks Baddz. How is your ds now by the way? You're right I can't take responsibility for dhs health. He rang the gp this morning but the results are not back yet. I think he actually has a bit of a urine infection (which is something they mentioned a while back) as he's been going for a wee literally every half hour (it's his day off today, way too much information I know sorry) but he won't take the antibiotics they gave him. So he'll just have to carry on until he does something.

After me nagging he's now emailed his tattoo artist to book him in and he's just waiting to hear back... so hopefully I can book something in for me. There's a billion and one things we could be spending the money on to be honest house wise but for the sake of my own sanity I could do with a small treat. I spent all of what would have been my christmas money on a Christmas that was awful so frankly I want to have a little bit of pleasure instead of fixing a leaky toilet. (Which does need fixing as it's been bodged up with sealant at the bottom but we can do that next month).

On the plus side. .. took ds to soft play (few pounds on coffee) today and then went to tesco and managed to get the rest of the weeks meals sorted more or less for £15 so I have about £7 left till Monday. Bit scary but going to do my best..... !

Cross posted with andsmile :)

Well done with the studying. You sound very motivated. And paying off the overdraft is excellent. Well done. £125 voucher sounds good too!

I really would recommend he check out the "thrive" book on amazon.
Or ask your local library if they can order in a copy?
Emetophobia is no joke, but sometimes you have to take medication, whether it makes you feel sick or not. In some cases it is pretty dangerous not to take px meds.
Ds seems ok, but I am keeping a close eye in him. He had suspected pneumonia in October and so has just finished his 2nd lot of ABx since then.
Have started him on a probiotic to heal his gut.
Sadly the lurgy seems to have descended on me now :( headache, sore throat, earache.
Ugh.
So I have been very busy today finishing the ironing, hoovered, stripped ds1s bed, mopped floors. I think I shall be spending the weekend in bed!
So tonight's tea will be "freezer surprise" :)

kinky how is first week back going? I always found this one hardest - cold, dark mornings, I used to have a lot of January exams for three A level groups. But it used to be a midway point for all my main teaching as many exam groups would be on leave and/or revisions lessons by soon enough.

I hope you have some nice groups to teach.

...hope you have a lovely day btw.
and make sure you spend all the money on yourself
:)

Thanks and .

We were eased in with training day, so not too bad. Kids are fine, but work is definitely piling on. We're due Ofsted and we are in serious weaknesses. We've had 2 monitoring inspections and 2 other inspections since I started last year, but the real thing is looming and the pressure is on.

I don't know how I feel about it all at the moment. I went back aiming to reduce my workload and hand back responsibility, (I'd just turned down SLT training), and today I've been offered a 3 year MA, paid if I stay there... I'm my own worst enemy as I am giving serious consideration to it .

Anyway, having only got in at 6pm, I am now going to start work again. I eat tea FAST.

Ah, teaching.

An MA would help you're long term prospects though. Do you have to do it in 3 years?

I'm not sure it would help them as much as the SLT training that I'd turned down Fluffy, plus I have an MA already. I'm thinking more of doing it out of interest - my masters is in my subject, not in education. I'd just resolved to put my career on the back-burner for now as I am sick of feeling rubbish. I've had lots of conversations over the holiday with people telling me I take too much on and they are worried about me.

Back for four days and it is apparent that I can't help myself.

It is true I will be doing this job for at least another 30 years, so actually developing an area of specialist interest is appealing to me. Trying to do it alongside current, mental workload is not so appealing...

Should have said thanks too

And yep, 3 years PT. The essay demands aren't that epic, its more that I would want to give decent time to it. Saying that, third year is all research (it's a research-based degree).

Well I'm back on my proper keyboard now.
ipad is an amusing toy but its NOT a work machine.
andsmile : yup for most things statistical and accounting and numbers based, Microsoft operating systems are better than apple.

Kinky
I honestly think you should not do the MA.
You are tired and need the flexibility to say "sod it" in a year.
Tying yourself to the school for 3 years does not seem like a good idea IMHO

talkin I think you are very wise and saying what I know to be true. I am in a dilemma over it.

I am very tired. January does not help. However, I can't not work, so getting the best out of my work for me needs to be a priority. I need for it to be interesting. I do need a better work/life balance, but I don't think I can settle just for doing what I already do in the same way for 30 more years. I can't just treat it like a job that pays the bills, I'm not wired that way. Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to be!

Atm, I am very tempted by the idea of having a chance to really develop a specialism within education and also become involved with the local university (my original career plan was to be an academic, but I couldn't afford a PhD which you needed in order to lecture in my subject), so I side-tracked into school and have been there ever since. It could potentially open doors for me.

If I do proceed, something HAS to give - I plan to give up part of my job if I decide to go ahead, so I am just teaching and studying.

I would leave teaching altogether but I genuinely have no idea about what else I would enjoy and the holidays do help my working-parent guilt with DS and DD. With that in mind, I could do with cultivating a niche for myself. Originally, that was going to be a leadership role, but I now think not for me. In this respect, the MA would be ideal.

There are many benefits for remaining with my current employer. Many. However, if I did decide to leave, the MA would not keep me there - it would cost me the fees though to go.

I don't know. I don't want to over-burden myself but I don't want to stay the same.

Hmm. I think I have a few weeks to decide.

Hi Kinky Where are you on your debt path?
Just that you need to prioritise and triage things a bit.

It might be worth having a peaceful year whumping the debt and seeing how the OFSTED goes and THEN possibly go for higher roles once you are living on the whole of your income.

Thanks again. We're paying off CC well at a rate that suits, we have 2 loans that are steadily going down. Money is not ideal, but nowhere near the horror it was 18 months ago. I think we are due to be debt free in a couple of years without stretching ourselves, but I am currently Old-Styling to try and increase over payments.

Ofsted should be fine, school is quite clearly improving. It's not a higher role I'm after - what I want the chance to do is really explore my job and find a niche to research within it in order to develop a specialism. If I'm going to do it properly, it cannot be done on top of everything, so part of my job has to go.

TBH, I think that part of the job will go anyway as what I am involved with will end in July and if they keep me on (not as a teacher, as my extra bit), they will change it. I'm not sure I'm interested in doing the job in a different way.

I told DH I'm answering you and he says to tell you I want to do it because I am "restless and like drama and turmoil in my life" and he is "amazed I have stayed with him for this amount of time" . He's happy for whatever I decide to do, which is nice of him .

I think I get the opportunity to have some more information about it so I get a better idea of what it actually entails.

I am definitely taking on board what you are saying and I haven't decided either way yet.

Glad that your DH reads over your shoulder like mine does. An extra pair of eyes are useful.
The important thing is to think long term and consider where you want to be in 5 / 10 / 15 years time - allowing for how old the kids will be and what your non work situations will be ...