Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

Can I join?

I'm not in huge (well it's huge to me) debt.
I owe 3 different cc
Owe family money
In overdraft
Have just spent £150 on clothes (although some will go back as I wasn't sure sizes so bought a couple)

In total I'm in just over £5000 debt.

I tried to get a loan to cover the full amount so I only paid to one place but have been refused.

So far I'm only paying the minimum on each cc, and more to family.

Any good budget apps for an iPhone? Don't mind paying a small amount for it.

Really want to get rid of this debt.

I've already cut up my cards so I won't be able to create any more debt.

All advice really appreciated.

demented Welcome - debt is debt and how we feel about it can be just as bad. Everyones situation is different and relative to their income/lifestyle choices.

One thing at a time:

Is there any way you can transfer balances of c/c to a 0% offer - see MSE for current offers. Then you will be paying off actual balance and not on interest.

Are you minimising your outgoings?

You have to go through your budget and actively reduce it.
If I was really being tough - do you really need those new clothes? Ive manages to stop spending on clothes but it is hard so....
Meal planning - when im organised and shop carefully I can feed the 4 of us for £50 includes cheap nappies. Downsized brands etc. Cook from scratch.
Switch energy/insurance/call plan.
Cancel subscriptions not used inc any sky channels/packages.

Welcome Penguin, you will get lots of support here.

For apps, try YNAB (You Need a Budget) - someone recommended it to be on this thread and I am sloooowly turning around our ship of debt!

Andsmile the one thing about London money wise is even though everything is expensive, you can spend nothing and have a fabulous day out. We often just walk into town as well, saving on bus/tube fares.

All our recent guests want to see the poppies at The Tower of London so it is easy to plan! Have my DS, DBiL and young DN coming to stay soon and would love to do some lovely things with them which might get a bit pricey -will be heavily budgeting this month to squeeze everyone's requests in.

Welcome dementedpenguin

Convert the card payments to standing orders
I know I say it to everybody but it really does work
so that the debt is chewing down while you worry about other stuff

in the links in the OP is one to my budget spreadsheet - a poor mans pared down version of YNAB

and yes, go through your direct debits and standing orders and evaluate every single one needed / minimised / checked

Hi demented .

and. It is very soul-destroying. I am amazed I'm not sick, tbh, as I'm normally the same. But then, I haven't stopped yet. That looks like a bug for Christmas then!! I'm honestly starting to wonder if it is all worth it. I never have time to look after myself and I have fibro - this was never an issue before teaching. I can't afford to not work FT, but I am starting to wonder whether to continue chasing my career. It's all I've ever done, but I'm not sure anymore. I don't know if I can be content without climbing. The minimalist stuff is really helping me take a long, hard look at myself.

Originally, I was going to go for the next step in January. I'm already UPS3 and have 2 responsibility roles on top (with no time for either). My next stage would be SLT or HOD of a large English department on a top TLR1. Yes, I would get another few hundred a month, but at what cost...

I am having a period of inner turmoil about it all.

Oh I totally get it kinky I was on that treadmill...I was HOD of a small subject area (Optional GCSE but had two A level groups) A good dose of PND saw to anything further as we also moved to another region and I took a 'normal' classroom teaching role. It really knocked my confidence. I bascially ended up being ineffective. It was the wrong school for me. I lost all motivation - and then the guilt, them pangs on Sunday evenings. I-HATED-IT. This was my lovely job that I was very good at previously. My health and marriage suffered and I left as I felt I had no choice. I would never wait until I get like that again. Its took me ages to let go of feeling a failure and me being a SAHP. I am on final year of degree and Ive managed to have a baby since too! (don't think I would ever have conceived if I'd stayed) I was planted in the wrong soil. If your 'soil' is right then thats good. Work loads are massive, would really increase that much or more in terms content?

Remember if yu try something, and it is not for you then you can chage your mind - we allow ourselves to be locked in (obv food and shelter covered!)

meant to send you some - hot chocolate to power you through

Two of my cc are 0% but not on the full amounts. So I'm trying to pay off as much as I can so I can get them both back down to 0%. One cc is interest on full balance. I doubt I would be able to get another cc but will take a look.
Will split them up properly later and will show what is 0%.

I haven't really gone through my outgoings yet as have been in denial about it all but would love to take my kids on holiday but refuse to book anything and be in more debt. Want to save and book.

andsmile yes I really need the clothes. I had baby 6 months ago and don't fit into anything. Still wearing my crappy maternity wear. Most of it was sale stuff and I bought a couple of one thing in different sizes so will try on and return what I don't actually need. I bought a coat as well as I don't have any.

I don't have many direct debits, phone contract which is up in April and I won't be renewing. Have broadband which I will be reducing.

Can't get ynab as I don't have a computer and it won't download on my phone.

Baby is asleep now and ds is away with MIL so will go through outgoings now.
I know I need to be tougher and meal plan, etc but I find it so hard and resort to takeaways a lot. Which are crazy money.

Okay so plan for now, check cc and outgoings.
Reduce broadband and phone.
STOP buying takeaways!

Aha you've had a baby only 6 months ago. I know some hardcore types that lurk on MN wouldnt agree with this but it can be really hard to focus on organising the bigger picture when you trying to keep track of naps, feeds and well baby brain can play a part. Each of us is different but I dont think I could have done at 6 months (DD 2.8) what Im doing now in terms of organising/planning and budgeting. Soo good god yes keep the clothes - i didnt mean to be harsh I've really struggled (well I might have had a little problem this time last year with internet cliks and parcels arriving! Im being reminded as all those seasonal clothes are comming back out now) Might have tad projected

I started my over haul two months ago and Im still going pick it all off one at a time.

Can your DH/P cook - mine can do a good chilli or spag bol - get them to cook a huge batch and freeze it. Cant recoment a slow cooker enough. Im going to put my tesco shopping list up, see if it helps some new people as when I'm good I am quite good with this part.

andsmile I didn't think you were harsh at all.
It's hard as I spend a lot on baby clothes atm. I've gone way over board on spending so I am trying to rein it back in.
I think when I get bored I spend money. So I am trying to break that cycle. Although I am trying to sell the old baby things in the house but so far all the money I've made doing that has gone on other things.

Couldn't get all details on all my cc.
On one I have £969.20 but I don't know the interest rate, but none of it is 0% interest.
On another I have £621.06. £111 is on 1.313% the rest is 0%.
Last cc I have £1968.06, couldn't get it to show me what is 0% so will go to a friends later and use their computer.
My phone contract is £51 a month. Although I owe a few months as I've has some serious issues with them
Over charging me. So trying to get that sorted.

Broadband/phone (although we have no house phone) is £45.40 a month! So going to reduce that if possible.

Food wise I shop but don't plan so end up with loads of bits and pieces and nothing to actually make. Was thinking of asking for a slow cooker for Christmas. Think it would be good. Spent £72 on my online shop (although was mostly nappies and wipes, joys of two in nappies). I have little food to show for it. Although I have a freezer full so should be okay.

Need to come up with food ideas that will stop me eating out so much.

Seeing a shop would be great. Would really help maybe focus my mind a bit.
It's hard finding time to cook from scratch.

Aw, thanks and . What you say makes much sense. I'm very caught up in it as I can't afford to leave or retrain. Maybe once money settles I might look into it. Are you doing psychology now? That's something I've thought about.

I think moving to HOD for English could be very stressful. I like my school - it is much nicer than the 'outstanding for everything' one I was in before that was certainly not outstanding in the way staff were treated. I was very miserable. New place is better, but is serious weaknesses so we are on the improvement drive and it is hard work in that respect. I feel more invested in it emotionally as I'm working with kids who don't get many chances in life. I would have to leave to get promotion, although something might come up in the future. I know they are really happy with me so that's good, but it is very pressured.

Maybe I will just stop worrying for now and get on with it, try and not feel that urgency to get promoted again so soon. I'm 35 and I've been teaching 12 years, so I feel that I should be seeking a more prolific job otherwise I will get left behind.

Anyway, thanks for listening to me sound off. I do appreciate it.

I did too - Id bought up tp 2 years old by the time DD was born - mostly sales. Then I would match things up at full price. I hung on to the newbord clothes for a very long time. DD currently has a gillet, baseball jacket, raincoat, fancy coat and her new winter parker. She also has two coats for next year in her wardrobe. - I used to say but she wont be this little for long, wont get a change again etc (no more babies )

Clothes shopping has slowed with DS a) he doesnt grow as quick, he's a boy there is less to buy and he wears uniform for school most of the time! His three winter coats still fit him. Previouslt I would have just bought him new regardless...excessive spending where there was no need.

Its hard to faff and get all them figures when they are on dfferent rates - you seem to be getting a handle on this . So as TIP says put it all in a fixed amount via standing order then forget about it until you can pay more.

After being a devotee to pampers for two children I have discovered tesco value nappies - they do the job, not quite as thin or soft but DD has been fine no bad side effects. Packets £1.41.

Yeah I need to sort BT ive been putting off rining them, they are a nightmare. Im waiting for a contract to end to move over to sky for calls and broadband.

Some people dont like to compromise on food quality especially meat but using telco value carrots and apples does not in any way compromise nutritional value!

Should add, I don't blame you for coming out - there are loads of times I would have done if not for the money. I had to get signed off with stress at one point (personal life combined with work made me really ill). i'd have rather walked away for a year but couldn't afford to do it.

penguin
Charity shops are your friend for your clothes : one or two things at a time, a couple of pounds apiece
will probably do you quite well for kids clothes too

£50 a month on a mobile contract.
blimey. Must be a very expensive phone.
PAYG, find free wifi, stop using data, get it down to under £10 a month
DD sends HUNDREDS of texts a month but stays under £10 a month because we time her topups tightly

kinky
If you are only 35, you can take your foot off the pedal for a couple of years, get other stuff sorted out - kids older, money sorted - and THEN go back into HOD / SLT channels .... let the current crop of 56 year olds retire and there will be lots of gaps

Kinky I get that now - but for along time I was not able to appreciate it as I beat myself up so much. Yeah yeah to so called nice catchment school - I worked in a special measures school HMI the lot but I was young full of enthusiasm and just got on. My HOD school was in a v deprived area I understood the kids, they appreciated what you did if not explicitly, you had a certain amount of unspoken respect - but my last one in leafy suburb - just all wrong, like stepping back in time.

Im sorry to here you had stress - it scarey as you feel like your mind and body are no longer under your command so to speak. I dont know what the answer is I end up thinking the system is all wrong but I could tell you what should change exactly my head spins because a lot of stuff does seem to be relevant.

Im now looking at routes post grad with pyschology and really considering carefully - acedemia seems just as pressured but to get renetion and funding for research. Clinical is a long slog v competitive - I'd end up in NHS so not sur thats the thing! shifts, cuts, targets all sounds familiar. Maybe I'll go and live in a yurt and do pro bono work - but then I have a DH and two kids

demented I will put my meal plan/list up later when I do an actual shop!

Hi TIP

my phone is £50 per month... ive looked to reduce calling plan and I can't

Phone contracts are an interesting thing.
Free iPhone ~ unlimited texts ~ 500mb of data ~ 2 hours of calls
only £50 a month two year contract

so that is £1200 for a phone and some calls .....
nobody uses their full call allowance
with wifi hotspots, nobody uses their full data allowance

and if you look at the calls you are charged for, the free calls excludes almost all 08nn numbers, calls to other mobile networks, 03nn numbers ~ in fact the ones that make the bill mount up

then if you do switch to PAYG they keep trying to get you to top up every month to ensure you get your allowance of free calls
they are not free, you paid for them with the topup

It may well be worth asking for a quote to terminate the contract - add up how much you have paid them and prove that you now own the phone and switch to PAYG ....

TIP true that

omfg just looked up my contract as suggested £360 to get out of it or wait until April 16

Device plan £20 /month

Calling plan £ 18/month .....So why am I paying nearly £50 per month.

Its so easy to let it all slip through your fingers.

Penguin I'm in a similar position to you - my debt is down to £2500 but I've been refused a loan. Infuriating as I could borrow that amount for approx £70/month and it would avoid all the rubbish of wasted interest payments, OD fees, etc.
Very irritating.

andsmile
so, letting it run to April 16 will cost you 18 x 50 = £900
if you buy yourself out and bring your usage down to £10 a month = 18 x 10

£900 - £360 - £180 = you will be £360 better off ... and still have the phone after that date .... can you do it?

on phone to BT ive skimmed £2 per month off them but locked into annual line rental until Jan and July 13th Broadband contract or 18.50 per month of whats lef tto buy out.

that was a job - never easy to ring BT.

Right back to mobile:

Device plan is £20 per month so 18 X 20 = £360 so effectively I have to pay for phone.

But if I could do this I would still save to move to cheaper calling plan with PAYG card - can you ge tones that include data - I do use it a lot when out and about for tinternet and it is paired to car for bluetoothing music from cloud.

its never ending - there is always someone after your money. Ive started onine comping in the hope of winning some vouchers or toblerones.

I do use it a lot when out and about for tinternet and it is paired to car for bluetoothing music from cloud

but if you do not have the data you'll learn the art of finding open wifi

and paying lots every month to play cloud music rather than CDs or off an ipod in the car is the sort of thought process we are all moving away from

seriously - in New York I learned about leaning on the windows of MacDonalds while looking around ... and magically getting wifi
using the toilets in Starbucks - ditto
checking in any public building to see if they have free wifi - most did
lots of buses and trains, even my National Express coach back in the UK had free wifi