Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

Too late. iPad purchased by DH. I think it's the one thing he thought he could 'do' and I'm hugely grateful.

We had allocated money for baby savings so that'll pay for the iPad then it's back to the debt repayment as planned

Hey ho.

So sorry DYE

Our overdraft is now gone, woohoo! Just(!) the CC now which has another 13 months interest free so have time to get that money together (have dd set up for the min payment each month)

. Thank you

I've redone the budget to include my lovely new ipad and we should be debt free in 17m. We've both kicked in to practical mode. It's how we cope. "well if we're not having a baby we can do x,y and z"

I'm drinking a lovely bottle of wine and am about to have some stinky cheese. Each day at a time and all that.

northender
Well done

Dye2014
Wine and smelly cheese, that's the attitude
And yes, look on the silver lining in the cloud - you had adjusted your finances for one outcome. Now you have the tools to make a different but still long lasting and positive outcome - debt free within 2 years

Dye1014

I suppose mnhq have deleted my post already (haven't looked at thread), but it's true it doesn't really matter to have it up here I guess.

£3,500 as of Nov. 2014.

Holger
Well done on re-posting the number. It is just a number. It will shrink. You have the strength to do it.

Holger - if it makes you feel any better our debt is £7k (on a loan so should be paid off in 2 years.)
Have finally persuaded dh to decrease the cable package and we are stopping payments into the dc ctf accounts.
We just can't afford it ATM

Approx £12k here...

Approx 19k still to go. I updated the spreadsheets last night and was glad that they were less than I thought. Debt repayments will be minimum for next 2 months to pay for some massive house purchases and my new ipad but the good news is we're current and haven't added to the debt.

Missbeans Well, Kinky, I guess I'd find it reassuring to know I'm getting the same salary as a man who puts in as much graft & is as equally qualified/experienced as I am. I'm well aware there is such a pay gap; I'd find it unjustifiable if a man were to be doing my job and be getting more out of it in the monetary sense. But then, I am a natural worrier.

I hope that all women are worried about the gender pay gap! The way you worded your original post made it sound like you were holding back from work/unable to go out due to inequality of pay - that's why I asked. I think the pay gap is something we just go out there and tackle as it arises: challenge, challenge, challenge, move on as and when you can until you find a place that values your contribution regardless of your gender. It is a shitty situation. You sound like you are already providing your DC with an excellent and motivated role model .

Hello everyone. I'm really sorry to hear your update did you.
If we are posting figures (and well done all of you) e have 14k (dh) 4500 (me) 4500 (dh) and 5800 (dh).

Mum you are still inspirational in your determination and everyone still seems onboard - it's time for me to rejoin in earnest I think

I worry about the gender pay gap. At school I reckon I probably do get paid less than men with equal experience. No way of finding that out for sure though.

Did you say you're in private Miss?

I still see groups of men dominantly SLT in state schools - many are boys' clubs. The pay gap for me is created by the promotion of men over women. For example, several women interviewed for a well-paid job at last place, nobody got it (different reasons, they said). Then all men and a man got it. He had no more relevant experience than some of the women who came for the first interview. It is dodgy as hell, but they always have a reason... New place is run by a woman, so hoping it will prove to be different.

dominate SLT

kinky - re having third - that is exactly how I feel. I would like another family member I want us to be 'more'. I know in heart of hearts I a done but I get very squidgy over babies and I never used to. DH is absolutely not no more - he says we've done our bit for population. Also I get very anxcious during pregnancies and Ive had two CS's and I just feel I'd be pushing my luck again at 40. We also live in a modest 3 bedroom house - we would have to move if we had a third to be comfortable but that is a whole other thread - e minimalism.

Bad for for spending the last couple of days - takeaway last night as im not well and didnt cook so this is what happens! Ditto with Thursday I fed DC at gym as it meant getting to swimming on time and I was starting to flag. Having been really good when things like this happen it feels like a fortune - I would say a basic weeks shopping money was spent on two meals.

The lesson I have learnt from this its all very well having nice home cooked food etc but still have tinned ravioli and pizzas in to stop spending on things like this.

My figures are about 22k - We've been paying these for years but it's only since using TIP spreadsheets we 'got real' about consolidation and not bloody well using them anymore. Still feel guilt about all the nice non essential things we have - it feels like we are locked into a lifestyle.

kinky yes, private sector and all management in my school (even at head of department, year head type level, never mind SLT) is hugely male-dominated. I think things are changing but private schools were traditionally so cushy that these old men tend to stay in jobs for life - in my school there are single bachelors (who have always been so) at the top of an incredibly generous pay scale living in 5 or 6 bedroom houses for free on school grounds, because when they were appointed at 20 years old it was assumed they'd marry and need to accommodate a wife and family. This is dying out now and people are much more mobile, but it will take these last few to retire for the grip of misogyny to be ousted.
Once when I was an academic I visited an all boys public school to give a talk - at the posh dinner afterward I commented on how none of the teachers I had seen were women. "Oh we do have some girl teachers, but not as many as most schools" said my companion airily, adding (when he saw my face "oh don't worry, the boys do see women around you know, matrons, cleaners, that sort of thing"

I work for a council, in some ways I think it is better then other places but there is still a real lack of women in senior positions, though it had improved hugely in the last 5 years. When I first started my last role, 4 years ago, I realised I was on a lower grade then the 2 men doing the same job as me. I spent a year demanding they sort it out but it was only when I threatened to request a pay review under the equal pay policy that they magically found the money to up my grade.

andsmile
re Takeaways / extra meals
I always have pasta and tinned tomatoes and some herbs in the cupboard
and then some chicken thigh fillets in the freezer
means I can pull together a swift pasta, tomato chicken supper in about 20 minutes (microwave for thawing) with very little effort
and those never go out of date

the other emergency meal is fish cakes and rice - again freezer / store cupboard

the other night I did my baked fish thingy and then we bought £3 of chips from the shop to go with it

peonies
I guess I'm lucky in that accountancy is still sexist, but unless you can pass the exams you are nothing (connections / old school tie) and promotions do seem to be 75% on merit

TIP yes Im going to re-think my shopping. Thanks as always for advice.

Car insurance sent via recorded delivery (today) a demand for £77.00 and immediately threatening legal action. As you may recall we cancelled our policy and got a much cheaper one, then this is what you pay apparently. It pissed us both off the agreessiveness. We just paid it, still works out m uch cheaper. If they had applied no claims discount when they said they would and hadnt been so picky over something then we may have stayed with them ahh well....But nevertheless another bill not budgeted for.

peonies im hopeing to progress to Msc and stay in academia but Im wary of this being male dominated. I read a thread on MN where posters were saying how much pressure there is to get funding for research etc. Am I bit deluded to think a part time lecturing role and maybe working as a research assistant. It will be secondary/supplementry income - the bit that gets chucked at mortgage overpayments or kids uni fees.

TIP my DH works for one of the big 4 accountants. I would say there are an equal number women in senior roles where he is. He does deal with partners who, as he says, are part of the old boy network, types.

Must say both my previous schools have had 50% females on SLT inc a female HT (but she was batshit and was made to leave)

andsmile
On an earlier thread there was a splendid session of eating out of the larder
BUT
its worth having that fiver's worth of emergency food in as it saves much more in the long run

DD's emergency meal is couscous heated up with tomato puree (tube lives in the fridge), olives (jar lives in the fridge), capers (jar lives in the fridge) and then tuna (tins live in the cupboard) on top
takes her less than 5 minutes to fix, is yummy, costs diddly squat

and

If you email the ceo of that company you'll get that £77 back, hopefully with another few quid on top for their over reaction.

It'll take you 10 minutes to do it.

Our emergency food -

Tin of toms reduced in pan with chopped onion/garlic, dash of mixed herbs and olive oil. Add sliced frozen vege or meat sausages if any in freezer at the onion frying stage. Also add chilli flakes if liked.
Boil pasta, mix. Delicious and takes 20 mins.

We also tend to have lots of tupperware of bolognese, chills,curries frozen but homemade, so we can blitz those in minutes and add pasta/rice/potatoes

Ok I should stop thinking about food now - in hospital being fed through a drip in my neck prior to an operation, feeling very hungry!