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Debt mutual support thread number 4 .... every journey starts with the hardest first step

999 replies

TalkinPeace · 25/07/2014 21:35

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
and my THIRD
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2062902-Debt-Number-3-For-those-who-feel-they-are-drowning-and-want-a-way-out?msgid=48505428#48505428
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

  • yesterday is as past as the Crimean War
( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )
  • this is an anonymous forum
( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )
  • this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt
( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

OP posts:
PeoniesforMissAnnersley · 25/08/2014 21:34

hehe nickel I answer to anything! Grin

It's a toyota...something. My granny bought me it for my birthday 3 or 4 years ago and promised to show me how to use it but never got round to it. I am scared of it.

northender · 25/08/2014 22:09

Marking my spot. Will post once I've caught up and updated our accounts after the holiday.

nickelbabe · 25/08/2014 22:21

ah. do you live far from me?
I can do tuition if you want to learn.
if you use upclycled fabric, you can save quite a bit of money.
i would have offered to take it off your hands had it been a brother ...

KinkyDorito · 26/08/2014 08:13

Payday dance Grin.

All money divided into new sub-accounts. The test now will be STICKING to it.

KinkyDorito · 26/08/2014 08:18

nickel the cleaner happened out of sheer desperation. I do an 80 hour week plus during term time so the house really suffers. DH does what he can at weekend. However, DS is getting a bit older now and more able to entertain himself, so I will be handing him a duster and we will all get on with it together for a couple of hours on a Saturday. I do tend to work long days on both Saturday and Sunday to get all my work ready for following week, but I'm going to have to put the home first and try not to get too stressed. We'll see how I do. I tend to do deep cleans every holiday when I have more time - which is always something to look forward to Hmm Grin. This term is the real killer - 2x8 weeks, with all new classes and I have new responsibility too with no additional time during the week to do it (often the way in teaching). DH is panicking a bit tbh.

It will be fine. Grin

trainersandaches · 26/08/2014 11:20

Dorito my friend gets a deep clean four times a year to try and keep on top of it during term time - could that be a solution if it's getting out of hand?

They can't afford a cleaner but it just takes the worst off the house and they're never more than six weeks away from a really thorough clean!

Does anyone buy their shopping from Approved Food? I was thinking of ordering next week's shop from there.

PeoniesforMissAnnersley · 26/08/2014 11:31

kinky I hear that! I teach in a boarding school and have evening duties until 1130 pm on duty night and Saturday school plus frequent Sunday events. In term I can easily end up going 2-3 weeks without cleaning and the house looks like shit which then depresses me. But then in holidays I resent paying someone to clean when I'm home all day anyway, but obviously she needs to work all year round which is perfectly reasonable of her. If she was awesome I'd scrimp elsewhere to keep her but she's not that great and hasn't responded to requests to eg start cleaning under the sofa etc.

KinkyDorito · 26/08/2014 11:54

Trainers I do my own thorough clean during holidays, though it isn't much fun. When money is more settled, I will give serious thought to doing it how you suggest, so someone else deep cleans and I maintain the rest of the time. This sounds more sensible for me as, like Miss, most of the cleaning that gets done at mine tends to be the centres of the room. The edges just get more and more gammy until I sort it out in hols Grin.

I've just spent an hour writing a really detailed meal plan and shopping list. This is my main challenge. Because of work demands, we often end up picking up something quick from the supermarket. I am pledging here and now that whatever the events at work and what I need to do urgently, I will take the time to make a meal every day. None of them are particularly demanding - 3-40 mins or so, max, but I think this would tackle the majority of my overspend on shopping.

Ultimately, what I am saying after 12 years of teaching FT and managing a busy household is that I need to get far more organised if we are going to get through all of this and settle into liveable patterns. Most of my financial crisis has arisen from letting work take over my life, paying for quick fixes and placating children largely out of guilt that they lose their mother so much. This year will be the toughest yet in terms of work, so I am now going to get STRICT with myself that certain things, like cooking and cleaning, need to be given time every day and we will do something as a family every weekend - a walk out and a Sunday dinner - so I feel we are having proper time and I'm not just sitting at a table, surrounded by paper, ignoring them.

I am also thinking it will be good for weight loss - proper meals and cleaning to burn kcals, as Talkin says.

Let's see if I can do it. It will be tough.

KinkyDorito · 26/08/2014 11:56

I might even squeeze in 5 minutes for myself, probably to be spent sitting, staring at a wall Grin Grin.

TalkinPeace · 26/08/2014 12:49

FWIW one of my good ways to save money has been to lose weight
when I started 5:2, because DH and I were eating less, we were spending less - the food bills went down around 20% even with DS and his hollow legs

as I survive happily on around 1700 calories a day - as much as possible of which is vegetables, my food bills have stayed much lower

OP posts:
Badvoc123 · 26/08/2014 12:55

Well...haven't heard from the jobs I applied for :(
We are both overdrawn after the hols and 2 bills have come In That we had forgotten about (£220) and the bloody bathroom Taps and shower are broken :(
Hoping dh finds some more stuff to e bay.
It's my b day in 6 weeks and I am going to ask for cash so I can buy something small and then put the rest towards the debt.
Sigh.

Fairylea · 26/08/2014 12:59

Hello .... can I join? Brew

Almost afraid to post really as it's admitting I need to sort it out rather than just denying it but here I am.

Compared to a lot of people we don't have a lot of debt - £900 overdrawn and about £2k on one credit card which is at 0% interest (I keep swapping it) but we are fairly low income and it's a bit of a battle to make a dent in it.

I am toying with the idea of putting the overdraft over to the card but I've done that before and still ended up back in the overdraft so I'm not entirely sure I should do that until I've got a solid hold of the finances.

The main thing I overspend on is food really. Blush I have worked out a budget and allowing for paying off the debts at £100 a month we should have a budget of £124 a week for food etc. I always seem to overspend by about £20-30 which means none of our debt is going down.

I find it really, really hard to spend less. It isn't even meals as such it's everything else - snacks mainly. The whole family loves snacks. (We're not overweight so losing weight isn't a motivation to stop snacking).

If I can reduce our weekly spend then it would make such a difference to our lives in terms of being able to buy other things. I guess that's the motivation I need. I have only one pair of shoes and about 4 tops! Blush

Anyway... just wanted to say hello and hope you don't mind me lurking and posting.

WinterLover · 26/08/2014 13:38

Quick question if anyone can help.

I paid a store card off last month, I was just wondering if its best to close it or leave it open unused?

TalkinPeace · 26/08/2014 13:41

Winterlover
CLOSE IT and never open one again.

Fairylea
Welcome.
There are three reasons to give up snacks

  • save money
  • lose weight
  • significantly reduce your long term likelihood of chronic illnesses, particularly to do with bowels and heart. Skinny fat people are at much higher risk than they realise.

So, two of the three apply.
Ditch the snacks, save the money and live longer, healthier. Grin

OP posts:
WinterLover · 26/08/2014 13:52

thankyou, thought that would be the case. On with the letter now Smile

Fairylea · 26/08/2014 14:16

Thanks Talkinpeace. Yes all good motivations.... I just need to stop myself spending. Part of it is boredom. I'm a sahm with a 2 year old in a rural area and unless I drive (petrol money Argghh! ) I am limited to park, tesco, library and more park. That's my daily routine at the moment! Hmm.

I have just totted up what I've spent so far this week since yesterday (!) And it's been £50 - mainly food, £6 of that was getting a key cut and another £6 on make up. I have the rest of my budget to last the week.

If I can get to the magic £100 debt payment I need to try to make I will be very happy. (I pay that out of money that comes to me on the 10th of the month).

Mum4Fergus · 26/08/2014 14:29

124pw for food...how many of there are you? It's just DS and me now,food budget is down to approx 30pw including 7.60 for school lunches.

Fairylea · 26/08/2014 15:16

I know. .. its embarrassing. There's me dh dd aged 11 and ds aged 2. I'm just doing something dreadfully wrong somewhere.

PeoniesforMissAnnersley · 26/08/2014 15:27

Started listing stuff on eBay to finish Saturday - car boot is on Sunday, so anything that doesn't sell will go there. Also went through all the car boot stuff and stuck prices on it.
I have a huge bag of clothes, tempted to try one of those cash for clothes places...

afterthought · 26/08/2014 15:46

I had a slip up today that turned into a breakthrough. I have a car on finance. The lease is up soon and I want to buy the car to get out of the finance trap. I've been trying to save but I won't have saved enough so I decided to take out a loan to cover the payment. I phoned the bank this morning to arrange it (and was going to whack on the balance of my CC that I'm snowballing) but when she told me what the interest was, I worked out in my head that is would be like paying an extra 50% for my car which is just madness.

The loan was approved but I told the lady 'no thank you' - was quite proud of myself for saying no rather than getting embarrassed and just going along with it. Time after time I've reconsolidated as it gets rid of the anxiety now of how to manage my money, without thinking of the bigger picture.

I've got 6 months to come up with a plan ...

nickelbabe · 26/08/2014 18:04

Fairylea. this miggt not work with your 2yo, but worth a try Grin
dd and i share lunch .
I make a bowl.or plate of whatever it is (sandwiches, noodles, rice etc) and put it on tthe table between us and we each have a fork/spoon etc and dig in.
it means that if she doesn't eat much of it, I can finish it without having made hers and mine and eaten both. that also means it's goodfor my weight, it's good for reducing food waste and therefore good for the budget.

Mum4Fergus · 26/08/2014 18:49

Do you meal plan Fairy?

Fairylea · 26/08/2014 20:17

Thanks nicklebabe I will give that a try. Good tip.

Mum4fergus I do try to meal plan but the problem I have is that dh works all irregular hours, sometimes in for dinner and sometimes not. Quite often it is just me and dd (ds always eats earlier, I'm not ready to eat when he is) and I find it really difficult to keep to any plan as obviously I don't want to buy meat for 3 and then have to use it for 2 etc. It drives me mad. So what I'm doing at the moment is shopping most days and literally buying what I need for that day. Sounds crazy and obviously doesn't work with some stuff. I'm really not sure what to do to be honest. I feel like I'm just stuffing it up every week.

I think a lot of it is that I don't like the same food as dh to be fair. He always wants meat with his meals.. Personally I don't like meat so if he's working late I don't want to eat meat. So if I buy in advance the meat just goes to waste.

I'm also really unsure what to do about the overdraft. Would you transfer it over to the credit card at 0% or leave it where it is and pay it back? I'm scared that if I transfer it and don't have it staring at us in the face we'll just run it up again. Bit of a defeatist I know.... gulp..

Didyouevah · 26/08/2014 20:22

Welcome fairlylea. I'm channelling TalkinPeace here... Make minimum payments on 0% card whilst payong off overdraft (or rather reduce it £100 PCM). Once od is gone then clear cc.

There is a step prior to this that we've done but others don't... Have an emergency fund in place prior to tackling debt. That way if something happens you won't go back into debt.

TalkinPeace · 26/08/2014 20:35

Fairylea
You need to meal plan but more in the way that I do.
DH works all over the country so can come home late or early, ravenous or just sleepy.
There is absolutely no point me ever preparing supper.
So what I do is plan the fridge around four or five permutations that can be added to easily.

For example :
Stir fry veg with a nice sauce : he can add chicken - takes seconds once chopped up

Soup : he can have his with cubes of ham chopped into it
Stew : serve him most of the meat - it can sit till he comes home
Tortilla omelette : put all the meat in his side and serve in wedges
Hot pasta salad : again, he can add meat after you have served your bowl

OP posts: