Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

So glad you are feeling better missa x
God, Black Friday is rubbish isn't it?
I am done now anyway, but even if I wasn't I would point black refuse to join in with the hysteria.
Madness.
I got some co op vouchers that I hadn't used come through last week!
£70 worth! So that's out Xmas groceries pretty much sorted :)
Car has it's mot in December though and I know it needs new tyres...

haven't been on in a while have been a bit rubbish with it all. getting fed up, spending and regretting it after

haven't spent on cards just gone into my overdraft which I was hoping to get back on track with this month.

have been productive today and sorted out dd2 wardrobe and have a huge black sack of clothes to sell most of them next (second hand I didn't buy new) all in very good condition. whats best way to sell? bundles or individually? sizes are 6-9, 9-12 and 12-18 and some converse shoes sizes infant 4,5,6 (hand downs from dd1 which don't fit)

Hello All,

I was wondering if I could join? I've been lurking for ages.

It was my plan to start paying off debt at the start of September when my DH got a permanent job (hurray!) after two years of short term contracts, periods out of work and horrible uncertainty. BUT ... I've been rubbish :(

In January 2014 I was about 9.5K in debt, and now, in December 2014 I am ... 9.5K in debt. I pay some off ... I put some back on ... I pay some off ... ad nauseum, ad infinitum.

I was actually doing quite well over the summer (when we had a lot less money!) and I even used some exam marking money to pay off one credit card. Indeed I didn't increase my debt for months. But ... as soon as DH started his job, instead of being really good I bought a computer (I assured myself that it was for DH's new job - which it is but we should, and could, have found a way to manage) and a new front door (damp problems - I feel less bad about this). I also went completely over the top for my DS's 7th birthday.

I don't know why I do it or who I am trying to impress. Or why I care so much.

DH also has 6K of debt and we are both on board with the idea of 'getting sorted'. We really want to move house this time next year so we have a goal to clear 6K by then.

We earn about 60k between the two of us but pay around £800 a month in childcare which makes a bit difference to the money we have available to tackle debt.

We have no savings. No emergency fund. It's ridiculous. I have this feeling that I need to spend every penny that I have each month. I grew up quite poor (dad out of work with depression then worked as a taxi driver. Mum stacked shelves in Asda. They had loads of debt and had to re-mortgage, nearly lost house etc. I got frees school meals and things) and I have no idea why I'm like this.

Sorry for epic first post. Feels good to be honest with figure and get it all down.

Well done (and thanks) if you read it all.

Ha I spelt my user name wrong for that first post. It is now corrected ^^

Hi there Ursula and welcome to the gang.
First off, lock the cards over onto standing orders rather than any sort of direct debit : so that you are in control.

Then set up some sort of a budget - either using my spreadsheet linked in the opening post or YNAB
Identify where the money is going and all will become clearer.

Any YYY : no more excessive Birthdays.

Evening all. I have a question.....does anyone know if there's a 0% balance transfer credit card that will let me take on debt from DHs credit card? He has two with high interest but as he's out of work I thought I could take a card in my name. I know Tesco won't as I looked at this before and it said you couldn't transfer debt from someone else's card.

Hi all - lots of catching up to do ! peonies I'm glad you're feeling better !
I'm ignoring Black Friday too everyone !
Countdown to Xmas firmly on. We were going to get DS an Xbox but he didn't actually ask for it so changed our minds. Dd wants a ds2 tho and hard to get one without getting DS something similar ! He loves his (inherited) tablet tho so ds2 couldn't be better than that.

ursual welcome we're all in the same boat at some level ! I'm about 1 rung off the bottom ie I've pretty much nearly stopped crying

I won a mumsnet bedtime stories book !

JickJack many of the balance transfer cards also have 0% deals on cash withdrawals. For example, I wanted to pay off a loan in DHs name so it was on a 0%, took it as a cash transfer from my MBNA card into my bank account - it was about 3k - then paid off his loan. The handling fee was a tiny bit higher, but not much.

Ursual I could have written your post - are you another teacher then?! My exam marking money went on my CC too . I am having to retrain myself from the mantra 'I earn good money and work hard, so deserve to do/buy XXXX'.

Snowie nice freebie! Pleased you've stopped crying!

nocuts I've been doing this too (overspend) - it is much harder at this time of year when it's dark and there is much more commercial pressure. Be kind to yourself and keep coming back .

Miss I'm so pleased that you sound like things are finally sorted out for you health-wise. Lots of R&R - enjoy the naff Christmas films on daytime .

I know December will be a write-off. My aim is to continue not to use a CC. I haven't touched one since January, so that is very good going for me. The debt is still going down, it could just do with going down a touch faster...

Happy weekend to everyone else.

Credit card question - I have a barclay card with a balance of just under 1k now could I transfer to a 0% deal so I can pay down quicker even if I'm not currently working (on SSP) or will it be really difficult to get one?

I do intend to be working in the new year but that may also be erratic as may be temping...

Hi

I have decided to rejoin the thread. I seem to have beaten my spending habits. It has taken me about a year to change my mindset. I now have 'pocket money' each week that I can spend on whatever I want, guilt free.

My debt stands at 25K. It is all on low interest loans. The aim is 1K per month.

I may give ynab another go, if I can find a way of making it work for me.

.

afterthought
WELL DONE
I know how hard it has been for you to get your head into a place where you could start to enjoy living within your means.

Hi everyone I was in Tesco doing shopping (for a change !) it's usually lidl but I needed extras & am glad I went as I got a few Santa presents out of the way.

I was wondering - we have been thrift shopping for ages & I read before that you should try the lowest priced brand & see what you can deal with.

So I've realised we can compromise on cereal but not dairy spread, meat wise - I am quite choosy but have settled on a few Irish choices from lidl mainly. Bread - we love best of both & lidl is fine. Fabric softener - can only use branded - currently enjoying surf fragrance from dryer (on special offer if course I'm not mad!).
Cat food - cat likes lidl or Tesco own brand.
I can't really think of anything else I need to but branded (apart from milk & meat).
I have to say I think my positive attitude is having an impact - good things are coming my way - in the form of - extra cash from my family (not much but helps a lot !) for Xmas. Job is looking up too (after my ranting).

Hang in there everyone it will be ok.

Watching extreme cheapskates...that is all.

Thanks kinky I've applied for an mnba card today and they've given me a £2800 limit so I can use the money to pay off one of DHs high % cards and then have 14 months to pay it off (at 0%).

Will try and update properly later. The last couple of weeks have been extremely stressful and busy and it's hard to keep focused. Going to come up with a serious plan for next year as after Xmas we will dealing with things without financial input from my folks. We have agreed to enjoy Xmas and try not to make the kids feel too hard done by as we've spent the year constantly telling them they can't have/do things. I love the homeliness of Xmas so am dwelling on that, plenty of home baked goodies, lit candles and board games and we have managed to find a couple of good deals so they have a couple of surprises to unwrap on Christmas morning.

Decs will go up next weekend, though DH will put the icicles round the porch in a bit just because its dry today! He's sulking a bit as his birthday is in a couple of weeks and he prefers Xmas to wait until after his birthday, but he's well and truly outvoted this year!!

Jickjack both DH and I have just got MBNA cards they are really useful as you can transfer cash - which meant I could pay off expensive overdraft, whereas with other 0% deals you cant do this. I've found it esy to manage too, as you can get info via texts (balances) without havin to log on to site.

That's fab JickJack - pleased it worked.

jickjack mbna are very aggressive (in my experience) in collecting overdue amounts so be careful !

Got £125 bank charges refunded! Explained to bank we are budgeting heavily and asked for loads of help to achieve this. We are now a step further on the road to financial recovery!

Went to Aldi with DH yesterday and we managed to shop for the month very frugally and get most of the stuff for Christmas without spending a whole lot. He's now more on board than ever and is now planning what we can grow in the garden over summer to save on buying veg ( are we going to end up recreating the "Good Life"?).

Discovered the FRugal Queen blog which has some really good ideas to cut back so reading my way through that at the moment!

I have fallen off the thread but am still being super-thrifty!

We have had a Very Stern talking to from a family member who wants to help us towards getting a mortgage. We are sloooowly dragging our way out of debt and I have paid off the final credit card. Just our overdrafts to go now.

My family member is going to help get us on our feet by giving us a lump sum while we get our financial act together. I think what we need to do (maybe someone with experience can help me!) is to pay off our overdrafts and put the rest in savings? The overdrafts will be about a third of the money.

I have been YNABing everything and since being on this thread have had a real attitude change.

JickJack I agree with Snowie
MBNA can be bar stewards, but play them at their own game.
Set up a standing order for £140 a month now ; that being 5% of the limit
then you can never run up charges and will always be ploughing through the debt
any extra electronic payments you make will help

Sporting
WELL DONE on the bank charges - worth everybody having a go at it as the banks know that most charges are indefensible

Interestingly today I heard a lady pleading with her credit card company and they suggested everything EXCEPT the standing order trick.
So I told her it when she got off the phone.

trainers that's great news! Def clear any remaining debt with it, you can then use the money you were paying towards debt to build up savings.

TIP you're like a financial superhero flying round saving people! hoping you don't wear pants outside your trousers though

I'm so proud of our debt free Christmas... First one ever since we have been married. I'm recovering well from surgery and sooooo looking forward to being able to run again, I've been told no exercise at all for 6 weeks except light walking.

peonies glad you're feeling better !

Beginning to feel the pinch for Xmas - DS asking for an Xbox again I had to tell him Santa doesn't bring that because he couldn't bring one to everyone ! I bet kids in his class will get one though ! I could still get one but would be massively stretched for everything else. Also need to go out twice in next 2 weeks. I had an internal interview & had to fork out a lot for new suit as it was badly needed. Not even thinking about Xmas food & drink etc ! I'm due a small bit of overtime. Already spent about 150 on kids Santa stuff (Lego, stupid elsa doll etc !) and it won't even look anything on the day ! Slightly panicking !