Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

I understand your cautious approach - and maybe much more sensible than mine in some ways. I guess we have to try and danc eto our own beat. I see it as a long term investment in future earnings (though I could force myself to do supply teaching, though Im not sure how that would affect me as DH not here to share Mon-Fri load - If I really had to I would not sure what that says about my attitude towards milingering debts)

Doing the degree has kept me sane, Ive had DD part way through and did easier modules when pregnant and during baby days. I feel I have to keep going now as it will cost me huge amount more if I delay until after debt paid off and DD starts school. The cost of nirsery fees still worked out cheaper than the alternative route.

Like Ive said before - we are trying but there are some things DH and I wont compromise on.

Oh!
I wasn't criticising!
It's just ATM I cannot bear to take on any more debt.
My friend says I should think of it as a "graduate tax" and however justified that may be I can't get my head round it.
I think I will try and start my voluntary work again...

Oh no, I didn't think for one minute you were Badvoc you were simply talking about your circumstances

What was you volunteer work? Have you got many at home this half term - we've managed to get up silly 5am (DD grrrr) and goto McD's and back in PJ's still in PJ's think we should goto park - ive got snacks inreadiness to stay away from the kiosk/tob carver/cafe/other kiosk (its a v big park!)

It was our half term last week so kids back at school thank god :)
Ds1 was off poorly the final week of term so he has had 2 weeks off so much as I love him I am glad he is back :)
I keep entering competitions in the hope I might win something nice...something's gotta give at some point, right? :)

Oh I see, sorry if I missed that last week. I knew you had been all been poorly. Good to be optimistic I say. All free to enter online and stuff. Some people really go for it, there are special sections on MSE for competitioners I think.

I'm afraid we are terribly curmudgeonly when it comes to Halloween. We close all the curtains and pretend to be out. This year we are in a ground floor maisonette and dds room is right next to the front door. If anyone knocks after 7pm and wakes her up there will be trouble! She a bloody awful sleeper at the best of times.

I'm sorry of glad to hear I'm not the only one with ash who is completely uninterested in finances. It took me 3 years to pursuade dh to even check his balance occasionally. A couple of years ago I just gave in and suggested he made me his financial advisor. I have all our accounts linked up to moneydashboard and manage the lot.

The other day I sat him down and should him my new never spreadsheet and he agreed to try and stick with it. Thankfully he isn't an outrageous spender, he just isn't interested so I have to gently prod him and remind him why we can't do stuff. It's very tiresome sometimes.

my DH has no bank account and his credit cards we transferred to a 0% in my name - we ran out of time on that offer so that makes up a large portion of the cards. so cant really get him to see, he has his money in cash and last time he tried to get an account he couldn't due to poor credit history, never having a wage paid in and lack of in date passport or drivers license.

he appears to want to get this sorted, he will try and give me extra but as I said due to other issues this is a step in the right direction and compared to a few months ago this is a massive improvement.

so today I resisted the urge to spend on rubbish in Tesco, even walking past the chocs and biscuits apart from 2 13p puzzles for girls stockings and replacement goggles for dd1 as hers went mouldy then instead of stopping for coffee and getting bus home I walked straight back only other expense today will be sorting new railcard but got send an offer to get half price so only £15 and saves 60% off dd1 and 1/3 off mine for a year

and meant to add for Halloween I have spent lots of time looking at pinterest for art activities and fun food as I don't agree with going trick or treating so going to have fun making things, dressing up and playing silly games then turning off lights at 730 and going upstairs to hide!!! have got some chocs if we do get any though!! secretly hoping we don't so I can scoff them all!!

I bought green hair spray!!!

Bloody tesco express. I had a semi fuck it day if they even exist.

We trick or treat by the code - if they have a decorated house or a pumpkin, we knock. I don't like it much, but it's quite a big deal where I live so we go for it. I have my two DNephews staying too, so there will be 3 to wrangle. I'm hoping once around the block will do! We also give out, so it's like for like.

It will be a case of a few sweets to give out and some halloween crafts this week.

Oh wow the thread has really moved on. I'm off to work but will read properly later . Happy half term to anyone enjoying a break from the usual.

I now have an overdraft of -£162 instead of -£2450 - the 0% until Dec 2015 card arrived and Ive done the cash transfers. So will still need to pay this each month but it will save me the silly tiered interest charges that Barclays were charging.

I currently pay an account fee of £6.50 per month to them. I have noticed their new account dont have these fees - yet they are happy just to leave account like mine continusing to pay thats about £78 ( a months petrol, two winter coats for kids)

The next stage is to pay this £162 off then use the switch service to move banking to M&S then wait for my £100 voucher.

Oops I just wanted to also say I have saved £50 per month from switching energy and car insurance.

Yearly saving: £600

£600 covers our holiday accommodation (7 nights, lodge on farm in cornwall) and fuel for next July.

Hi, can I join? Last night I had to confess my debts to my husband. I was self employed for 5 years but was left with bills to pay. Myself and my husband were going through a very bad patch. I didn't tell him about the debts and assumed I could pay it off from selling leftover business stock.

I am in approximately £10980 of debt. £9980 is on credit cards. The other thousand on store/account cards.

I dont have enough coming in to pay bills but make the difference up by selling leftover stock. I dont want to get an iva, would prefer not to get a loan, dont think I would get one anyway!

My plan is to tackle it bit by bit. I aim to have cleared the £1000 of store/account credit by next october. Then start chipping at credit cards. I make minimum payments on those but then have to use the amount after interest to get through the month. I know by doing this I wont have paid any off in a year but at least I wont have put more on there.

Next November I will be better off by £85 a month, money I borrowed from my stepfather. This along with money I save from paying the cleared £1000 will go towards credit cards.

Sorry to ramble but it feels so good to get it down. I have kept this to myself for so long I was getting in a very bad way mentally.

Thank you for listening to me clear my head!

Welcome kittehhh! Totally understand what you mean - I plan to try and post here every day to remind myself why I'm getting finances sorted. Every little bit to chip away at it helps. Can you move anything on to 0% deals? Happy half term to everyone.

andsmile, that's a fab saving!! With electricity, I have always preferred to pay for what I use monthly. But I think I could get a slightly cheaper rate if I move to DD (we are economy 7 so not as many options) ... I read so many stories of companies setting massive direct debits compared to usage, is it worth moving to DD?

Next necessary spends will be cosy PJs and slippers for us - so far the heating has not been on yet, it's been unseasonably warm. I also need one winter work dress. I've seen one I love on Boden but going to resist that and see what is in H&M instead.

Hellokitteh
Welcome to the gang, pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable, this is a good place.

First thing : convert the direct debits on the cards to standing orders for the same as last month's amount rounded up to the nearest £5 and then ignore them.
So if last month you paid £92.71, set the STO for £95
To see why it works, plug your numbers into the spreadsheet at the top of the thread

Totally agree about IVA etc if you've been self employed : better to leave the credit rating clean.

If you do the standing order trick and then whack any spare cash at them (starting with the smallest) they will all be gone in two years - yes, really

Hello kit. Worrying in silence is much more stressful then getting it out and getting a plan! How was your dh when you told him? Is he supportive?

smile you have reminded me that I need to get meter readings in for our gas and electric. They hiked up payments when we moved (they always do!) So I know I can get them down if I keep submitting readings for a bit. The joy of living in a tiny ground floor, mid terrace maisonette is that it is really, really warm! I am currently sitting in the livingroom with the window open and a small hole in the wall (more on that later) wearing just a light top. Or last place was detached and over parking bays so absolutely freezing. I am so living our neighbours and hearing right now (even if i don't love their barking dog quite as much).

I got a lampshade for 99p from a charity shop today so no longer have a bare bulb in the hallway. Yay! Its not the lampshade I dreamed off but it is perfectly acceptable and does the job fine. I am channelling my inner minimalist and making do with what I have/ can afford.

Hmm... Tablet being a bit crap. That should have said 'I am so loving our neighbour's heating right now'

Must learn to proof read my posts!

welcome Kit

You welcome hear

You know our oven is broken and Ive been cooking with a slow cook/grill for two months. I reckon it has saved us lots of money as apparently they are the cost of a lightbulb to run...silver linings an all that.

Well bad spending day yesterday my cheap place to eat at could not be reached in time so I ended up paying for more expensive lunch next to venues but we had a great day the kids accessed some free family arts festival events - they were superb. Did cost £10 in parking (Birmingham). But I wasnt berating myself about this spending as I could see what we all got out of the day.

I have a rather expensive month coming up - guests to stay every weekend and four family/friend birthdays.

Going to sit down with my newly-budget-conscious DH and formulate a plan for it all.

Where we live in London is good for guests as we are close to lots of free activities and our non-London friends are usually quite happy to wander around the Southbank etc.

So it may be fine. I will do lots of thrifty meals and get in wine - cheaper to buy everyone's and suggest long lazy dinners than to pay London pub prices!

Birthday wise, I'm going for small-but-thoughtful gifts I think - no one will mind.

And welcome Kit!

Andsmile I love Birmingham for their free arts, it's such a valuable resource and the museums are great there!

Half term is the antithesis of saving money! I am trying so hard not to spend, but then feel guilty that the DC are sitting around with little to do. We're going to break out some crafts today.

It doesn't help that I have a ton of housework that gets left whilst I'm working, plus a huge pile of school work, to get through this week. Half term is never a break.

I'm hoping that once I get on top of the house more and money, we will be freer to go out and enjoy things. I'm feeling a bit .

trainers sounds like a good plan - we get free train tickets to London, thie kids cost £5 each but we do get to travel first class and go in the first class lounge so gets lots of free snacks. We love going to London for free museums and art galleries. Weve been this month to Covent Garden which was great and we never actually made it to the gallery. So we are going back in Nov.

Kinky so right! I have purple/orange/glow in dark paint - Im now panicking Im not going to get to use them as we DD in nursery today so Im allowing DS full on game time now but swimming and tennis later.

Tomorrow we have another full day planned of free arts festival activities - historical treasure hunt at Town Hall, Musical Doodles and the free museum/gallery has drop in crafts for £1 and a ancient Greek tours at 1pm - any fill in time is spent in the brilliant new Library he can log on to PC and do his online reading for school! I have tesco vouchers for Pizza Express tomorrow.

Friday we DH is doing boys day, DD is invited to a daytime halloween party and at night we are all going to a house part - now the latter will cost me some money as we will take food and booze!

Library is a very good idea - might head to ours and see if they've done anything .

Friday is sorted as I am having DNephews so it will a weekend of noise and playing. It's just these next couple of days - I can't go out for too long as I have too much to do and then the GUILT starts.

I hate this about my job - I never seem to get a proper holiday where I can do things with the kids without the nagging feeling I have too much work to be getting on with and should be doing that. It's very frustrating.

Oh I remember those feelings and that was before I had kids - guilt if i actually took it as holidays as there was always something to do - you never clear your desk endless planning & marking.

What used to happen to me a lot was that I would work so intensely during term time: breakfast clubs, after school catch ups (cos its all your responsibility when they havnt attended or done the sodding work and are not on target)..so come holidays i used to crash and was freuently ill with tonsillitis. After DH had been with me for nearly a year he understood a lot more about so called 'moaning' from teachers.

Hope you get through it ok kinky