Debt mutual support thread number 4 .... every journey starts with the hardest first step

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
and my THIRD
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2062902-Debt-Number-3-For-those-who-feel-they-are-drowning-and-want-a-way-out?msgid=48505428#48505428
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

That's what I do TIP :)
If I get this job I may need some work clothes - but that's what ebay is for :)

Thanks trainers - yes i have planned a chicken and chickpea curry without the fancy veg in it (just froxen mixed) and basic spices no special ingredients.

I need to invest in a new blender I think DH is happy with a good soup. I did make a bacon broth (bacon pieces 80p) the other week with all the seasonal root veg. I also used the 80p bacon to make a penne carbonara - was v nice but cheap too (just used regular strong cheese and whatever fryable veg as about inc garlic)

Well thats the thing isnt it with me I do things like Halloween too much. The other night I spent ages looking at novelt Christmas jumpers or the whole family...wtf I thought the next day. This is just the type of thing when I 'feeling the pinch' in January that I kick myslf for.

Is anyone else planning intentional purchases for Christmas - that is only what is absoluely necessary, no impulse buys because it doest look much.

Last year we had 3 pumpkins, numerous decs up and a party for DS friends = money spent with lots of extra food about the house, and party food at that.

Its a contrast, shows me how far I have come in my thinking. I do have some glowin the dark paint to do some halloween crafts with the kids. But no parties and late purchase pumpkin.

I am planning to buy some new decs.
Ours are so old and I had to throw some away last year.
Have seen some nice ones in the new asda book...nice and cheap :)

Badvoc
sorry but NO decorations from Asda are cheap enough to be worth buying.

would the kids actually NOTICE if you just had lit random candles around the room, a dark sheet over the table, and wrapped orange paper around the lamp shade
so long as you spent time with them

bobbing for apples wastes ages and causes much hilarity
a set of feely boxes (jelly, overcooked macaroni etc) that they have to retrieve "prizes" from is another half hour
and then drawing masks onto old cardboard boxes is another hour

total spending : zilch
total good memories : masses

TIP

apple bbbing is great fun and i hung donuts on strings from doorway which they had to try and eat - its quite tricky!

Im going to get some £ shop sweets to hand out.

Print halloween colouring in pages.

oo im going to do the pasta and jelly thing!

Can I come back and join in again? I've name changed but posted on these threads before.

I too get the spending money unnecessarily, the "we work hard, why can't we have something to show for it? " thoughts. I do see sense the next day though and send lots back.

I hate the fact that my house is scruffy, the carpets cheap, stained and threadbare?, the whole house in need of decorating, the sofa stained and old, and constantly listening to my colleagues talking about their Cath Kidston wallpaper they're decorating with for several hundred pounds plus the cost of paying a decorator as well or the new designer clothes they bought, when I have one coat for all year round and one pair of work shoes. I couldn't invite them to our house, because it's shabby, and they do judge and talk about people.

However, I also don't want to be this shallow envious dissatisfied person, when other things are more important.

I also do the panic buying at Christmas, because it doesn't look like much. It's even more difficult now as ydd is a teenager and only asks for things like a laptop or tv or ipad .. Her hobbies all involve computers .. it's difficult.

But it is also partly depression making me feel this way and in the past I would have made myself feel better by shopping for clothes and chocolate and homeware

carrie
re the teenager - I have two - one of whom desperately wants an X Box One
I could afford it, but he's not "earned" it in my eyes long story so he is saving up out of pocket money and present money from other family members.

Are you honest with her about your debt?
It may help as she will know not to ask until the answer can be "yes"

And if your friends judge, change friends or stop worrying about it. You have no idea how much debt they might be hiding from

I'm okay in that Halloween doesn't tempt me to spend at all. I once bought some biscuit cutters for less than a pound on Nov 1st so the dc can make biscuits and ice them if they want (spider, witch and something else i can't remember). I enjoy bonfire night much more, but again don't spend anything, go to places where you can see fireworks for free!

andsmile
ah yes, donuts on string out in the garden esp jam ones so everybody ends up looking like vampires

if you have a garden space : toasting marshmallows over the fire (90p bag of foamed pigs trotters, selection of old bamboo canes) = lots of fun
especially for little kids who are often not allowed to play with a fire

Hi carrie

Iv had depression and an anxiety thing last year (think ive worked through it now) that led to me spending excessively on things to wear to please others in a smug way - i hated myself for it but have now forgiven myself.

Our house has not had no new decor for 8 years. it needs doing and my sofa (which I cab to strip and wash covers) needs doing. Ive just seen some carpet cleaning thing on group on, might think about that for next month.

I sooo get where you are re shallow - I love nice things but Im intelligant enought to know they dont make me fulfilled. They are just temporary. But I still look and buy more. Read becomingminimalist blog or the minimalists. These groups of people still buy things they love but broadly reject mindless excess and consumerism. It is really nourishing for the soul.

Re ipad - Im after two for my kids. Im saving clubcard points to double up and put against one - I dont know i this helps. Ive noticed you can get them on contract with smaller intial outlay but it ends up costing more.

'working hard...thing' We actively look for things to do that are free or cheap. It is awful if you feel everyone is out doing this, that and the other and you are stuck in. I have youngish kids but our weekend inc gym visits (fair enough we pay for this but use it loads and its fixed monthly cost in budget) for swimming, walk in parklands - large natural one with conservation areas and the library. Its not bright lights but got us out. We have an almost free trip to London planned - free Gallery and train tickers (this we lucky) and groupon voucher for lunch.

HTH -

Are you paying down or just trying to manage better on income?

Xmas decs tip....I don't really do hallowe'en.

And yes, to me new Xmas decs are worth it :)

ooo yes TIP see I luffs Halloween. We have a hacienda thing, we shall do that but we save it for bonfire night. Now we will be buying our own fireworks as last years it was rubbish where we went and we will do firecracker chicken, toasted mallows, hot chocolate (with brandy for grown ups) and guy fawkes masks.

Im getting these badvoc - keep em busy I say.

www.amazon.co.uk/Wooden-Christmas-Decoration-Shapes-Golden/dp/B009HU2HEQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1411390842&sr=8-1&keywords=wooden+tree+decorations

They look lovely :)
I need new tinsel...mine is rather sad and threadbare :(
I am also looking at a tea light holder and some bunting.
I don't really like over decoration but I like it to look festive.

Tea light holders are easy : start collecting jam jars now : until you have three or four of each type
then decorate them with felt pens or old nail varnish or tissue paper into grouped patterns .....

paper chains : get the kids to make them - hours of fun .... the ones I made when I was 5 were still in use by my mum when I turned 40
my streamers were bought in 1964 and are still going strong

xmas decs :
we each by one bauble per year - max budget £5 per bauble
they are each different, have a few now, but each has a story and its own memories
when each of the kids leave home, they will take theirs with them to start their trees off
my wall wreath was made by my granny 50 years ago : its a bit tired but its part of Christmas

what makes it Christmas is the time and care, not the money.

TiP she knows a bit about our financial situation, but doesn't seem to understand that money doesn't grow on trees - our fault, I know. I don't like to harp on, because I don't want her talking to friends about it.

If you don't give them electronic devices for Christmas, what do you get them??

Luckily I stopped doing anything for Halloween last year, dd didn't enjoy opening the door and didn't go trick or treating, so wasn't bothered and the children knocking couldn't even say thanks for their sweets and I felt intimidated by some of the older ones so now we put a sign on the door saying please don't knock and stay in as usual.

Tip...I am finding your tone really offensive. I am not a child. Please don't speak to me like one.
I am a Christian.
Xmas is about more than decs and toys for me.
Advent is a month long celebration for my family. Not just one day.
Am hiding the thread now.
Good luck everyone x

andsmile, we've been living here nine years and have only painted in living room, dds bedroom, kitchen and stairs once, other rooms not at all Very dingy. The covers on the sofa don't come off to wash and upholstery cleaner just made the stain worst plus the fabric has faded in places, so generally looks shabby. Also the cat has shredded the armchair

Not able to pay off at present as no income.

Carrie
Kids for Christmas :
DD wanted clothes. Well I'm not mad enough to buy clothes for a 15 year old - so I gave her £100 in cash and drove her to West Quay and sat and had a coffee while she went and spent it. Because it was cash it could run out.
So she looked and checked and looked and checked and then went round and bought her choices - and got loads and loads of stuff that she wanted.

DS wanted Xbox games. So I gave him £100 in cash and let him loose in the Pawn shop - he got 5 for less than 1/3 of the new price and then bought GTA online.

They are told the total budget up front and have learned not to ask for more Set the boundary, do not cross it, life gets simpler.

TiP - £100? Sadly we can't afford more than £50, which will buy her barely anything

I'm going to try and get a second hand laptop.

Luckily the older two know the financial situation and are happy just to have a cosy time together with nice food and wine (from aldi mainly or using nectar points).