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Debt mutual support thread number 4 .... every journey starts with the hardest first step

999 replies

TalkinPeace · 25/07/2014 21:35

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
and my THIRD
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2062902-Debt-Number-3-For-those-who-feel-they-are-drowning-and-want-a-way-out?msgid=48505428#48505428
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

  • yesterday is as past as the Crimean War
( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )
  • this is an anonymous forum
( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )
  • this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt
( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 20/09/2014 13:21

Total tesco fail - my "milk, bread and nappies" run somehow turned into £34 spent! Fuck. No one to blame but myself. :(

Definitely need to visit aldi on Monday!!

Snowie2 · 20/09/2014 13:57

Our gas bill was e19 for the summer & we have a gas hob so that's prob what that was. Electricity was e90 for 2 months which is big but the kids are minded in the home. Just need to keep costs down this winter as we had some awful bills last spring.

Badvoc123 · 20/09/2014 16:57

I have £10 left of budget for food for the week which is not bad considering it was ds2s b day party today and so I had to buy food we dont normally buy.
Also my sister owes me £30.
I am going to try and get away with not buying an outfit for my job interview next week.
Need £20 for my nephews b day next month.
Have been invited for a spa day but have had to say no :( it's £90 and we just don't have it.
My nieces b day in nov is sorted.
Sil wants vouchers.
Then it's my brothers, then Xmas!
Phew!

nickelbabe · 20/09/2014 19:48

i'm sorry about your uncle.

I have received your pm, but not had a chance to act on it yet - I've had a manic week, and the next 2 days will be, but after that, I'm on it. (I'll have a llook when i am upstairs- I can't do research on my tablet.)

midnightmoomoo · 21/09/2014 12:17

Afternoon folks, it's a glorious day here, sunny but with the crispness of autumn. I am ploughing through the mountain of washing/ironing which seems to have appeared from nowhere, I swear it was completely up to date when I ironed on Tuesday!!

Re. bills......we have a big three bed detached house and currently pay £45 a month for gas, £64 a month for electric. We are £100 ish in credit in each of them which I'm happy to leave for now as we head into winter. Last month we used £3.89 of gas, plus the standing charge, so £9.21 altogether. Last winter we had the heating on for an hour in the morning, and only put it on in the evening when we absolutely had to, and the kids didn't seem to notice! I think we were lucky as the weather was ok last winter, so if it's a much colder one this year then the heating might come on a bit longer. We have an electric fire in our living room, and in the evenings we would put that on for ten mins or so to take the chill out and that was fine, and certainly cheaper than putting the heating on through the whole house.

I also have lined curtains everywhere, plus the kids have a fleece blanket under their fitted flannelette sheets come the winter, and I think having onsies make a difference too as they stay warmer in bed. We all have hot water bottles too, except for DH who frankly is as hairy as an ape so has his own, personal 'fur' to keep him warm!

Can I ask those of you have use YNAB if it's worth using? (I'm sure it is, or it wouldn't be on here) I'm a pen and paper kind of girl, but maybe this might help me refocus enough to get us better prepared for the long haul? Opinions gratefully accepted.

I have a list of things to get on ebay, just need to make myself list them now! Food shopping has settled around £60 a week, Tesco keep giving me back £7 off £50 shop voucher, which is about right for the week, plus then a few bits in Poundland like crisps/snacks for the lunchboxes as they are usually cheaper than the supermarket offers. Am planning on doubling up any Tesco vouchers for toy xmas presents. We are luck that we don't have many to buy for at xmas, and for our three we have always stuck to a budget of £50 each (or less) main present/s, plus xmas stocking (I start buying bits from August for these to spread the cost) and they have a small table present each to kick start festivities because in our house we sit down to our xmas meal on xmas eve.

Gosh, I've waffled on. I'm still trying to remember all your names, so please accept un-MN hugs for now, and best wishes for those who need them.

Plan for today is to sit DH down and face up to his credit card bills......groan, I have no control over his spending still, and I'm now completely fed up of trying to manage without having full control. Wish me luck!!

TalkinPeace · 21/09/2014 15:14

*Jickjack
plug his numbers into my credit card spreadsheet ... then print it out (allow 6 sheets of paper) and lay it the length of the kitchen floor.
If that does not focus his mind, nothing will Grin

OP posts:
Badvoc123 · 21/09/2014 18:44

Thanks nickel..no rush.
We have done really well this month with our groceries and have stayed within budget for the first time this year! :)
However, we still have the forgotten dr bill to pay for :(
I am selling some old DVDs on music magpie...another £25.
I so hope I get this job...we really need the £ ATM.
Dh can't stop payments into his pension or he would lose his death in service benefit :(
Oh well....we will definately look into taking it as a lump sum when he gets to 55.
Lots of Xmas stuff already sorted :)

trainersandaches · 21/09/2014 19:11

Badvoc is Music Magpie good? We have SO many DVDs and CDs we could get rid of...

Badvoc123 · 21/09/2014 19:16

It's ok but you don't get much for them. I am getting £25 for 32 DVDs

Badvoc123 · 21/09/2014 19:17

Oh and we forgot £20 for school photos Hmm

Fairylea · 21/09/2014 19:18

My husband used to work for the company that owns music magpie. They are okay but have been known to say discs are lost or not working (even when they are) so the actual amount you get paid may be less than assured - we sent off a box saying we would get £30 and we only received £21. But every little helps!

KinkyDorito · 21/09/2014 19:34

I am hanging my head in shame and trying to gloss over the completely unnecessary £200 I spent yesterday on towels and bedding that I'm not even sure will be right. FFS. My brain seems to over-ride any common sense I have at times. It is totally compulsive. I am going to see if I can take some of it back. there are a couple of bits among it all we need though, but not all of it.

Every time I feel in control, I do something daft. I also feel like my depression is creeping around the edges of me at the moment, so that's not helping.

Every now and then I get that whole 'we earn really good money and I am sick of living in a home we are embarrassed about' urge to spend.

Sigh. Sad

Fairylea · 21/09/2014 19:39

Kinky I TOTALLY understand how you feel. ThanksThanks that is me exactly. And I too love the towels and bedding thing.. It's part of feeling like you've "made it", that you live in a nice home and have warmth and comfort. I do exactly the same thing and then kick myself about it afterwards - duvet covers, towels and bedding are awful temptations for me.

I have found george at asda to be reasonably good at controlling my urges - I still spend but the bedding and towels are so cheap and good quality for the price.

Have a hug and a cuppa Brew

Badvoc123 · 21/09/2014 19:40

Ah kinky....it's tough isnt it? :( I know just what you mean.
I have been looking through the new asda home book, And the next book, and others :) and there are some lovely things I would love to have in my house.
One thing I do - this might sound a bit mad, but it works for me - is to put stuff in my online shopping basket...whatever I want/like the look of.
Then I go to bed and sleep on it.
Without fail next day I either empty the basket (whilst muttering "what was I thinking!?") or I only buy one or two things I really Want/need.
Tbh I am trying this out with all purchases and it has cut down on my frittering :)

Fairylea · 21/09/2014 19:42

Badvoc I do that too. :) I am convinced I seem to have some late night shopping demon on my shoulder.. I'm trying to tame it!

Fluffycloudland77 · 21/09/2014 19:45

Kinky, I have a seller saved on my eBay that sells cheap bedlinen, it's ex-hotel that has been rejected but its white & easily jazzed up with throws or cushions.

They get excellent feedback, I'm going to buy two duvet covers off them when I can afford it.

It's express_suppliesuk.

If the things you've bought aren't right take them back. I've taken bedding back because I bought the wrong sizes.

Just an idea. We rented for 7 years so I know the feeling of wanting to have something to show for what I'd earnt.

Badvoc123 · 21/09/2014 19:45

Internet shopping is my nemesis because I am at heart very very lazy :)
I love the fact that I can buy stuff with a click and someone brings it to my door and if I don't like it they come and take it away again! :)
Ebay is also bad for me...but then again I have had some lovely cheap clothes for the dc from there.

Fairylea · 21/09/2014 19:51

Well I have spent £18 on clothes for me yesterday... I literally needed them. It was getting to the point I was embarrassed to take my jacket off anywhere as my tops were threadbare Blush but I did buy the cheapest nicest ones I could find which were in the Yours sale for about £3 each. So got a few bits and a multi pack of 4 pairs of knickers for £2. So that's my bargain hunting for the week.

Also did something a bit naughty and bought myself a scratchcard with my left over money for the week - and won £50! Totally amazed as I never win anything. So have ploughed that back towards overdraft and that will over my clothes.

Snowie2 · 21/09/2014 20:28

Kinky I feel exactly the same as you ! We earn good money but anyway. Were they extravagant items or necessary ?

Snowie2 · 21/09/2014 21:03

Fairy lea congrats on the win Smile

andsmile · 22/09/2014 10:28

Hello (ive jut realied I posted a little up thread) I've NC so Im kinda joining back in if that is ok.

So I am now dragging myself to next Tuesday never mind limping (think terminator clawing way uot of molten vat)

Badvoc £10? Do you have some food in though already to top up? I have some bits in and have a £25 shop tomorrow that must last the week - thinking sausage egg and chips will feature, as well as an omelette.

Shopping - I stayed up until 2am last night/morning. I now feel weirdly tired and I am skipping my gym session. I did not buy anything I spent ages picking things out. I think I go in some sort of trance. I out stuff in the baskets. I even spend ages faffing with Tesco order to make sure it is the max meals and min spend but with plenty fruit and veg. In the cold light of day I feel disgusted at the stuff I was looking at that I really do not need or can not afford I read minimlist blogs to de-motivate me.

Boots had sent a points event invite and I immediately started thinking about family present lists for Christmas. I think I'll try some home-made stuff or serious bargains from some yet to be discovered website. I ve planned some free cool stuff (family arts festival is happening) for half term. Ive promised myself I will not go over board at Halloween

What are everyones budget meals at the end of the month - I have DH and two kids to feed. I feel like it is all I do and Im always 'relieved' to get another meal cooked and fed to them.

trainersandaches · 22/09/2014 10:50

Our budget meals are lentil curry and brown rice, homemade pasta sauce, the gnocchi I made for the first time last week (cost pence) or just fridge contents all fried up together.

And soup. Lots of soup.

I have porridge and water every day for breakfast made with the kettle not a pan or microwave. Tastes exactly the same. If I have cinnamon or anything I put some of that in too.

Also things like 'vegeree' (vegetarian kedgeree - really nice). Just rice, eggs and spices and some veg.

Badvoc123 · 22/09/2014 11:40

Ooooh can I have the recipe for vegeree please?
I was thinking sausages and chips tonight too! It's a busy night as we have a meeting at school and ds1 has football training.
I hate Mondays! :(
Just realised I forgot what I actually went to the damn shops for!
Gah!
Need tea and a couple of cards.

Badvoc123 · 22/09/2014 11:40

I don't "do" Halloween really.
Dc carve a pumpkin and I give sweets out but that's it.

TalkinPeace · 22/09/2014 11:50

Halloween
Buy a pumpkin THAT AFTERNOON : the supermarkets reduce them in price to 1p around 4pm and carve it.
apart from that it is all a marketing con that is best ignored by all sane people

OP posts: