Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

nerf well done - once over we would have blown the annual bonus DH gets in a similar way you describe but not anymore thanks to this thread...

Should say from a bit up thread - we too have 23 years left on mortgage but hope to overpay and get that down to 17 after this two debt consolidation. If we werent paying debts we could double our payment

We also live in a 3 bed semi. It is a new build so smallish rooms - This I'm ok with its actually the layout of ours that means it lacks privacy.

Nerf...many many congrats x

Wow well done Nerf!

It's really inspiring to hear the successes people are having - now everyone's learning to make informed decisions about how to spend money.

I've decided to concentrate on trying to pay off my credit card this month (currently at £400). With the deposit from the old flat returned I have paid off £200 this month and decided I'm going to throw all my moneysaving at it. So eBaying, selling gold and old jewellery, any random money that comes my way this month, maybe a car boot sale. It's a huge ask but I hope I can make a dent in it if not get the whole lot paid off.

I introduced YNAB to my DH and he is really on board - there was quite a high 'fun money' amount and we put £250 towards Christmas which I wouldn't necessarily have done but I was pleased at how much he embraced the ideas.

congratulations nerf [fowers]

nerf
I'm so glad the money has come in after all the stress. And well done on using it in your new responsible way.

It makes the whole struggle worth it if you have the tools in place to make sure it does not happen again.

PS : Is anybody who posts / lurks on this thread going to benefit from this?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-29457044

Im fortunate not to have one from those thieves. If anyone on this thread has one I hope this helps you.

Well I got three extra large whole chickens for £7.50 has been slow cooked, and the other two are in freezer - every penny etc.

Off to swimming now, taking own fruit and drinks for post swim play.

No never had a payday loan. I have just listened to an excellent podcast. Martin Lewis going postal at a Brighthouse guy. Really didn't hold back about their ridiculous rent to buy prices

So pleased about the payday loans - I know we all have to take responsibility but there comes a point with that kind of thing where you just can't because the goal posts move.

Thank you all.

It's really helpful when your other half gets it - mine spent a very long time saying 'I work really hard so I'm not going to scratch around for years' which was a battle in itself.

Well I am still struggling. I bought YNAB last month, got all motivated and put my£1000 overdraft on to the remaining £1000 of my bank loan. I spent the bare minimum all month and scrutinised every penny but still ended up borrowing out of the bills account to keep in the black. Feeling dispirited

Neckless
you need to have a look then at what you are spending on

Food : Lidl / Aldi time ~ no eating out at all, even coffee ~ go teetotal for 6 days a week
Clothes : none at all for a month
Beauty : what is needed rather than wanted
Travel : walk or cycle as much as you can
Bills : turn everything off unless it needs to be on

its a real mindset change but you'll get there

TIP...it's bloody depressing when you are doing all that and still struggling :(
Sigh.
But you know what?
Tomorrow is the funeral of someone my age.
With 3 kids.
Fell over, hit her head and died.
So...you know, in the great scheme of things...it's ok.

Oh blimey. Yup, live for today : but then again try not to leave to much mess behind

It doesn't always show in the bank balance straightaway, but it all adds up.

I used to think I was frugal spending £60 a week in sainsbos

So sorry for your loss Badvoc - that's awful.

However I would say that most of my mess has been because of my wreckless attitude.

If I died having lived every day as if it's my last I'd be leaving a right pile of crap behind me.

Live life like it is too short - plenty of love and affection for those who matter and quality time. Just don't SPEND like it is too short.

I think it is breaking the association with needing to spend money/be lavish with things in order to show affection and feel gratified. That links in nicely with the minimalist pages that were posted earlier in the week.

I still read things like that and want to hit the 'book' button on my expensive holiday, but, in reality, those two weeks would mean as much to my kids if I sat and did things with them every day. I sometimes make game-boards with my DS when it's the holidays. It's all he ever natters me to do with him, not Disney.

Badvoc .

P.S. I am still working on all of these things myself as it is not easy to break the habits. It will take a long time.

Sorry for the loss of your friend Badvoc, tragic. While I don't think of it often, my affairs would be ok if I go unexpectedly. Mortgage would be paid off, and lump sum payout from work would more than cover loan/card debt. Only thing I must do now I think about it is make sure I change everything to go to DS and not x...do that today in fact.

In other news, I got £128 refund from Scottish Power today so have overpaid same amount to loan, and when I called them to get the money back I got a new tariff which is £5 cheaper per month...happy with that!

NS w/end planned...lunch today with chum but she's paying (it's my b/day on Sun). Declutter my room Sat, then lunch with family and DS in Sunday!

Happy Friday people

This weekend I'm digging out old jewellery to sell tomorrow, then continuing my declutter - sold two dresses on eBay (one for £22) so every bit helps.

I'm reading The Magic Art of Tidying and it's encouraging me to just flog the things I rarely use rather than just keep them 'in case' - it feels as though it's lavish to get rid of things but it is going towards my debt so long-term I will be in a better position.

Sorry to hear of your friend Badvoc. Life is so fragile.

It's just...so bloody cruel :(
Her youngest is a year younger than ds1 and a friend of my nephew.
Since dad died last year I have put my affairs in order.
Made a list of my funeral arrangement wishes (even inc reading and music!)
If I died the house would be paid off and Dh would get £150k.
It comforts me to know that.
Sil is the dc guardian should anything happen to Dh and I before they reach adulthood.
We both have wills.
What more can you do?