Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

My dad refused to discuss it.
He made a will (I bullied him I to it :))
I found planning his funeral very distressing - for the simple reason I didn't know if what I was doing was what he would have wanted iyswim?
My mum was very ill and my siblings just left everything to me.
It was a burden - one I still feel now :(
I don't want to put my Dh and kids through that.
I intend to have my ashes scattered on my parents plot.
I never want my kids to have choose a headstone :(

Kinky
YYY to staying at home on holidays.
We were planning to go away at Half term but have decided to stay home, have a few meals out and do stuff al apart from put up the pool table and watch bad films.

Badvoc
I'm going to visit my dad later this month (12 hour journey each way) for exactly that reason. He's old and a long way away and I need to assure myself that things will be sorted.

And another person who does not want a grave stone that will be neglected and forgotten within 40 years.

We won't be going away til next summer...uk.
We will use dhs bonus to pay for it which is usually about £700
I might be joining dh in Milan on a work trip next year just need to source cheap flights as room and food will be paid for

I quite like the sound of your funeral wishes moneyone. My dh refuses point blank to discuss it. It must be the thought of wine , Abba & dancing putting him off. Like you I want the cheapest box they've got.

Mil is certain she saw her dm's coffin being removed by the undertakers after her dm was cremated.

They paid a lot for it too.

Badvoc so sorry about your friend :(

Well I'm not having a holiday forever ever at this rate. We just never have anything spare to put towards it and all our spare money is being chucked at the debt at the moment. I'm terrified dh might lose his job (even though as said before it seems secure at the mo now) but the thought of suddenly struggling makes me feel quite ill. I hate feeling constantly anxious about money.

Spent £38 I didn't really need to today... but then again maybe I did. I don't know. I was using the tumble drier all the time but I realise this is very expensive (our electric is £98 a month) but I didn't have an airer to hang anything on so I bought myself one of those - £19 in the hope to cut down electric bills. I also got a couple of new pillows and ds wouldn't let go of a bus toy (£5) so that came home with us

Oh well. I just hope I can manage to use the tumble less. I'm giving it a go.

Sadly - kids being kids - my nephews (whose dad is rich) make fun of my kids because we only go on hols the uk.
I can't really be mad at the kids...it's their parents they get this attitude from.
Both my boys have loved our uk holidays :)
In fact last years was our best ever holiday (Northumberland)
The fact is that holidays are a luxury....I think we have been conditioned to think it's normal to have 3/4 holidays a year (foreign hen and stag dos etc)
When I was a child (violins start) our holiday was a day trip to Skegness.
That was it. For years.
(Of course I will never ever go there again :))

Badvoc
Kids are mean, but as they get older they realise that the valuable thing is parental TIME
some of our best holiday memories have been random games of uno with strangers in campsites in the rain
or playing go fish outside a hipster bar in the arse end of Brittany with bemused French kids trying to work out what we were doing

you can go anywhere and see anything, but unless you have people to share your memories with, its nothing

some of our most vivid family memories are from when the building work was going on (no bathroom for 6 weeks)
beat THAT Disney

Had a really interesting chat with ds1 yesterday (he has been off school Ill this week)
I explained that Dh and I have had to make sacrifices to enable me to stay at home and look after him and his brother.
And that means not going on holiday 3/4 times a year, or having the latest car or take always etc
He seemed quite happy with my explanation.
It doesn't bother him tbh.
My nephews have a lot materially, but they have a father who is basically a Stranger to them :( and a mother who would rather go shopping than spend time time with them :(

Hi all Badvoc sorry for the loss of your friend what a tragic accident we've made wills but it was ages ago.

DH still in a strop about money not talking to me all week (I'm used to it)... Again it's a mix of not having access/control & living on nothing - similar to me however. Problem is now he's in a strop when I spend on anything even groceries etc.

I'm thinking of increasing his "allowance" but I'm the one who'll suffer (and the kids) as the money has to come from somewhere. I'm thinking e100 ev 2 weeks instead of e150 ev month at least it would stretch better & I'd go through less stress. What price stress ?!! That's basically an extra e56 per month (sigh).

Also we had planned no hols next year instead using my holiday savings (2700) to fund DH taking summer off so kids could be free for camp & play dates & zoo visits etc however a cousin of DH is getting married in UK maybe may so we might all be going. It's not far from legoland so we could combine the 2... Personally UK has been on my bucket list for hols (thinking cornwall, Devon, Stonehenge (?) but London / legoland might be doable on a budget ish ?)

Snowie He's being unfair to you. I was in a very poor financial state when I met dh but we worked through it. He could have paid it all off for me but I wouldn't have learned from it.

Got a £100 cheque off lloyds because they messed up closing my business account. They've also cancelled my fees of £20. I'm paying it into my savings account next week. I emailed their ceo instead of complaining in the branch.

Snowie He's acting like a kid. You know it, he knows it. Until he grows a pair and starts looking after his own finances, he'll need to keep being treated like a kid.
You can tell him I said that

wel, having had a dreadful time of it financially last week, there waas definte improvement this week. still reeling from the last eeek though.
went to visit parentsand had a good cheap week (exceptpetrol which dad and dh both gave me money for)
the money problems last week will bite me next month when iget the charges for them.
but it's going alright now.
we even went to goose fair and went on rides(i cleared out my stall float, s have to rememnber to get some change before the next event in two weeks)
and i bought some exotic veg from a shopin hyson green.
we've eaten the plaintain already, but not sure what to do with the rest!!

I had a good day today - sold my DM's old gold at Hatton Gardens for 85 quid and sold two dresses on eBay (only £8 but it all adds up).

DH is a bit reluctant to see me sell things but I am trying to whittle down my wardrobe so it is genuinely things I won't be wearing again.

I am still doing the boring council tax rebate/energy switching type things too but it is feeling ok. I put my foot through our bed sheet the other night so I'm going to try to patch them with WundaWeb rather than get new ones right now. Some clever bod on here recommended an ex-hotel linen eBay seller so I may try and get some new stuff from there eventually.

Snowie if you know in advance, LegoLand sometimes do money-off vouchers. London can definitely be done on a budget - just walking around all the landmarks is more than a day in itself! My parents used to bring us here and we'd sit on the lions at Trafalgar Square, play football in Regents Park, look at the view from Primrose Hill and go to Hamley's and Harrods. Get Oyster cards and the Busmapper app to help you.

Nickel post what you have and we can try to help you with recipes!

erm.....
i definitely have a mango.
and i can't remember what the others were called.
one relly long brown root (about 2 inches thick and roud)
2 gourd like ones like squashes- green na mes like yola or dola or roni?
bag of very small roots that look a bit like truffles - ping pong ball size and brown
1 very long white gourd/squash.
i can post oictures if that's better

rainers - if you sew, chop your sheets in half downb the middle, then sew the eedges together.
my mum used to do that when w were kids.
you end up with a centre seam

aha!
just went t take photos and i found that the receipt has the names on it!!
i have red mango, kasava, kodoo long (jali), muli white long, jara, and kadoo.
one of the wider gourds (assuming now kadoo) has been bashed on the way home so has broken skin and a bit of a bruise, so will need to be used up quickly

Ooh I'd roast the gourds and gave with cheesy pasta.

For the muli I'd grate it, soak it in some vinegar and have some Vietnamese noodles with it - I work in central London and every other shop is a Vietnamese! It's got a texture a bit like raw potato but is really nice.

I know cassava is also supposed to be nice roasted but I've never attempted it!

Hi all desperate headache today & I appear to be in charge of everything this weekend ie sports runs with the kids etc oh well. I could moan on about DH but it won't fix things. Hopefully he'll have done some housework by the time I get back or I think I really will faint with exhaustion.

Money wise we have 40 left until thurs, 20 of which will have to go on petrol & 20 for bread & milk. I have meal planned & made my usual batches of sauce for meals for the kids during the week.

Good news tho our car (nearly) passed our mot equivalent just needs bulbs & free retest. Tg as had no money for a service ! Lights & fitting should be under 40 I hope.

Again though heading into the rest of the week with no cushion fund & in fact a dd is going to bounce as had to use it for not charge plus cancellation fee (had canceled before as no cash to pay the fee !! Vicious cycle).

I have a horrible headache & am so tired but have so much to do for the week ahead including iron all the uniforms etc. I asked for a day off this week & it's not even possible. I'm in hosp in a couple of weeks for tests and horrendous as it sounds I'm looking forward to the break...

Thanks trainers - it's a long way off yet anyway but I know Tesco do vouchers for UK from here too will start saving my points !

thank you trainers.
i like the sound of those.

we had the bruised one in our sunday roast today. it ws very nice .

TIP,

When you use giff gaff payg do you lose all the minutes etc after 30 days?. I swapped to sainsbos payg but its cost me £8 in two months.