Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

fluffy
TBH no idea : I'm on O2 PAYG and yes, the allowance avaporates.

Snowie
may I pick up on your comment sports runs with the kids
who is that for?
are they committed, or do you feel you should?

we are a family who have never, ever done weekend sport
in fact I limited my kids to 3 nights a week of activities, leaving two nights free for family time
they are now 16 and 14 and I do not regret the time I allocated to them for an instant (and its free)

talkin they are committed & a we both work FT harder to commit during the week (altho 3 nights taken up too !) matches etc tend to be at weekends anyway ! Usually we share it & it's fine but lately I'm doing most which creates more work. Anyway going to bed early tonight can't wait ! Long week ahead :/

(((( snowie2 ))))
In which case I support you utterly as its something that draws you together and supports you all.
GOOD
different families do different things.
I've been challenged on my choices, and that discussion all out MN roasting made me think about the active why and wherefore
and despite being unpleasant at the time was worth it

the main thing it to re evaluate all such things every year
as what 15 year olds want is NOT the same as what 11 yerr olds want

I know all families & kids are different ! Prob is if he takes them to sports etc i take the opportunity to organise the house/laundry/do something useful. If I take them he takes the opportunity to... Do anything other than housework etc - age old problem ! Just means more work for me. I don't mind it once I have energy but today it's very low esp following a long week of being in Coventry.

Morning

Badvoc sorry for your loss. Much perspective right there yes. You are right about those preparations. It's something I need to sort out with DH. So right about the holidays about what we had when we were young wa very little.

We have become used to a few trips away. I feel guilty about the three we have booked but they all predate current budget and frugelness. I asked DH about cancelling one he said no. We currently have CP Xmas booked (did this last xmas) Crief Hydro for anniversary thing (thanks to MN) for May and Cabin in cornwall for summer (this was v cheap for £425 7 nights).

Re activties - I have committed to two nights per week for DS - I have to entertain DD whilst he is doing them and its as much as I can manage. Also it really affects the meal times to feed before or after? So I like how we have two other nights free for homework and to eat together. The other night is 'movie night' at the end of the week - nice to relax in to the weekend.
DD has her activities on a weekend but DS is abel to do purposeful things at the venues - ie he swims and does his homework.

In line with my new (still trying) minimalist principles Id rather spend the money on experiences for the kids that enrich them rather than more objects. There are many links on minimalist websites about kids not needing so much stuff - they do not benefit from additional items.

I'm considering saving with 'Park' for xmas 2015 to buy amazon. M&S vouchers - stops be spending any savings and dipping in IYKWIM - Ive done it last year (not this one) and it is good when your wad of vouchers arrive. It also stopped me spending my cash as I knew the vouchers were coming.

Does park do amazon vouchers then?
I have been pondering about using them but was worried that I would only be able to use them in certain shops but I buy lots from amazon :)

Yes they do badvoc You can pay by D/D - the other year I had £80 going out every month for my M&S and Love2Shop vouchers. It was a bit painful seeing it go out when skin but worth it for th vouchers. I used them for school uniform and winter coats too so didnt feel the pinch for bigger purchase spends....I still think I maybe ordered too many that year. I am not planning on spending as much on Christmas as I have done in the past.

I use park and love it. I get the love to ship card for the dc and I love the fact it goes out of my account and I hardly notice it... If it went into a savings account I'd just get it out again.

Shop not ship!

So what's the set up? Do you have to wait til Xmas to get them?

You can order now for next year and it will calculate your dd amount. You can choose to end it either in October and get your vouchers then (so dd is a little higher as repaid a bit earlier) or end in November and they send the vouchers etc to you then. It's all on the frequently asked questions page. It's also protected by some sort of financial insurance so if it goes belly up then you are still guaranteed to get your money back (unlike a scheme that went bust a few years back).

Yep what fairylea said...It is best to try and get them for Oct so when people start doing the early offers - like argos sometimes do, Boots points days et you can take advantage of them too.

Im all in Xmas mode - planning but planning to save money. I dont know if this helps anyone:

Money Saving Expert website have a 10% off code for iPad mini. finishes today I used this to get it to £206 then added £23 worth of tesco vouchers to get a further £46 off and i paid £160 . I 'borrowed' the money out of the holiday account which I will put back when our Xmas money is 'released' in Nov (complicated thing involving nursery vouchers) But Im very pleased with getting this for DS's main present at this price.

Also from MSE is 40% off code if you buy 5 things. I shoved some soaps (stocking fillers) and some small gift sets for SIL's comes to £13.

I fell off the thread... this might be because I am very quiet atm. I made an overpayment error at the start of the month that has left us having to be very restrained. It is good as more went off big bill, not so good already counting the days until payday .

I got an unexpected addition to the food budget yesterday - part of the internet deal when we moved house was an £80 Sainsbury's voucher but you had to claim it afterwards and say whether it was your first BT package. So I thought it would be nonsense but it's actually arrived. We're still going to do the bulk at Aldi though.

I have had some awful service from Royal Mail (I paid for post redirection but only got two pieces of post and everything else carried on going to my old address) so I complained and have asked for money back. And my BT didn't actually work until a week into the start time so I asked for it to be taken off the bill and they agreed.

Ok it won't make us rich but at least I'm not paying money for services that don't even work!

Dropped off,quiet month all good here though busy/expensive week or so coming up! Granted all budgeted for but still ...

Friends b/day party Sat-she's asked for no presents but a donation to food bank in lieu. Have raided cupboards for stuff Id probably bought for XP and got a few bits in this weeks shop. Will be driving too do no drink/taxi costs. Sun-Wed I'm off to friends caravan with DS (Scottish school hols)...petrol budgeted for and have googled free activities for each day. Will take food with me but have budget for one nice meal out and a toy treat for DS. Then Thu-Sun DS goes to his Dad and I'm off to Belfast!! Staying with chum so no cost there and we usually kitty up for our get togethers, that's budgeted for too!!

All in all I'm pretty pleased with my efforts...this time last year Id just have thrown £2k at a holiday abroad!! Changed days but more importantly changed mindset!

I will ask Dh to sort a dd out to park in January.
Then at least we will have some money to put towards Xmas next year.
Feeling quite low - have been ill since sat (tummy bug) - and it's my b day tomorrow.
Was supposed to be going out for the day with Dh but...not sure now. Still feel quite weak.
Money situation is the same. We have none! :)

Bad. I'm off with DS today who has been ill with it since Sunday morning. It's rubbish.

Oh kinky how rubbish :(
Ds2 hadn't had any diahorea since Sunday afternoon but obv the 48 rule means he won't be going back til tomorrow.
Just waiting for ds1 to come down with it now...sigh.

Hugs to poorly people.
At least its not chucking it down today.
And YYYY to the mindset changes.
Being short on cash involves accepting that and waiting : when the shortage is due to paying too much off debt then its definitely a silver lining

Kids want me to put the heating on but I need to wait till I get a radiator moved (which will involve draining chunks of the system) so they are in "extra jumpers" land !

Hope all the ill folks get well soon

I'm doing battle with my dh who keeps moaning about being cold ... I'm not prepared to put the heating on yet. I really want to try and reduce our bills if we can. Neither of the dc seem to mind - ds aged 2.5 would happily run about naked in the snow if I let him .. I just layer them both up and they're fine. Dh is more difficult. He will come down in a t shirt and say "Oooooo isn't it cold" - yes because you're in a sodding t shirt.

So I'm digging my heels in and no heating yet. Holding out as long as I can!!

So far so good money wise. No disasters this month as yet - hate feeling so on edge worrying about it all the time. We live so close to the edge!

I really shouldn't depress myself by wandering about the rest of mumsnet and reading posts about people struggling on 100k salaries and so on.

Dh says he's cold but I point him in the direction of his thermal long sleeved vests my M&S voucher paid for (I switched banks to them).

We know people who say there's no need to put warm tops on because its warm in the house & genuinely cannot fathom how their utility bills are so big.

We had paraffin heaters until I was 5 and I have no memory of ever being cold, there was no double glazing either!.

Fairylea that thread is indeed a corker, but it is lovely to have Greengrow/Xenia back in full flow again : she is so entertaining

But yes, there is NO NEED to heat a whole house for one or two people.
Adult bedrooms only need heating in the morning when people are getting dressed
Children's bedrooms are mainly early evening
Living rooms are daytime / evening
and the whole family will sleep better if the rooms are allowed to cool a bit overnight.
TRVs and time clocks pay for themselves

Oh that thread is hilarious!
But in a bad way....:(
I do wonder how MNers who are really really struggling...dealing with all sorts of awful stuff....must feel when they see threads like that.
But - then again - there was a thread on here some time ago and it was by a woman whose Dhs business was in trouble. They lived in a massive house, drive big cars, but she had no money for food or petrol and couldn't pay for her kids to go to a party. She was trying to return gifts to get money. It was awful.
It did make me think.
You never know is what I am saying I suppose.

Take my sis and bil...
Big house.
2 new cars.
Sis can buy whatever she wants.
Holidays 6x a year.
BUT
They have no savings, bil has no pension, they have made no will, they are trapped in a huge house with an IO mortgage and therefore in massive neg equity.
She has a huge bill at next, don't know how many cc.....
But from the outside it all looks very good iyswim?

No heating on here yet either Yesterday I thought about it - then put on a thick cardi! I got the winter duvets out and we were done. Going to see how long we will last before I have to turn it on.