Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

Well October has been disastrous so far!

And it's half term next week

Im with badvoc (cept I have planned half term ok for free stuff)

We cleared a balance. I reduced the limit, and now Im using it to buy food. normal food type shopping - not the type where i study a packet of meat for 2 minutes working out if there are enough mini fillets in it to feed us.

On the other hand I have reduced energy DD inc getting cash back, have plans to get rid of overdraft account with its expensive charges.

Confession This just seems all fecked up but - DH had a bonus in Aug. we used it to mainly clear some smaller debts. I kept 3K to put down as a deposit for my new car. It has been sitting in my savings account for 6 weeks waiting for new car to be delivered (factory order). It is now here and i saw it yesterday but cant feel excited:

how mad is it that i have this money that would mmotly clear an expensive credit card that is currently not on 0%. I feel so so so guilty for having the new car. But the existing cars term is up we have to swap it. I feel so bad. But then DH has a car that is more expensive than mine so we sort of evens. He says I need a decent car and that as long as we paying off debts we can have these other things like, gym, sky and cars

So I feel a it of a fraud on this thread at the minute - all the moaning i have done. But it just goes to show the joy of waiting and paying for things properly. One thing I will say is the car is used very much for pack it all in UK holidays so I guess we dont do expensive there.

Well DD's subsidy kicks in first half of next year - think I'll go and fiddle with my spreadhseets in stead of looking at winter boots.

Snowie I could have written your post. I'm FT teaching and doing up to 80 hours a week in term time, then dealing with feelings of burn out when we get to half term. I feel like the home is always just ticking over. There is no way we could do without my salary so I have no choice. I think and has made a good choice to retrain - you have managed the hit so far, so don't back down now. Teaching is fairly relentless and thankless most of the time; just about everyone I know would love the chance to get out and start over. Well done for taking those steps. I am caught in a salary trap now and as main earner, it is looking less likely that I will ever get out!!!

Well theoretically the only spend next week should be a promised trip to McDonald's (£8)
Ds2 gets his new glasses tomorrow!
Dh is having Thursday afternoon off so he will take them on a bike ride or something else free :)
But I am overdrawn - sigh.
So is Dh - sigh.
I hate 5 week months!
Just been to ikea - and we only bought ice cream for the dc (£1.20) and some frozen meatballs (£3) :) this is good. I have never been to ikea before without spending £30 on "stuff"
Have used my birthday amazon voucher and got myself a budget cook book (the new jack Monroe one) and pre ordered a DVD.
I am going to make an apple crumble later :)

I've had a couple of NSDs as I've been in my pjs at home due to having my wisdom teeth out.

I did send DH out for supernoodles and ice cream yesterday though! Last week of the month and we might just have enough to pay off a bit of our overdrafts this month.

Kinky I'm glad I'm not the only one ! It's very hard but there's no alternative really.

Badvoc I love Jack Monroe I might put her book on my birthday wish list. I'm all about budget cooking but very limited for little ones I've one adventurous one & one very choosy plain eater. We have a very Mediterranean diet (lots of pasta, home made sauces, homemade pizza). I batch make bolognaise all the time but have yet to find anything else nice to freeze. Maybe chicken curry but I usually make that with coconut milk which I don't think freezes well.

Just sent DH grocery shopping for 4 days with e25 (approx £21). Out of that has to be all breakfasts, lunches, dinners, school lunches & cat food. Tg for lidl . Also hoping to make focaccia (well he is) out of it. I have a spare fiver for an emergency that he doesn't know about but as usual we're down to the wire again until thursday. This is my fault as I did overspend on some unnecessary items last week like stuff for the kids for sports & school as well as those theatre tickets (e36 stupid me !) I didn't think though that the credit card interest would go through this week so that took me up over my limit. Agh. Good points though - plenty of petrol in the car - I'm filling it up ev time we get paid rather than letting it go into the red.

I really need to pay off that credit card it's costing me e25 a month in interest plus over limit fees all the time. But as long as I know there's a few quid on it it gets spent. I wouldn't be able to take out a loan (credit score not great) to pay it off & anything I build up ill be using as an emergency fund.

For those with the Jack Monroe cookbook, the peach and white chocolate traybake is gorgeous! Especially while still warm......

Another fan of Jack Monroe here.

Well everything is ticking on ok. Lots of moving money around to cash flow big purchases (wardrobes and holiday). Not adding to the debt. Completing extra work to cover it

Working out the budget to cover child #3 and maternity leave. Exciting times. We'll sell one car. Once I'm on mat leave We should "only" have £4k of debt left. (Down from £45k )

didyou that's an amazing figure, you've done so well!!!!

Well done didyou - how long did it take you ?!

Oh don't congratulate us too much! The bulk of it was 2 cars... One now sold, so it took a 20k chunk out of the debt, then paid down approx 1k a month. I'm banking on my car selling for around 8k in the spring, leaving us with a 10 year old baby bus worth 4k.

I'd love to start mat leave debt free (April) but it'd be nearly impossible. I also took on extra work but am just about to stop as I'm exhausted!

We should never have got into debt in the first place really.

Dropped off! Marking place and be back later with proper update...pay day today

Didyou...that's amazing!!
Bloody well done!
:)
I will be so glad when oct is over!
Dh is away for a week with work in nov so that should be a cheaper week food wise.
Will just have ds2s school photos next term (£18?) and poss a trip.
Ds1s already paid for.
We aren't really doing much Xmas wise....probably the crib service on Xmas eve and then a trip to the cinema with friends on Boxing Day.
My sil took them to the theatre last year which they loved.

I did consider selling my car...but it's only worth about £2k so wouldn't really make much if a dent and it's soooo handy to have.mails be lost without it sometimes.
It's 9 years old and I've had it since it was 6 months old (it was the showroom car) so I will be driving it til the wheels fall off :)

Well done didyou

Its interesting I never thought to consider our cars as 'debt' even though we do owe money on them - DH is through a work scheme so is like a rental contract. Mine is on finance - I just accept it as a cost. Though I guess the different is you have an asset (as oppsed to debt on cards and nothing to actually know/show for it).

My aim is to get us debt free from Credit Cards - currently circa 18kish plus O/D 6.5k

Well done didyouevah : its god that you got DH on side so that you will both have your brains in a good place for the Mat Leave.

Marking my spot again. Will catch up properly later

Well Im off to pick the new car up. It all feels hollow. I feel guilty for having the car and using 3k cash for a deposit. But then that makes me ungrateful for not appreciating it.

This is what debt does. This is what it does when you realise how priorities have gone wrong and you wake up to it all and feel like a fraud.

But that saidwhen this one goes back (as I say) the debts will be cleared. I shall try to view it as a daily reminder.

Having your cake and choking it on it comes to mind.

andsmile
enjoy the car : get the best value for money out of it that you can and yes, treat it as a reminder of your 'new' way of thinking.

Well thank you TIP I dont think Im gonna forget this purchase and how it has made me feel.

It is nice, pleasurable - i do drive most days and I really like to drive. I drive all the long distances for our UK hols and visiting family 300+miles away.

I met DH for lunch (more spending im afraid on lunch - hence its toast for tea as we dont need a big meal) and he said he understood how I felt but to enjoy the car also- we've made cuts elsewhere re pocket money. We are making do with several things in house. Just posting this to clarify my thoughts really:

Things ease up mid year when DD's subsidy will be available for nursery fees
A CC we pay second highest payment to will end in July. This will then goto the next one.

I grew up in a debt ridden house (small amounts to provident) always hand to mouth. Never saved a thing my DM - worked hard enough. I now know it is not the best way to be living or the corrent way to approach 'must have'

I love driving too : I drive fairly posh cars because both DH and I do a lot of miles - but have always bought them with saved cash
trouble is I love the cars I have and just wish they would go on forever although my brain knows they both need replacing
just cannot find something I want more than the car I have Saab convertible

if you do 300 mile runs, a new reliable car will pay for itself- use AutoAid as your recovery people as they are only £38 a year

I love the reliability of new cars. Thanks off tip but rehabs a years free cover. This car...if you crash it asks you if you want emergency services n you can just say yes, if you fail to answer it rings them anyway - peace of mind I suppose.

Saab are old time class!

So we get one month off from car payment and £80 refund on car tax. Not bad but it's to go on two essential household repairs.

My DH who has just been pulled over by the police, been fined £300 and had his Vespa impounded which will cost another £150 to retrieve.

We moved into a new place six weeks ago and I had asked several times about his scooter insurance, whether we could get a better deal for him now we were living somewhere new, etc. He emailed them about it and they told him to ring them.

Anyway, he didn't get around to ringing. He didn't know his insurance had expired but that is no excuse whatsoever. I am just glad he didn't hit anybody with no insurance.

We had underspent by about £400 this month to pay off overdrafts and I was really looking forward to making those payments. He is absolutely devastated.

I never want to nag him about this kind of thing as he has to work it out for himself. But, for example, I recently found £100 of expired Ticketmaster vouchers which he never got around to claiming - such a waste. Maybe this will be the wake-up call he needs to actually get things done rather than thinking everything will work out fine.

He is lovely: hardworking, kind, funny and generous-spirited, does lots around the house and definitely isn't a manchild but he is so oblivious financially. He is cringingly ashamed of himself now but I kind of want to let him feel bad for a while so he learns from it. I can't see how he'll get it otherwise.

Well...a productive day so far!
Had a mega sort out last night and took 4 bin bags of the boys old clothes to the clothes bank.
Wrapped all Xmas gifts and am very pleased with myself...I said only 10 parcels this year and they have got 12 :)
Have listed some stuff on ebay and if it sells I will use the money to buy Xmas gifts for adults etc
Just sorted out a £20 refund from John Lewis for a damaged parcel (ds2 won't notice it's damaged :))

Badvoc I am all into getting refunds for bad service at the moment too! £4-50 back from the Post Office for my redirection going astray this week (still no sign of my sodding post though...)