Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

definitely agree about there always being something to pay for :(

demented - have a look on asda or tesco for slow cooker im sure they are about £10 I bought a cheap one and it was fine really need to dig it out and use it more! !

Slow cookers are pretty basic tech, mines the £15 asda one.

I think dunelm mill are doing one for £7.50, 3.5ltr.

kinky a bit late to the party! but I am currently gunning for a promotion to HoD of a large department - 8 teachers, 1 compulsory GCSE and 1 optional GCSE plus 2 subjects at A Level.
I'm hoping it's the right decision and I won't regret it if I get the job! It is a lot of extra work for not much extra money, but obv it's the next step towards SMT etc.
I am at the phone contract numbers above. Will be ringing EE today to ask how much it would be to buy myself out. I think one of us will need to stay with EE though as we have their broadband which was a deal depending on you being an EE mobile customer.

MissA
Chances are you'll be able to haggle them downwards a fair bit by threatening to leave .... the phone companies are under pressure on contract terms so are willing to be flexible

Just saying hi...I promised meal plan eg.s for demented....sorry we've been busy out at party's all day yesterday n I still haven't ordered my shopping/done meal plan.

Well it's been payday yesterday. Not a normal month again as have made so many changes to budget it's all over the place. But this should be the month I get rid of overdraft. DH has upgraded to a premier acc this has slightly lower fees. He paid £94 in charges last month.

Good luck Miss - I wax and wane between desperately wanting to get ahead and feeling sick of how much my job takes over the rest of my life. In about 10 years, DS will be in his mid-teens and I know I will really want it then. Whilst he is little I feel like it is stealing time from me with him and DD. The problem is that if I wait a decade, I will be 45 and I'm guessing it will be much harder to persuade someone to promote me. I know that sounds cynical, but it is what I see all of the time. In teaching you seem to climb quickly or not at all. I want the chance to effect real change, possibly even at HT level. Gah, the angst of the battle between career and children...

Money is just streaming out again at the moment. I seem to have lived in the supermarket this week. Sigh.

Hello to everyone else and happy, frugal weekends .

kinky & miss just go for it. It is not do or die, you can always try it on, see if it fits and step down/move if it is not for you. I agree with the In teaching you seem to climb quickly or not at all - it shouldnt be but it is. When DH worked in DSS it was more a culture of time served/face fitted.

I feel if I went back now (40 next year) I'd struggle to get back in and then struggle with going from SAHP to F/T in a classroom to start with.

I was looking at client facing route - possibly Clinical Pysch but I'm now back erring towards research & academia. By the time I'm done with post graduate MA/Phd the kids would be older so if I needed to travel for conferences it would be doable. Still having a think..but least the latter I wouldnt feel Ive disreguarded years of teaching experience. not to mention the bastard student loans I'm still paying for the pleasure of being a public servant

• should say my age is seemingly ok for academia type work! It was the first thing I asked someone who was doign their Phd/lecturing.

Well...unexpected food and hospital parking fees yesterday! :(
Mil was rushed in (she is home now)
Pay day though, thank god.
Aldi spend today £40
Hoping to keep to £80 for food this week.
I am really planning on not being in my overdraft at all by Xmas.
It's achievable but will not be much fun :(
Trying to get all my washing dry in this lovely weather :)

Argh. Lost it on tio!
Sorry for placemarking, I'm just catching up.

Hi all badvoc I hope mil is ok & it's not too serious.

Having a bit of a weepy day - am exhausted after 2 days of errands & party prep & not a second to myself. (I tell a lie i went to the gym once). Plus due to my ongoing crap money mgmt we now have 20 left until thurs. As usual I can't make anything stretch & over enthusiastically bought some necessary items.
Had fun yesterday but realise lately I'm not participating in any sort of social life not only do I never go out with DH (due to babysitting costs) I also never go out with friends anymore at all. Not sure why that is maybe I've turned everyone down for so long I don't get invited anymore or maybe I'm just a massive moan . In the olden days (pre-kids) there was always something on - dinner parties, nights out, plays, weekends away etc i just feel today like I have lots of individual close friends quite willing to chat by text but who I hardly ever see. Or the ones who only see you for mutual play dates but would never invite you out with the "girls". I know I sound like a sad loner which I never thought I was but I suppose we're all busy working mums though some do seem to have a good balanced life. I can't even take up a dinner invitation as we have no babysitter. My individual friends seem to have gangs of girls to go out with but I wouldn't know them so don't get invited. Nothing happening in work either any clubs I could join I can't go to as no time plus I don't feel like I have any peers where I am either. It's mostly an older crowd or much much younger.

I'm just feeling like I have zero time or life outside work or housework ! Even the crafts I would like to do in the absence of a social life I have zero time for ! I feel like I had my hands in the sink for about 4 hours today & barely sat down yesterday too. Rant over so sorry am cracking up today I think. (bit hungover too not helping )...

badvoc - sounds like a good shop. Ive just managed £25 @tesco but it was all bits to top up to meals what I've been chucking in numerous tesco express run baskets! and I have not bought Gin or tequila

washing ..well it was wet and I couldnt get it dry so I forgot about it really - got no excuse now you have pointed that out badvoc I'll errr have to get cracking

Demented

Meal Plan for now is:

Sun Chicken dinner - cooking reduced chickenr £2.50, carrots broccoli & pots (all tesco value) plus yorkshire puds (also value)

Mon Shepherds Pie - frozen onions, mince (pack for £2.70 value), gravy granules/oxo, mixed frozen veg, and mash. In the pan next to this also cook bolognese sauce except add garlic and tinned toms instead of oxo.

Tues Cooke lasagne using bolognese sauce from yesterday - I do mine in slow cooker (which doesnt use white sauce so no faff but you could always use jar if doing in oven) So assemble lasagne leave to cook off - do salad.french beans or brocolii to bump up veg.

Wed - Omelette, beans and toast - no prep, quick.

Thurs - bacon broth in slow cookers using pack of cooking bacon 80p (tesco value) and a frozen pack of mixed casserole vegetables, so no prep except you need to soak any broth mix the night before to thicken up. serve with bread.

Fri - always more relaxed this week I have burgers (reduced decent ones) beans and potatoes waffles.

Ideally Id double up on shepherds pie and bolognese for the following week.

I have cheese and tuna for sandwiches, pears, apples and bananas, natural yoghurt and cereal bars for packed lunches. Extra stuff for DH is cous cous (made by boiling kettle dead easy but you h ave to add to it) tinned chick peas, sardine (yuk) feta cheese and salad items. I have no snack foods in.

Also got one deodorant, toothpaste, cheap t rolls, value pull ups. Next week I'll be doing a bigger shop £50.

Snowie crossed posts..Ive been there.

Who do you get on with that parents of your kids friends? This is who we socialise with sometimes with the kids - inc eating out at local family friendly places - pub/Indian but we have had the odd night out without but it did all start with kids playing together.

Would you consider inviting people round for bonfire night - pre or post food? Or maybe nearer xmas for a festive thing?

This is how DH and I have a social life - we either take ours out to cinema and meal for U films where it is just us or with other families.....We are fiercly protective of our evenings so when its 'adult time' downstairs DD gets put to bed and DS is allowed time in his room.

Fridays we do famly movie night - more relaxed food, eat in lounge.

I do get how you feel..DH and I have been out twice using a baby sitter this year. Fortunes it costs - I wouldn't dream of doing that now post new budget. I am lucky as DH can take a day off and we go out when children are in school/nursery - this is only been doable since Sept.

What about inviting some friends rounf for a spaggettic night, with cheese, and bread and red wine - quite cheap - Ive done this in the past and its always went down well.

and for you.

Thanks andsmile all good ideas - I need to get a handle on bedtimes I've lost control & I can't invite new people to the house it needs a facelift & would require a week of decluttering I would have a heart attack at the thoughts of it ! Am quite anxious meeting school parents because of the "I work full time" label that I have to explain every few mins as to why they don't see me much !

Snowie
One day DH and I realised that he and I had not had a meal out together alone for nearly three years
so we started booking a babysitter once a month
BUT
if you cannot afford that - which I get
start having parties.
Make it v v clear that everybody is invited from 7pm, bring their own drink and food - you are just providing the space - any little kids are piled onto double beds to sleep and it ends at 11pm
you'll be stunned at the number of takers as you ALL save on babysitters

we took to having a 'gathering' every other month and a couple of friends did the same
so we got to see people every three weeks for the price of a bottle of wine and a couple of garlic baguettes or some olives

tip I think I'll definitely consider that too... Need an excuse for a party maybe Christmas..

Snowie I know how you feel, and I'm still struggling with poor money management. I tend to avoid social things because of costs, but then end up in the supermarket multiple times in one week. My problem is that when I feel tired - frequent - all resolve goes out of the window. I also know what you mean about having 0 time for yourself. When I do get 10 minutes, I end up on the internet . There are hobbies I want to cultivate. I think I need to start being stricter with myself about how much I work and making sure I have some time for myself.

I'm feeling like life is totally passing me by after this week. Sure, I get a lot of work done, but I am devoid of interesting experiences.

Hi kinky - feeling a bit better today but mind is racing with all the things I should be doing etc. I need to get off the Internet my escape of choice is to surf phone / Facebook for a few mins when I could be reading or doing (yet more) housework ! My overspend is usually things for the kids eg sports shoes/ clothes that I suppose they could wait for. We're still at the peak of a bubble of need all the things we and the house has needed for ages I'm spending when I have it. Problem is direct debits keep taking me by surprise (ie I keep ignoring them until they happen taking the last of my cash) which is ridiculous. I don't want to open another account & associated charges so i'll have to be stricter with myself & take cash out or force myself to always leave e150 in the account (which is impossible for me !)... Have a headache & puffy eyes now & have to go to dc's school friends party

kinky / snowie
I must admit for those really tired zone out moment (like just now after raking the lawn and digging veg) I play Farmville.
I've never spent money on it but I can waste half an hour a day plotting how to get the most bushels for the least effort.
I used to play FB scrabble till they changed it. That is good for the head too.
DH is teaching himself German on the ipad but he's weird

Snowie See if you can re-arrange D/D - I like all mine to come out within the first 7 days after payday, then for the rest of the month I know where I am re the cash that is left is mine for food/fuel/allowance.

Interesting to hear everyone's thoughts on meals out.

My DH and I have decided (two months ago) to have a meal out together every payday. Long term I think this helps as it is a 'celebration' of us and is helping us to reconnect. We are so busy, skint and harassed that we weren't having enough quality time.

We ate out last night and it was lovely, last month it was £30 in the local Italian. It doesn't have to be expensive but it helps us, particularly DH, to stick to budget as he can't say 'we never do anything' when every four weeks we are eating out. Next month I've suggested brunch somewhere.

It probably could be cut out but it is making a big difference and making all the lentil curry, soup and porridge a bit more worth it! Aldi shop cost £19 today.

Reading that back it sounds like I'm being really oblivious about our spending but what I mean is that this is budgeted, accounted and planned rather than previously where we'd be running late and just go to the chippy or get ready meals a few times a month. Now we meal plan and that is our 'reward' for sticking at it.

trainers
a meal out together is a BIG THING in marriage stability
even a 2 for £20 deal or as DH and I do fixed price menu eaten very slowly

you have to stay in love with the person you married before the kids
as then they will be there when the kids leave home

handbags / shoes / decorations PAH
other half : worth the effort

Hi I should do the eating out thing but I suppose I hate paying a babysitter! We do have those theatre tickets to look forward to which means we have to go. I do love going out ! Just back from the gym & feeling good have lost 0.4kg too lol pure water I'd say !

tip "eaten slowly" must do that

We are very lucky that we have a friend without DC who is happy to sit for us once in a while so we can go out. We went to a high a few weeks ago and or was really nice to spend some time together. We always do films Friday and Saturday nights at home with crisps. It's our special time. I think talkin is right that your relationship is worth investing in! :)

Our overdraft went all in the wrong direction last month so I have day down with dh and we have agreed that we need to seriously reset our spending habits. To this end we are trying a low spend challenge month with minimum spent on groceries and a really, really low other stuff budget. We need to get into the mindset of thinking about all the little spends that don't seem like an issue at the time but are adding up to a serious problem.

I think it's going to be a long month! :o