Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

I'll look into it...suppose thanks TIP

TiP I didn't realise it was possible to buy out a contract. Maybe when I'm out of debt I'll look into that. I was burgled last year JUST after I got a brand new phone and I have been paying it off ever since - &12 line rental and £20 phone. Had no phone or house insurance. If I paid it off I would be able to go onto PAYG.

I second the point about second hand clothes.
If I say so myself my kids are always beautifully turned out...and I buy off e bay...boden, gap, stuff I couldn't afford new.
I have just got a coast skirt from e bay for my Sils 40th...would have been over £100 new and has been worn once.
It's lovely :)

ThedementedPenguin

Could you do a selection of things you can put in a hot oven all together? Eg we like roast potatoes so I buy big jars of duck fat off amazon for £10 that lasts me at least 2 years & parboil & coat a bag of cheap potatoes from the farm shop/homebargains. You can freeze them and chuck them in a roasting tin for half an hour as you need them. Much nicer than ready made roasters & a lot cheaper.

Roasted root veg like aldi cheap carrots or parsnips are much more appealing with a dinner than boiled. You can do stuffing balls wrapped in bacon too or buy up any reduced sausage meat and make stuffing balls out of that too.

Pork products get reduced a lot because it goes off so quickly but if you prepare & freeze it there's no problem. My mil throws ham etc out if it gets near its use buy date and I buy it all marked down.

Don't be afraid to have a beige meal once a week, my Friday night tea is often tesco smart price fish fingers & chips.

trainers
have you tried cancelling / downgrading / checking - as they know you have not used the phone (I assume you reported it stolen so it was locked)
have a read here
www.moneysavingexpert.com/phones/cut-mobile-tariff

tip my phone contract is for phone and tablet. It's £51 a month but is only until next year and then I'll look into something else. Will keep my phone even though screen is broke. My phone minutes include calls to other networks.

My local charity shops have nothing in for me, I check them once a week(or so depending on when I get down town) My kids clothes are usually second hand (if not third) off Facebook/eBay/charity shops. I hardly ever buy them clothes from a shop at full prices.

Nowhere local to me does free wifi, I also live in Northern Ireland so no aldi.

Re food: we usually buy meat from reduced section. Chicken we go to the local factory and buy from their shop can fill two freezers of chicken for about £25. Lasts ages.
Fruit and veg is always Tesco/asda basics. Although sometimes I go to
Lidl (is it cheaper than Tesco/asda?)

My problem when it comes to cooking is I cook the same stuff, potatoes veg and meat/chicken. If I'm sore (bad hip from pregnancy) I tend to get takeaway as it means I don't have to stand and cook.

Been in agony today and refused to buy takeaway so we had fajitas, quick, easy to make and tasty. Done oven food for ds, dd was in bed.
Think I'll go through freezer tomorrow and see what I have and make a few meal ideas. Then when ds takes her first nap I can get some prepared.

Have you considered a slow cooker penguin? I know on mn seem to think they are created by the devil but I love mine and use it loads. I have one with a timer so I can set it in the morning and it doesn't over cook.

Chicken is lovely in it. You can just roast a whole bird but putting it in and cooking it on high for 5-6 hours. Or chuck in some tomatoes and veg with chicken legs for a nice casserole thing. It would mean if your hip was bad you could sit down to chop and chuck stuff in the pot then just put it on without doing any standing. I think you can usually pick them up of eBay really cheap.

Though I can hardly pretend to be all virtuous when comes to cooking. I got all tired and stressed yesterday, had a meltdown and bought fish and chips for dinner

I have now agreed with dh that we will meal plan together on Sundays and share the cooking more so it isn't always me. I do enjoy cooking but it's all getting a bit much dong all of it.

I'm really lucky where we live that it is very affluent and the charity shops are awesome! I am currently wearing and really nice kath kidson dress I got from a local place for £10. :)

If you don't have a halogen oven/slow cooker etc you can cook a whole meal in the oven.

You put the roasties etc in the tray, meat wrapped in foil & the veg in Pyrex jugs from home bargains, foil optional for them. But it's no standing or stirring etc because nothing sticks in the Pyrex.

I found it out when I had back problems.

Join 'slow cooked wonders' on FB you'll be freakin amazed by what goes in slow cookers. I did a cake in mine the other day.

Tomorrow Im shoving in smoked chorizo style sausages, chunky chopped peppers, frozen onions, two tins of tomatoes, butter beans, frozen crushed garlic.

Tonight I cooked my bargain meal - 80p packet of cooking bacon (you need to stand and trim or sit with scissors) frozen chopped onions, frozen crushed garlic, tinned sweetcorn, frozen sliced mushrooms. All in pan fry it off, gently warm through Creme Fraiche (half fat!) put in drained spaghetti - add cheese if you want so its kind of like carbonara. (20p Value spaghetti)

Anyway we wuffed it all down, but probably could save two small etra portions that I could freeze for kids. I like standbys for them as we sometimes eat laters and have leftovers or DH dines out with work.

Thank you for the warm welcome! Its payday tomorrow so will be paying my bills for the month then setting up standing orders as advised!

I get a bonus every 3 months or so at work id my figures are good. Its only 150 but will help to chip away at it all!

My husband has been fantastic, I was worried it would be the end of us but he has been so supportive. At least now he knows so can understand why im constantly trying to sell off old business stock!

Thanks for then advice on slow cookers, it is something I've been thinking about getting. So will look at them if I get a chance today.
Great idea as it means I can get the things ready when my hip isn't too bad.
Any particular brand which is good?

demented
go to your local Pawn shop and have a look : chances are you'll get one really cheap - and they come with 3 month warranty :-)

tip I don't have a local pawn shop. There's one in Belfast but that's about an hour from me. Where I live is crap, has nothing decent.

I have taken loads of stuff back to next that I either didn't need or decided I didn't like....over £100 worth.
I am also sending the skirt back because I found a dress in asda for....£16!!!!
:)
It's really classy, and I think I look nice in it.
Also sold a few things on ebay...made £30 and still got another listing to go.
I was quite proud of myself today...you guys will "get it"
I was in the shop (I only went in for porridge!! :)) and I saw a transformers toy that my ds2 would love it was £30 down from £50.
Reader, I didn't buy it :)

demented
do you not have CashConverters or equivalent .... I thought they were in most towns!

badvoc
well done

I haven't managed to read every thread on this forum but would like to join. I've been money aware over the last month or so but now need to plan using TIP's spreadsheets. Hope to do that this weekend. In essence my debt is:

$600k - loan from parents for house (repaying $1000/mth)
$275k bank mortgage (repaying $2k/mth and minimum to repay is $1600)

No other debt as such but private school fees cost me $25k/annum.

On my salary I can't afford the above without making some significant changes to outgoings. I'm hoping the spreadsheets will help with that.

Hi Mojito
AS I said on the spreadsheets thread, remortgaging is really hard now - and with the loan from your parents reducing the equity in the house you have to assume you will not be allowed to remortgage for many years.

I assume you live in an area where the gap between private and state schools seems large : are there options for shifting between the sectors to save money?

Gah, fed up today - feel like life is one big to-do list.

Seem to be spending lots on daft things this week too. I'm having a life-sucks day.

Bad well done on avoiding the toy.

mojito welcome. Your name is inciting me to want a large cocktail . Maybe that's what I need?!

Hi all I haven't been on in a few days down to a week before payday & have to watch the funds now ! I forgot about a few necessary payments ie had to fix lights for car etc on time to get nct cert but at least it's done.

And much to my surprise someone nominated me for secret Santa !! Own up so I can send you something in return !!! Surprised & delighted.

I finally rejoined my gym & have first free assessment to tonight. My bmi is about 26 I'd say so looking forward to getting fit. Will aim for 3 times a week but I need to get my extra eating under control. I've had about 10 of those small packs of maltesers last few days! I saw a great motivating quote on tinternet somewhere for ppl who know they are eating when not hungry ! "Are you eating this food or using this food. What are you really hungry for". Food for thought as they say ! On the 2nd question I think it's very much career related for me. I have a safe job but barely use my qualifications & my sole purpose seems to be to prop up my own manager & fill gaps in her skills - mainly unseen. I'm also used to develop underlings, improve & train them, again for little recognition. I don't feel my own career is being developed at all but I can't leave this job !! It's a large organisation so hopefully I may be able to move into a a more suitable area but getting a move is Very political. Rant over ! It's also taking me 2-3 hours a day to get there (total). I guess all I can do is think of ways to get a move without pissing them off too much that they get annoyed & I have to suffer repercussions of asking for a move ! Will wait until the new year then take serious action I think. I can't go on like this my mgr has no qualifications & I feel like I'm training her. I complete sthung to 80% age reviews & gives it to a favourite (sometimes more junior) to finish ! They then take credit. This is happen ending constantly but how can I complain without getting a negative response. So I just plod along doing everything I'm asked & keep the head down. It pays the bills ! (Nearly lol).

I need to stop eating up fill the gap where my career trajectory should be !! Funny cos food was never a vice before really ! Sometimes I find myself in the fridge trying to block out the sounds of the kids fighting & my DH is definitely a feeder !

Badvoc I'm a big fan of eBay & charity shop clothes I've found some major bargains ! Like my gorgeous military style Wallis coat for a tenner ! Perfect !

Tip laughing at you leaning the doors of McDonald's. I had to hiring the kids there today I just had a diet coke as i can't digest their burgers !

Tip no there's none near me. None in the three local towns to me. There's some in Belfast but it's about an hour away and we don't make that trip often, probably once a year at most. It's a shame as one would be handy.

Career angst is definitely an underlying cause of my time spent in the fridge snowie . It amazes me how many pointless managers are being propped up by people beneath them. I hope you get some recognition soon. TBH, I've started to get more pushy about it as I am narked off about how much I do for so little in return.

Check freecycle for slow cookers?

Kinky - fair play for being pushy but I find where I work being pushy will result in all of your faults being pointed out as proof that you are in the right place/level & in fact you should be grateful too lol. So I've learned to keep the head down & smile ! It's really unfair but that's the way it is I need to accept it. Fingers crossed ill get a move soon anyway I suppose the upside is the brain isn't too taxed ! I do have a knack for pointing out the obvious to the wrong people I need to learn to zip it too so I suppose there is some room for development I could work on my mindful endurance on a daily basis .

I try to be subtle. If I do something good, I make sure I mention it a lot . I also ask for training and I apply for internal posts so they know I want career development. I did change workplace and I now feel far more valued than I did for the previous 8 years at last one. Hopefully you will get a move .

Thanks kinky ! Doing all of the above fingers crossed anyway sure it's nearly Christmas . I literally can't wait to put up the decorations !

I know so many people where I work who could have written your post snowie. It always makes me furious to see people who are crap getting paid way more then the people below then who are clearly doing their job. I can think of one particular person who has actually been blocked from taking up a secondment in another part of the service by her manager who basically uses her to do her job for her. Grrr..

I'm starting a new job on Monday! It's an internal secondment and no extra money but career wise is good for me. I've also been told 3 times now that if I do well over the next year there will be opportunities for promotion. I've decided that I'll give it 18 months and if I'm not up a pay grade in that time I'll leave. I'm learning to drive at the moment so that will give me more options for work.

Pay day tomorrow! Yay!

Next month's big expense is getting a cat flap installed. We have double glazed doors so it's going to cost £300! but it had to be done. Currently the cats are going in and put through an air vent in the livingroom wall, which means we have a cat sized hole in our wall. It's getting rather chilly and the cats are starting to get a bit to big for it.

We will be raiding out tiny savings and cutting the grocery and personal stuff budgets to pay for it. There's always something!