Debt mutual support thread number 4 .... every journey starts with the hardest first step

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
and my THIRD
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2062902-Debt-Number-3-For-those-who-feel-they-are-drowning-and-want-a-way-out?msgid=48505428#48505428
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

hollie - welcome
this is a good and supportive place

and as has been the point since the beginning, its about getting people OUT of debt by changing their mindset and their finances.
MissA has had a stroke of generous luck from incredibly kind people.
Others get luck in other ways - and some still feel kicked at every corner

BUT
the money is a symptom of a mindset - I know that because my other haunt is weight loss threads.
The mindset needs to be changed to learn to make the best of what is here now and the best of what will be

its really shitty for those whose employers are messing about

I read the economist : wages are in raw terms 10% below the 2008 peak and in real terms 20% below
and the top 1% keep shafting everybody
BUT
with the right mindset change you will be more ready to defer rewards and grab opportunities

there is incredibly strong evidence that toddlers who are willing to wait for two sweets in an hour do better long term than those who take one sweet now

to be badly in debt you have all been in the latter group as I was in my 20's but you can change, you are changing

MissA has an opportunity to put all the good ideas into practice
I hope she hangs around to keep supporting you as I've not been in debt for a long time but she really gets that visceral feeling of shit, I missed a payment so can help others to get their heads straight.

Some wise words again Talkin .

I feel like I'm changing. The real test is work getting full-on and not slipping into bad spending habits. I am more vulnerable to spending when I'm tired and run down, and throwing money at quick-fixes.

I'm back on Monday and will be in for hand-holding as the term gets going.

Kinky...yes. I understand that feeling.
I seem to oscillate between being really sensible and then feeling really annoyed that I can't get new sofas! :)
It's my b day on about 5 weeks and I have told dh I don't need anything but he is insistent so I said ok, cheap earrings. That's not good enough either apparently! Sigh.

Of course I'll still hang round if I am welcome! Welcome to Hollie try not to panic, I know it feels like you're drowning right now but you can get on top of things again.
If you've called people to warn them then a month of missed payment isn't going to ruin your credit, you've done the responsible thing and let them know.
I would say that you need, once you are back on track with all your money coming in, to build up a mini emergency fund so that if employers mess you around then you'll have a bit of a buffer. I know that many people disagree about having savings when you're paying interest on debt, but I only mean a relatively small amount that would allow you to pay a month's minimums, plus get a bit of food etc .

Again, once you're back on track and you know your income, sit down and make a written budget with your DH so you know exactly what is coming in and going out. That way you can work out how much money you have to snowball your debt after essential expenses. At this point it is helpful to try and trim your food budget, make sure you're on the cheapest internet/phone deals etc so your essentials outgoings are as low as possible.

then you can choose how to proceed - I follow the Dave Ramsey method of snowballing debts - list the debts smallest to largest, pay minimums + £5 or £10 pounds on all debts while paying every other spare penny you have off the smallest until it's gone. Then move to the second smallest.

However if you have one debt with a punishingly high interest rate it might make sense to tackle that one first, or transfer all your debt to an interest free credit card (or two, or three ) and work it off that way.

Just make sure that if you transfer credit you close and cut the old card immediately - DH ended up with 3 cards after he transferred one balance onto a new 0% and then didn't cut the old one up.

We also found that making even a few quid extra via sales on eBay or car boots made a huge difference to our debt repayment - our fixed income gave us enough money that we knew we'd be debt free within a year or 15 months at latest, if we kept up an intense repayement plan. But selling on eBay (LOADS of stuff) made me £400 that advanced our plan by almost a month.
DH got extra teaching at the local university (he's an academic and works in another town) and that advanced our plan by 2 months and also made a car crisis into a minor annoyance as he was able to use the extra money to pay up front for an expensive repair.

Anyway - this is already a monster so I'll stop. Check out Dave Ramsey's website, know that we are here for you and that you can do this!

Big congrats to Miss A, that is amazing news!

I haven't posted for a while and everything was going very well until we totally screwed our budget this month by buying a car. Something we'd planned on for a while but a good one came up on eBay and we paid £1K cash for it and then put it in for a full service (which thankfully came back with very little to do). So I essentially had to find an extra £1500 this month which mean plundering my squirrel fund and also various other pots. Added to this, my monthly pay from Amazon is supposed to have gone into my account today - it hasn't, so I've had to move yet more money around to stop myself going overdrawn when bills come out tomorrow. Argh.

Anyway, hopefully I get paid tomorrow and then can start replenishing all my empty accounts!

MissA fantastic news! what a huge relief for you.

Just read your news Miss A! What fantastic news, so pleased for you. Bet you actually pay debt off rather than thinking 'yay shopping' as well
Hi Hollie - welcome.

Agree with earlier chat about changing. I had to buy a couple of work shirts yesterday and was wandering around with matching skirts etx - felt better when I put it all back and just bought the shirts.

Feeling a bit low today. Really stressed and worried about dhs job and how we might manage if we have no money coming in. We are barely managing now with an income let alone just on benefits. :( ... I spent last night (while dh was at work) applying for anything and everything for him. We live in quite a rural area so jobs don't come up very often. We really need a miracle.

Plus I managed to overspend this week (by the end of today) by £30. I thought I was doing well but between the make up / spot stuff I bought and also a spend of £20 in tesco today - which I can't even quantify really- I have screwed up.

So now if I want to stay on target for the month I have to take that £30 off of next weeks budget.

I am going to aldi tomorrow. It's 18 miles away but I have lots of petrol in the car so I can manage it and might be worth the trip.

I don't know if I'm just useless or whether it's just things cost more than I think. Honestly feel like throwing my head in a bucket of cement.

First day back. Good luck school workers and all parents restarting the joys of the school run.

I can't believe it's dark on a morning.

Fairylea we all have times like this. You're not useless - you are trying to change habits and that takes time. Be kind to yourself and focus on one day at a time. So, 'today, I am going to be careful with what I spend', rather than thinking about it in terms of needing to be careful for X months, or, in my case, years.

fairylea try not to beat yourself up - re-jig the budget for next week and definitely go to Aldi, it'll make a huge difference! Just avoid all those delicious gourmet biscuits in the central aisle which is almost impossible to do

Is there anything you could put on eBay/facebay to offset the overspend? I overspent on DIY stuff this summer and managed to make about half of it back on eBay although nothing I sold was of high value, it just added up.

The one thing is you need to weigh the item and check postage in advance on RM website because the prices are outrageous and you'll lose out if you guess the price. e.g. a hardback book, which is quite light, signed for to avoid scammers = £4.30 because it's about 1mm too thick to be classed as a "large letter' and is suddenly a "small parcel". What a scam.

I have 10 things to post tomorrow, am praying that my estimations are right as that is the one thing that can totally ruin eBay profit.

yes, I have those postage problems.
I send 2nd class if too laege/for large letter (those things which are listed as books)

Fairy lea, we all feel like that. It's horrible because small steps don't feel like progress - it's only in six months or something you can actually see the difference.
I've missed what's happened with the job?

Just catching up - congratulations Miss A! I haven't been on here long but have read through all the previous threads and it's lovely to know it's going to work out.

On a far far lesser note my parents have taken pity on me and given us £200 to help with our upcoming housemove, saying they wished it was more but they can see how hard we are trying. I put an Accessorize handbag on ebay which I've already sold and am going to do some more clothes this week to frantically try and claw back some of this spending taking place this month with our flat move.

I did a couple of YNAB classes yesterday too to get me into the mindset - DH is lagging behind but OK with it in theory.

Realised I still have a Debenhams account which is £30-odd in credit - I know this is really stupid but how do I go about closing it down? It's a Santander one and I just want to be rid of it. I can't find the actual card but I am still getting statements about it - I opened it to get wedding things on it a while back and have never used it since.

Trains write to them with the account number and ask for it to be closed and the outstanding balance sent to by cheque or BACS.

Make sure they know your new address when you move too if it hasn't been confirmed as closed, you don't want stray cards going to the wrong people.

Thank you for the support unfortunately I literally have nothing left to ebay! even ebayed the chanel ring I won from chanel when I used to work for them for being a good consultant ... sigh. Those were the days....

Nerf- Oh the job thing is just that I don't know if dh is going to lose his job or not. It looks likely but may not be for a while yet or could be next few months ! Have to wait and see.

Well I've come back from aldi feeling very triumphant. Spent the grand total of £59!! And got all meals for the week. The only thing I didn't get was snacks like my favourite chocolate etc so all I have to do is try not to go mad with them and other stuff.

Gulp. I can do this.

Tomorrow should be a cheap day as I only need to walk to town to pick up my new glasses and take ds to the park. So hopefully no spend.

Hope everyone else is having an okay Monday

Thanks Fluffy!

I'm dong the YNAB thing of trying to sell off anything I can to rid myself of my overdraft - it is SUCH a sloooow process but fingers crossed I'll be able to do it.

I spoke to my DH again about selling my wedding dress and he said to wait until January and we can see whether or not it'll be necessary, which seems like a fair compromise to me.

We are currently doing the storecupboard challenge with the extra bonus of having less to take to the new house if we eat everything! I'm sure it'll make for some interesting combinations - today's lunch was a wrap with halloumi, walnut and houmous - unusually lavish but v nice!

I sat down to order a product off amazon and checked in to this thread.

The product I was after.... Freezer defrosting spray.

I backed away from the internet and got my scraper out.

One beautiful freezer defrosted old style

Oh that's harsh Fairy. Fingers crossed.
Didyouevah - well done!

Well done Didyou

Thanks nerf. Dh and I have been talking tonight and it seems his area manager told him earlier today that the second wave of shop closures are coming soon BUT - those shops have already been told. And dhs hasn't. And apparently the rent on the shop has been paid upfront for another 3 years. So that's good for dh (but sad for the other people working in the shops who are going to be closed). I can't see it lasting forever though so hopefully one of our many jobs applications will come through for him!

He's still flapping about it all but I think that's very positive news for us. I can't see them shutting a shop that's only been opened 2 years and has the rent paid up front for another 3... who knows.

I'm writing on here because I'm trying to stop myself browsing next and amazon and yours and spending the money I've saved by shopping at aldi this week. Must. Not. Spend!

Fairy
money free days : cleaning and colouring - spend half a day with DS "tidying" his toys - and seeing what the tallest thing he can build is

boredome is good for kids

we had a money-free day.
(ignore my postage because that's business)
we went to the post office, then the bank to pay in a ccheque, then we went to the library.
I got dd's my medal for the mythical maze challenge and as there were loads of people in there for a change, we chatted and pplayed and then borrowed our books.

then dd decided she would run off to tge leisure centre because it was oh-so-funny
while we were iin there, she insisted sge wanted to go swimming. a few flaws there, in that sge last swam when she was 4 months, she hates going in the bath, we gad no costumes with us and I had no money spare.
so i ddragged her off kicking and screaming and she napped when wwe got home.
by the time she woke dh was home, so it was lunch, and other stuff.
oh, I did buyva big issue in town. i'd forgotten that.

My only spending today was £10 on my Oyster. Did get charged £7-50 for a journey this morning because my card didn't swipe properly

Off to eBay some more of my stuff.

What are everyone's favourite frugal recipes? We're having lots of lentil curries, pasta and risottos but are having crisp sandwiches on Friday as a junk-food treat - they'll cost pence! Eating tonnes of apples and carrots to stay full as well as running down the nuts and dried fruit in my baking cupboard.

Marking place and saying a frugal hello .

I am livid with Dh.
He asked me to sell a couple of things on e bay.
So I posted them, sold them, packed them and posted them.
Except the boxes were empty!
I am so embarrassed!
And now I have to set up my PayPal account for refunds (I have never had to refund anyone before!)
Spent most of the night feeling sick and ill so after the school run I am going back to bed...no spend day at least! :)