We're in a mess and I feel like I am drowning

[Miren]

Due to unforseen -and very unfortunate- circumstances we find ourselves in an absolute mess WRT our finances.

We got to the point where we stupidly have relied on Wonga loans for the past couple of weeks to tide us over and now seem to be stuck in a vicious circle.

Our outgoings are stacking up and our income has been dramatically slashed.

We have 3 Dc who have just gone back to school and already subs for various things are stacking up.

I don't know what to do -I'm not coping very with it all

Daisy you're coming across as a bit of a stalker.

Stalking? if you put lots of info on the internet, you can't blame people for reading/viewing it. (this, celebs, is why storing nude pics online is a bad idea...)

wish you luck, OP - plenty of ways to get better here and I really hope it works for you.

I just advance searched. I don't know if you are still reading OP, but I think you may have a real problem with spending and overestimating your income. It's great that you have made the appointment next week, hopefully that will help. The argument about moving is irrelevant really, you can't afford to move privately and it doesn't sound like you will be able to pay your rent much longer.

Stalking, ah that's why MN gave us the search option

The OP needs truthful opinions and needs to get a handle on the situation. The other threads give a true picture of everything not just the edited version on this one.

I held my hands up in my orginal OP. We had a juicy carrot dangled and got carried away. We were reckless, stupid and I have had my head in the sand.

I am very much aware of this.

I came for help and I am thankful to the posters that have given me valuable advice.

I don't see why dragging up earlier threads can be of any use. I have admitted we were stupid.

And fyi, we didn't have a luxury holiday in the end - couldn't it.

Specialsubject - what a ridiculous and offence comparision

No, there is no point berating you for poor financial decisions. It's time to learn from them and learn to cut your cloth.

Given none of us have time machines there's little point in revisiting past decisions. It's time to draw a line and figure out how to go forwards. The OP wants to do this so maybe everyone could help her not have a go

OP has come on for help and has admitted to being foolish. We are in a similar situation and you do end up hating yourself for being stupid so it is harsh to keep on berating her especially when she has been brave enough to ask for help and therefore leaving herself open to criticism.

Well done for facing up to things and hope it works out ok in the end.

You do realise that even if/when dh 's income rises the priority has to be paying off the debt. It will take at least a further 6 to 12 months to clear this with you not spending any more than you can presently afford. If dh is no longer getting the contract work promised could he find a salaried job or agency work to give you a more regular income now ? If your youngest is preschool age presumably some of the benefits will cease when he starts school and you would be expected to claim JSA.

I think it is pointless berating OP for past mistakes.

I do agree though there will be massive compromises and that includes swimming. Understandable that you don't want to lose the place but TBH even in a year you may not be able to afford them anyway, your money would be far better spent on clearing the debt/interest (especially when you presumably have to spend on fuel to get there too) :( it sucks though :(

We all make mistakes.
Trick is to learn from them.

hear hear Badvoc

I had a massive wake up call when I was at rock bottom. It was from a relative and it REALLY hurt.

He looked around and pointed out all the things I thought I needed and basically said I was deluded.

Eg smart phone, sky TV etc. he was absolutely brutal.

But he was right. It was so hard to be hung out to dry like that but it was the best advice I got. So I swept up everything I didn't need, sold it and started making decisions on NEED rather than want.

Food - need
iPhone - don't need
Clothes - need
Car - don't need
Swimming lessons - don't need

I took on extra work, cut spending dramatically... You get the picture.

This would be different for everyone. He even looked at my cat and said 'you do not NEED a cat'. The cat stayed, but I did see his point.

I was so clever at justifying why I needed stuff I was fooling everyone including myself. I was so defensive. And miserable. I had no contingency fund and had relied on good luck not going bankrupt

then I got divorced which was the biggest liability wiped out straight away

Blunt people are often very useful in such situations so my clients tell me when I cut their credit cards in half

I think you honestly only see it in hindsight. It shakes your very being as it is like a punch in the face. It took me ages to get over the hurt of hearing it, despite the fact I knew he was right, and acted on the advice immediately.

It's a whole attitude change though, and that doesn't happen overnight I don't think.
Often it takes a huge shock to alter our habits...some of which have been built up over decades.
In my case I was never taught to manage money, either by my parents, or school.
Dh and I made some (in hindsight) bad decisions about our last property which have cost us ££££ over the years.
But I am determined to learn from those mistakes and not make them again!

I agree Badvoc. I think (my hero) Dave Ramsey says it's 80% behaviour. If you can crack the spending behaviour/attitude then that's the battle nearly won.

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en?&ft_keyword=money%20advice%20service&ft_section=e&gclid=Cj0KEQjw4aqgBRCvwLDi_8Tc54YBEiQAs6DLvHytV_7nvLAd7Ip5ERpbbJyhnNszkrSB1BpgufoRkUIaAkS28P8HAQ

It is very true that the reality of this situation is going to be very harsh.

There's absolutely no point in berating the OP for past mistakes, likewise, everything from now on is fair fame for an overhaul.

I know you don't want to move again mirena but you are currently living 30 minutes from both yours and your DH job and paying twice the rent you previously did and the reason you moved there no longer exists.

It's not a done deal to stay there. Yes moving costs are expensive but if you can half your monthly rent at the end of your current tenancy, it will be worth it.

Even your eldest child's anxiety problems can be overcome - having parents who are worried sick about where the next meal is coming from will be far worse in the long run than changing schools again.

It's a massive mindset change to go from where you were to where you need to be but it can be done.

OP I think you need to see things in the context of your income and budget. It's not about whether your house is cheap for what it is, but whether you can afford it. If you can't, it's not cheap.