Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

I will do just that. It does look as though I need to pay the £58. But I intend to dispute the admin charges.

Thank you for commenting about my charges.
I will write, but I don't know whether it will help me - they did wait until my account had enough money in it to pay the charges (even though it had a knock on effect o to my other bank and means that I still can't pay my supplier because all the money I was going to pay them has been taken up in charges)
I suppose I can point that out and point out that it's unfair of them to charge me not only per item, but also charge me unauthorised overdraft and still reject payments.
I like the idea of writing instead - I can also put in copies of the "oy you haven't paid us we're cutting you off" letter too.

Hey,dropped off/gone AWOL...DS spending 9th day in hospital after developing complications following emergency appendectomy ... head is up my ass

mum ...just say a big get well wish to you for you DS. You musthave been worried there. Puts everything else in persepective.

nickel hopes you get some refunded - im in similar position!

Well I paid my monthly spend card off in full so no interest charged (this is what i use for tescos -so I get cashback, clubcard points and reward points each time I shop there, every now and then I have a little pot to cash in)

So...I did my DC childrens xmas present shop - Im so pleased I kept it to a much lower amount than previous years - intentional spending. It helps that Ive recently gone through all their stuff - you can see just how much they have, makes you think about what gets played with....before buying more.

The above was budgeted for but I havnt budgeted for the paint I need for decorating so Im now trying to sell toys from clearout on eBay - its a good time of year to do this yes! Aiming to make £50-60.

Try your local facebook selling site too and as you don't pay charges. I've sold a lot through these.

Mum I hope things are on the up now. I also hope you are managing to get some rest yourself .

Money is once again shocking. I am once again hanging my head in shame. I stay here because this thread helps me to have a little self control. Even though I'm still spending more than I should, I haven't touched a credit card in months, so at least that's an improvement.

December is unlikely to be any better - too many commitments.

Sigh.

Kinky
not touching Credit cards is a HUGE leap in the right direction. Pat yourself on the back.
You are living within your means very nearly

Mum4 Mahoosive hugs to you and DS

I hate this but Ive spent £90 on paint and decorating bits for DS room - the wil be some left to do bathroom with.

I mean I hate it because Im feeling guilty for spending money - his room was grubby and he'd outgrown decor. Re-doing his room and getting the furniture in will be good for lots of practical things....but still £90

andsmile
snap!
I'm having DS room done at the moment (the painter is a client so we barter for his time)
Got our house guests to help strip wallpaper
paint is £20
Furniture will be a bit from ikea - but what is being replaced is all either ANCIENT that I've had for yonks, or ex charity shop
and this will do him till he leaves home

Yes I've got the cheapest high-sleeper bed I could find - ikea, provides desk and a lego area.

Im painting trofast frames - so that added £20 but cheaper than buying new.

I also got a wardrobe £80 ikea - he has had a small cupboard part of a 'preschooler' bedroom really. So it is out with the dinosaurs.

We are only putting back what he loves and uses. I did wait to get paint on buy one get one half price from homebase. Hopefully it will do bathroom - the leftover star wars greys will look 'chic' in the bathroom I tell myself....

mum sending lots of good thoughts to your DS. - I had myappendix out in January and have had a whole host of complications and two further ops, it's been utterly shit as an adult and I can only imagine how scary and horrible for you and him as a little boy. I hope he is well soon

Hello everyone. Reading this thread and crying. I've got myself into proper money trouble for the first time and I'm staggered at how quickly it happened. It's now time to pay the fiddler...

I'm joining this thread in anticipation of a very difficult year ahead with getting rid of debt and making big changes in how I deal with stress, anxiety and sadness. I am going to be realistic and be happy with paying back just a bit over minimum on CC for this month and next, because it's christmas and I want to make it right for myself and my girls. But I'm not going mad. It will be a quiet, cosy and meaningful Christmas, not a spendy one.

It's very insipiring and encouraging to read about all the progress being made by everyone on this thread.

Welcome holger don't cry you CAN do this! Work out a written budget and lock down CC payments at £5 over minimum payment this month, don't use them again and leave payment as £5+ this months minimum, you'll start to cut into it really quickly.
This only works if you don't use them though!
See if you can save on utilities, broadband, insurances etc
What can you sell on eBay, Facebook, car boot?
It all helps!

Holger
Grab a tissue, grab a chair and make yourself comfortable as this thread is a good place
There are lots of people at all stages of debt on here - ranging from drowning to looking at it in the rear view mirror.
Admitting you have to change is the hardest thing so well done on achieving it.
And as you have probably realised, no subjects are off limits on here because changing a massive part of your way of life will have repercussions and it all needs chewing over.

So, the scary bit : how much do you owe, who to and what repayments are you making at the moment?

Holger I understand what u mean, when I feel down or stressed or bored I shop, then get down because we have no money so the cycle starts again. this summer has been particularly bad but finally got to a point when I realised it needs to change. u have taken that first step realising it needs to change, it wont get better overnight but the ladies here are very supportive and will get u through it.

to ease my boredom in the evenings ive planned lots of crafty projects [im the least creative person ever], have discovered house on netflix and reserved some books at library ive been meaning to read in hope that I don't go online shopping! I do however want to find a cheap gameboy advance sp and pokemon game (sad I know!) as lost mine in our recent house move and used to enjoy playing it, a little bit of escapism from day to day stresses!
evenings are the worst for me as partner works and I normally browse internet then before I know it ive bought more random rubbish when im attempting to declutter and save money!

on the debt front paid an additional £10 to Barclaycard and £20 to very on top of minimum payments. and worked out my budget, if I stick to it [very tight though but budgeted extra for xmas activities!] I can save £643 by end of Jan of which £250 will go into emergency savings then rest on debts.

nocuts DH and I were totally addicted to house! might be time for a re-watch actually

Holger
£3500 on a CC is doable.
Set up a standing order for 5% of your credit limit : that way you will be churning through the debt at astonishing speed
and then any extra you pay will speed up the process

Yes it's doable. It will just mean that I won't be able to be my compulsive self anymore. Which is a good thing, really.

I'm worried about setting up a standing order because my cash availability can be up and down from week to week although I'm pretty good at ensuring there is always enough in there to cover everything. I think I will wait until Feb to set it up, that way I can choose when my payments go in just for the next two months.

The main reason this debt bothers me (other than the debt itself, obviously) is that for the first time in my life I have no safety net. Not that credit is the best safety net, of course, but I've always known that if i needed to move back home quickly or help one of my girls out in an emergency or whatever, that it was there if I needed it. Now it isn't and I find that extremely anxiety-inducing. One good thing to come out of this is that I am determined not just to get rid of the debt but also to build up a savings pot. Nothing, no trinket, is worth that peace of mind.

Hi holger

You can learn to be happy and content without spending- I promise you are not going to have a difficult year it is going to be:

enlightening
empowering
intentional
reductional

There are few long standing posters who are further down their path than me and TIP knows a ton of stuff.

Im quite good at meal planning and I've learnt not to buy clothes and mostly not incidental day to day spending ( still have wobbles there)

this is a great thread..non judgemental.

Coconuts I love crafts and am planning to use it as a distraction technique and also has a happiness-maker as I just love making things. I've been making Christmas cards lately and it has really helped. I can feel the stress and anxiety leaving me as I work. Next I will be making some felt ornaments for friends. I hope you find something that will make you feel good too

Holger
I'd say set the standing order up for last month's minimum : then you can never go into arrears
and you will gently be chewing through the debt

if you are tempted to spend, load up the online basket and then work out how long it would take you to pay for it and delete the basket

missA I watched first few seasons years ago but never got round to watching the rest and netflix have all 8 seasons! yay! best decision we made was cancelling our TV license and just having that

Holger thats brilliant u enjoy crafts, we are doing homemade gifts in our family this year and planning on making tutu dresses and a Lego storage chest for girls - got to love pinterest, my most used app after mumsnet

talkinpeace I do the online basket thing, also adding to Amazon wish lists and watching on eBay, I do find if I leave it and come back a day or 2 later I realise I either don't really want or need it.

however on a bad day when I spontaneously just buy i normally regret it later, have that problem with loads of 'bargain' eBay Christmas presents from the summer im now going to have to relist as went way overboard on one particular thing! less is more is what I keep trying to tell myself!

nocuts you need to read the minimalism links - they act as a demotivator to spending. I feel more in control overall and I question every single purchase.

www.becomingminimalist.com/escaping-excessive-consumerism/

I know I may go on a bit - but these have helped me so much.