Debt mutual support thread number 4 .... every journey starts with the hardest first step

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
and my THIRD
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2062902-Debt-Number-3-For-those-who-feel-they-are-drowning-and-want-a-way-out?msgid=48505428#48505428
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

Morning everyone, I hope you won't mind a lurker finally taking the plunge and joining in. Without going into too much detail, it's a year since my DH lost his job and we are clinging on by our fingernails, not that you'd know it if you talked to him! He's another one who just thinks 'we'll be fine' and I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall trying to make him see how bad things are. I've had to go back to work, I'd been a SAHM for nine years till last September, and I'm working as a TA because it means I have no childcare to pay as I work at my kids school. I am looking seriously at teaching jobs though, because much as I don't want the kids going to breakfast/after school clubs, I know I can earn more money teaching.

Some days I'm ok, others I feel sick to my stomach. Our mortgage is just under £800 but to rent here would be more for a smaller property. My patents have been topping us up but I'm ashamed to say they don't know that we need £300 a month to repay a loan (ends Dec 2015) or that we have CC debt as well.

I had a very tearful chat with my mum yesterday and she's given me £100 to help tide me over and she said they can keep helping us till the end of the year. I'm grateful beyond words for the support they've given us this year, we would have lost our house without them helping us.

DH is in a very specialist field and because of his last position and salary, had found that employers don't want him because they think he won't stay. We know how low a salary he can take to support us and he's willing to do any job in his field/related but it doesn't help that we don't live centrally as he'd be more likely to get a rep type role from there, and we just don't have the money to move anyway.

He is doing some commission only work which is covering our fuel costs and at least engages him and gets him out and about, plus he's got some contracting work agreed for a French firm but that hasn't started yet. I don't know if he can earn enough from that to cover the tax credits which I assume will stop once he's earning, plus the extra we need to repay the debt.

Ok enough rambling! I need to go and get the food shopping, which I budget £50 a week for, there's five of us plus two cats.

Have a good day all. We've certainly found out who are friends are/were this year, but being able to unburden on here will help me I hope because I don't really feel I can discuss the nitty gritty with anyone IRL. Apologies for any typos, I'm on my phone!!

Last few posts have really struck a chord with me. My DH is also really happy to let me do everything. I don't mind it, but it does worry me that he is oblivious to the detail of out finance plan.

We're discussing a holiday next year.

If we take the holiday it's likely to delay debt free date by 2 months.

My point was why don't we go skiing Xmas 2016 debt free rather than summer trip aug 2015

We didn't go away this year and he feels it'll give us something to really look forward to.

We can "cash flow" it so it doesn't actually add to the debt.

I think we'd enjoy any trip much more if we were out of debt.

The saga continues!

Morning Jickjack.

Keeping fingers crossed for your DH. How lovely of your parents to help out - my Mum gave me £200 to help us last week and I felt really tearful with relief.

My DSis has had to go back to teaching due to her DH's upcoming redundancy - one thing I would say is that she is still having to fork out for childcare as her job isn't at the school my DNs are in so she still needs help with wraparound childcare so she can do the planning and marking.

Long term though, it's much safer for her to have her own income even if at the moment things are tough.

Thanks Trainers

I'm going to start looking at the whole number rather than the monthly payments as £100 looks better off the whole sum, than the small deduction off the monthly payment.

I've already got enough money to pay off my catalogue bill so I'll do that when I get the next statement through in a couple of weeks

With my DH, he has got a job in a better paid but less enjoyable area of his industry. So now he feels the soon-to-arrive increased pay should be money for us to do fun stuff with.

I have said we NEED to get these debt paid off and get a budget to stick to. But he feels he wants to be much more 'spontaneous' with the money. Which is fine, but means he is likely to be oblivious to what is actually being spent. We nearly didn't get the new place we are moving to because of his spending as we had to give bank statements to the letting agent showing the last two months' spending and he was constantly overdrawn and at the end of his limit.

He isn't a massive spender, but it's things like little gifts for the family, bottles of wine, etc, that we really can't afford. But he says we live so frugally that he is trying to make things nicer for us.

bantam have you checked out the Dave Ramsey method of clearing debts? I think the debt snowball method could really help you because you'll pay off some of the smaller debts quite quickly which will give you a real boost, and you'll see the list of debts reducing quite quickly.

bantam the first thing you must do is to get any CC debt that you are paying interest on shifted onto 0% using the balance transfers that you will be regularly offered through your CC card providers. This is called 'card tarting'. I have a lot on CC, but none of it has interest. You might pay a small percentage handling fee, but this is added to the balance and will be far cheaper to do than the amount interest will cost you.

The next thing you do is start snowballing your debt. The way you do this can be different according to different people. Dave Ramsey is an advocate of getting rid of the smallest debt first for psychological reasons. Money Saving Expert says work on the highest interest debt first. Our lovely Talkin says definitely set your standing order for everything for minimum payment plus a small additional payment to bring it down quicker, even £10.

I have done what Talkin says. I snowball slightly differently to both DR and MSE. I am throwing money at CC debt first as, even though it is 0%, this will only be for a fixed term. Once that's gone, I will work through my loans in cost of interest order, overpaying the highest one until it is gone.

Don't ignore the CC debt just paying minimum as it will be there forever. You want to aim to set yourself a budget and try to make an overpayment on the first card you are tackling each month. Get the rest transferred onto 0% and then set the payment to minimum + £5, then hit the first one you want rid of with whatever you can throw at it.

Budget, try to make additional money and, the best advice I could ever give anyone, have a bloody good read of the MSE forum, especially the 'Debt Free Wannabee' board. It will help you to change your mindset - the bit that will help you to stop now and make sure it doesn't happen again.

I'm still not perfect and I will be in debt for another few years at least. But, the way I deal with money is so much better since being here and on MSE.

Good luck .

LINK: forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=76

JickJack are you a qualified teacher? If you can teach, you would earn substantially more. Also look into things like becoming a KS2 SATs marker in May - it would only be short term, but could give you a financial boost.

Mum4Fergus, check your BUPA paperwork, they paid DH £100 for each night he spent in an NHS hospital. I phoned them up and they posted us out a cheque for £3k (he was very ill with pneumonia). Don't know if that's the case for all BUPA members, but it's got to be worth a look.

Hullo bantamgirl

Let me suggest a payment plan that will leave you debt free faster that even your gut feeling allows

Loan 1: £7100(will end in January 2019) £169 per month : OK
Loan 2: £7600(will end in January 2018) £208 per month : OK
Loan 3: £1260 (42 payments left) - £30 a month for sofa : OK
Tesco CC (me): £3500 - 16.9% interest - £70 per month : change to £80 per month standing order
Halifax CC (DH): £4900 - 12.9% interest - £52 per month : change to £60 per month standing order
Halifax CC (me): £4600 - 12.9% interest - £48 per month : change to £55 per month standing order
MBNA (DH): £5400 - 5.9% - £56 per month : change to £60 per month standing order
HSBC CC (me) £600 (ish) - 16.9% - £12 per month : change to £15 per month standing order
Catalogue: (me) £155 - v expensive - £13 per month : change to £15 per month standing order
Overdraft 1: £500 (Natwest) - pay about £8 per month in interest : will vanish
Overdraft 2: £1500 (HSBC) - pay about £16 per month in interest : will vanish
£37115 in total.

I'm arrogant because I'm right : try those numbers and you'll be debt free in 6 years if you copy the others on the thread about controlling spending
(my skill is minimising interest)

That's the thing, really: controlling spending. It's not building it up more. It is also the hardest part.

I am itching to put a very expensive holiday on the CC at the moment.

I suppose I have made progress in that I've written that I want to on here but haven't actually done it.

So, so hard though!

Kinky I know how you feel. I'm struggling controlling spending too. I spend right up to the last £1. I've never saved for anything in my life.... actually saying that I did join Park for Christmas and due to a direct debit to them every month I have a £200 gift card coming in November to cover Christmas. That's about the limit of my "success" (otherwise I never save for anything and suddenly hit November in a panic worrying about Christmas - if I put money in a savings account I just end up taking it back again!)

to newbies. I hope you find this thread as motivational as I do.

I am ... shock horror. ... within budget this week. Only just. But I've done it. Which shows it can be done. Even if I'm literally crawling the walls with boredom.

I'm definitely going back to aldi this week even if dh is moaning because he says it "smells of pee" in there he's just being a snob..I told him he doesn't have to come with me fgs!

I'm arrogant because I'm right

Really talkinpeace you need to wind your neck in somewhat.

Much of what you say is extremely valuable but, having read through these threads after being directed from another thread, you seem to be getting somewhat power-crazed as they go on.

Your advice is good- leave off with the smugness.

OK Talk in Peace I'll rejig my budget and give that a try, thanks for your help.

Oooh InMySpareTime-I'll be looking into that first thing in the morning - thank you!!

Another lurker coming out of the woods. I've been reading these threads from the beginning and have really enjoyed seeing everyone's debt-busting efforts!

My story in brief: discovered Oct 2013 that due to my otherwise lovely husband's utter lack of money management skills we owed £15k on (his) three credit cards. I took charge of our finances - which of course I should have done years before - got all the debt onto 0% and set a proper budget, which we have stuck to. Our debt now stands at £6.5k and we're on track to pay off every last penny before the 0% period runs out next July.

I have sympathy with those whose partners aren't interested in the figures but maybe I can give you hope - my husband's attitude to money has changed so much for the better over the last year. He used to stick any old thing onto a credit card, if money was a bit short, and never really think about how it would be paid off. Now he really gets it, will look to sell things on Ebay if there's something he really wants to buy, or will simply go without if the money isn't there; and he's totally on board with our debt-free goal.

Next month we make our last payment to the first of the credit cards - the one that started with the largest balance a year ago. I can't wait

InMySpareTime...O.M.G you were right!! 300pnd winging its way to me right now!! I'm still in shock, thank you so much for making me aware!! Destined straight to personal loan as an extra overpayment

oh my! Why do they pay you? I have AXA PP healthcare through work and recently spent 6 days in hospital - do you think it is worth checking out?

Selling some old toys/bikes etc on e bay....have made £50 today alone!
Do check out the PPP thing...Dh has it through work and can claim back for dental and optician stuff.
I have spent the day cleaning and the house is now very sparkly :)

You're welcome Mum4Fergus. MissAnnersley it's because staying in an NHS hospital saves them money on private hospital costs, I only found out because when DH was in hospital for a month I got so bored I read all the small print on the BUPA leaflet.

As if by magic, I had a flyer through the door for Nationwide credit card offering me 4.9% on a balance transfer for 12-months. My Tesco CC balance was lower than the limit on the Nationwide but they have increased it so I can pay off in full, and there's no fee. It's only for 12-months but will be a bit less interest than 16.9%. I had applied for a 0% card but got knocked back, so I don't want to push my luck applying for any more.

And I'm going to bite the bullet and take some of my Christmas fund to pay off my catalogue, which is currently £152.43.

I also forgot to mention that the HSBC card, I do pay an extra £20 per month to that, as I bought a laptop for £200 and set up a standing order to my CC for an extra £20 for 12 months, of which I have paid 1 installment.

good for paying off the catalolgue. then you can forget about it.
if you did a monthly payment on your catalogue, you ciuld always continue with that, but put it in your christmas fund instead.

regarding christmas - we've started a tradition tthat dd gets essential stuff for christmas, with one treat. and we're refusing to spend more than£50 on her presents in total.
we're lucky that my sisters always ask in aadvance what we want for her, and her birthday is 2 weeks before christmas, so we can avoid having to give her too much.

dh and I for the last two years have bought "ourselves" a present (plus the obligatory stocking) . although last year it was a car because our old one was knackered.

it's good to start a ttradition of not placing so much importance on gifts for Christmas.

Nickel we have had a smaller Christmas too in the last few years - to be honest it's been nice not to have that horrible shiver of guilt going through everything.

Had a big spending day today but nothing exciting -

£25 mail redirection
£15 Oyster
£85 BT internet broadband/TV for our new place - had to order today to get an £80 cashback voucher for Sainsbo's which I spotted on MoneySavingExpert. Spendy but we have to sign up for a year anyway so we'll have to pay no matter what. After that it's £25 a month for TV, broadband and phone.

Bantam girl, paying off the catalogue is a really good idea.