Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

I just feel like I am suffocating under stuff and commitments in all aspects of my life and now is the time to start to break some attachments to material things.

I also think this general sense of 'lack' is why I overeat.

It's a bit of an epiphany - all of these things go together. I realised the other day that I have everything that I NEED. It is like a weight has been lifted .

Yay KinkyDorito it's like a lightbulb isn't it. Such a cool point to have reached. And yes, debt and clutter and weight are all things we accumulate because we are not strong enough to say no.
The day you get that strength (I'd say I'm at about 65%) life gets much better and then after a while easier.

Kinky

It gets better you know, it really does.

I do feel quite content at the moment and it is the first time ever in my adult life I can say that. I want to DO things but I am getting over wanting to own things. I feel really happy. It's weird, I've never realised this before and yet it is so simple. talkin

I read this one and it made me laugh, it's a guest post by one of the minimalists that was linked to above by and.

inoveryourhead.net/the-short-16-step-guide-to-getting-rid-of-your-crap/

fluffy

kinky do you get why I struggled with accepting new car this week? its not where i want to be.

There are some things I still want to stop wanting IYKWIM

andsmile I have friends like that - always but quality that lasts, never had loans & know how to say no to things that cost that they don't want to spend on. I'm aspiring to that st the moment we've been saying no for years but now getting into buying quality (on sale). Obv we're at a massive disadvantage with our old loans but I would love to move everything to quality purchases.

This week we have a good bit extra cash due to not having any emergency purchases / payments (eg sports etc). I've bought a few Santa bits & spent too much a bit on Halloween decorations (it's a big deal in Ireland we exported it to the US) . I reckon the kids are only young once so I've gone all out. I think it's the relief at having a bit extra !

Christmas - I'm starting to buy now. After years of cutting back the good thing is family expect small presents but the kids are getting older. DD has a clear list DS only wants a board game ! What will I get him that makes an impact ?!

Sorry for typos I'm convinced my phone is trying to destroy me

Dh and I were talking last night...
We had agreed to get each other "token" gifts but then we thought why not spend the money that would spend anyway on a (cheap) weekend in London?
It's not stuff, but memories :)
We would take the dc, dh and they could go off and do their boy things and I could meet my friend for a show (haven't seen her in 18 months!)
I really don't need anything.
Neither does dh.
Hmmmm......

Hello all, we are doing something similar Badvoc - the kids all have tickets for their Xmas presents from us.

So my update is we are down from c. 40000 to 26,000 and that will be 21000 shortly. I did pay to replace the conservatory (ancient and falling down) as last year it flooded and ruined the pictures on the wall and it is mouldy (wooden lean to) and windows (also ancient and mouldy).

So that's good. I shall be carrying in with everyone, just with a smaller amount to tackle. No resting on laurels, and we are still tight each month as we have increased the mortgage payments so we are short by 3,600 each year not 7200.
Phew.

It will cost £90 for the room for 4 of us - hotel we have stayed at many times
We will take breakfast stuff (breakfast isn't inc) with us and snacks. Will let ds1 have a room service pizza :)
Don't have to pay a deposit and can cancel right up to the day before (in case of emergencies)
Will leave the show tickets til last minute.
The boys just swim and go sightseeing so that won't cost anything.
I have had to say no to so many things this year...a spa day with sil, outing with mils women's group etc
This is better than smellies :)

Loving the link to the minimalists- I read the link yesterday about 2, when they were appearing less than an hour away from me at 1! Never mind! I couldn't really afford the parking in Edinburgh either mentally or financially!

I'm coming to the end of a very spendy month, in terms of the children's activities- with a big school trip and various annual subs, plus termly fees due for dancing ,coming to £250. Add onto that £60 in train tickets to visit rellies in England over the hols ( cheap tickets with my free Clubcard railcard!) However I've stayed out of overdraft and should get to payday with about £30 in bank.
I also put aside £450 for redecorating- I am happy to get rid of stuff but see keeping the house in good condition ,after 5 years of neglect, my project for the next year.

and, from what I gather you are allowed to spend money on the things you want that you will value in your life. It's fine to buy a car if you really want and will value it, not so fine to fill your house top to bottom with needless crap . From what you've written last week, you enjoy driving and you do a fair bit of it, so I think it is fine to spend money on your car. If you wanted to buy lots opf head-bobbers and soft toys to put on its back shelf, I would intervene then!!

I've been a bit too far the other way with spending, I've only just got round to doing the living room but we've been here 14 months.

£110 later we have a room we can use now, as opposed to watching tv in bed every night.

badvoc
I think your plan is excellent.
It's the shared memories that make life good.
Present giving for its own sake is pointless.

Two years ago we spent a fortune on Christmas - and the best memory was skating outdoors in the snow together.
We will always have that after all 'stuff' has moved on.

The even better bit is that you have costed it tightly so will have no regretful memories at all.

fluffy and ROAR
Totally agree on getting rooms comfortable : if you have somewhere comfy to sit together you go out spending less.

Tip...how is Ny? :)
I am excited actually...can't wait to see my friend and the show!
Also planning a trip next year with some other friends!

badvoc It's good. This is my home town and my morning rambles (8am here) are lovely. Good to catch up with my Dad. Fly home tonight.

Your London jaunt sounds excellent. Do not forget to go to Fortnums : a £5 pack of smoked salmon in one of THOSE bags and you will feel like kings.

Will go for lunch somewhere if you have any recommendations?
Just bid on a skirt for my Sils b day party next month on e bay....£10 - prob £100 new!
Fingers x I get it!

Looks like I may have to cancel dds school trip I paid the deposit earlier in the year when dh was briefly working, now I have to find another 250 in the best 6 months with no income

Is there a fund the school have to pay for it? I bet lots of parents are entitled but never claim.

Was about to suggest the same as fluffy

carrie pm me with what county you are in ... I'll find you some funds ....

marking place - luffs this thread

Had MiL to stay this weekend - I usually get a bit OTT and make sure we have fresh flowers etc but didn't bother spending the money this time. It was the first time she's been to our new flat.

She walked in, went to the loo and said 'Well this toilet dates it' (it's coloured ) and later on exclaimed 'LOOK at the hems on those curtains!' as they are frayed (came with the flat).

We're really trying to not spend much money on the flat at this stage but it made me feel a bit ashamed of it - it is clean and tidy but just a little shabby - it's a Victorian terrace and is nice now but a bit 'lived-in'. I know she doesn't mean it but it does upset me (though she'd be mortified if she knew I was upset) but I don't want to spend money on new curtains etc while we are still in debt.

Spent £24 in Aldi for our week's shop today - couldn't justify going up to £40 for the £5 off voucher in the Mirror so I'll send that to my DParents.

Feeling a bit low over money today - have been paid on Friday but we've had a £240 gas bill from our old place arrive. Ho hum.

Check that gas bill!, my old company are trying to bill me for gas I haven't even used yet. The ceo has been emailed.

This is how people get into trouble though, you move in & buy everything new on credit.

I'm watching tables on eBay for 99p for the lounge because I can't bring myself to spend lord knows how much on new furniture.