Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

Ah, OK, I forgot the numbers behind your circumstances.
Right.
Set up a standing order I'm a bit of a broken record on my standing orders to pay it off over seven months in fortnightly increments
The logic being that every time HMRC start to get shirty over the amount, by the time they send you a letter you'll have sent a payment.
After a month or two they give up and just wait for the money to flow in.

TBH this time last year neither you nor he were budgeting at all so the odd annual nasty surprise is almost forgivable.
Get him to start planning forward for the 14/15 amount and tax return EARLY ... like June next year

But a big thanks for being here TIP

It's ok we have the 0% card on it's way to cover the full payment. Then we will set a S/O up for the card. But all that is very usefult o know should we run in any difficulty.

Yes re this time last year. I think thats why I was so upset about it as i felt Id paid so much attention - followed advice on paying three times minimum amounts. I really reined in the spending - I 've bought no clothes for anyone other than DD who needed big girl pants and some long sleeved tops. We've been very careful about accepting social invites and planning money accordingly. Mainly meal planning..but also Ive saved petrol by not going too far, I can make it last so no shopping trips to big retail park further away or Birmingham City centre. I feel like Ive done all this and I've had three unexpected bills this month. There is always someone waiting to take money off you in some way

I have already done my spreadsheet unto Jan 2016, as I wanted to see how DD's childcare fees panned out (another source of guilt) so I shall highlight June to make sure he files it earlier.

I'd peed myself laughing in someones face if they'd told you could feel so skint on our level of income I really would have before. Earn more spend more is a horrible spiral. Big increases in income (which we have had that last 5 years) can lead to such misery through mis-management. More money is after your basic needs are met is never the answer.

Hi there, can I ask a question about You Need A Budget? I am not precisely in debt (or not much - approx £1000 on DH's credit card, plus we owe PIL for a car loan, but they've frozen the repayments until I've finished maternity leave) but I've been reading these threads for hints and tips regarding budgeting/saving. We are so, so crap with money in general, definitely live from pay cheque to pay cheque, and need to get saving for a deposit on a house. Being on maternity leave is scary money-wise - my normal income is approx £1600 net pcm, but now it's somewhere between £500-600 pcm on SMP. We share one joint account for everything, and I'll go back to full pay at the end of March.

Anyway, my question is: having put all of next month's income and outgoings into YNAB (the free trial), I've realised that what with Christmas expenses, there really is no cash for any non-Christmas-related extras (eg the odd book for my Kindle app or DH's online gaming). However, I'm not sure that's very realistic. How much do you all budget on food? I've put £300 pcm in atm, for a family of 2 adults, one toddler and one EBF baby. Is that heaps and heaps? We do try to meal plan but are a bit shit at it. I have budgeted £150 into the Emergency Fund - do you try to maintain an Emergency Fund or do you just count Christmas as an emergency and spend it?

smile oh no & so close to Christmas too

Hello tooextra welcome, but sorry I dont use YNAB. I think £300 is reasonable £75 per week you can eat quite good on that. You could get it down to £240 if you really wanted to skimp a bit more. Value brands, no processed stuff at all. I dont think Xmas is emergency as such tbh. But then it is Christmas...You have to face all this on a 'need basis' - do you really need to spend that £150?

Snowie well its just another payment to go out on another 0% card now. The money I will save from moving mortgage will go on that. But to complicate things (well sort of) income goes up in April re DH's previous taxed problems will be paid and his Net will go up £120 and also DD's childcare will go down by £215 so we will be £335 better off from then.

we've had a few heated convos to day DH and I

marking place to catch up .

Reduced the mortgage by £29.02 so a good result there and have the majority of the meals planned for the week. Also bid for some freelance work on gumtree not a huge amount but it will bring in some extra cash if I get it.

Smile glad you have something sorted. You're right about pay increases increasing the opportunity to overspend, if you are that way inclined.

So, since I joined the thread I refinanced a loan to pay off the old loan and the high interest credit card, which replaced the initial loan with a v low interest rate so that's good. Credit card exists for the time being, for work expenses and emergencies. Was fortunate to receive a payrise so 75% of that has been allocated straight to increasing debt repayments and to create a savings fund to be the safety net instead of the credit card.

And then the tumble dryer died. Fortunately had enough to replace it without resorting to credit card, but that money was intended to be for final xmas presents, xmas food and petrol money for getting to family far away.

So DH and I have purged our wardrobes and we have ebay listings and music magpie collections this week. We have come to an arrangement with BIL and SIL that we'll only buy for each other's DC. So small steps and tight belts this month and we should manage ok.

Zamboni
Well done that you are working with your DH and family to live within your means : you will ALL benefit long term.

Can someone give a view on this I'm n ot sure where my financial boundaries, if you like, are with this: I normally buy for the people below - wine, choices, candle and smells normally on the 3 for 2 mid priced type stuff. So each has a gift bag as a couple.

DB + DP (I buy for their nephew)
DSIL + her DP
DBIL (bachelor)
DBIL + his DP
DBIL & DSIL
DF + DP
DF & her DH

This year my DM is also in a newish relationship so feel I should give them something to share as well as a gift for her.

DH and I are not buying for each other, we are having a night out (£10 each). hey all buy for my two DC this is why I feel I should buy for them as they dont have any DC's (except for nephew) or they are adult children all moved out. We don't see these people very much tbh - its a source of irritation that no-one comes to see us (but we dared to move away) and even when we are in the area some cba it seems to come and meet us. They are all decent people just a little removed IYSWIM. DH's parents are both passed so there is never a central meet up that way.

Is it mean if I just buy them a £3.45 bottle of mulled wine each - normal prce from tesco if you are interested, and a naice box of fudge for £3.00 - This will cost us £50ish pounds. Less than what we normally spend. I know this isnt the way to be thinking about it, I kinda feel guilty about spending less on them but I think we spend petrol, time and effort to go and visit as well as 8 gifts they only have to think about the kids...Oh I dont know.

I feel mythered. Not enjoying all this but I have shopped about online a lot to limit spending. I feel a bit begrusged about stocking fillers too...

I don't think it is mean at all. In fact last year we instigated a rule that we only buy presents for the kids in our families and just get our parents or other people we visit a bunch of flowers, biscuits or wine depending on what we have about (more as a thanks for having us then an Xmas present). We told everyone in advance we were doing it. Not only did it save us money but it saved us from getting loads of random stuff we didn't really want.

andsmile
I stopped spending much on presents for people a long time ago.
Silly things are good : like one year when I knew a whole gang were going to be together and I'd be elsewhere I got them adult toys from Hawkin at £5 a couple : went down a storm.

Some family members push the boat out - they have the cash.

This year I think we are going to 3d print stuff for people : cheap but unique.

Budget for kids is £100 each. DH and I not buying anything as I've just booked a birthday trip for the new year for us.

Do not feel mean.
Esp if they do not come and give you good company and laughing times

We don't buy for adults anymore.

We might be putting a few quid in each and getting a board game for us all to play together.

We did do secret santa for a few years - £25 limit, each get one adult to buy for.

Hours of silliness ... one per family
www.hawkin.com/deluxe-pinball

OK thanks hearmy, kinky for reassurances but blood hell tip adult toys and they went down a storm I thought what on earth has she been buying people...then I clicked your link Oh I did laugh a little then!

Hmm, I was sure the adult toys had gone down a storm too and

Talkin

Payday dance.

It is all just numbers on a page, isn't it. Sat there, moving it all around thinking I really have no concept of actual money anymore. For example, just put £300 on CC with a click, not even thinking about it. How hard it would have been to actually hand the notes over.

It's not feasible for me to work in cash now, but I wish it was. I think it would be much more carefully spent. Especially at Tesco .

isn't it? should be...

Well you know how I booked this holiday ages ago and we going to center parcs - I really think its stopped me spending as much as I can't fit it all in the car and we have to save ourselves for our holiday

LSD here as only milk to buy @ £1.48 for huge bottle which will last into the weekend.

Entering a lot of competitions in the hope that some luck comes our way. I hardly ever win anything so would be happy with even winning anything small.

Meant to post that in credit crunch oops!

hello all sorry to hear about your unexpected bill andsmile

I have really curtailed spending this Christmas, last year and previous years I would have bought it all on a CC without checking the price tag. This year sans Credit, it's really making me think about everyone's gifts.

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE it if all the adults we knew just made an agreement not to buy stuff. Hate all the hassle of worrying what to buy, hauling it home, wrapping it, hauling it to give out, worrying they hate it.

thanks peonies I agree re adults

Have you had your op? How are you, you home recovering? Hope you are as well as can be.

Good morning All

I hope that everybody is being strong and ignoring the Hype
and making sure that the only Black Friday activity is making sure their bank accounts keep heading towards the black.

I actually went out for Thanksgiving supper last night (being of the Yank extraction) but loathe the hype around the whole thing

and the nasty entirely commercial way Amazon the tax dodgers and Walmart the zero hours stars brought it to the UK

Only black friday thing I have bought so far was actually paid in Boots points so didn't cost me anything! It was a playmobil remote control pirate ship for DS and cost £60 originally and I got it for £29 along with some Spiderman puzzles. So I'm in the black and I'm chuffed to have got something that DS will enjoy using with the pirates he got bought last year.

I am certainly not wading through the hell of the shops today! Any other stuff will be bought online and we have the cash ready for it.

I do loathe the way it's now seen as some kind of ritual and it's only really been this year that I've actually even bothered online. Certainly not in the mood to fight anyone for a bargain (good job really as I always wear New Rocks and that could be lethal!)

andsmile Yes, I had it just over a week ago, was the middle option they had planned (I was told there were 3 possibilities: 1 - laparoscopic, they wouldn't see a problem and would come out again. 2 - open laparotomy to untwist bowel and fix it in place. 3 - open laparotomy to untwist bowel + multiple resections if damage was bad.)

I had option 2, plus some widening of where the bowel had narrowed due to the twist. It turns out I had a congenital birth defect that is almost always picked up in the first year of life, somehow I was managing with a huge corkscrew twist in my bowel, but my appendix surgery in Jan triggered it to get worse and made it impossible.

So I am feeling very weak and can't walk/lift due to large scar, but glad I escaped resection and also hoping for a very healthy and happy 2015!