Debt mutual support thread number 4 .... every journey starts with the hardest first step

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
and my THIRD
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2062902-Debt-Number-3-For-those-who-feel-they-are-drowning-and-want-a-way-out?msgid=48505428#48505428
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

It's started....
School fund request
School trip request

Same here Nerf...50p here,75p there,it all adds up. I've started a new budget line/envelope from next months pay...school and educational supplies with 5pnd going to it pm. See how that goes

Good plan. Although this month I have no idea how but we are absolutely out of cash. I think I was overly optimistic about managing uniforms.

We do the same for Christmas and Birthdays. The kids get £50 max spent on them. They don't notice and of they want a big item they contribute and money they are given. Young DC doesn't mind although the older (9yo) one feelshard done by the phrase is tough

Nerf...oh yes...we have already had the school fund, school photos this week...then there will be a trip.
It's cooking today for ds1 but have only had to buy marg (we don't use the foul stuff at home!) as had everything else in the cupboard.
Need one or 2 bits from the shop today...salad, beans etc. nothing major.

We are largely out of money this month too but there is food in the cupboard so I feel ok about it. No plans until the end of the month when we will have Octobers pay in anyway. It's a quiet life at the moment!
How's the hip Mum?

nerf
for school trips and stuff, go talk to the school about what funds they have or what local charities fund trips
there is no shame in it : the charities really struggle to find grant recipients and often have decent wodges of cash to spend

one that I do accounts for regularly pays for poorer kids to go on the sports tours at the local comp school (£500 a throw)

Getting there Pixie,thanks for asking started physio yesterday and have been doing my exercises hourly, back on Friday morn.

I'm very fortunate to have a savings plan via work that comes off salary monthly and gets paid as lump sum in Dec...that covers food,presents,everything Xmas related,and there is generally some left over which this year will go to getting rid of pesky loan!

I've kinda lost track this month but know petrol and food budgets are on track, as are my various envelopes. Not budgeted for taxi back/forth to physio but will use my petrol money for that (not allowed to drive at moment) so think that will tally up ok.

Forgot too I've got 143 cheque due from nursery (returnable deposit) - will chase that this week

I am living in dread of dds school wanting money for something right now... We just don't have anything spare! Gulp. Last year she went on a school trip to London, it cost £180 (overnight trip) and it nearly broke us - we only managed to afford it as I literally begged my ex (dds dad) to pay more than half, which he did.

I am feeling a bit sorry for myself today. I took ds to get some new shoes yesterday - which I had budgeted for so fair enough - and some new pj's. I found it so depressing not being able to buy anything else. Just a month or so ago I probably would have just spent more than I planned to and not worried about it... and then felt bad about it later. So I guess I should feel pleased that I stuck to my budget, which is more than some people, so why the hell am I so miserable about it?!

Feel a bit annoyed with myself really.

And then I come home and keep looking at cars! Which is even more ridiculous because there's no way we can afford a new car it's just our car has an oil leak that needs fixing really (passed it's mot like that twice now but really needs sorting, oil on driveway) but there's no spare spare money to fix it. I just hope that it keeps going and I keep topping the oil up!

Generally bored and fed up.

Applied for more jobs for dh and just hope something comes through. Managed to pay £50 off cc and £50 off overdraft.

Awe Fairy, bless you...I'm sure we all have times like this. The important thing is as you point out-you stuck to your budget, and you paid off some if the debt. Focus on the positives...there's no harm in window shopping for everything else. Use it to strengthen your resolve to get on top of things

Thanks. I was doing my best.... but... my shower has broken tonight (another thread in property). I'm sitting here in tears. I feel like my house is literally falling down around me. Just going to have to go on the credit card again :( :( I am never going to be able to get out of this. As soon as I try something else goes wrong :(.

Fairy I can really relate to that feeling
Went shopping with my mum and sister today (both of whom have plenty of money)
My sister picked up a top from the sale rail and told me it would suit me.
It would.
It was £7.
I told her I couldn't afford it. She didn't look as though she believed me!
I didn't buy it.
I also put back 2 little treats for the dc (came to £5 for both)
Bought some freezer stuff that was on offer as it will save us a lot in the long run.
So...little steps for me :)
I have asked for amazon vouchers for my b day which will go on a new kindle (something I use every day and love :))
Fairy...school stuff is a nightmare. Take new uniform and shoes, and new water bottles and stationery every year out of the equation, and then you still have to add in all the extras...photo, fund, charitable days, sponsorship for events, trips, cooking...it never seems to end.
Last year we had spent £80 by half term!
We buy 1 photo and get 1 each for GPS, so hardly excessive!

Fairy...oh :( that's rubbish.
We had to buy a new shower and taps for the bathroom last month :(
It's unrelenting isn't it?
Are there any local charities that you could get a home improvement grant from?

Thanks badvoc. I'm frantically googling everything. The obvious answer is just to not fix it but then dh and dd would never bother to wash! They hate having baths and the last time our shower broke you would have thought the taps broke too....m hmmmm! So frustrating isn't it.

I keep having nightmare type panics where I can see us sinking further and further into debt... having to give up the house and be homeless blah blah. And then I feel stupid because we have less debt than a lot of people. .. I'm just in a panic because we can't ever seem to reduce it without it having another blow.

Sounds like you've had a good day today though badvoc. .. putting the top back is really good :) it's always hard to say to people you can't afford something especially when it doesn't seem like much to them. Well done.

Hi TiP i will keep that in mind actually for the school trips. I may ask dds school if we can pay the reduced fund - they do mention this in the letter. Thanks.

Fairy...we are in exactly the same boat.
Our debt isn't huge compared to some but it just seems impossible to imagine it will ever be gone.
There is always some disaster or major house/car problem to fix.
My car is now 9 years old and starting to get annoying little things wrong with it - oh and it needs new back tyres...sigh.
Good things about baths...sharing the water! Very frugal! :)
Nerf...do ask. When ds1 went on a residential trip we got a payment card and could pay it off as and when...do your school so anything like that?

To those experiencing emergencies at the moment (and forgive me if Um preaching to the converted), but what I did at the start of my debt journey was put everything in minimum payments and build up an emergency fund. It's £500 for me, and I keep it in an online ac for easy(ish!) access. I recall it took me nearly 4 months to squirrel it away, I've used some of it once and repaid it as soon as I could. But for me it was the mindset in knowing it was there...it gave me confidence to throw every spare penny I had to my debt overpayments. Was scary first couple of months, but don't even think about budgeting to zero...

So, sermon over lol but that's my best advice, full drains up budget to see what you're working with, then save an emergency fund, then hammer that pesky debt

I completely agree mum4. Without that emergency fund there'd be only one way to pay for an emergency... On a credit card

The cards we have are all on 0% so an emergency transaction would ruin that.

We do have some open cards without balances but like you say, it's a mindset isn't it?

From now on we pay for what we need!

While I'm on this journey what I've also been doing is adding lines to my budget for either use now or in future once I'm debt free. Ones I've added now are Car Repairs (let's face it, invariably something will go wrong or need replacing with them!) I put £10pm into that envelope, and I've recently added School/Education Costs which is £5pm. I've made a note to start saving for Big Emergency Fund (aiming for 3 times my salary) and Home Improvements once I'm debt free...

Ive taken the libery of copying my budget lines below (and it is a cut n paste job so not sure how it will look lol) ... but basically this is every category I currently have listed. Some are currently in use, others are hidden on spreadsheet until such times as I can budget for them properly - fun money for example, I have none of that at the moment lol ... feel free to copy or indeed let me know if there are any lines that you think I am missing ...

House
Mortgage
Scottish Power

House Insurance
TV Licence
Council Tax
Mobile Phone
SKY
Garden
Repairs/Improvements
Food
Shopping
Treats (takeaway)
Education
School supplies
School trips
Car
Petrol
Car Tax
Car Insurance
AA
Repairs/replacement
Insurance
Life Assurance
Clothing
Clothing
Medical
Medication
Dental
Personal
Fitness Takeaway
Haircuts
Savings
Baby Emergency Fund
Big Emergency Fund/Fergus
Gifts
Birthday
Anniversary
Wedding
Christmas
Special Occasion
Fun Money
Games
Eating Out
Spontaneous Giving
Holidays
Debt Reduction
Overdraft
Baby Emergency Fund
Loan
Bank Fees
Overpay Loan
BoS CC
MBNA
Pay Off Mortgage
Retirement
15% income to retirement

Wow - you have throught of everything, but staggering of judt how many things we pay out for. Thanks for posting.

P.S. Id love to have a column for health insurance and in addition to yours childrens pensions Im thinking of setting one of these up with Virgin Money even if I just stick in £5 per month for now.

Mum4...that's what I'm hoping to start next month.
We pay into 2 child trust funds for our boys.
Dh pays into a company pension scheme.
Ds1s currently stands at £7k and ds2s at £3k :)
Also, it's a 5 week month next month so I need to figure that into my accounts!

Mum4 - love the budget.

It was when I did this that I realised how much we were living outside our means, because I was not factoring in things like Christmas, travel home to see parents, birthdays, car insurance, car service, dental bills etc and just dealing with them on an ad hoc basis. I was good at knowing our monthly outgoings + then spent all my other money without thinking about what was coming up in the future.
Now I can see that my "disposable" income is FAR less than it seems in a given month as I have to allocate money for those yearly or intermittent bills, as well as actually saving for a house deposit and emergency fund.

I'd be interested in hearing thoughts on children's pensions? It came up at work one day not so long ago...Id been considering for DS but it got a decidedly like warm reception lol workmates very much in the page that the kids are on their own when it comes to pensions! Granted when I go DS will get everything...is that enough? How would you forecast it? Any thoughts welcome peeps